Dealing with the realization that I'm not a good guy

Examples of these qualities?

The first step is always admitting that you have a problem

Now listen to this
https://youtu.be/2F8HvKqnp5s

After you have done so, what is it exactly that made you realize that you would consider identifying as someone that you dislike?

>>17465329
I'm always "flaking" on people and myself, I say I'll do something and then I don't because I don't feel like it later on
I'm very impulsive and tend to make up stories or lie often to entertain people
I'm lazy and messy and bad with money etc etc the list goes on

>>17465332
I had a bout with depression and suicidal tendencies/ideations for a while when repressed memories of sexual assault(I'm a guy) came rushing back in high school, I ended up dropping out because of it and tried to kill myself yknow that whole deal, after I gave up on that I got into light drugs like weed and acid, tried shrooms on my birthday and experienced ego death which is how I came to that conclusion

>>17465342
Jesus man, you sure you're not me? Literally summed up my life right there. Anyway, I personally see only two things you can do. You can either find some form of inner drive to be a better person (religion for me). Or you can just fuck it all and be a dick, which isn't so bad when you think of all the shitheads that are about, I'm friends with a load of them.

>>17465465
Yeah but I dont wanna be a dick because its left me with unfulfilling friendships that lack any deep connection which is what I want, religion was ruined for me by my crazy super christian parents so that isnt really much of an option

I don't know. I kind of woke up to myself recently too. I think I would probably have to meet 100 people to have a 50/50 chance of finding someone more generally unpleasant than me.
I think I am quite rude to people without meaning to be, it's just natural or something. I can't manage any kind of responsibility. I am consistently late for everything. I don't have any interests or really give a fuck about anything at all. I don't care for what I study and I have hated every job I ever had. When I go out with people the conversation descends into complaining about things. Any girls I have ever seen for more than a month have eventually cut contact once they got to know me. My few friends have fairly major character flaws themselves.