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Anonymous
Why do I hate my mother? 2016-08-14 22:12:06 Post No. 17461294
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Why do I hate my mother? 2016-08-14 22:12:06 Post No. 17461294
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Shes in a weak state, shes delicate and shes sick. She has gotten worse and worse since last year, partially due to an accident that was my fault.
I used to care a lot, but now its different. Now I am just disgusted of her, talking to her, having to deal with her bullshit and her depression.
Theres times when I wonder if shes faking it, like when shes up and well but, all of sudden, shes fainting due to a pain in her belly.
Her being depressed is the worst, I need to be constantly insisting her to eat and that pisses the shit out of me for stupid reasons I cant avoid. Because theres times when shes alone that, even tho she could, she just doesn't make herself something to eat which, obviously, worsens her situation. What she doesnt seem to understand is that she also makes my situation (and my sisters) worse by continuing with her destructive behaviour. .
Things changed so much all of sudden, now I just look at her and I am disgusted, I dont want her to touch me, I want the interactions with her to be as quick as possible so I can get back to whatever the fuck I have to do: - "What would you like to eat?" "Make this for me" - but its not like that, it just goes on and on.
She gave me everything I have and she cared for me. Why did such horrible feelings I thought would never exist in me came to be? Why do I dislike her so much? Why do I sometimes just wish she would die?
I am grateful for everything, but my behaviour towards her is not the one of such a person.
She will be gone soon? or maybe later? And whats left of me? Nothing but the guy that mistreated his mother, and that will permanently stain my soul till I am gone from this Earth.
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it's ok i hate my mom too she's a fucking lazy whore.
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>>17461294
If she becomes too much put her in a home.
Ignore the guilt, ignore her threats and lashing out.
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>>17461294
Do you like yourself? If you don't, it's not exactly easy to like others. If you hate yourself, you tend to hate everyone around you as well.
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>>17461308
>>17461309
No no, you guys seem to ignore something that I didn't make clear here.
I am the bad guy, not her.
She still works from home even tho shes retired, I just go to school.
The point of the entire post is to show that, given the circumstances, I am still an asshole towards her.
I would never put her in a home, she doesn't deserve that, nor I have money for that obviously.
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>>17461314
Its difficult to say, my opinion towards myself is pretty much polarized between ''only thing that awaits me is killing myself'' to ''I am capable of achieving great things'', it goes up and down.
But I do hate people in general, not those that make me laugh, for example, at college (friends) but, in general, I do hate people, specially women since I am ugly and I know none of them would want anything to do with me.
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>>17461317
If she is retired she has options when it comes to a home.
A Real parent raises their kids to be live their own life not to be a live in caretaker.
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>>17461320
>A Real parent raises their kids to be live their own life not to be a live in caretaker.
It's not like that. I dont really ''take care of her'' and thats the problem here. I should WANT to take her of her, thats what a normal well adjusted person in my situation would do, but I wont because theres clearly something wrong with me.
I do worry about her and I constantly insist that she would eat, if she gives me a yes I prep her food, anything she wants I will give it to her. Its just that somethings I am tired of her for no reason at all.
My sister did take care of her when she was at the hospital, she would clean her after pooping or urinating and what not when I wouldn't even approach because I was disgusted.
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>>17461319
I am the same as you about going up and down between suicide and big plans
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>>17461329
it sounds like you think she's faking it or some shit, don't accuse her of that. Just try to be understanding and help her out
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>>17461294
You have caregiver burnout. It happens to lots of people so don't feel ashamed. You need to take a break before it gets any worse.
http://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases_conditions/hic_Alzheimers_and_Dementia_Overview/hic_Alzheimers_Disease_The_Role_of_the_Caregiver/hic_Caregiving_Recognizing_Burnout
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