Father to be

>>17456618
No point in getting with a person you don't like. You'd hate each other and this would ruin the kid's life
Have an honest talk with the baby mother and try to sort out how you'd take care of the baby.
Don't leave room for stupid grudges and hatred, the most important thing here is the baby's well-being.
Try to live close to her and to put effort into raising your daughter.

>>17456635
this

>>17456635
She left me for some guy she went to high-school with. I really liked her until she pulled the rug from under my feet. It just left pain for me. The mother got hard dumped by the guy, they moved in together pretty quick, but I think the whole having to raise another man's kid thing got to him they are only 19 this year.So he kicked her out on her ass to move back in with her weird family. Its just I feel like I am split in two with these two women. Like my gf has distanced herself emotionally from me while baby mumma has been relentless with her contacting me 24/7. When I do go quiet on her she starts talking to my mum. I tell my mum not to, but my mum is a midwife and she has gone full retard for her first grand child. Its like choking me out...

>>17456696
>Like my gf has distanced herself emotionally from me

Well yeah, some other woman is pregnant with your child. You have to accept the real possibility that your GF will leave you.

Do the right thing and marry the pregnant girl. You fucked up, it's your responsibility.

>>17456850
I can't see this not ending the relationship. It will emotionally break down the current girlfriend very quickly. She never intended to be with a single parent.

My boyfriend was a virgin before he met me, but if this happened to us I'm not sure I could handle it, and rightfully so. As >>17456876 mentioned, your gf didn't intend to be with a single parent and now this will change both of your lives drastically if she stays in the picture.

Put yourself in her shoes and imagine how you'd feel finding out she was pregnant with some previous fling just before you. It's a rotten feeling.

>>17456874
Do not do this. My parents did, it was hell.

>>17456888
Do you think it's better for the child to not have their parents together?

>>17456618
You'll fuck up the kid more by being with a woman you don't have strong feelings for, just for the sake of "keeping the family together".
Believe me, my mom's parents hate each other but had the dumb ass idea that they should wait to divorce until the kids were out of school. My mom always said she spent most of her childhood just praying they'd fucking leave one another and put her and her brother out of their misery.

Enjoy your child support checks, try to be involved with the kid as much as possible, be friendly with the mother and for the love of god never speak ill about her around you child. Idc if she's literally worse than hitler, never say anything bad about her around the kid.
Be ready for your current gf to leave you over this. Most of the time they will as the situation grows on them, they try to stay optimistic at the start but they'll soon find its a deal breaker.

>>17456891
Yes. A million times better. Constant fighting and bickering does NOTHING good for a child. Knowing your parents are miserable together and you're the reason for it does NOTHING good for the child.
Having a broken family isn't ideal, but as long as both parents are active in the kids life, they will be far better off than knowing they are the sole reason for their parents absolute fucking misery and suffering.

>>17456891
>>17456901
Also for the record, the responsible thing to do in this situation would have been getting a goddamn abortion immediately, but we can't trust human beings to be responsible and do the right thing now can we?

>>17456901
This was what my childhood was like. My mum recently revealed she wished she'd left my dad when we were younger because she was so unhappy but wanted to do right by her kids and staying. I wish she hadn't.

>>17456893
>be friendly with the mother and for the love of god never speak ill about her around you child. Idc if she's literally worse than hitler, never say anything bad about her around the kid.

Ive never seen a single mom extend the same courtesy towards the babby daddy

>>17456917
I understand lol, thats why I'd never date a dude with a kid because if you think the babydaddy gets it bad, the new woman get's it 10fold.
But you gotta lead by example and not stoop to their level. In the end you'll be the rational one and she'll be the bitter bitch.

>>17456914
I bet you would have been even more fucked if you had to listen to them fight all day and all night. If you were constantly reminded that their failed relationship was 100% your fault, because you existed they hate each other and themselves.
Also why are you so selfish that you would want your mom to be miserable? Why wouldn't you want your mom to be happy?

>>17456917
My mother never said anything bad about my father and he was an asshole. Same goes with my friends who came from single/divorced households.

Maybe you shouldn't interpret r9k's stereotypes as fact?

>>17456945
That was my point, they did argue all day and night, it was fucking horrible. That's why I wished she had just left him instead. It's not worth putting your kids through years of hell.

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>>17456954
Oh I'm sorry, my bad I misread that as "I wish she hadn't left" rather than "I wish she hadn't waited to leave".
Sorry f a m, I getcha now.

>>17456901
This. This. This! As long as you will be in your children life and take your responsibility raising it, your fulfil your part. You won't do anybody any good by entering hell of living with person you don't want to be with.

>>17456945
>>17456954
>>17457198

OP I think 4chan in general is biased on that matter.
your GF will leave you anyway
your parents will kill you
your dating prospects are reduced single moms from now on too

come on, do the right thing, you want it. make two other kids and do it like it rocks

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OP here. Sorry I went to sleep. I don't know its weird, the mother has done like a complete 180 with her personality. She used to be a complete bitch for the better part like when I was trying to get her my god I had to jump some hurdles. Now... she is essentially turned into a housewaifu. I had a dinner with her family 3 nights ago to discuss things. She cooked us dinner, she cleaned everything and still was giving good conversation. She wouldn't stop touching me and doing the stupid flirty shit. She didn't check her phone once, when we were together she was glued to the fucking thing. Then that night she was giving me playful banter for being on mine.

My girlfriend has just been quiet for the better part I try to talk to her about how we feel about this whole ordeal. She just skirts around the matter and doesn't exactly contribute to the conversation. She did say if it was mine we would work through this together, but after the paternity test she has been cut off. Like I would feel a lot more at ease if we could work through this together, but she is giving me nothing to go off. I am afraid because I don't want to lose her.

>>17457395
My dad sort of hates me at moment because I don't want to be with the mother. He was with the mother of my oldest half sister for years till he cheated on him. He did self admit to marrying a roastie though. Where as the baby mum is trying to roll out the perfect wife material red carpet for me. She is really twisting my thoughts and its really getting to me.

She said she only got with the guy because they were friends for years. He was a cunt because if he really loved her, he would of stepped up to being a step daddy for her. Honestly I hate that literal motherfucker for having sex with her while she was pregnant with my child.

>>17457997

Baby mama behavior reminds me of the pregnant stray cats in my neighborhood. They will love and cuddle for food, but as soon as those babies pop out, straight back to being a bitch.

She wants to entice you. It's an act. It's easy to change your attitude for a few nights, or even a few months, but she will go back to her usual self.

BUT you may not even have a choice in the matter if your current gf isn't opening up. Also since your parents are really pushing you to be with this other girl, can you even IMAGINE the amount of fucking bullshit is going through her mind? SHE is your girlfriend, but this other bitch with a baby is the preferred one because she has the grandkid. Your parents will always blame your current gf for not having a better relationship with the grand baby and that's not fair to her. That is completely not fair. You two need to have a talk about letting go. You don't need to date the other bitch, bUT keeping current gf tethered to you is asking for trouble

>>17458019
>She wants to entice you. It's an act. It's easy to change your attitude for a few nights, or even a few months, but she will go back to her usual self.
Or maybe she's had a wake up call and is actually making an effort to grow as a person?

>>17458026

One night of cleaning, cooking, and flirty touching does not a changed person make. But if you really want to believe it, them maybe you deserve each other. Your parents will be happy, she will be happy, your soon to be ex gf will be happy. Everyone will be happy. Except for (maybe) you.

>>17458037
I'm not OP. I just disagree that people remain the same person no matter what happens in their lives and that who they are at age 19 is who they will be forever.

>>17458040

I've worked with enough teen moms in the local school district, as well as 4 cousins who had babies at 16-18 years old, to know that they almost never stay with the baby daddy for longer than a couple years. They blame them for taking away their youthful years or for putting college on hold. They may love this person at 18 but grow to want something else in their mid 25s.

That's just my experience though. There are exceptions, of course, but it's safer to plan for the most common outcome.

>>17457997
tell her to get an abortion

>>17458019
I'm in agreement here. Pretty much all the girls in my social circle who got pregnant but kept the baby kinda took on this deluded "waifu" thinking with their partners hoping it'd turn into the dream they wanted. The fighting would start awhile after they had the kid and yeah they didn't last.

girlfriend must be in a living hell atm if she has any deep feelings for you.

OP here. Like it may not be a 1 night thing though. Even when we used to text there used to be like a 5-30 min delay between her replies where as now I get instant responses. She is trying to make this whole concept of happy family a reality and I am not I guess I feel like a dick.

I don't maybe it would be the better option to dump my girlfriend now. I just don't want to hurt her. I mean I saw a future with us working through things, you know having a civil relationship with the baby mother and me getting to be with my daughter regularly. Now I can't even tell what tomorrow will bring.

>>17458047
I am 23 I finished my bachelors of nursing last year. I told her if she wishes to continue her studies she is more than welcome I will not only pay for child support, but I will help bankroll her through uni. She comes from a broken household and never had a father. She just doesn't want money she wants a happy family. I just want to make her happy since she is the mother of my child.

>>17458086
you make it sound like you actually want to be a father. why havent you suggested an abortion to her? you dont have to outright say "get an abortion" but you could discuss it with her

>>17458067
We have known each other for years before we started dating. We were always really good friends just waiting to be single at the same time I think. Like we always had each other when our ex's weren't there. Now for the first time since I met her she isn't there. Like I feel like the worse guy in the world for doing this to her and I am soooo fucking selfish I just don't want to let her go.

>>17458090
>25 weeks pregnant
>abortion
You should have been aborted

>>17458090
I sort of did, but the mother of the child said she fell in love with bub the second she heard her heartbeat on the doppler. She went almost 16 weeks without noticing.

>>17457997
The complete 180 is bait.
As soon as you're hooked and committed
under law, she will revert to complete bitch.

Make clear that you will be there for the child,
not for the mother: that includes financial as
well as emotional support.

Be responsible, but for God's sake be smart.

Your current GF should be able to bail, and
without any grief from you.

>>17458086

>she just wants a happy family

Be careful of this. Growing up in an environment like that leaves a person completely retarded in the way adults operate for conflict resolution or inconsiderate behavior because that's all they know. Also, she can potentially have breakdowns when you guys DO fight, thinking just like her own upbringing (which isn't always the case).

Again, just be careful. She's got this rosy view of you saving her and going off to have a happy family. Weird things will set her off. If you want to deal with it and try to make it work, then props for taking care of her. Just be aware of danger signs to prevent breakdowns in the relationship

>>17458100
fair enough. probs not much else you can do. women absolutely adore motherly love and the idea of having a happy family. good luck.

>>17458103
Well she isn't sort of letting guys into her life. She sort of has cut herself off from the male gender like some sort of rabid dog. So my fantasy of some guy sweeping her off her feet is looking pretty bleak and she is only really hunting for me. Yeah she does its just I really hope she doesn't :'(

>>17458104
Well I think financially stability is a main influence for a relationship and good home living situation. I can provide that for myself and my child. Its just I don't want to do the stupid happy family thing even though everyone in my life thinks I should. I am being the cunt I think by not doing it.

>>17458122
Fucking aye. I remember her saying she doesn't want to have kids till she is 25 and that she would get an abortion regardless of how far she got in...

>>17458095
If this is completely incidental perhaps she can bend... But I think she may need reaffirmation that you want this relationship; despite pressure from your parents and the to-be mother to be romantically involved with said to-be mother. I don't know how much of a deal-breaker being a side-parent is in her eyes, but I could imagine a lot of insecurity around herself and your relationship stemming from (again) parent's ideals and possibly intimate attention from the mother. She could go the other direction just from the stress of all of this, but rightfully the ball is in her court for that decision.

I think what makes a parent is the support, experiences, and love they provide. You could provide all of these things consistently even if you are with your current girlfriend if you can maintain a good relationship with the mother and work it out non-romantically.

>>17456618

Your child's mother sounds like a dumb fucking slut:

>stupid enough to get pregnant at 19
>stupid enough to not find out until almost 4 months in
>stupid enough to keep a child at 19
>slutty enough to try and get back with you when she knows you have a girlfriend

You're her fucking back up plan because the other guy didn't work out, anyone else giving you any other advice is delusional.

>>17458276
This.

I feel sorry for OP's gf, considering this woman is going to totally cut her out of any sort of possible relationship with OP, and the girl did nothing to bring it upon herself.

Also OP told the pregnant woman he'd pay for her uni, so there's no way his GF is going to stay with him to deal with 4 years of college expenses going toward the mother of his child.

>>17458345

That too. The only person in this whole situation who isn't a huge pile of dog shit is current girlfriend. If OP has these feelings for other girl and intends to spend more than half of his paycheck (it's HIGHLY doubtful op can afford to afford uni and potential living expenses as well as build his own savings with current gf) on other girl and child, there is absolutely no good reason to keep stringing current gf along.

>>17458148

It seems to me like you made up your mind and want to stay with your ex. Good luck to you but if things go south, and it most likely will, just remember this day when we all told you not to get back with her.

OP, you are in a terrible situation, and no matter what you do, someone gets screwed.

There are no choices available to you that don't result in someone who doesn't deserve it getting hurt.

Your current GF is already hurt. The question is, how much more will she get hurt, and what form will it come in?

The best possible thing for your future daughter is to grow up in a household with 2 parents who love her, love each other, and are married.

If you're not willing to do that for her, you are hurting her.

Have you seen the data on kids raised by single moms? You've seen how your ex-gf turned out. Your daughter is currently not even born yet, and that's already the path she's on: pregnant, unwed, teenager.

The posters here who are telling you to be wary of your baby mama are all correct - she made bad choices, she has no idea how to be a good wife, and she has no idea how to be in a committed relationship. She has no idea because she never saw those things growing up.

The right thing to do, in my opinion, is to carefully evaluateyourself and your baby mama. How hard are you willing to work to be a good dad? How hard is she willing to work to be a good mom? How hard is she willing to work to be a good wife?

There are tons of books out there about conflict management, communication, and building nurturing relatinoships.

You need to have a frank conversation with your baby mama. Tell her that the data says two things: she will be a disaster of a mother, because she's an unmarried teen mom, who grew up without a dad.

Also tell her that the data says she will be a disaster of a wife -- for the same reasons.

Tell her it's not a reflection on her or her personality or her choices - it's just what the data says. And so if you are going to work together to raise a child, you have a heroic amount of effort ahead of you both.

>>17458857

(2/2)

There are some basic, starter relationship books you guys should read as a couple. If you take it seriously, and she takes it seriously, that's a good sign.

If she won't make the time for it, that's a huge alarm bell.

There is absolutely no way this will work for you guys unless you both do a ton of work and have some real heart/mind changes.

BTW, I recommend talking to a pastor as quickly as possible, about relationship/pre-marital counseling. You have a very short runway to determine if your baby-mama is going to take this seriously; if she is going to have the radical heart-change she needs to have to be able to succeed.

Her trying to woo you with cooking and flirting is nice, but is easy. She can do this very easily for a short amount of time, but this will not make a relationship last, even if she could keep it up (which she won't, without a serious attitude adjustment about life)

If you decide to give it a shot with your baby mama, the conversation with your gf is really pretty short:

"I want to give my daughter the best possible chances of a good life. I owe it to her. I created this mess, I am responsible for dealing with it. I am very sorry that my past behavior is now hurting you. It's unfair to you. You deserve better; you are now also paying for my mistakes. The only way I can try to justify it to you is that there will be other men who will love you and cherish you, and treat you the way you deserve, whereas I'm the only man who can be my daughter's father."

>>17458888
>>17458857

Quints give best advice. Go forth OP and do as this woman or man says.

>>17458857
>>17458888
My girlfriend is seeing her psychologist tomorrow so I think it will be good for her. She suffers of Anxiety and depression. I suffer of the same, but I got BPD as well. Its really worrying how little she is speaking to me.

I love my girlfriend, I love my daughter and to a certain point I like the mother of my child as strictly that. I just don't want to hurt anyone.

I think I may book a psychologist session for the mother and myself. I think it maybe the best approach. Maybe they can give us a bit to work with.

I mean all I really want is for the mother to go back to uni and finish her teaching degree. I don't want my daughter growing up thinking having a non-working mother in today's society is acceptable. The mother seems happy to that idea. I am aware I will have to spend a lot of money keeping them going along. Also I am from Australia so the degree is pretty much a government loan and our social security here is good. I have already put my masters of nursing on hold because of this.

Honestly thank you to everyone who has said something, all of the outside views looking in help a lot they really do. Nobody at my workplace really gives a shit to listen and as mentioned before my friends have dicked me for their respective partners. I have one friend that still talks to me and he is supportive in his own way, but he is busy in his own life. :/ Once again thank you for the outside perspective guys it means a lot.

>>17456618
OP this is literally one of the worst things that can happen in life. Holy fuck dude, why didn't you pull out when fucking some hook up?

I've always been baffled by people who either don't pull out (or condom) with randoms.

Any particular reason why?

>>17459962
We went out to watch some Horse Races so it was a 'special occasion' I hate going out, but she forced me into it. I got super annoyed she was just hanging with her friends and I got put into the boyfriend group. They were all young fuckboys so I had nothing in common. So I progressively got super blind drunk we had an argument later on that night she took me home and we spent the night at mine. I threw up in the bed and woke up in my bath tub. She was sleeping on the couch so I think we must of both forgot we had sex and she more than likely forgot to take a plan B pill.

She wasn't a random hook up either she was a 2-3 month fling.

You should all convert to Islam and then you can marry them both.

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Good luck op

If this doesn't work, slip her an opiod/opiate and she'll bust

In my opinion, any responsibility OP may have had for the child went out the window when she ended it all with him to go after another man.

Remember that it takes two to tango. She, too, chose to have unprotected sex knowing the risks involved. She has responsibility for the well-being of the child because of it. She, however, chose to end her relationship with OP for no good reason and thus ended OP's responsibility. OP didn't break things off. OP didn't do something wrong to her. She was selfish and wanted another man.

That man, by the way, likely broke things off when he found out she was pregnant with another man's child. And now that she can't have the man she wanted, she's going back to the one she was with before, hoping to get everything she can.

OP said she doesn't want any money, she just wants a happy family. So why the fuck are you offering her child support AND college money? I think you're being played for a fool by keeping this up.

>>17460075
Why would she forget you had sex?

Was she drinking? You never said she drank.

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>>17461458
She got a little drunk, but honestly I think she just forgot.

>>17461439
I don't know, maybe I am being played, but I am just trying to get her to finish her studies she only has 1.5 years left. I want my daughter to be raised with two well educated parents/role models in her life. I don't feel like we have to be together for it to work, but she and everyone around seems pretty insistent.

Yeah no doubt he would of for that reason. He was a dick though he was always that friendzoned literal motherfucker trying to get more.

>>17456618
>baby mumma
Kill yourself

>>17461758
>She got a little drunk, but honestly I think she just forgot.
You don't just forget having unprotected sex, except when things like alcohol fuck with your memory, and it doesn't sound like she drank enough for that.

Wait a minute, how much time passed between when this happened and she broke up with you?

>>17461870
Its hard for my to tell if she was drunk, I only seen her drink 2 times.

She stopped talking to me 5 days from that night. Said 'I just need to time and space to get my life sorted' I know the other guy pretty much got with her straight away. It was all blur to me, I was only 2 months into being a post-grad nurse position. So I was already blind from stress.

>>17461981
>5 days after having unprotected sex with one man, she breaks up and immediately starts a relationship with another

Sounds to me she intentionally risked getting pregnant with your child so that she could convince guy #2 it belongs to him and trap him.

It doesn't make sense that she didn't know she was pregnant until 20+ weeks in. Women have periods on mostly regular schedules, and those stop as soon as they conceive. Unless you know this particular woman has a history of irregular periods, she knew she was pregnant far sooner. There are other symptoms of pregnancy that occur early on such as morning sickness.

The reason why she says she didn't know is probably because guy #2 wouldn't have sex with her early into their relationship. She can't claim it's his child if they never had sex, so she was trying to hide the pregnancy until they had sex and she had the chance to claim an accidental pregnancy with him.

The plan must have backfired when he held off on sex long enough to notice the child was too old to be his, if they even had sex at all. Hence him knowing the child isn't his.

Now she's trying to trap you.

The child may be yours, but you still shouldn't let her trap you.

>>17456618

The best thing for a child is to be in a 2 parent household with 2 consistent people that love the kid and be around for support. Switching back and forth between homes is not ideal.

So that being said, it sounds like the only way to accomplish this will be to leave your current GF and get back with the mother and the two of you stick it out for the best of the kid.

Probably not what you want to hear but it's true. When people really love a child they can put their "ideal" life on hold to provide the child a happy childhood.

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>>17456618
Convenient how she told you 1 week after the maximum time for an abortion (24 weeks) huh OP? You're fucked, enjoy your shit life.

>>17456901
This is a bullshit copout. Being together is WAY better. You assume that being together they will fight all the time and hate each other, which is not true. Any REAL man would accept what he did and get with her and keep it together without bickering like a bitch about dumb shit every night.

It's called being a fucking adult and being a father.

And I'm not relieving the mother either, don't misinterpret me. It's just that I don't expect (and no man should) that she is gonna be rational 100% of the time. Women aren't. Period. Men deal with this without arguing. Boys don't.

Get out of the situation. although she may have trapped you, you could technically sue her over the fact that she purposely waited to tell her, although you could lose. you will still need to pay child support, so keep that in mind. Also, you could try and take Custody for the girl, but it will be hard work. TL;DR: What everyone else said.

>>17458097
women can get abortions 8 months in, you dingus.

>>17462516
>Give women the sole decision on whether or not a child is born
>Give men the burden or obligation to support that decision by force.
>Woman makes stupid decision.
>Guy forced to support it.
>Guy complains.
>N-NOT A REAL MAN

Yeah nah. Also: >>17462355

She played OP like a damn fiddle.

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>>17462355
Its 16 weeks in Queensland then it became super illegal. Yeah pretty much, my relationships with everyone around me are fucked.

>>17462603
Yeah that has been sort of a thought in the back of my mind, but I think having a mother in a young girl's life is better than a father. I am not saying I am gonna jump ship, but as more of an dominant role model. Just if she is gonna be dominant role model I guess I want her to be a fucking good one.

>>17463185
I don't know why though... Getting pregnant and then forcing it on another guy sounds like a stupid plan.

>>17463293
That's why you were her contingency.
Her plan was to trick the other guy since he probably makes enough money to keep her comfortable. Since she couldn't, she's coming back to you because you make enough money. She doesn't care about your girlfriend and wants to claim you herself, so now your GF is getting shoved out of the picture.

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>>17463387
I don't really see how getting pregnant before you finish your bachelor's is a contingency. As far as things go I think I am more well off than he is, but I can't be 100%. Yeah well everyone in my life is doing a good job of that.

>>17463458
I don't know about Aussies but I'm the US single mothers get uni for free pretty much.

>>17463458
It's easier to pay for uni with child support plus free college money from the same guy than with neither.

>>17463505
Yeah we have a loan system for our degrees. They don't increase though.
>>17464064
Yeah, but still its why I want her to get through uni I guess so the need for child support isn't so great.

Look, this thing where you're trying to be good with your daughter while proving financial support to the mother, all while trying to keep your girlfriend, isn't going to work out. In almost all certainty, she will not stay with you when you're devoting so much time and money to another woman and her child.

You have two options that may or may not work well.

You can either marry her and attempt to give her the happy family she asked for, or you can push her out of your life like she pushed your out of hers months ago.

You won't keep your girlfriend in the former. You might not be able to keep her in the latter. But you certainly can't have it all.

If it doesnt work before the baby, it really wont work after the baby.

Stay with the girl you want, if she will have you.

Pretty sure there's no way for the doctors to take a test without the baby being born unless they literally prick the baby for a swab.
It might be a mind-fuck from the girl you don't want to win you back now that you're happy.
She's probably telling the other dude hes the dad too.

Marriage doesn't fix things, it just makes them really complicated when things go bad.

If she can really prove its yours, work out custody/child support. Why marry someone who left you?

Sincerely, Anon with a child and a happy marriage to a woman he loves.

>>17462149
This.

It was her plan all along to lock down the other dude. You are her backup plan. The other dude is bailing, so she's looking for her back up plan.

Tell her to fuck off until she can prove its yours.

Many times people who cheat dont use condoms and dont give a fuck about pregnancy because it adds to that cheating thrill.

My question is how did you do the paternity test? That right there should tell you if it was bullshit or not.

The check paternity by sticking a massive needle in the moms belly and pulling out fluid. That's how you got checked, correct?

Try to grab the parental right from her. If she doesn't have a proper place to live you might have a chance.