Will I ever be excited again?

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I'm right there with you anon.

This is a question I'd like an answer to as well.

>>17447903
>>17447934
The only way for people like us is play this shit with our lives in the line.

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>>17447903
I don't fucking know how much you (or the others here) have been through, but you will probably start feeling something again.

I remember how I was 3 or 4 years ago. The best moments in that period were coming back home at night slightly drunk and laughing to myself aloud in the empty streets. I was coming back from a night out with some "friends" I couldn't trust as friends, trying to get myself like some girls that I found stupid just to feel involved. Being drunk, I could see how it was all fake, pathetic, and funny indeed. It felt good.

But going back to the present, you DO have chances to get out of it. I didn't suffer what most of the people would call heavy bullying, but I was litterally left alone and betrayed (those petty betrayals in high school) by every "friend" I knew, among other things. Today I managed to get myself a girlfriend. And I do care for her, I feel she's important, even sometimes it's difficult to remember. I'm not finished talking. My two cents are going to continue in next post.

>>17448632
So, you start feeling again. The real problem is what.
The human brain is actually an overpowered tool. We are not designed to be able of this complexity of emotions. But we do are designed to adapt, so, in order to make your life better, you'll find something else to fill your days with.
Let's take those girls you talk about. You probably realize already that you "like" most of them not for who they might be, but for they what may be to you.
Let's face it, you probably don't give half a shit to who they are for real. I'm not judging, I just happen to have been throught that. Luckily enough, in time, you may find a person you will deeply care for, and she will care for you too. But let's face it. It's gonna happen when it will, and no sooner.
You'll probably find something smaller meanwhile - something you like to do, that makes you stop thinking. Writing, video games, music, sports, drugs, who knows. It's fine, really, but my advice is: don't get too dependant on your drugs - whatever they may be. Getting obsessed over something will not erase the fact that you feel blank, afraid, or empty. You cannot escape your brain forever and if you could, you would just be dumbing yourself.
And trust me, that's not something really convenient.

I'll get back to me, being in a relationship and all. Even then - fuck, it's not easy. It has already been three years and I suffer - or let's be honest, she suffers - from a quite heavy lack of empathy. I'll make you an example: her father died recently. Some nights later all I could think of while we were in bed, hugging, was grinding my penis against her buttcheeks. Yea, I know what kind of person it makes me seem, but it gets the point done.
Sometimes I screwed up hard and then fuck, I felt so alive. Fear of losing her did really hit me hard.

>>17448670
The point I'm trying to say here is this. You will eventually get used to what you have become and transform in something else.
I don't know you, but I wish that what you feel now will help making you something stronger, better, happier in the future.

There is no denying you will have to face consequences not only for your mistakes, but for the shittiness of other people. Some of them you'll get rid of. Some of them will come back and say hi from time to time. Some of them will become so entwined within your person that you'll be unable to tell where they end and where you begin.

Find a reason to let yourself go on and work on it. Anger it's an easy emotion, for example, just try not to make an habit out of it - like me. You only got this life. Others have no right to screw that up. You have to work with what you have.

Sorry, hope I made some sense to y'all.

>>17448681
Hey man. I'm glad you posted all this. Enjoyed reading it and it made some positive clicks on me. I'm neither OP nor the guy who replied first, but I'm kinda in the same too. Only a year I started feeling more interesting emotions, and not by doing extreme activities but just appreciating daily routine. Feeling takes some balls (at least I realised I thought that subconsciously). I feel like after suffering regularly one tries to delete/something emotions. And the brain succeeds in doing so. But it's not worth it. Experiencing each moment patiently and passionately (even if ever so slightly) is where its at imo. Anyway, cheers

>>17448700
Feels good to know that I was not ranting, mate. Happy to be of any help. And yes, actually, enjoying everyday's life is quite the task.

>>17448712
OP here. Your not ranting, your post makes sense and is relatable.

>>17447903
As soon as you get over yourself and realize you're a pathetic worthless carbon based lifeform.