Needs insight/perspective from women and especially men

>>17472881
I can't even believe what I am reading.
A man who cheats you doesn't love you. A man who loves you does his best to protect you. Which includes not exposing you to the risk of STDs or to the emotional pain of being cheated on.
He doesn't want to have kids. He sees his daughter as a mistake, and doesn't want to make another mistake. You can't force him.
Leave and find someone you're more compatible with. Go to therapy and fix your self worth.

>>17472881
>Why cant he understand that Im hurting?
because he has the emotional maturity of a retarded chicken.

>I believe that men know how to separate love and sex.
mature ones do, yes.

>So I know that he does love me. If a man cheats, it's not because he doesnt love his partner.
he might love you, but he sure has a fucked up way of showing it. and to flip that argument around, just because he stays with you doesn't mean he loves you.

>He stopped talking to other girls.
that you know of.

>What should I do? Im on the verge of giving up and just quit. I couldnt break up with him because we do get along if you exlude the cheating thing. We are still living together, have the same interests and love each other.
you should leave him before he gets sick of being good and starts sleeping around again. people do change, but they don't change that fast.

>What should I do to save our relationship?
you shouldn't. I don't normally say this, usually I'm the one who tells people to get relationship counseling, but OP...this dude is not gonna change overnight. if he wants to get rid of his cheating problem and stay rid of it, he needs a counselor or a support group or at the very least a lot of time. a lot of cheaters never change, and the ones that do had to put some work into it.

he might change and he might not, but don't hold your breath on him changing any time soon. just move on. sorry OP.

>>17472887
this this this

OP wtf are you doing staying with somebody who's cheated on you multiple times? Have you any self respect??

>>17472900
I didnt know he cheated until last month.

>>17472881
How do you save your relationship? You don't. It was dead a long time ago. Now you need to choose between being strung along with false hopes or ending this, healing, and trying again. My condolences for your misfortune.

>>17472902
And why didn't you kick his cheating ass out?

>>17472899
I know change is overnight. From what I know, it took months for him to stop. But I recently learned about this all, just last month. I did see changes in his activities this year compared to last year and the years before that.

>>17472887

I am on therapy but my sessions are almost over. Therapist said Im doing okay and even surprised about it. He said (my therapist) said either forgive or leave. And I chose forgiveness.

wtf is this?
ABANDON SHIP

>So I know that he does love me
kek

>>17472917
You can't stay with someone who doesn't want kids, if you want kids.
Move on.

>>17472905

Thanks. It's true what you said. Cant believe I didnt know about it. I feel stupid not knowing for years. We're like best friends, we started out as friends from church.

>>17472921
True. Guess this thread does help me decide to leave.

>>17472917
>I am on therapy but my sessions are almost over. Therapist said Im doing okay and even surprised about it. He said (my therapist) said either forgive or leave. And I chose forgiveness.


Oh god and you paying for this advice? Just come here and we will tell you immediately to kick him out, because to be honest that is the only healthy reaction. Except if you are a nigger because then just prepare for like 5 more "mistake"

>>17472917
There are things someone does accidentaly, thise can be forgiven. Cheating on you puts you in a position where he actively destroys your relationship. If you forgive him now you will forgive everything he does to you, don't drop so low.

>>17472918

That's what Im gonna do. Thanks for the advice.

>>17472887
Thanks for the advice. Gave me courage to leave. I appreciate it.

>>17472925
Im not a nigger but yeah, thats why I came here. It seems like my therapy sessions are not helping at all.

>>17472881
I'm going to ignore the OBVIOUS GLARING SIREN of a red flag and I'm going to say this; in any given relationship there are three shared beliefs that are vitally important when it comes to long term relationships:

1. Ardent religious beliefs (though if you're both moderate this matters less)
2. Children
3. Life Goals/wants

If ALL three of things do not match up, you will suffer through some hard times and your relationship is probably doomed to fail.

You want Children in your future. He does not.

That alone in itself, is entirely enough reason for you to break-up and say that this relationship probably has no long term future (because if you want kids, kids are DEFINITELY one of those things that you will regret not having the more and more the more years go by)

Now. On top of that you have this clusterfuck of insanity going on, that you KNOW is already fucked up.

>>17472922
No problem. You couldn't have known. He was being deceptive, that is the whole goal there. Don't take the whole thing as a never trust again situation (you will have some trust issues you'll need to work on in the future, but they will be manageable), keep in mind the things you liked, look for them in other men when the time to start again comes. Oh, and really important advice for future you, do not hold the his transgressions against other men.

>>17472927
I never thought of it that way, thanks for opening my mind.

>>17472934
You're right. I guess this is done deal.

>>17472936
That's why Im afraid of. I know Im scarred for life. I think Im done. I am thinking of becoming volunteer in third world countries and just do all mission trips.

>>17472953
You'll feel like that for a while, but it will pass. You'll want to reinvent your life a thousand and one different ways all of which involve not falling in love again. Each one of those fantasies will eventually lead to falling in love with someone different when you play them all the way out. Certainly try new things and new angles, it will help distract you and it will help you grow, just don't go too far with them. Maybe start by volunteering with a group for impoverished youth in your area. Also, remember that we are all emotionally scarred in some sense or another, that's a part of the human experience. Don't think of it as being done, think of it as taking a break. I know that it can be soul crushing when something you thought would last for eternity comes crashing down, it is a harsh lesson to learn.

>>17472969
Very hard lesson. I dont want self pity but right now maybe because its recent, I feel that, since my friends and sisters have good marriage and good husbands.I feel hopeless now about love. People say its gonna get better. I feel like its not true in my case. We've been together 4 years and were friends before that. Didnt see any signs at all. My friends envied me. And now this. Just cant believe it.

>>17472975
You won't feel like it is true until it has already happened. I'm still stinging from my most recent relationship folly, and that is knowing the things I'm saying. Being from a religious background only makes it harder (I was raised incredibly LDS, I get what the hopes of eternity entail). The worst part? You'll never see the signs. That's what being in love is about. It is completely trusting someone in an arena that humans are inherently untrustworthy in. You didn't just lose a lover with what he did either, you lost a good friend (possibly your closest one). Like I said, don't worry about falling in love in the future (you have plenty of time for that), worry about keeping your mind off of your past relationship and growing. Find some new, platonic social outlets. It'll take time. At first everything is going to remind you of him. Slowly though, less and less will. Eventually something will strongly and you'll go through some more serious hurting, but then you'll realize that it has been weeks/months/years (we all heal at different rates) since you last thought about him, and you'll laugh.

>>17472992
I really hope so. I really hope Im gonna get over this. We're more than friends and more than lovers. We're best friends. We call each other for anything if Im at work or hes at work or if we're somewhere else. It's the friendship that it's hard to break. This is the worst thing that ever happened to me. Someone you love and trust so much to hurt you. My heart is breaking and I feel like Im losing my mind.

>>17473013
Remember this has happened to A LOT of people (unfortunately), and people eventually grow past it. Maybe try reading a book/listening to music/watching movies/whatever about being cheated on or betrayed. It might help you deal with the pain, and also make you realize how common of a human experience it is.

>>17473024
You're right. I know I just need to pull myself up from this depression first before I'm able to do those things. Im trying. Just so hard. Dont know where to start. Its really hard since hes both my best friend and family too. My family lives far away. It's just him and me.

>>17473013
This is making me tear up reading it. I understand that feeling, the irrational thoughts that blinding pain stirs up. Have you tried comfort food and a pile of fuzzy blankets yet? Sleep will help clear away the crazy (it'll come back from time to time, but be more manageable) and replace it with a kind of depressed, mournful longing. Cleaning also is great way to help clear things up temporarily.

>>17473029
Ive been cleaning and rearranging our house every time I'm off work. Ive tried comfort food, sometimes I eat a lot, sometimes I dont eat at all. The irrational thoughts are yes, very hard to fight. With sleep, same with food. It's either I sleep a lot or not sleep at all. I dont cry but last few days, I have. I thought Im a stone, I was wrong.

>>17473050
Yep, being broken like that when you are strong is rough. You're on the right path though, you just have to keep at it. I'm pretty sure everyone's confidence in you isn't misplaced. Do you have other friends (I know you said you weren't near your family) near by?

>>17473085
I have one friend, she's very busy though. Saw her the other day and she looked worse than me. The rest of my friends live far away. 1-2 hours drive away. So are my sisters, they're even worse as they live out of state. My brother is busy too, hes in college and lives 3 hours away.

>>17473094
It might not work then, but see if you can share a bed with her for a night. No adult stuff, just sleeping in the same bed. Never done it myself, but I have friends who swear by it and have a regular cuddle group for when one of them is heart broken.

>>17473099
I dont think my friend would do it. Maybe watching movies together would be more realistic.

>>17472881
I don't even know why you want to be with such a disgusting person like that. It's beyond me.

>>17473114
I dont know also. I ask myself that many times. I just want to slap myself to be honest.

>>17473099
My friend near me is kinda different. I dont kniow how to explain it.

>>17473103
Not a bad call. I always forget that movies are a thing. I'm really wracking my brain on things you could do, but all of my passions are pretty cathartic, so while I was hurting bad, I was still able to work it out. No joke, I cooked more food for everyone I knew in the first half a year after than people were regifting it. There was a while there where I was even cooking multi course meals for large groups and inviting everyone I knew just so I didn't have to be alone.

>>17473125
I could see me doing that but right now, it's really hard for me to do anything. Like when I see a new movie trailer and the first thing I'd do is call him. My therapist said we've been together more than many married couples that's why it's hard. And we really didn't have any arguments until this. We had good relationship. We talked about everything. Apparently, he left out the part where he got another girl pregnant. This happened by the way when I was on another state for work and he said it was just a one night stand.

>>17473125
Did your partner cheat on you too?

>>17473135
Yeah, I'm a chef by trade so cooking comes pretty easily to me. If your therapist is talking like that, that is some seriously hard stuff you are going through. It honestly makes me kind of queasy knowing that some people live double lives like that. I thought I was alone on that.

>>17473147
You could call it that. I think technically speaking I was there second so I was the affair. She just let the affair run for a few years and then decided to tell me about what I was when the first guy proposed.

>>17473176
I've always known about people living double lives but didn't know I'd meet one. This is really hard as I said, we have no other problems.