How do you let go of a girl that you love like crazy but you

Let her go and simply give yourself time. Thats all thats going to fix it.

Any other advice? That is a lot easier said than done.

Why is adv not advising?

>>17459043
Yes it is. Just tell her it's not gonna work out. Improve yourself. Workout,learn a new hobby or whatever. Sooner or later you'll find another chick.

>>17459086
Being with her is what was helping improve myself. Without her, no motivation. Not even a bit. Feels pointless. Also was 5 years before her since I had met someone to be with. So it is possible it will be a long time of loneliness once she is gone.

>>17459094
That's because you don't want to try, you can't just wait for the next girl to come to you. You need to put yourself out there and motivate yourself to be even better. Do not worry about this chick, forget her. If she cared about you she'd be with you, but she doesn't so she isn't. For now just focus on you until you get your interest in other women back. You don't need to rush it, everyone is different and needs their own amount of time to deal with things. Plenty of us have went through this and while you may think this advice is cliche, it works and it's the truth.

>>17459159
Dude I"m not a rookie here. I'm a veteran. You can only use this line of motivation so many times before it starts to lose value. I used to get through things like this using that line of thinking. But it doesn't work anymore because now I see how it just happens the same way again later. There is a larger problem here of how women and relationships are. It's not like I just had a bad apple and next time will be better. Society is now filled with bad apples and I don't have the hope or motivation to feel like if I just work on myself and improve it will pay off anymore. It hasn't.

adv so dead tonight :(

same boat op.

how does she hurt you if she's so good for you?

>>17459324
maybe we can trade stories? im at the point where im ready to leave cause shes hurts me so much and I do everything and anything for her. she was my motivation nows she's my bane

>>17459327
Try pulling off the mask.

Less drastic to more drastic

>work out
>eat healthy
>meet new people
>get a new job
>change cities
>go back to school
>try psychedelics
>move states
>move countries

The thing that always helped me get over women is writing about them. Everything honestly, from the time you met them to splitting up. It works wonders for de-romanticizing them.

>>17459094
I went through the same thing. Met her at the worst time in my life, she was the one thing that made me feel like I was improving, then it all just felt gone afterwards.

The best thing you can do is realize it could never work with all of your happiness built on her, she wouldn't be what you need, and you wouldn't be what she needs. Now try and find motivation in improving yourself so you can feel this way again in the future and be strong enough to handle it when it happens. The girl I fell in love with liked me too but was overly attached to the guy she was in a long distance relationship with, and she just kept leading me on for months when she knew how badly it all was hurting me and how I felt. But eventually I found that strength to say I couldn't do it, and I cut her off until I needed in life, and it was the best decision I could of possibly made. Telling her I couldn't do it and I needed to be away from her was probably the hardest thing I ever had to do, and the weeks that followed hurt worse than any other time in my life. That being said, I can say you will make it through this, its not the end, and you will probably come out stronger than before, which is more than you could of ever imagined from all this.

I know that right now you think shes the most amazing thing in the universe and you would give absolutely anything to be with her, but I can tell you shes probably not even worth your time, let alone your deepest emotions. But in the end the heart wants what the heart wants, and I know you're just going to have to make it through this. But hold onto the hope that one day you're going to grow your wings. No, don't wait for that other chick to come along that makes you feel like this, its yourself you need to focus on right now. Every step is going to be shitty, and every bit of improvement is going to make you feel exhausted, but one day you're going to look back at this and wonder why you were even worked up.

>>17459094
Christ I relate so much to this. Pls something kill me already, this hurts too much

So the word for this is codependency, recognize that.
I can't really explain to you how to get out.
right now for me it's the realization that most of these patterns of behavior and relationship models are dysfunctional and make you feel like shit.

love is apparently not suppose to feel like shit,
you can do better op, or at least have a stable relationship with yourself.

>>17459334
It would be extremely painful.

>>17459416
>becoming lonely during long bouts of being single
>having more motivation and enjoying life more when you've got someone to share it with
>codependency
More than a bit off base anon. Keep researching and don't forget to zoom out once in a while.

>>17459327
Sorry I thought thread died and left. OP here and back. Are you still here?

>>17459390
Problem is I've already been through this whole process a number of times. I used to get through it by being excited how I'll come out the other side better. Now I know it just all happens again anyway.

>>17459531
Try and find a way to ACTUALLY improve yourself. I learned guitar to get through it and that was my first step in actually improving. Emotional strength is bound to just topple over and shouldn't be an actual goal, it should just come as time goes. I'm telling you, channel all these feelings into something productive or something that actually makes you feel good. Its not about coming to the other side stronger emotionally, but knowing you're improving and that the feeling isn't permanent. These things are just part of life, they've happened before and they're always going to happen again. Just know you aren't stuck where you are.

>>17459598
I already did improve. Every time it happened I improved. It doesn't matter. Nobody gives a shit. The improvement doesn't matter. The only thing left you can rationalize is to say you have to be happy alone but I'm not and I think that while some people are, that's just unreasonable to expect most human beings to be happy without partners.

>>17459605
Of course you can't just be happy alone. We naturally desire other people. Like I said, these things just happen, and they always hurt us, but we're willing to be hurt to experience them. Just get through this experience, do what you can to improve through it, since not only will it make you better in the end but it will help you get past this, and just realize this isn't it. I know that each time this happens you feel like shit and it feels like somethings gone and you won't feel happy like this ever again, but it won't always be that way. Don't worry though man, I know what its like to just want to not feel alone through all this. We might be anonymous strangers on an image board, but we're here for you. Everyone goes through this man. I know the pain. Its the worst pain that there is.

>>17459650
I don't think you understand what it is like to already know everything you said, go through it all and then realize that was all for nothing too. I think you think I'm at an earlier stage than I am. It's more like I already graduated from the stage you're talking about. And I'm coming back to tell you that the next stage exists and it makes you realize the previous stage was pretty much for nothing. I'm sure that's not true for everyone. Some people eventually find that right person and that makes it all worth it. I already found that and now that's gone too. All of it leads nowhere.

>>17459663
Trust me, I had fallen for many before, but I had absolutely fallen head over heels in love with that one girl. Like I said, I was at the worst point of my life when I met her. I had been depressed for a year and tried to kill myself unsuccessfully two nights before. She completely brightened up my world and made me feel the magic I never thought I could feel again. She motivated me to try things again, and it all just felt fucking gone at the end of all of it. But I realized, I didn't want to be depressed again, I wanted to live to feel that way again. I realized I couldn't live for a girl and I had to be my own thing, so I started aspiring again and learned how to actually get on track and start caring about myself again. The most amazing thing about that is the fact that I didn't before I met her. While she fucking shattered my heart, I can still say she completely turned my life around for the better because of this. Unless you can pick yourself up, you are always going to fall apart and you will never be able to handle being in love. If you think things are over when they don't work out, then you aren't actually improving, you need to find actual ways to start doing that. I know you think you are further along because you've experienced this before, but you go through this every time your heart is broken. You'll get through it man, it just takes time. I know you're just in a place you never expected to return to and it feels like it all returned to nothing, but trust me, it didn't. I just wish there was more I could do to help you man, but I know you just need to have your own experience to get over it.

>>17459683
I think you're wrong. At a certain point it really is for nothing. You don't know how many times I've been here and how many things I've done to make the best of it. It probably is over at this point and not going to work out. I gave it everything I had this time knowing everything I knew from all the past ones. They don't care. The problem is what girls value today. They value a bunch of bullshit. Honestly the more I improve the further I am from what they want. We really do live in degeneracy.

>>17459692
Woah dude calm down. Try not to be angry, that can really be a problem. You need to just chill out your life and just really not put everything on other people. Just do whatever makes you happy, and good things will follow. I'm just trying to help you out with the heartbreak, but maybe you just need to relax a little. I know its hard because you have this one special girl in your life, but don't try and hold anything against women as you're getting over this. And if you are referring to her, you really are being a lot more controlled by your desire than actual feelings for her.

>>17459692
Also, I don't know if you have yet, but allowing yourself to bawl your eyes out can be the first step to really getting over all of it. There's something about it that really comforts your soul and just soothes all the pain.

I remember just hurting so bad one night I was going through it, then I came across this song and cried harder than I ever had for 3 hours. I was literally screaming into the pillow towards the end of it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O6HMW7h5jGY

>>17459699
Angry? What? I just told you the facts oft he situation. "Do what makes you happy and good things will follow". Seriously? that's like motivation speaker level simplistic stuff. Very false. I don't judge women because of one girl like this. I judge it based on a lot more than that both in my life and many other people I know. There is something very wrong going on with these things in our society.

>>17459705
>>17459692
(Another Anon)
I love(d) ex so much, too. Cried several times myself to sleep, considered ragequit (2-3 times), almost fucked up college (medicine). It was (still kinda is) hard time.
Call me stupid asshole, but playing vidya takes my mind off her. I mean EVE online, World of Warcraft, Hearthstone,.. I play a week straight, then it is better. Also, meet friends (even when mine are mostly shitty). Also - get a hard goal, eg mine is to move across the globe. Delete facebook, hit the gym, never look back. You are not going that way. It gets better.

>>17459705
If you're suggesting maybe I haven't cried, you're definitely not listening when I tell you how I'm at a way further stage than you're imagining. Cry my eyes out? I got through that stage years ago after years and years of crying. I think I'm so far past where you are thinking I am you can't even relate. Imagine doing every single thing you're suggesting 15 times for years and years, improving everything about yourself, meeting that girl and then they do the same thing anyway. None of it matters. I know you need that hope to keep yourself going where you're at. Maybe for you it will eventually work out. But for me none of it has worked. It all leads to the same place in the end.

>>17459718
Already did all that 100 times over a dozen times in my life. Doesn't matter. Get through it all however many times. it just happens the same way again. Because in the end it's not about that .It's about that girls are being raised like crap with terrible values and parenting and are very screwed up. They just are not healthy people for the most part and they make bad decisions knowingly and just don't care. I even had a copule tell me they knew they were stupid for leaving but were going to anyway. They're just messed up in the head.

>>17459724
>girls are being raised like crap with terrible values and parenting and are very screwed up. They just are not healthy people for the most part and they make bad decisions knowingly and just don't care.
>They're just messed up in the head.
You have just described my ex´s family. Father died (suicide because he cheated and could not live with that), so mother and 4 girls. They are all kinda messed up. Also, mother is really (really!) strange - she acts differently to each girl.
Dude... But that is not my business. She (like your ex) DECIDED that you are not enough for her. Yes, she is wrong, but she NEEDS to find it out herself. You can not completely fucked up your life because somebody, one person from billions ppl is stupid. You just can´t. You are worth more. You are worth to have a proper, BETTER gf, you are worth to have a happy family.

File: Thom-Yorke_Promo.jpg (85KB, 500x634px) Image search: [Google]

85KB, 500x634px

>>17459720
Well dude you can either give up or hold onto the hope of one day experiencing what are the best feelings life has to offer. I don't know what to tell you. I wish I could help you. The best of luck to you man.

>>17459733
idk why I included the picture of Thom

my brain just went into complete autopilot and added it for no reason

really weird

>>17459731
She didn't decide I'm not enough for her. I think it's that I'm too much for her and she wants some trash like herself instead. So it's like hey just go find someone else. What do you say after you've already done that like a dozen times . This is the pool of women we're dealing with. I alreayd know what I'm worth. But these girls actually prefer trash to a good man and you know it's true these days.

>>17459733
It's not really about hope or not it is about facts. What are the facts of the situation? I think they are what I'm saying.

>>17459724
the same reason why are you not going to Africa or to Asia, or middle east to save all the poor people from starvation and all that crazy shit, the same reason is why you just need to get over it.

+

watch this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9mbp0DugfCA
and
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCzn_C0V158

Just watch those. Even every day, if you need.

>>17459735
>I'm too much for her and she wants some trash like herself
Similar, because I am 4y older that her, and she was kinda childish and stupid (naive).
This did not change a thing about that there are thousands of worthy girls that would get all crazy over you (if you are what you say, what I got).
To put it simply - disasters happens every now and then. Lot of ppl are killed. People just need to get over it. There is nothing you can to. Can you stop an earthquake? No. You can just get over it.
Just.. get over it. Do not think about it.

>>17459736
You loved this girl with all your heart. There's a very big part of you that lives for emotion, and that emotion can let you hold onto hope in the darkest times. You're gonna grow your wings man. I don't know if you're in the still in the stage where you feel shattered inside or you're just still feeling the sadness, but I know that the former feeling can make you lose touch with reality. I just want you to try and find your happiness, I just hope you don't have to be miserable waiting for something good to come along.

>>17459738
Telling me to get over it is similar to telling the starving people to get over it. They need food to live and if there isn't healthy food, they will suffer. Most of us need healthy good relationships to have a satisfying life. If the potential mates are screwed in the head and prefer trash to good mates, you can't just get over it. You're going to suffer. It's just the fact of how it is. You can deny it or try to drug yourself out to not feel it, but you won't be able to be what you could be.

>>17459749
>Just.. get over it. Do not think about it

Those are opposites actually. Not thinking about it isn't getting over it. It's just putting your head in the sand and denying it which makes it even more powerful not less.

>>17459750
Nope I'm like 20 miles ahead on the path from where you seem to think I am. It's kind of like you're giving advice to a third grader but I'm in college (metaphorically).

>>17459767
Trust me, you think you know it a lot more than you do. I guess we just might have had different experiences and you could of just grown bitter by this point, but more than likely you think you've seen it all when you haven't. I remember being somewhere similar to you. You either need to realize that being miserable won't do anything, or just keep being miserable for no reason. Obviously there's feelings we can't control, and you'll think I don't know shit by saying this, but there are aspects of our happiness we can choose. If you just keep convincing yourself you're miserable, you will be. If you try and do what you can to be happy, maybe you'll start to feel that way a little.

>>17459776
No I really have seen it all. I'm obviously so so far ahead of where you are in life this isn't even connecting. I'm pretty sure you are so many levels less experienced than me that you aren't really in any position to have much help unfortunately. What are you like college age with 2 or 3 relationships in your life?

>>17459764
>Telling me to get over it is similar to telling the starving people to get over it. They need food to live and if there isn't healthy food, they will suffer.
Exactly. They need to do it. Not you. You are not going to save them (like - you are not going to save your ex, because she is stupid). Poor people need to find a reason and work on it. Just like your ex needs to get her life together.

>If the potential mates are screwed in the head and prefer trash to good mates, you can't just get over it.
Potential. She is not the only one. There are many better of her.

>You're going to suffer.
That is your choosing. Because you can choose. You are on your own. It is your decision. If you want to be happy/ miserable, it is your call.

>You can deny it or try to drug yourself out to not feel it, but you won't be able to be what you could be.
>What could be.
I wanted to marry her, to provide her 5 rooms flat, to get her to the medicine college, to care for her as my wife, to have children with her (we did choose a name for the first girl (even jokingly, but I did believe in "us").
If I need to drug myself to get over her, I would do it. Because I would ragequit and that is just stupid, because she would not care.

>>17459765
>Those are opposites actually
You got me.
Just.. care about something else. Do not contact her. Do not look up for her. Do not stalk/ watch her over facebook. Just do something else. The world is waiting. Do whatever (not stupid). If you do not know what to do, get into 3D printing. It is cool.

>>17459792
No the point is you CAN'T get over not having food. It's a need that is going unfulfilled. Same with having a good mate. For most of us it's a need that if it isn't fulfilled you will suffer, it's just the way it is. The phrase "get over it" doesn't make any sense. It's not something you can get over. It's something that's needed that is not there.

I already explained that my judgment is not based on just this girl, but lots and lots and lots and lots of my own experiences and tons of people I know. This is not just some bad apples. There is a much bigger social problem going on. If you don't think so, then we just disagree.

You are one of those fantasy people that thinks "choosing" not to suffer is an actual solution rather than just burying your feelings like addicts do. You can lie to yourself all you want but you're not actually getting over anything, you're going into denial and when you do that those feelings live on underneath and become more powerful, not less. It's like when you take pain meds at the dentist and feel fine until they wear off and then it hits you even harder.

It sounds like your experience is mostly one bad relationship. I felt the same as you after one...and two...and three. See how you feel when you thikn you have it solved and it happens more and more. Eventually you realize, there's something else going on. And then you find many other people who also realize more is going on and you finally get it. It was never about you in the first place. it was about something bigger that's messing things up in society.

>>17459794
Already did all that many times, got through each one, you are probably high or something because you're clearly not able to follow what I'm saying. I'll just say it one last time to see if it can get through. I'm already way way past that stage. The entire cycle of having it seem good, get screwed up for no good reason, go through pain and get over it. That whole thing is what's pointless at this point. There is no point to do that again as if I'll prepare for next time. I now know that next time is just another of the same. It's like sisyphus.

>>17459797
>No the point is you CAN'T get over not having food. It's a need that is going unfulfilled. Same with having a good mate. For most of us it's a need that if it isn't fulfilled you will suffer, it's just the way it is.
Yes, sure. I think everyone needs a soul mate, gf, to spend life, have family,.. etc. I agree. I was trying to say that your ex is not the only one, that there are others in this world with which you can have family.

>I already explained that my judgment is not based on just this girl, but lots and lots and lots and lots of my own experiences and tons of people I know.
Did not get it, my bad.

This is not just some bad apples. There is a much bigger social problem going on.
I agree. But disagree that all the apples are bad. I am willing to move across the globe to find a better girl, future wife, in better country than I am now.

>burying your feelings like addicts do.
Not bury, just ease. I still feel a lot, but I am not crying like a silly bitch (which I did) still over her. I needed to ease my mind. I needed to do something, something else than thinking how fucked up world is. And how lonely I am.

>you're going into denial
One of stages of getting over something.

>It's like when you take pain meds at the dentist and feel fine until they wear off and then it hits you even harder.
I am actually a dentist. It will not hit you harder. It will slowly ease. (sorry my english) It takes time to heal, to rebuild.

>It sounds like your experience is mostly one bad relationship.
Yes. I had (only) one relationship so far.

>Eventually you realize, there's something else going on. And then you find many other people who also realize more is going on and you finally get it.
Agree, but that is not the reason that all the people are bad. You just gotta find the right one. The game is hard, but that is life.

>>17459798
Do these two things:
1. Shut the fuck up.
2. Man the fuck up.

You come to /adv/ saying you're past all advice to people patient enough to say they're here for you and giving you encouraging words. You're comparing getting dumped by your girlfriend with people dying from starvation. I get that it hurts, but your attitude is infantile and utterly pathetic.

Does it feel like hell? Yes. But it is something hundreds of people go through every day and their support and consolation is all you're going to get to hold on to. If you think you're to good for that or you're 'way past that stage', then don't even bother talking to people.

There are people who get divorced after 20 years of marriage having three children. If you can't imagine it being worse than it is and it's all women and society's fault, then you're definitely not way beyond anything; you're stuck very, very deep in childish nonsense.

>>17459798
>I'm already way way past that stage.
Maybe not. Maybe you are just thinking it that you are over, and you still may be not.

Anyway, I did considered to talk to a psych. You might too. I am not saying that there is something "crazy" in me or in you, but I really think if I can not get over all this stuff, if vidya, friends, work,.. would not be enough, I will go to psych.

>>17459816
>But disagree that all the apples are bad.

I agree not all. But the good ones are mostly snatched up pretty early so they're taken already.

Yeah denial can be a stage, but telling someone to go into denial as a solution is silly. Denial is something you have to get out of to finally get through it.

You had one relationship. I'm talking from a lot of them now. Imagine going through what you have 7 or 8 or 9 times and how you'd feel after that.

>>17459819
i'm not the one who brought up the analogy to starving people. someone else made the analogy and it was a good analogy because the comparison wasn't in terms of degree of suffering but in terms of how to cope with needs that don't get met. You can compare extreme situations to less extreme on other factors, just not on degree of suffering.

There is a stage past just "get through it yet again". Maybe you're not able to give advice past that stage yet. Doesn't mean nobody else can.

If you think it's childish nonsense rather than fact that something very serious and sick is going on with relationshisp in our society then I think you're going to have a big wake up call eventually unless you choose to stay in denial and convince yourself it's something smaller.

>>17459820
Already way past that too. Learned all the stuff from that as well. When the problem is the sickness on a large social scale, no amount of therapy can fix it because the problem is not in you but in the options. It's similar to being in a restaurant where most of the food is spoiled. You're going to have a pretty hard time finding something good to eat no matter how much you work on yourself.

>>17459821
>But the good ones are mostly snatched up pretty early so they're taken already.
Yes and no. You gotta look better and I am sure you will what you are looking for. I am have decided to move to find better woman. Did you? What is keeping you in your place, where you are (probably) not happy?

>but telling someone to go into denial as a solution is silly.
I did not meant to get into denial. You seems to be already in a denial. eg: all (the most) apples are bad, society is fucked up,.. It seems like a denial (that there is no reason to find another gf because all girls are batshit crazy) to me

>You had one relationship. I'm talking from a lot of them now.
I am sorry, OP. I truly am.
You have gone through many sad stuff. I am sorry. But I do not think it is not worth to stop trying. Yes, you might get hurt, but you can gain so, so much. You can be happy. Actually happy.

>>17459002
Why do you love her if she treats u like shit?

>>17459827
>You're going to have a pretty hard time finding something good to eat no matter how much you work on yourself.
Find another restaurant. Find another town. Go to another state.
There are no rules that would say "You need to eat this (spoiled) food."

Dude there is no appealing answer or solution to this. You know that. You know the score. Your options are princesses or girls who have said fuck it and elected to just date trash. My options are numales or men who have said fuck it and elected to just check out of dating altogether. You've already stated denying shit is a bad idea. I agree. So that leaves accepting shit for what it is, acknowledging that happiness isn't likely to be reached without suffering along the way (which is similar to the path to success is usually littered with failures thing, so it's not like it's even a new idea, now it just also applies to the dimension that's supposed to be the escape from all the other bullshit), and deciding whether you're going to keep at it or throw in the towel. It sucks. It's what we've got to work with. It is what it is.

And thinking of time spent as time wasted is poisonous to morale if you're not liking the looks of the "throw in the towel" route. Just saying.

>>17459829
>You gotta look better
Uh no. You can look as hard as you want and you will find that is the case. It seemsl ike you're just in massive denial about the situation. Move? Right cause my friends in other cities are finding women so healthy and wise in how they choose men. I'm not sure where you're planning to move exactly.

No you seem to be in denial about the societal situation not me. I never said all of them are batshit crazy. You are now making up quotes a sure sign you are not willing to take the actual argument seriously.

Good luck. Once you've tried enough times you'll realize that you're playing a rigged game and it isn't about how hard you try. It's foolish to keep putting effort in when you notice it does not pay off. You finally get smart enough to question the game and that's when you realize what's happening.

I am in the process of letting go of a girl that cheated on me. I told her that I knew and she thought I heard gossip but I know it to be true.


Anyway, it has only been about a week and what has helped me is going to the gym every day, playing guitar, immersing myself at work, going out with the bros, and I had lunch with another girl yesterday. I am taking things slow, not rushing, but talking to a new girl and kissing definitely felt good.

I am planning on asking another one out today and trying to make some smalltalk at the gym

>>17459830
Actual love is based on who someone is not what they do. I also understand why she acts this way. She almost seems unable to help it. I feel sorry for her and I know why she ended up this way. I still love her. But she is just not going to stop so it is pointless to stay with her and keep getting hurt.

>>17459830
Also she doesn't treat me like shit always. She treats me amazingly sometimes, but then always goes back to shit.

>>17459831
Do you think people in other states are reporting a far better situation? If it was you can bet the entire country would already be flooding there. It's no different really anywhere here. Maybe there is some country somewhere. I'm sure it's different in the Middle East but I'm sure as hell not going there due to other reasons

>>17459832
Good advice!

>>17459836
Good on you sir, you're getting there.

OP, do you actually have a life besides this girl? Do you have friends, hobbies, a job, etc.? The only reason I see for you not seeing any way out is that there's nothing else in your life you enjoy.

If you really only live for the confirmation of this one girl, then I think you gotta talk to either your mother or a therapist, or both.

>>17459832
Are you fem or gay?

I have no problem with effort or suffering to get to success. But that doesn't work when the game is rigged. no amount of effort or suffering is getting you anywhere. You're just being fooled.

There isn't anything you can do but accept. But you can't really accept it either because the human mind is not really wired to accept something like that. It's something you just never really can accept.

>>17459836
That's good. But now imagine something similar happens. What will you do after the 10th time? will you really be helped by "hey I'll go to the gym and ask someone else to lunch?" Eventually you realize it's not just this girl or that girl, it's the whole larger sequence that leads nowhere.

>>17459843
Read Russell's Conquest of Happiness, this is one of the symptoms of an unhappy person: thinking the world is out to get him/her or that the game is rigged.

It's just a toxic it attitude. "It's all their fault." Well done. Just go ahead and disregard millions and millions of happy marriages and good relationships.

>>17459842
I have a rest of my life, but it's pretty unappealing at this point without someone special to share it with. Our culture likes to pretend like it's so fulfilling to have all this stuff going on in your own life but really for some of us having someone to share life with is more important than any of that.

>this one girl

How could you possibly claim it's just about this one girl having read what i've said?

>>17459849
Yeah it can also be the symptom of an unhappy person who is unhappy because they correctly see that it is rigged. I sure as hell didn't say the world was out to get me. I said the exact opposite, that it isn't at all specific to me, but a huge problem in society that affects people all over the place.

You sound like someone who is unconcerned with facts.

Millions of happy marriages? Well sure out of how many more millions? Divorce rates are massive. Domestic abuse is huge. Child abuse is huge. Single parent households is enormous, over 70% in the black community in fact I think. It's incredibly bad. You have to almost be on acid to think there isn't something really seriously wrong going on.

>>17459844
You win some, you lose some, man.

I learned a lot about red flags... this girl was teeming with them, but I ignored them, and gave her the benefit of the doubt every single time. I know not to believe that bs anymore.

Live and learn. Next time you'll know what signs to look out for. Take your time, and if a girl shows red flags, don't make the same mistake I made and try to power through it, and instead move on and start dating another girl if this one is obviously not your type.

>>17459842
Cheers

>>17459843
>Are you fem or gay?
Fem
>the human mind is not really wired to accept something like that. It's something you just never really can accept.
Hence why so much suffering is involved in accepting the game is rigged. Or in not accepting it, I mean we're pretty fucked either way here. Putting in effort for the possibility of success is worth it to me. No possibility of success but no effort wasted is, to me, a shitty alternative.

Accept that the game is rigged. Acknowledge that suffering blows and isn't ever going to feel natural or normal or right. Punch the game in the goddamn face and carve out a slice of happiness from somewhere while it's not looking.

>>17459875
If you win some and lose some you're fine. If you lose and lose and lose and so do tons of other people you know despite them being great people, something is messed up elsewhere.

>>17459891
>Punch the game in the goddamn face and carve out a slice of happiness from somewhere while it's not looking.

Thanks for being the only person in the thread to actually answer based on the reality of the situation. The question is what this phrase even means though. It's almost like you say the game is rigged but win it anyway in a way you only could if it wasn't rigged. But the definition of rigging is that it's set up to not be winnable. At least it isn't winnable unless you're willing to sink to the level of the liars and trash that are causing the problem in the first place.

>>17459892
Honestly? There is always something you can do and everything is temporary.

Have you tried meditation? I strongly recommend this book called The Inner Matrix. It will teach you to not let your emotions control you.

Emotions, especially fear, make us do things to keep the status quo. We all want to improve our situation but most of us are just not in touch with our emotions to make real conscious decisions towards change. We come up with all sorts of thought patterns "Oh, but what if I let _____ down?", "It happened to my friends, so it will happen to me" or "if it happened once, it'll keep happening over and over again"

Give that book a chance, it's not very long and has several meditation exercises for you to try out in the end. It will help you break away from these patterns. The road is long, and it takes dedication, though, be warned. You must at least dedicate 20 minutes a day, every day if you want to see changes.

>>17459852
Alright.

Suppose you are a prisoner in a cell and you're locked up completely unjustly and against your will, but here you are. The warden is a chess enthusiast and sadist. He comes to your cell every day to play and says "If you win, you go free. I'll make it easy for you: You get to be white every time and make the first move." When you set up the board there is no white queen, he says "Tough luck." The game is obviously rigged and it's beyond your control.

It seems to me you have two options:
1. Play;
2. Don't play.

If you play, you recognize that there is a chance to win, even if it is against all odds and highly unlikely. At that point, you apply yourself: you work, you get good, you keep hope and faith alive.

If you don't play, you can either choose to focus on other things that might be fruitful, or plain off yourself.

In none of these options do I see any value in complaining about how the game is rigged. Moreover, in this case it is completely clear that the game is rigged -- no one will argue that the game of love is fair, but by strokes of luck people can meet partners in the most odd places and unexpected moments. It is as unfair as it is unpredictable. Point being: it's not really unfair, because no one is orchestrating it, and it is as unfair as being struck by lightning or winning the lottery.

If you're so concerned with 'the facts' and you've concluded that the game is unfair, then choose option 2 and stop playing it. If you think you can't live without it, choose option 1 and apply yourself. Nowhere is there any value in the attitude that the game is rigged, even if it is.

>>17459905
Sure read the right book and meditate and an epidemic of degenerate partner choices will cease to be a problem. Such denial.

>>17459910

With that mindset you're screwed either way. It's time for a change. I wish you the best.

>>17459907
It's not unfair in the way lightning or the lottery is, but I don't want to take the time to get into that one.

I think it should be obvious that the whole problem here is that neither option 1 or 2 seem acceptable. Like I said in an earlier post the human mind is just not wired to really be able to accept either of those. Also there might be other solutions like organizing an escape plan or something.

>>17459914
No what makes it screwed is the situation, not the mindset. You seem like one of those delusionals that thinks if you pretend the situation is different it actually changes. The situation is what it is. The mindset is not the problem here.

>>17459917
The human mind not being wired a certain way is an entirely unproven and non-factual statement. I don't know where you get that notion from; people with a healthy psyche can respond to any number of hardships without losing hope.

The only way I can see it being different from utter luck (like lightning or the lottery) is if you feel that somehow someone is orchestrating it, which is paranoia, which brings us back to the 'the world is out to get me' point. If you don't want to go there, feel free to explain how it isn't the same.

Finally, an escape plan is the same as not playing the game, and in the analogy it would be investing your time and energy in something different than love, thus not problematic to the analogy.

>>17459914
Agreed.

>>17459919
The mindset is the only thing in your power to change, hence the only thing worth investing time and energy into, no matter how 'unfair' the situation.

>>17459894
No prob. As to what it means, it means adapt. Accept it's rigged and adapt. The way you're meant to approach playing isn't going to work the way it should. Might get lucky but the odds aren't in your favor. So start looking at/for other ways. What exactly those are, I don't know what to tell you because I don't know your instincts or the specifics of your situation. Doesn't mean sinking to their level either. You can hack something in a simple fashion to improve its performance without voiding the warranty, right? Start tinkering with shit. See what connects to what and how it might help get you where you want to be.

>>17459919
What I am telling you is that it's not just about reading the book. It's about really following what it tells you and practicing, putting in the effort. It's effort, it takes work and time, it's not going to fall out of the sky.

You can get out of any situation, believe me. There's always a choice, and everything you're living through, even life itself, is just temporary.

>>17459840
>in other states
I want (wish) to move to Australia. I am from (middle) Europe.