I´m fixated on my boss since he subtly hit on me. I´m pretty

my ex just left her baby daddy for her older married boss.

but, he's rich and she's a slut so.. It kind of adds up.

>>17450711
Do you happen to know how old and/or for how long had he been married?

>>17450717
I have no idea. But I'm sure just like your boss, he's currently working on getting a divorce and it just hasn't been able to happen yet.

>>17450704

you should retrain your mind to react with total disgust when cheating is the topic

don't picture yourself being the younger hotter girl that this guy cheats on his wife with.

picture yourself looking at the STD test results and realizing that while he was cheating on his wife with you, he was also cheating on you with some STD-riddled child prostitute

his inability to commit, and your stupidity for playing along, is why you've got a horrible burning rash all up in your business, that will never go away.

instead of being unable to sleep because of burning lust, imagine his kids not having their dad show up at their birthday parties any more, because he ran out on his family. imagine his kids not knowing or respecting their father any longer. imagine his wife having to start over at age 40, after spending her best, most beautiful and sexual years, with this man, only to have him discard her.

read the data on what happens to kids raised by single moms - its terrible for them.

read the data on women who have affairs, and how badly their own attempts at relationships turn out later in life.

this is what you're toying with. if you have any shred of decency, it should disgust you.

A man that would risk his marriage and possibly children for some side action should not thrill you.. it should disgust you. it means he is weak. it means he makes poor long term decisions.

>>17450732
That's one way of raining on my parade, do continue please.

It does disgust me, but at the same time excites me. And then it disgusts me more because I think I'm more excited about the idea of an older man with influence and authority over me and others. It's almost impersonal, as if it doesn't have to do much with him.

I'm sitll unsure whether he actually hit on me, it's to be expected that he probably hits on others as well. But he seems to have a quirky way of relating to others, is loved by everyone and I'm new in the workplace so what do I know?

I'm so jealous of his wife and kids (suppose he has them, almost everyone at work does, even younger ones). But despite them, or my feelings and clouded judgement, I still can't picture myself with him, being intimate, close/familiar or anything. It's like if he made a move, a direct clear move, it would spoil my interest.
I dont know what the fuck .. but this needs to stop

>>17450754

many women are sort of wired to want authority figures in their lives that give them attention. that's actually natural, and, IMO, a good thing, when properly directed.

older men are almost always more confident and more established than younger men.

women are often, I think, flattered by the idea that they could catch the eye/attention of a man who is already "happily married", and so many women feel good about the starting phases of an affair

There are many younger women that have twitterpations about older men for at least these three reasons.

as you speculated, this guy may just be really nice and friendly. a guy his age that has been married for a long time is typically going to be totally comfortable and confident around women of any age and any hotness. it might seem like flirting when it really isn't meant to be.

however, it might be. he might have inappropriate intentions.

You need to do two things

1) as mentioned last post, train your mind to understand what is going on here; think about how affairs end, not about how they begin. you will be emotionally destroyed. his family will be destroyed. you will have been a participant in wrecking the lives of some kids who did nothing wrong.

In your mind, infidelity should cause you to become angry and disgusted.

2) since you like thinking about this guy anyway, think of some different "bright lines" that he wouldn't/shouldn't cross if he were just innocently socializing... think of what situations/scenarios would strongly indicate that he had inappropriate intentions with you. Note that many men who are interested in affairs, especially with younger women, will "work up to it". e.g. if he puts his hands on your shoulder at some point, and you don't recoil away, a while later he is going to close the intimacy gap, e.g. playing with your hair or stopping you in private to "chat"

t. successful married man here; almost 40.

>>17450816

(2/2)

this is basic girl safety 101 stuff here... make a mental list of things he could say/do to you specifically that would indicate he might be heading towards an inappropriate relationship, as opposed to a professional/friendly one.

and if he does one of those things, or something like it, you need to have prepared your response ahead of time. you won't handle yourself well in the moment; you need to have thought about your response ahead of time.

e.g. if he touches you in some way that you think crosses a line, and its in private, you might say, "please don't touch me in that way again. I know you didn't mean anything by it, but it makes me uncomfortable"

practice saying it.

if he does something like that in public, it will probably be too awkward for you to call him out on it then and there - which he might count on, if he's got predatory ambitions.

the point is - think of the different signals/things he might do, and the settings he might try them in, and figure out how you're going to make it clear that you don't like it / aren't interested, but in a way that doesn't completely ruin your job or working with him. the correction you provide after the "first encounter" should allow both of you to ideally continue working together, both saving face.

I realize that it might be a problem for you to sit and imagine this guy doing stuff to you; e.g. you might think it's hot. the point isn't to let your imagination run wild; the point is to figure out how you're going to stop anything in a socially reasonable, but assertive and clear way, so that if something _does_ happen, you can stop it before it destroys a bunch of people...

>>17450816
>>17450836
Back again a bit late, OP here and really appreciating your input.
'e.g. if he puts his hands on your shoulder at some point, and you don't recoil away, a while later he is going to close the intimacy gap, ' This is scarily accurate, it's exactly the case with him up until now and I haven't (yet) seen him do with other girls that's why I was unsure if it could really count as the start of something.

Not wanting to bump the thread, but have to thank the anon who took the time to write useful advice will definitely take into account