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Well my relationship is at a standstill right now. My girlfriend

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Well my relationship is at a standstill right now.

My girlfriend had this guy friend who began dropping his drama onto her. She's always had this issue where when it comes to people who are down-and-out, she would be unable to tell them "no" and felt this sort of obligation to try and help them. The problem being that this has led to people taking advantage of her in the past -- particularly men.

So when this guy showed up, I felt defensive and tried to talk her out of it. I thought he was simply trying to dupe her and get into her pants. But she spent the first half of the year trying to "be there for him." No matter how much I requested otherwise. Some of the stuff I heard happening with him did not make me feel better. Like the parts where he would break down crying; sometimes on her shoulder. Or that he was facing homelessness at the time. Or that his dad dying of a stroke, and his sister in a car crash.

For whatever reason, I rolled my eyes upon hearing those sob stories. I just didn't buy it because what honest-to-God man would let this shit get to him so much? It got too much this summer and I gave her an ultimatum: either drop the guy or lose me in turn. Finally, she relented and distanced herself from him; no matter how sad it made her.

Well, just two weeks ago she got the news that he killed himself. And she's been a mess ever since. Constantly arguing with me. Sleeping at her friends' place instead of here. And absolutely forbid me from going to his funeral with her. It hasn't let up, and we don't get along like we used to. I don't know how to approach her and talk about this.
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>>17448439

>I don't know how to approach her and talk about this.

Apologize. In this kind of situation, you would typically be right but this time you were wrong. This guy was actually in a bad place and actually needed support.

She's angry at you for not letting her be there for her obviously mentally ill friend and now he's dead. He's dead and she feels like she wasn't there to help him because of your jealousy. She's grieving now and that process requires that you not be there. I can imagine just looking at you would infuriate her at this point.

You fucked up. You fucked up real bad.

>because what honest-to-God man would let this shit get to him so much?

Also, seriously? What honest-to-God man would let his sister dying in a car crash and his dad dying form a stroke get to him so much? What kind of idiot are you?
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>>17448459
A man should be able to pack up his baggage and leave it somewhere else. I don't care how tragic your life is, you're still a puss for succumbing to it.
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>>17448490

You're a complete and utter idiot. I can see why she's upset with you.
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>>17448490
You know most girls feel that way too. You honestly think a guy talking about his family dying and crying on her shoulder is trying to get into her pants, then what the fuck do you think most girls find attractive?
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>>17448614
Making people feel sorry for you is probably the easiest way to manipulate them. Women are especially prone to sympathising with those who don't deserve it.
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>>17448614
Sadness is apparently more attractive women. In fact, it's usually men who see happiness and smiles as attractive because those traits tend to be considered feminine.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/05/110524070310.htm
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>>17448618
Just like in this case, right? If this is OP, have you even learned anything? Maybe if you weren't being a bitch and actually tried being there for the guy you may have found a good friend and been some help to him.
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such stale copypasta
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Just say sorry, i would have done the same thing. There is no way you could have know this guy was one of the rare few who ACTUALLY kill themselves. Very sad situation, but it isn't in any way your fault.
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>>17448627
It IS his fault, whether it was in his intentions or not.

OP, assess wether your gf is able to forgive you and understand why you did what you did.
In the (likely, imho) case that she doesn,t then be prepared to call it quits because she probably lost a gread deal of respect in you, and you owe it to both of yourselves to have a healthy relationship.

Sorry for you, OP
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>>17448439
Hey OP I'm fucking your bitch right now. She pretty much lost all respect for you so expect her to be packin up soon cuz shes moving in here and ridin this dick
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>>17448490

-t literal person with autism trying to live up to a conservative British aristocrat's idea of machismo in the Victorian era.
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>>17448618
>>17448618
This.

Your gf does not own the dead asshole's problems, and she was neither his mother, psychologist nor his accountant. She does NOT have the right to be angry at you for establishing healthy personal boundaries in your relationships. She agreed to them and abided by them.
There's a question as to why your gf did get involved with this poor deal loser in the first place. Generally young women do that with damaged men because they like the feelings of being admired, respected, needed and wanted by a man they have no intention of fucking. This is a form of solipsism, or, at it's most elemental, emotional masturbation.

And holy shit will she hate you if you tell her that, especially if it's true. Solipsism is a feminine trait, easy to identify, and impossible to get a woman to see in herself.
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>>17448490
yo you suck lol
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>>17448439
OP she stopped being your gf when she became emotionally involved with this guy. He was really her number one and she is mad at you because she chose to be with you instead of what she really wanted and that was to be with him. Get away from her messed up drama.
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>>17448439
I can sympathize with your defensiveness but
>I just didn't buy it because what honest-to-God man would let this shit get to him so much?

is where you fucked up - the hard truth is trials and tribulation like this guy was supposedly experiencing can be (unfortunately, for your sake) very bonding for a girl with a mentality like yours.

The whole "her being attracted to it" and it's her whole vibe just says there's part(s) of her you don't know, maybe that's how she falls fastest. And you have your own way, of course. But the thing is, is that whatever the relationship she had with this guy was, it was important enough to matter to her on some level. Hell, for all you know, it could remind her about something in her own life. But the thing is, if you want to salvage this situation at all, whatsoever, you need to essentially let her know you understand, and try to, although non-aggressively, find out the extent of her feelings. It's also time for her to come to terms with how she feels too.

You're two adults, and if I'm being honest, you're acting less than adult about it.
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>>17448693
isn't solipsism the belief of a lack of existence outside yourself?
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>>17448490
I have to agree with OP. It's tragic but it's up to him to get over it instead of crying to someone else's GF. He was problably mentally ill before all the bad stuff happened to him.
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I think you need to ask yourself why you feel compelled to be around such an infectious downer. I'll bet you've become more depressed since you've been with this individual. Why? Because you've picked up on the emotional state of the person you're in contact with. Perfectly normal. Except for this person is incurably unhappy (she attracts it) and unlucky (plenty of that in her life too).

So what made her attracted to you? That's what you need to figure out for the future. For now get her stuff out of your place and change the locks.
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