Laughing at kids

>>17467982
women do this because they have this innate desire to make their children have their inadequacies as a human. It's kind of like that muchausen by proxy syndrome where the mother makes their children sick on purpose so that they can maintain their matriarchal role in their lives indefinitely.

Its a sad thing to see, but I think if you can get her into the habit of paying more attention to womanly chores like cleaning the house, you can have more of a positive role within your childrens life and you can counter the balance of her destructive ways.

I only have a toddler, so I'm not 100% sure about older children. When he falls down, I say "Uh-oh!" and wait to see what he does. There's a fussy cry that means he didn't hit his head, but is frustrated, to which I say, "You're okay, bud." He does a distinct cry if he's actually hurt, and that's when I swoop in and scoop him up.

Basically, just know your kids. Don't laugh at them if there's a chance that they're actually hurt. Don't coddle them, either. People get hurt well into adulthood, and children need to learn to manage minor scratches and bumps. But don't be afraid to comfort them if they're really upset.

>>17467982
I know this is controversial, but have you tried spanking your wife?

>>17468005
i agree with this. my son is 5 and i keep my reaction back if i ASSUME he got hurt. if he really hurt himself he, you will hear and know. if it´s not serious he can deal with it without mommy pampering him for every bump. but LAUGHING at a kid for hurting himself? come on, OP? i can´t believe there are parents that are so mean.

The only right thing to do in that situation is ask if they're alright, help them up, act very calm, and once they've said that they are in fact okay and don't need any assistance, then continue on about.
Coddling, ignoring, laughing are all inappropriate and fuck with the child.

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>>17468005
Like I said, I don't laugh if they are actually hurt because I'm not a total dick or anything. For example, playing catch with a football with my son (yes I'm american, no I'm not fat), and he went to catch it but the ball went right through his hands and smacked him in the forehead and bounced off harmlessly. It was hilarious, so I started laughing really hard, and he laughed really hard to because he realized how funny it was and that he wasn't hurt because it's a rubber ball and we shared a nice father/son moment that way. Fastforward 15 minutes and my wife wanted to play with him. Same exact thing happened but I was inside so I didn't see it. I hear him start screaming and crying and I just went "oh shit my kid just got stung by a wasp or something because that actually hurts". Ran outside, "what happened, is he okay?". Wife responds that she threw it, but it went through his hands and hit him in the forehead. She was swaddling him like a fucking baby with the usual "don't worry baby mommy is here". I understand her heart is in the right place but holy shit I almost snapped on her in front of him. Pic related: my fucking face when she told me what happened.
>>17468009
Yes, but only in the bedroom

I don't have kids personally, but I work in childcare and have taken a number of child psychology and development courses for my degree.
In my opinion, it's a good thing you and your wife are together lol. Too much of either of your approaches is bad. You can't coddle them forever, but you can't make them feel like nobody cares if they're hurt either you know?
Now, I have the same approach as you, so I may be biased, but I think your wife is more overbearing than you. If she goes into "mommy mode" over the small stuff, she's coddling them too much. You, however should perhaps try a more neutral approach to the small stuff too. Next time your kid scrapes his knee or something, try holding back your laughter and stopping your wife from running to his side. Ask him if he's ok first, then react accordingly to his response.

I'm with you though, when I'm teaching my preschool class, I see kids tumble and fall and I try not to rush to them and make a big deal of it at first. Because if I do, it'll only spook them and then they'll think it's a big deal even if they originally were gonna shake it off and keep going.
However it also depends on the kid. I have one student who will jump from the swings and land face first into the asphalt, then immediately jump up and look around to make sure nobody saw before running off. (I laugh at this every time, it never gets old lol)
But I have another student who will stub his toe and need to be held for hours.

You'll know your kids better than us. Just between your wife and you, find a balance between comforting them and letting them learn how to comfort themselves.

>>17467982
do what my dad did- laugh WHILE rushing to their aid. i accomplished the whole parental responsibility thing, while simultaneously teaching us to not be a bitch about getting hurt

>>17467982
If the kid trips or aflls or walks into a door or anything he/she could possibly think of as his/her fault, then daddy's laughter translates into "Oh what an idiot you are. I don't love you" in their mind.

If a little kid falls and is crying, it can be a good trick to make a joke out of it, but NEVER laughing at the kid, like "I saw that tree leap out to trip you. Naughty tree!"

>>17468038
Thank you, it is good to hear that my theory is basically confirmed. In my original post after re-reading it I made it seem like I shove my kids into lockers and take their lunch money while laughing at their injuries. Something I should have mentioned is that they laugh too, because they know when someone trips and falls and doesn't get a serious injury it's pretty funny. They seem to like playing with me ALOT more than with my wife, because play sessions with me always involve a bunch of laughter and play sessions with her ALWAYS end prematurely with lots of crying and shit. Also, when I laugh, I ALWAYS make sure that it wasn't a real injury, because having their dad laugh at a broken bone would surely be traumatizing for them, and that's the last thing I want to do, i.e. why I started this thread.

Also something strange is that even though she appears to be the more supportive parent on the outside, neither of them like talking to her about important stuff, they always come to me. Why would that be? If I'm the one that laughs at them and alienates them from myself and makes them feel self-conscience and inadequate as my wife says, why is it that they never open up to her? She seems somewhat frustrated by it because I am quite clearly the favorite parent for everything, not just some things (other than cooking, wife has a culinary degree so gg on that one). I don't know if it matters or not, but both of them are very smart kids and are extremely well behaved, literally have never had to yell at them about anything ever and they are both very respectful and reserved.

>>17467982
it makes you look fun but yeah it hurts their confidence

Look into the personality psychology of Eric Erikson. Basically, his theory is that at key stages in our lives we have major developmental movements related to specific functions. One of those functions is along the lines of bodily autonomy. A child who is allowed to fall and figure it out from there (within reason) is generally more body confident as an adult who tends to be more at athletic. A child that has parents swoop in every time don't have that confidence and that's where you get those clumsy, awkward kids.

Your 7 year old is about in that phase according to the theory.

>>17468005 pretty much had the best answer though.

>>17467982
You are in the right. I do a similar thing with my son. "Been on any good trips lately" etc. Making a massive deal out of trivial shit will just make them soft and not prepare them for the world.

>>17467982
Yeah, you're going to want to not do that.

Read a few books on Attachment and Nuturing. You are teaching your kids shame, embarrassment, doubt in you as a carer (they cannot trust you), along with lots of other shitty things. Giving them space to learn is good, laughing at them when they fail is bad. How can you not see this?

>>17469339
My advice would be to ignore this advice.
There's no risk in a tumble, but everyone: your kid, your partner, other parents; they follow your lead.
You already know this. Enjoy the experience.