I just hope she reads this, she uses this board

>>17443203
You need to get over her. I know it's not easy.

There are parallels between your story and mine, but once I saw that my ex was interested in other men besides me, that was it. I was more or less over her. It hurt like hell, but I'm okay now.

I was only holding on to her because I felt like maybe she still wanted to be with me, and I didn't want to burn the bridge completely by seeing/being interested in other women.

But she clearly isn't interested, so fuck it. I'll give my love to somebody else.

I don't really know what else to say but you do need to move on. Talk to new people, make new friends. Talk about it in past tense. It's not something that's still happening now - it's something that happened, and you're in a different place now.

>>17443203
I just hope in some sense you read this, C...and please not take it horribly. I never got a chance to fully apologize for the things I said.

I have never thought I was capable of any of that. When you love someone so much, desperation makes you do stupid things. It's a shame that the punishment had to come this far but I also want to thank you for giving me my rock bottom. I have been trying very hard these past few weeks to better myself in therapy. I have realized a lot of things that were issues that I never gave any thought to. I still miss you and everything we had. I don't know why I am so self destructive and created this situation. Maybe it was my way of stopping the back and forth from happening again. Either way, I think about the pain I caused you and it brings me to tears every time. I would give anything to be able to say sorry to you in person.

Just...god damn...sorry can not even begin to explain how I feel. There are no words for these intense emotions I feel when I think about everything that has happened. You might not ever see this but who cares. This is as close as I'll get to being able to give you some apology.

I said the meanest and rudest things to you when all you were trying to do is figure what you want. It's hard to accept the rejection of me when I've had nothing but acceptance from you. I don't think I was wrong in trying to mend our relationship, who wouldn't try to do that if they truly care about someone? I'm so god damn sorry for making you so scared. I feel like a complete monster and it makes me want to kill myself. I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt someone as badly as I did you. You are so sweet and innocent and we grew so much together. Aggressive love is hard to control because I want nothing more than to be in your arms again.

>>17443215
Thank you, anon. I have been trying to talk to other people and become more social because I am very spaghetti filled. Although I have only been met with severe disappointment. Girls are so very mean...
The main problem is that I will be dealing with the consequences of one mental breakdown for 3 years now. It only makes it worse that we go to the same college.

I'm starting to develop panic attacks just thinking of the situation at hand.

Hey OP,
I know where your coming from, I'm in a strangely similar place. I said some shit that I did not even realize I was capable of, it's this strange mixture of cyclic expectation of abandonment, fear, confusion, anxiety, and repressed anger. I was a complete mess for about 3 months, manic, anxious, just swinging up and down totally afraid of everything.

You have to realize it's over, you are not getting back with this person, ever, you should never see this person, that damage is done and you may never get closure from them, only yourself.

The other thing I've come to realize is I have had severe codependency issues developed over years and it had become an abusive dynamic, I know that's hard to hear.

On the real, do not violate the RO, if you do you can be charged with a variety of things on top of whatever they have on you now. No calls, no text, no mail, no contact, don't talk to her friends, none, they're all death.

There may be legal battles to come...

You can vent dude, I know this boat.

>>17443234
she can't hear you now OP,
welcome to restraining order land.

The only person you have to make peace with now is yourself, and start walking back towards recovery.

>>17443203
You sound like a trainwreck bro, dunno why you think this girl isn't better off without your ass

>>17443329
Thanks for the advice. Basically we are alike. I'm noticing a lot of the same things about myself. I don't think if she ever left me I would have probably killed myself because I wouldn't seek help.

Trust me, I already know what not to do. It's a consent order but doesn't change the repercussions.

>>17443372
TY

>>17443390
Because she is just as big of a trainwreck as me. Although she doesn't fully realize her own situation. I may be depressed as fuck but I still gave everything I had for her for 5 years. I was almost constantly broke, gave extreme emotional support when she was suicidal, encouraged her to become an artist when her entire family was telling her otherwise. We have had a lot of great things together. She could be better off because she doesn't have to feel responsible for me but I know I'm a great guy otherwise. A mental breakdown doesn't define me.