Boyfriend never comes over

He's either lazy or doesn't like you as much as you like him.

you are in a one sided relationship. i suggest u tell your bf to grow some balls and break up with him.

staying in that relationship is just going to waste ur time in growing and meeting new and interesting people. youll come to regret it later

What you should do is spend time at his place and get blazed together. He would like you more. Once you want him to come to your place you tell him you wanna smoke up together.

>>17443413
to add, he isn't interested in you physically, but he needs that emotional feeling of having a gf. why stay in a dead end relationship when u can find someone worth your time

>>17443400
He's clearly defective. Go to home depot or your nearest construction site and exchange him for a working man.

>>17443400
A 20 min walk and he wants to see you but gets mad when you can't go there is bullshit. To be honest talk to him, say you want him to come over; it's more private and the roommates won't be a problem. If he still has issues with it then he doesn't care/ too lazy about the relationship. At that point you need to see if it is worth it to keep going.

>>17443417
You realise that's literally all we really do

>>17443413
>>17443419
I don't understand what I've done wrong
I am pretty physically attractive?


How often is normal to go to your girlfriend's house if she lives that close do you think?
Does it count as a shit test if I never invite him over and never initiate going to his house so I can see what happens?

>>17443431
Can you smoke at your place or is it no smoking?

>>17443431
the only thing ur doing wrong is not addressing the issue and staying in the relationship.

youre overthinking it. try to think more about yourself. how old are you? are you happy? could you be meeting new interesting people or do you want to stay with your boyfriend who doesnt even have a drivers license.

>>17443438
>you're overthinking it
>think more

haha but yeah i'm usually happy I guess but the amount of effort he puts in has always been one of the biggest strains on us

>>17443437
Yeah we can if it's out the window

>>17443441
the effort part is something you should address to him. because honestly why stay in a relationship with someone who doesnt appreciate you and puts in effort. don't make the mistake of staying too long in a dead end relationship and knowing when to pull out.

imo this guy probably can't raise his own kids seeing how people in 3rd world countries have cars/license

>>17443445
I have addressed it and he said he will but never does.
At this point I guess my question is how to best approach it: do I just ignore him and wait for him to initiate coming over, going out for dates etc
Or do I try and initiate that stuff and encourage him so i get more of it?

>>17443441
>Yeah we can if it's out the window
If it's different at his place (he doesn't need to hide the smell like you do) that might be the main reason why he isn't coiming over. If that's the case he is picking getting high over you.

>>17443449
But that's ridiculous like obviously I should be more important than weed to him

>>17443447
you initiate. be assertive and confident. ur bf has no balls

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>>17443451
Hahajajajahahahahah
You would think that but no.

>>17443400

After over 3 years together how are you still not comfortable to outright ask him why he makes no effort to come to your house but has the audacity to bitch and be a hypocrite when you do the same to him.

I've actually been in a similar situation except i knew why my girlfriend didnt want to come to my house anymore, because she wasnt able to smoke weed there and she doesnt feel comfortable sleeping outside of her own bedroom which is like her safe place, so i had to make the effort to drive to see her but she makes up for that effort with other things like keeping her house clean for me, cooking sometimes and just being a good host and girlfriend overall.

This is just one aspect of "effort" in your relationship, does he make up for it in other ways?

>>17443456
If I'm not then I don't even want to be with him that's just ridiculous
But how can I know for sure?

>>17443453
Fuck that I've been doing that for years I'm over it
I'm so busy I have my own stuff to do without having to be the man in the relationship as well

>>17443457
We never go out
When I go there I always cook for him and stuff
I guess he shouts me weed but yeah

I did outright ask him as well like a wee while ago, and he was like "I doooo care I'm just tired" or whatever and he got all sulky

>>17443458
exactly, if ur too busy, then he clearly is a waste of your time. life's short, go bang other people, at least they might appreciate you more than your current bf

>>17443458
You should read your thread but instead of seeing it as your situation see it as a friend. Would you let a friend go through all this? No ya wouldn't.

You've tried and he still doesn't care to come over.

>>17443447

Don't shit test him, you likely won't get what you're looking for and only serve to put strain on your relationship because he might think something else is up and it will definitely lead to an argument.

As you said most of what you guys do is smoke together, and he isnt able to do that comfortably at your place so that's something he prefers to do with you at his own place. Also a 20min walk is quite long when driving would take just 3-4 minutes, seems a bit of a silly compromise to have him walk instead, he should however get his license like an adult.

In saying all of this if it is truly important to you for him to go to your house time to time then he should have no excuse at least doing it once a week, i'd go as far as to ask him over one day and mention how he has said he would in the past and if he says something like he can't make it just say you dont feel like driving either and call it a day, see how that goes.

>>17443459
>We never go out
So yall be together 3 years.
Never go out.
And he likes to smoke weed all day.
I'm like 99% sure he doesn't even think yall serious. Like at the most in his mind yall super fwb

>>17443466
Just to clarify, if I had a car I'd just drive there but I don't right now, like I didn't bring my car when I left home

It seems like all my options are shit:

>shit test him
put strain on the relationship as you said and also then I won't get to see him which sucks because I want to

>initiate dates etc
then I have to put in the effort and I'm a super busy college student and it makes me feel shit and depressed

>>17443469
We don't really have sex either though lol

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>>17443475
Are you both gay?

>>17443475
Are you sure both of you see the relationship the same way? Cause by what I'm reading you guys are friends who mostly smoke and sometimes get intimate. It's best to just focus on your stuff right now.

>>17443474

So you dont have a car either? He makes you walk 20 minutes alone? Please dont say this is true...

You need to sit him down, seriously, and calmly and tell him you love him and want him to put more of an effort into the relationship and divide the visits equally, tell him you love seeing him but feel like you are busy and feel like you always have to make the effort to come see him, try to organise a rough schedule with him where he goes to your and you go to his, if he absolutely refuses this approach then just move on and leave his ass cause thats a boy you're dating.

>>17443485
I'm so sick of sitting him down and having serious conversations like that
It never achieves much and just makes me feel bad haha

>>17443484
Yeah 100% sure like he's told me he wants to get married and stuff and he's often the one initiating those conversations

>>17443491

Well you will have to weigh up how much you want him to make effort to come see you and your hesitation to actually discuss it with him, how important is it to you?

You keep saying you couldnt be bothered doing this or that, but you cant expect anything to change if you just leave things as they are, if you think you can deal with things how they are then good on you but if it's slowly getting to you and make you resent your boyfriend then it's only going to end in a huge fight or break up and thats more effort and pain than its worth.

>>17443491

How old are you two? Get him to cut back on the weed if it's literally all he does, lazy manchildren are the worst, does he study/work or have any future plans outside of "i wanna marry you and have kids durr". You should think about your future, unless you're just in it for some fun while it lasts

>>17443506
He works but it's kind of a dead end job. I do understand it makes him tired though. It's not like he's a NEET but he always says he wishes he could just stay home and smoke weed all day
He doesn't really have life plans other than that

>>17443503
I've made so much effort though haha
I mean he's pretty nice and all and breaking up seems like more trouble than its worth
He's a good person and I know he wouldn't hurt me and that's what a relationship's about I think

>>17443509

Well it sounds like it's not too big of a deal that he doesn't make the effort to drive, it sounds like he just prefers his place, and as long as he gets away with having you make all the effort without much backlash he will just continue to coast along. I'm sure it's not about him not wanting to see you or make effort for you, some people are just home bodies and don't like leaving their house much.

I don't like staying over at my girlfriend's place because I feel super uncomfortable sleeping anywhere but in my own bed and I dislike not being able to do what I want when I want. If I'm hungry or thirsty, I slip out of bed while she is asleep and go get food. At her place, I have to worry about her roommate and the thousand pets they have. On top of that, her apartment is hot as fuck and I end up only sleeping about 4 hours and then having to go to work for 9 hours feeling like a corpse because I wake up drenched in sweat all the time. That said, I still stay at her place at least once or twice a week. I guess what I'm getting at is maybe your boyfriend just hates being at your place and out of his element, but unlike me, he is unwilling to compromise. I don't have any advice but I wanted you to know that I can relate to where (I assume) your boyfriend is coming from and it is potentially a comfort thing to him.

>>17443624
This. OP he might have good reason for not wanting to go to your place. Every time I have to visit my girlfriend at her place it's a fucking chore. You should be talking to him about this instead of us, if you're an adult that communicates to their partner, that is.

>>17443431
I'm going to tell you my experience as a bf who did the same thing yours is doing now:

I really did care about my ex-gf, it's most likely nothing about you. We're just lazy and not willing to put forth the effort if we don't see the reward.

You need to talk to him about it. If he isn't willing to come over and invest more time, then I agree with the other anons. Break up with him. It's likely not you, he's just lazy.

OP, your boyfriend, are his initials HG?

My girlfriend bitches about this stuff to, and I think I'm a bit like OP's boyfriend.

I work hard, and I relax hard. My girl is invited over every night. She knows some nights I'm just going to play video games, and others we can get dinner, watch movies, cuddle, yadda yadda.

But, I hate being at her place. Like, it's fine once in awhile, but it's not comfortable. She has a tiny TV. Seating arrangements suck, I don't like her dog, and her dog doesn't like me.

I'd always prefer to be at my home, and I'd prefer her to be there also.

We don't really go out often, but once in awhile we'll catch a movie, or have breakfast, or go out for dinner.

A lot of the time though, we'll go to the grocery store and cook at home.