Had sex with my ex

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We end up saying goodbye. I drop her off, the whole car ride she's holding my hand and whatever.

We meet up just yesterday for lunch to talk about how weird but wonderful things have been. She is back from a trip and seems to care for some guy she met there who goes to her college. This is fine to me except I don't think he wants anything serious with her because he said that if he had to label his desires with her he would smack the FWB label on it.

I tell her that if she thinks that she's actually ready to be single again that she needs to do that and not worry about him. Not to mention that she shouldn't just have a FWB with someone because that's really not like her. We both feed on emotional connection when it comes to sex and that stuff so physical and sexual things with this guy don't really interest her.

After some more champagne last night, we get to dancing, and dancing leads to kissing, and kissing leads to us having sex again, this time better than 3 nights ago and was seriously amazing.

The thing is, I wonder what she thinks of us when she says "we're just friends"

I think she's using that to protect herself and us from potentially getting caught up in something that is best left untouched until we can actually pursue it, if and when it's feasible.

What do I do? What do you all take from this series of events.

I'm not totally clueless but its confusing to me and exciting and good all the same time.

>>17480826

lel, she's using you for temporary emotional support to probably get over some Chad that dumped her recently

Leave her while you're still on top.

You can leave a chad and walk away from the blackjack table while you're still up

or you can lose it all by playing another hand. (and you WILL lose it all) Happens to everyone who gets back together with their ex.

Your choice chief.

Ok so putting myself in her shoes, it sounds to me like:
a) long-distance was hard for her, maybe she fell out of love when you moved away
b) while you were gone she was looking for something else but the closest she got is this FWB. You said she cares for this guy, but the feelings aren't mutual.
c) she was holding hands, meets up with you twice to hang out and have sex.

This to me sounds like she really likes you, but distance takes a toll and that's why the relationship fell apart in the first place. She tried to replace it and failed. Now she's in this quandry where she wants to get back with you (it seems) but she'd have to break it off with this guy who she cares for but probably doesn't love, and that could be difficult. (I say all this as someone who had a similar experience, except the guy never moved back.)

If I were you, as long as your happy with it, I'd just roll with the punches and let her figure it out. Unless her having a FWB is really bothering you, let her deal with the issue and just have fun and hang out with her in the mean time.

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>>17480836
The thing is we are both very transparent with one another. And I asked her about relationships and where she is now. She isn't with anyone and may potentially see this guy she met on her trip but that's it.

>>17480839
>>17480849
I'm on the side of letting her be, it just doesn't make sense to pick something up right now when we're so far apart and she is just starting to grow up/ "feels ready to be single" I don't want to fuck it all up by getting into it with her. She clearly has SOME feelings for me, and I'll assume that she still likes me on some level, since we went on a date or two and had sex twice.

Thing is, yeah it was great for me and I think it was great for her too. She wouldn't have agreed to go on the date in 2 years or much less that date 3 days ago if it wasn't great.

Does her having some FWB bother me? A little, part jealous part knowing that she deserves better since I still hold her in very high regard. But I too am going to be dating around and have been for a little now, so having been that guy (her potential fwb) in the past with other women makes me fear for her judgement. Imo she should either stay single and actually go through some personal development or think about some level of emotional commitment with this guy instead of doing neither.

Thoughts?

I wouldn't look at this as anything serious. It's a temporary revisiting of old times for a few days while you're in town, but you're going to be leaving again.

You seem to be hoping for something that, even if you weren't leaving again, is far from being likely to happen.

If it were me I'd probably just say up front what I want, that I don't want to become emotionally tangled with someone who doesn't want that, and then I'd bail. Maybe you can catch up in two years or whenever you get out.

If you can look at this as just sex for fun for the next couple of days, sure, have fun.

>>17480873
reminds me of me and my ex and when we got back together. Makes me sick that I even gave it a chance, I was so naive.

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>>17480897 I left this morning, but
Yeah her and I both agree that even if I was staying, right now would NOT be the the time to pick anything up since she barely is on the "ready to be single and on my own" train. In 2 years tho? I think if possible we might be able to have something but I'm not going to stay single and hang my hat on that idea because its so far in the future

I still do like her tho, and would be really pleased with having something when/if we're able to.

>>17480900
Dubs checked also any reason why it didn't work out? For us it seemed that she had a fairy tail notion of what a relationship should be, and the distance was the main factor I think. These last few days of meeting were a great example of our compatibility when it can be facilitated.

>>17480817
If it didn't work the first time, it won't work the second, third or fourth.
Get rid of her OP, she won't wait for you until you get out of the army, if she is single at that time you do, you know she will only want you as an easy relationship.
Your best outcome is being kept on the back burner if she gets dropped by someone else.

>>17480990
Perhaps just a pinch of pessimism in that one?

I mean sure she might see me as an easy relationship. But she might also see me as an easy GREAT relationship if its possible.

Who knows tho

>>17481007
>Perhaps just a pinch of pessimism in that one?
A pinch of reality too
>I mean sure she might see me as an easy relationship. But she might also see me as an easy GREAT relationship if its possible.
If she thought your relationship would be that great, she wouldn't have dumped you and fucked everyone else, she would have waited for you
>Who knows tho
I can't say for certain, but 'd say my view is probably more accurate than your hopes.

>>17480946
I think you seem considerably more optimistic than I would be over the chances of having a future with this girl, but otherwise you seem to have your head on straight about it. I hope you're being honest about being open to the possibility with having a relationship with someone else instead of being determined to spend the next two years pining for this girl.

>>17481035
She's only been with one other guy and I'm genuinely happy for her if she is happy. But she also seemed happy the few days we spent together so that's why I think there's hope of something if its possible when I'm out.

>>17481072
And yes, I'm not waiting for anything with her and I'm not holding my breath. But would anyone really want to cut off something with good potential? Even if it doesn't work out what is the sense in cutting out options?

Thanks for the compliment about my level head, and my optimism is generally a trait of mine anyhow

actually, Ive done her back 1991

>>17481092
It's not cutting off something with good potential, to me it's more about not permitting something that does NOT have good potential affect your decision making process.

Yes, you are someone she likes. Yes, she likes your dick.

But in case you forgot, she broke up with you and she's interested in someone else.

Keep that in mind. Right now, if things with this other guy work out, that's who she's going to be with in two years. If they don't, yeah, she might figure out more about what she wants and you won't just be a pleasant fall-back if she has nothing else going on. But right now, that's what you'd be.

Don't make your couple days of leave time into more than it is.

Oh, for fuck's sake, OP.

You know that she's going to find Jody after Jody after you're gone, with the best intentions in the world or not, that's going to happen.

Look, isn't your father around to teach you about this shit?

Just in case, let me break it down: the MC has caused you to grow and change, and exposed you to a different world, a wider one, and a different life where responsibility, obligation and service becomes religion. You're growing, and will continue to do so.

Her? Yeah, who knows? Not the same, though. Don't be retardedly hardheaded here. You must have already seen the difference between when you left and when you came back, as far as friends and such goes. You think she'd be any different?

>>17480836- not Chad, but Jody. You know Jody, right?

>>17481035- this too, is accurate.
OP, you need to use your damn head here. Go do your job, see what there is to see out there, and live your life. What is meant for you will not pass you by, and that includes your unreliable, already-has-a-track-record-of-bailing-on-you ex.
Oh, and also, if you haven't figured it out, she's using you as a dopamine reservoir for her self-image. Every woman likes being desired by a men she has no intention of pursuing. Most also wouldn't do that to a man they care about.

Anyhow, good luck, Mr. Backup plan. I'm sure that being pre-identified as a willing cuck will work out swimmingly. She sounds like a gem.

Protip: Marry a woman who doesn't do shit like this. How much drama do you need? I've been married for a long time, and learned the difference between women who are good and women who are good for me. You should learn that too.