Moving on when a relationship ends

Had this happen to me too OP. It's been 5 months and I still feel like absolute shit.

When does it start to get better?

>>17476890
Can't imagine it will, though everyone says it does. It would be easier if i hadn't acted like such a cunt.

>>17476878
I'm really sorry, anon
just give yourself time to heal, delete her from social media, don't contact her friends, try to pick a hobby maybe, but definitely hit the gym
it will all be good as time goes by and new things happen to you

I'm here for you op. Just got dumped myself. No idea how to keep on going. She doesn't seem too bothered by it all which makes it worse for me knowing I basically wasted 2+ years and put all my faith into this girl.
Never making that mistake again. At least I'm still relatively young.

I don't see how you could feel sorry for me? I spat on the poor girl less than a week ago.
I don't know man. I just feel so fucking lost. I've sought a lot of help. I'm very suprised that people aren't more angry at my terrible behaviour. Even though i was drunk that doesn't excuse it.
I'd just wish i had never met her to be honest.

>>17476895
OP here. She deleted me after i spat at her, but i visit her accounts on different medias almost every fucking day.

>>17476915
given the circumstances, I'd say that what you did is understandable, don't beat yourself up over someone who treated you so cruelly, even if you still love her like crazy

>>17476934
Perhaps, but she didn't stay in a relationship that she didn't feel like staying in. It hurts, but it's not evil on her part, though it sure feels that way. The way she lied and so on was wrong though, but still it doesn't excuse what i did. I've apologized and even offered to do so face to face, something which she declined.
I can barely describe how i'm feeling about all of this mixed together to be honest. I'm honestly still angry at the way she treated me and at the fact that i had to apologize to her. It just feels so humiliating and horrible all of it. A heart attack wouldn't be bad right now.

>>17476878
I doubt this will make you feel any better but this has happened to almost every man and more than once. You can treat them like a queen or like a dog and doesn't matter. They'll eyeball some other guy, romantic dreams starting dancing in their head and the blood rushed to their pussy and they will check out on you overnight. The bf is always the last to know. It will take a long time but take baby steps.

>>17476945
the humiliation is always the worst part and why it's important you stop any contact, even if you know it's undetected. Disappear from her life forever.

>>17476953
Part of me just doesn't want to do that. At least before i could call her and talk about the shit that happened between us. Now ever since that terrible mistake, i can't do that.
I'd wish none of this had ever fucking happened. All the good times and memories have faded away. They've been burned to the ground by all this crap.

>>17476933
Stop doing that, idiot. Seriously, you're just hurting yourself unecessarily.

>>17476960
stop looking for closure m8, it's a meme.

>>17476967
I know. It's just the closest i'll get to ever being with her again. Perhaps the closest i'll get to talking to her again.
I'm some good looking guy who can just go out and find a new girl or hook up with someone. And i mostly just want her.

Delete everything relating to her. Be indifferent and never look back even when it's fake. Fake it till you believe it. Never give her the time of the day.

You'll eventually have to forgive her but it's not like Hollywood movies or cuck shit. You forgive that she is the way she is and that it was out of your hands so you stop burning up with hate. Not that you forgive her so you too can be friends again and try get back with her.

>>17476979
Well yeah i definitely know i should, but it's really just hard to do so.

I have forgiven her somewhat. How can i do otherwise when i've spat at her? And i know that i'll never get her back. Even back before i made her litterally hate me, i knew that we would never be friends, since i can't see her as anything else than someone i love on a very deep romantical level.
I used to think that despite all the pain we go through as people, life still had some value. Now the only thing that's truly keeping me from killing myself is cowardice.

Also it's probably best this happen to you while you were young. I had relationships end without cuck shit involved. Then got cucked in my late twenties. I wasn't prepared how hurt and humiliated I felt. So I dealt with it in the wrong way and just made myself more unhappy.

>>17476987
OP here. I'm 18 so yeah. I'd like to go out and hook up with someone or some shit, but i'm not very attractive so yeah.

>>17476987
happened three times to me. First at 20, next at 24 and then at 27. I'm done, First one ran off with a coworker and got married 3 weeks later. Second fucked her ex and I found out and third fucked her boss and one of her coworkers told me. My guess is most women cheat you just never find out.

>>17476878
Hey man. I know how you feel. And it sucks. It sticks with you. My ex pulled the same exact shit with me although with different words.

She pulled the "I don't love you I don't think I ever will love you" card and then went on to have rebound sex with me on the pretense that we were friends before she cut me off completely from her life. You'd think I did something that merited her behavior. But I didn't. It's almost a year now that we've broken up. 8 months since I last saw her. And I'm still harking on it even now that I have a girlfriend

Just keep going through life. They say find someone else but I highly discourage that. Just focus on yourself.

>>17476878
If your life is ruined because your GF dumped you, you didn't have much of a life. You should work on that.

>>17477035 OP here.
Focus on yourself you say? I think i do already, but shit just doesn't get better. I don't really feel like i have time to do all the shit i want. This includes writing, reading and so on. My motivation is very low.
She was my primary social life. I have friends, but i don't see them that much. I don't even know how i could see a way for things to get better at this point.

>>17477041
I never claimed to have much of a life. My life wasn't just about her though.
It's worse because of the way she handled it all and so on.

>>17477060
it isn't the worst that could have happened OP. I mentioned earlier an ex I was with for 2 years, she took a job as a waitress and less than a month later she told me she wanted to break up since she fell for one of the cooks. I tried to talk to her about it and remember trying to kiss her and she refused saying she cannot kiss a guy (me her fucking bf) when she likes someone else. We break up and two weeks later she calls to tell me before someone else did she was getting married the next fucking week. She married the fucking coworker cook less than two months after meeting the guy.

>>17477079
That's fucking terrible

>>17477083
hell yes it was and I still remember when she called to tell me she was getting married. She said she wanted me to hear from her the good news before someone else told me. "GOOD NEWS" what a fucking cunt. I kept my cool, though seething, and told her to have a nice life and hung up.

>>17477109
I feel sorry for you. It doesn't make me feel better to know that this happened to you, but i still feel very sad about it. It was worse than what i got.

>>17477120
I don't want sympathy because I got over it on my own. Took me about 1 1/2 years. Just want you to know this shit happens and we live. Do not jump into another relationship. Fucking is fine just not a relationship until your head clears

>>17477147
I know i won't enter a new relationship now or in a very long time. I'd like to hook up with people just to get some kind of intimacy and some confidence, but like i said i'm not good looking. I'm skinny and have red hair so yeah.
Right now everything is just shit it seems.

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>>17476878
You gotta get your swagger back, chick's aren't that unique you'll find somebody else. Make sure your fuck style is buckwild and get shit popping. When I had my heart broken I went to the gym and started eating healthy I'm down almost 30lbs and I go on dates a lot.

>>17477170
I keep hearing this about the gym. Problem is i live in a small city where everyone knows everyone and a lot of the people i'll meet in the gym are probably people i know.
But yeah i'm absolutely sure it would help to get to the gym, but honestly my motivation is pretty fucking low and i'd probably feel like i got judged a lot working out. I'm not even fat, but i'm just very concious in public.
I know i sound like a little bitch, but yeah that's how i feel.
As for the fuck style, i'd give anything to fuck any legal girl right now to be frank. Just to feel confident at least for a bit. So yeah i might get around to working on that.
My confidence is at an all time low.

>>17477207
The gym isn't to meet people but if you do that's cool. The gym is so you feel good about yourself. You'll look better and have time to blow off steam. Plus you feel great after a workout.

>>17477286
Hmm yeah, but i'll probably be feeling quite uncomfortable about it. I would probably be happier going to the gym if i knew zero people there.
I think developing some more and better confidence would go a long way in all of this and definitely before hitting the gym.

OP, don't make a big deal about spitting on her. The slut deserved it. I'm certain she was seeing someone else even when she was with you. It's always the same.

I could tell you "good riddance", "move on", "hit the gym" or other bullshit but that wouldn't be sincere. There's no magic method to get over this kind of shit.

I've been here, still am.
The feeling of emptiness, of incomprehension, the bounce between apathy, anger, hope, and sadness. The nights where you just stare at the ceiling asking "why?" "what did I do wrong ?".
It hurts being alone. It hurts not having someone in your arms. It hurts not having someone to express your feels.
It fucking hurts to still think about her, about the good moments, about what we could have been.
The thing that hurts the most is that you feel like you're the only one feeling all that. You see her with someone else and you just feel a pain in your guts. You feel like falling down a hole.
It's even worse when you get cheated on. Oh, trust me.

Don't make no mistake, it really is not you. You can treat another human being anyway you want, in the end, this person will always act for themselves. Because that's what we are, selfish, especially when we're young.
So be selfish. If you want to hit the gym, do it. If you want to play video games all day long, do it. As long as you act for yourself, and think about yourself and only yourself it's ok. You take your mind and your energy off this chick, off this past relationship and put it all in one thing. You just never stop. And only stop when you're sure you'll be tired enough to not even have the energy to think.
It won't magically stop you from feeling like shit sometimes. Like I said, I still do myself.
You just keep going and do what YOU want. Because you can and no one is holding you back anymore.

You should try boxing. I tried a lot of things and this is the most efficient for me, at least. Keeps your mind busy and lets your anger be used in a "good" way let's say.

>>17477539
I appreciate what you're saying, but sadly my own stupidity was also in play. We had an open relationship, which makes me feel at least somewhat guilty of what happened. It may have happened anyway, i have no idea.

Thank you. Finally someone who accepts that this is not just something "the gym" can fix. I've appreciated every answer here, but this was very nice to hear, someone admitting that it's just gonna be a shit life, for quite some time.

I honestly don't really want anything right now. All i want is for this pain to end. I actually would wish that the very foundations of all this had never been laid. I'd wish i had never talked to her in my fucking life.

Maybe boxing or something a long those lines could be interesting. I don't know. I like writing, but i honestly have no motivation to do so at the moment, even though i probably should, since i may be in a state where i could write something good.

>>17477658
>Open relationship
Anon... was this her idea?

>>17477679
No. We both agreed about it. It was never a big deal in our relationship at least when i asked her and so on.
It was fucking retarded though.

>>17477684
Well you're young. Best to make these mistakes early so you can laugh at them later in life when you find someone better

>>17477690
I guess. Still i really feel like shit without her and i still love her unfortunately.

Anon here, It's been two years, 1 month, and two days since my first serious relationship went to hell. She's had two relationships since and multiple flings that I've been hearing about from friends. I still think about her and cant find any female friends, I start University in september so i hope things turn around.

My situation was quite wild as i got kicked out of school after i split from her and got held back a grade, I've had two years of isolation and introspective inspection of myself. I do feel i am ready to move on now.

I feel like my time in this purgatory is now coming to an end and I feel excited of what the future holds, new friends, new relationships. It has been a long road and I know you will do better than me OP in coming over your struggle, whether it takes you two months, 6 months or a year. You will make it.


Keep your chin up mate

Hiyo OP and others!

I'm sympathetic. I've been there three times, each time with a relationship of at least one year. The first time it happened to me was terrible. I dated her for 2.5 years and i was positive I would marry her. I had a depressive spiral and now I'm 23, still haven't gotten my degree, and I'm over 25k in debt between student and private loans. Let me give you the advice most people won't.

Let's rip off the first band aid.

>When does it start to get better?
It doesn't. Well, it does, but only because you get used to it and grow more mature. But it won't vanish. There isn't a way to erase it. If you keep looking for a way to stop the heartache you'll just fail time and time again.

>The usual explanations

Next time - and there will be a next time - don't stick around for those. Be respectful and polite. Closure doesn't come from her explaining. Why? Because you're not looking for closure. You're looking for a way to fix it. You're wasting your time. Love will give you a lot of unfinished sentences. It doesn't matter why. Not right now at least.

>But I love her

I know anon. That's a beautiful memory. You need to let it be a memory.

>My life was ruined by this

No anon. It wasn't. I promise. It was just reset. In fact, this can be one of the most valuable experiences of your life. (1/2)

>>17477699
Okay it sounds like she was the one who suggested the open relationship and if so, the relationship was hopeless from the start.

It's ok OP she was not the one for you. You'll find a beautiful girl that loves you the same way you love her.

>>17477854
(2/2)
>I'm in so much pain even though I know I need to move on

That's okay. That's good actually. It's time to let go. Give up any hope of being with her again. Make a promise to yourself. Never, ever, ever get back with her. Even if she wants to for some reason. You're young. The world has more possibilities than you know. If you make yourself this promise, the false hope will vanish. But you have to mean it.

>Now I'm just sad and alone

This is the most important part. This is what makes the difference between most men and women in relationships. You don't have strangers flirting with you to reaffirm self worth. You don't have a beta orbiter to be your emotional tampon. Nobody gives a fuck about you.

Except you.

But that's all you need anon. You're stronger than this, even if you don't know it yet. You are the only person who will be in your corner every time you fall down. You don't have any safety nets. All you've got is you. So make sure you're there for yourself anon. Show you some love. Take care of yourself. Treat yourself with compassion.

You're not a loser. You're not lost. You're not even alone.

You have yourself.

And, for the moment, me. This post was full of projection and sentimentality but I hope it helped you at least just a little.

You'll be okay anon :)

>>17477898
fag...

(seriously though nice post)

>>17477658
For what it's worth, it would have happened eventually. Open relationship can't work. You can't love someone and fuck someone else. Was it really both your decision ? I feel like your were not the one who had the idea, seeing how quick she was to see someone else.
Anyways, you learned a lesson. It's harsh but that was inevitable.

No prob man. It is gonna be shit, yes. But use this shit to keep going (hell, just reading your thread reminded me again about all I've been through. But you know what ? All the sadness and anger I feel right now is more fuel to do something else.). Eventually it might stop. It will take a long ass time because our mind is a cunt. But it might stop. Just keep going and look back at every little steps you made. Then keep going..

I know exactly how you feel.
You feel like you wasted all this time and energy for nothing. You can't imagine doing that again, trusting someone again. It's understandable. This is something that will be hard to heal. But you're young, and you'll meet a lot of people in your life. Eventually you'll build this trust back. But that's not what you need to focus on right now.

The pain you're feeling, describe it. Are you angry, sad ? What do you feel ? Do you even feel anything ? Do you live alone ?

It's hard getting motivated in this situation. When it happened to me I must have laid in my bed for days. That's the worst thing you can do. It's so easy though. Now I don't know your situation well enough. But how I woke up from this state is asking myself "what do I want right now". For me it was confrontation and closure. I might even say retaliation. Not with her but with the guy she cheated with. For context, he was one of my friends. I needed to know what came through his head. But fuck, what I really wanted was to beat the shit out of him. And in the end I did. God I never felt so good, despite what everyone told me. This is what I needed to start moving on.
Ask yourself what YOU need.

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I was used. Was dating a girl which I thought wanted something serious. Its tough I think of her and it makes me sad mad happy angry and then I end up not caring. Because I got nudes oh yes believe me one day I will get sweet revenge on her. No one plays with me like that. Hahahaha she thought I was this nice guy but doesnt know /b/ ruined me long ago before she did.

>>17478043
lets see em

>>17478056
Not just yet and no here. I will drop them off at /b/ revenge is sweet when the fruit is developed.

>>17478077
Just post them faggot

>>17477936
OP here. When i say it was the decision of both of us, i'm serious. She said that she pretty much only wanted me, before the relationship went to shit. I've met girls who saw someone else shortly after the relationship ended, without it being an open relationship. I guess that's what being unattractive is like...

In all honesty i don't know what i'm feeling. Probably anger and sadness mostly. Mostly sadness but some anger and a lot of hopelesness. But it's tough to put into words. I feel like my life has been a waste, i suppose.

What do i need? I need to feel somewhat like she does. Like life is worth living and like i'm able to just tread on people when i want. But i can't do that.