Lost another friend

Find out what it is about you that drives people away. If that means having to ask one of you old friends, then do it. You have nothing to lose by asking them. If it's something you can change, work on becoming a more likable person.

>>17489091
What this anon suggested is actually a great idea if you're so determined that there's something is actually wrong with you. Finding out how to make yourself a better person's always good. But understand that not all people are compatible though especially to depressing shit, and that's not your fault or your old friends' faults either.

Whatever you do, don't give up heart. There are so many people out there and when you finally find people who like you for who you really are it's worth it.

I think most people have dysfunctional families, they will understand if you tell them your parents are crazy and easily upset and hate guests.

I would go with what the other anons said. And try not to focus on yourself because there's a good chance nobody is thinking that hard about your flaws. Just compliment other genuinely and they will like you, always look for opportunities to warm up to people. It's easier if you have the same interests though, but most people can get along if you AVOID CRITICISM and negativity... only see the good in them, so be like a dog - always show your friendly side even if you're sad / upset.

>>17489073
You should start treating your friends better

>>17489091
I am pretty sure I know exactly what it is. I can get difficult and hysterical when I'm scared or in pain. Sometimes all I think about is running or escaping from whatever's hurting

>>17489118
I'm always interested in improving myself. I learned it's not always a good idea to say what's on my mind. I have to have some self control with that though it's extremely hard. You are right. Depression hurts everyone and I know that damn well

>>17489152
I think nice families aren't the norm anymore


Thank you everyone for the advice. I think this is the best >>17489159
But unfortunately I don't know how to be a good friend. Growing up, I was always the shy quiet girl and people avoided me. I spent most of my life alone. I don't know how to be a good friend because I never had any friends

>lol

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>>17489282
Yeah and guess who told you that. The friend you just blocked while i was trying to explain myself. I was trying to say I needed some alone time but you were busy berating me for not being receptive. That's okay though, if you really think im toxic or whatever then hope you find a nice job and life because obviously i wont be in it anymore since you blocked me.

>>17489467
Shits about to go down

Can we just leave each other alone? It was hurtful from the start because feelings were involved, and we didn't feel the same toward each other. Unreturned feelings are unhealthy. It's for the best if we separate

>>17489560
Yeah have a nice life Sam

>>17489749
Thanks you too

Moral of the story is never fall in love

>>17489754
See you around

>But exposing your soul, baring your heart, is terrifying to me.

You want too much and should not need to use someone else as an emotional tampon. That route is common femalethink but isn't mandatory.

I have plenty of friends, not least because we don't emotionally depend on each other which, surprisingly, makes for excellent real-world emotional support!

If you are young, stop thinking like a young person. We were all balls of hormones in youth and that should not be confused with the mature, aware, clueful human we should strive to be for our own happiness.

Check some (real, not pop) philosophy. That doesn't mean fucking adopt one, it means get some perspective.

Even and especially if you fall in love, don't vomit every grotty detail of your soul over the other human nor should they do that to you. Respect, dignity, affection and thoughtfulness matter. WAAAAAH! is shit.

>>17489767
I'd reccomend a girlfriend but falling in love is painful and scary

>>17489790
Why don't you teach me? I don't have guidance. That's why I don't know anything

>>17489819
First, relax and carefully consider your feelings. I mean "know what they are" instead of some undifferentiated emotional blob.

You need to detach to understand yourself. You need to figure out WHY you want situations that are not helpful so you can make choices not to create them.

You want to open your soul for some REASON. You need to thoughtfully consider what that reason is and what you mistakenly thought you would GET from doing that.

That whole soul-bearing meme is IMO pretty vomity pop culture romance novel bullshit and here is why:

First, it presumes your audience is skilled and motivated and intuitively able to help you. That's an awfully tall order even for some professionals! Think about what that would take from someone with their own life to live.

Second, it presumes they like wallowing in someone else's drama. Now think for a second, what's a worse situation than someone trying to OBLIGATE your emotionally to help sort out THEIR personal disaster in all its minute and complex detail? Someone who DOES like wallowing isn't likely to be much help.

Thirdly, a person willing to be an emotional tampon is unlikely to help you because tamponing/uncritical acceptance will never challenge you to become a better, happier more understanding person.

I suggest you begin studying psychology and philosophy, but NOT with intent to "seize one as the be all and end all solution" because that's clinging, not thought. Both are TOOLS we all need to learn how to use.

A rather safe general philosophy to learn about is secular Buddhism. No need for gods or other such belief without evidence (I'm an atheist, I don't do crutches) but plenty of practical ways to consider life which are common to many philosophies.

You have a whole life to learn and life is best spent learning. Understanding is power. This won't be quick but it doesn't require sacrifice of physical labor, money, or much time. As you learn you will want to learn more.

>>17489073
I'm not sure how much of this will help, I'm a guy and my family situation was pretty "fun" growing up (I have no idea what yours is outside of the fact that there is yelling, but for perspective's sake mine involved discipline induced hospital trips). There's no real handbook for this, but this is what I've got.

The first thing I can offer is cowgirl up. Life hurts, people hurt each other, bad things happen to good people, etc. Just because things happened to you doesn't mean you get to be dishonest or mean. Your personal life is just that and it is your responsibility to work on it.

You don't like opening up? Don't. You don't want people to know certain aspects of your life? Don't tell them. Don't be an ass or dramatic about it, just change the subject and if that doesn't work use a little bit of light humor to express that they don't need to push any further.

Next big thing is move the fuck out of your parents' place. If they're truly abusive, you're better off. I moved out of my small town in a flyover state to a major metropolitan hub several states away. I started with less than two hundred dollars, worked ten hours a day for room and board, eventually got a shitty job, am paying my way now, and working towards making a real life for myself. If things are as bad as you imply, it will be worth every drop of sweat.

You don't need a boyfriend. You're using that as a crutch so that you don't have to change things that you don't want to change. Your stability is once again your problem, don't drag some poor schmuck into it because it makes you feel better. It isn't fair to him and it isn't fair to you.

>>17489866

As for friends? Start working on yourself first. Once you can go a few months without saying bitchy things, start looking into making new ones. Be careful and considerate of their feelings. Don't put yours first. Don't pretend to be more open than you are willing to be. That's what will really fuck things up. Imagine if someone invited you into their emotional world and then suddenly acted like you were in the wrong for trying to be a part of it. You'd be hurt and pissed. Don't do it to others. People are a lot more receptive to not talking about something and knowing it is off limits than being jerked around.

>>17489849
This is wonderful advice, but I think you did a bit of assuming about me. In relationships, I mostly want hugs and physical closeness. I need help but I never ask for it. Just having someone to cuddle helps a lot. That's hardly using someone as an emotional tampon, I think. You have a point but I don't obligate people to help me

If you reccomend secular Buddhism, where should I begin or what do you reccomend reading first?

What I don't understand is
>communication is key in a relationship
Yet at the same time you guys are basically saying I don't have to open up if I don't want to. Like how do I know what information to reveal to a partner and what to keep to myself? Assume this is a serious relationship

>>17489899
Learn appropriate emotional release in conversation. You can share anything, but don't do it until you feel you can without overwhelming the other person, turning it into a pity party (that is what I had to work the hardest on), or lashing out. Keep quiet about it until you get to that point. Think of your emotional walls like a dam. You don't open the flood gates all the way each time the valley below needs water, you do it little by little until you find the point that is right for the situation. You might genuinely have to be single for a while as you learn what you are dealing with and how to control it. I had to take a solid half decade to myself and even now, I'm single, I'm just barely getting to the point where I could maybe think of casually dating.

>>17489881
>You have a point but I don't obligate people to help me

Um, be careful you don't come across so needy that it chases them off. We aren't always how we think we are.

Alan Watts spoken lectures on Youtube are worth a listen as a non-windy introduction. They go together and there are a lot of them.

Communication is key but quality communication is simple, gentle but direct. I never assume someone knows what I meant. Many women and some expect their partner to INFER what they meant and that leads to problems. I don't do inference. There's a wonderful military saying that assumption is the mother of all fuckups.

Sometimes communication is a hard trait to develop in others who grew up in damaged households. Then again some people are just dicks.

>>17489923
I really like this and I can clearly understand it. What do you do so you don't feel as alone?

>>17489937
So explain things in a direct but gentle manner so there is no inferring or confusion?

>>17489938
I remind myself each and every day, almost all day, that I am working towards a brighter future for myself, my future wife, and my future family. I set long term goals and that make me grow and better my life, and then I sink my soul into them. The only down time I take is sleep (I'm multitasking as we speak). I also talk to strangers, not the safest route, but chances are I won't see them again, and if you regularly are somewhere where that is the case mutually and often (I use mass transit so that is my go to, I've heard bars suggested before, I just shouldn't be around booze) there will be other people doing the same thing. Small talk mentality for big talk subjects and it helps with learning to control it. I also work with a lot of people.

>>17489956
Yes!

Mixups are pointlessly hurtful. Why accidentally inflict or absorb hurt? No one wins.

>>17490066
Oh. I already do this and have been doing it for years for those exact reasons