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Hey /adv/. For about a year now I've been having suicidal

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Hey /adv/. For about a year now I've been having suicidal thoughts. I don't know why, but I just think about comitting suicide.

I'm not sure if it's "wanting to die", or if it's just because there's nothing actually thrilling for me. Nothing gives me joy or pleasure, I can't keep relationships, I barely have close friends, my family sees me as a disgrace, and I just generally lack motivation to do anything at all. Food that I used to love doesn't have the same taste to me, and everything seems bland. Like everything in this world has lost color.

I don't know how to tell about this to anyone I know, since I'm somewhat sure they would just say "just stop being sad and it'll be fine!", and that's just pointless conversation.

What is wrong with me? How do I fix this?
>>
>>17477271
read books take meds
>>
>>17477314
books about what? any specific subject or just random stuff?

Also meds for what?
>>
>>17477316
for depression
>>
>>17477653
So this is actually a depression? Well... Any book suggestions?
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