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I love my cat more than I love my child

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Female, 27 I have a two years old daughter and a year old kitten. Guess who I love more? I find my daughter boring at best and tedious at worst. I take care of her properly, I play with her and spen lot of quality mom-daughter time, at least according to all these maternity handbooks I've read, but I don't love her. I don't miss her when I'm away, I don't feel joy when she's smiling at me or when I hold her, none of that. I do what I have to do in order to guarantee her a good childhood, but it simply feels like a second job. My cat on the other hand, young Bengal, is almost always on my mind, I feel excited at a prospect of buying him new toys or food, I could spend hours playing with him and petting him or watch him sleep or purr - and it makes me so happy, gives me so much joy.

I don't know how to solve this problem or whether there is a solution or any reason to try to solve it at all. It just feel strange when the sight of my cat purring makes my heart melt and the sight of my daughter laughing makes me feel irritated.
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I hope this is bait.
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Toxoplasmosis. If only you had contracted it during early pregnancy and miscarried, then you could be a true cat-mom and not reproduce as it's meant to be.
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if not bait

you probably have insecurities about being a mom. if you really didn't care you wouldn't be uncomfortable in your situation. talk to a therapist.
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>>17442115
It's not, as much as I wish it were

>>17442132
I don't have it - I've thoroughly tested before and during my pregnancy.

>>17442133
I don't have insecurities. I know how to raise her, I just don't enjoy it at all.
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>>17442163
How can you know you don't have an illness from your 1 year old cat through tests you did during and before pregnancy with your 2 year old daughter?


Also you could probably just be a really fucking bad mother, kids need love and nurturing and you can't fake it because it won't be the same as the original so your kid will probably end up fucked up one way or another.

We all know that one parent who likes their hobby/pet/friends more than their kid, they exist and shouldn't have kids if you did some honest self reflecting before pregnancy you would probably be able to tell you weren't fit to be a parent and not done it but now you have the kid maybe give it up for adoption?

I say it as a guy who grew up with a mom like you, fucks you up severely and honestly sometimes I wish I was put up for adoption as to have a healthy reltionship with a mother. Don't be selfish and keep the kid around because you're scared about the social stigma of giving it up for adoption, you've already proven to be unfit

Don't have any more kids and give it up for adoption as long as it is younger than 3 it might forget you and not remember you at all.
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You sound like a horrible bitch, and I agree it's probably insecurity. You subconsciously know that you'll never love the child like you should so you don't even try. Cats on the other hand would love a stuffed animal that lactated, because they're stupid fucking animals, so it's safer for you.
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>>17442026
Love is nothing more than a chemical reaction in your brain m8. The fact that your motherly hormones didn't kick in for your child sucks, but there's probably not much you can do about it at this point. As long as you don't neglect your parental duty to your daughter and realize that your child holds much more value than a cat in your life, things should be fine. Who knows, your feelings might change when she grows older.
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Have you been checked for postpartum depression?
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>>17442026
Where is the father? Are you married to him?
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>>17442222
I have kept cats before this Bengal, although you have a point and I should test myself one more. The child was my husband's decision and he will never let me give the child up for adoption. I'm not willing to leave myself because it would mean leaving my husband whom I love.

>>17442232
Your post makes little sense - I have no insecurity over loving or not loving my child as it is not my conscious decision to feel about her the way I do. My cat is cleaner and more aethetically pleasing than my child, it doesn't try to eat its own buggers or shriek suddenly for no reason. Morever the cat won't grow up to an obnoxious and ungrateful brat, but the child might, despite my best efforts. The cat is easier to love, simple as that.

>>17442233
I suppose you are right. I would never neglect her, for my husband's sake if nothing else, as it would break his heart and I love this man too much to hurt him like that.

>>17442238
Yes, my job requires annual mental health tests. It seems like I have no mental health issues as for now.
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Life decided to fuck you and screw around with your brain. Enjoy your personal hell and your daughter growing up to be a piece of shit.
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>I do what I have to do in order to guarantee her a good childhood
Nope, sorry.
Kids and babies pick up on this. You can't lie to them. She'll turn out bad and with issues. Love can also be felt, one can tell when one is shallow and when it's real.
If you really do want the best for her, force yourself to love her. Force yourself to actually put heart into her, into time spent with her, etc. and soon it'll start to be genuine.

Also, you are right, it's not insecurities, those anons are just projecting. But look to see if it's related to your own family and how you were raised. How your own parents were towards you and if they fulfilled your emotional needs. Also check to see if you have emotional deprivation disorder.
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>>17442265
It seems like you might be a bit resentful because your husband wanted it, but you did not. You might also be a bit jealous of his love for your daughter.
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>>17442026
you will get so much shit for this, but i don't blame you for feeling this way...

lots of people actually regret having children and can't find themselves being attached to them. they adopt this whole "well i fucked up this far, might as well embrace it" mentality in the meanwhile. they only pretend to love their kids because society will give them shit and they know it'll fuck up their child mentally if they knew they weren't loved while growing up. you can't really blame them, most people don't know how they feel about children until they actually have them and have to take care of them.

maybe like 10% of married couples are actually ready and willing to raise children and genuinely enjoy the work. but these people either don't have much else going on for them or they have cushy resources to make that shit easier than it is for the average person. (from my observations anyway)

all i can say is that hopefully once your daughter grows a bit more independent, you might enjoy raising her more. the infant to toddler stages are mind-numbingly boring and tiresome due to the constant supervision and shit.

>inb4 "your mother should've aborted you for being ungrateful blah blah"
my mom and dad were in an arranged marriage because >tradition and realized what a huge mistake they made for listening to society and their parents and other bull crap and are now pretty damn unhappy and empty now that their kids are all grown up and they don't have anything else to live for. they certainly weren't happy while raising us either so they basically shitted their life away.
>mfw they don't even push me to marry anyone and are perfectly ok with me having no kids.

don't let the baby meme get to you guys unless this is what you're willing to live and die for and throw away your dreams and wishes. (for the next 18 or so years anyway... but you won't be as young and have too many obligations and responsibilities to worry about by then.)

if you are rich, it MIGHT be fun
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>>17442296
oops forgot to get rid of my trips, sorry folks.
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>>17442222
>sometimes I wish I was put up for adoption as to have a healthy reltionship with a mother.
You're wrong. You still wouldn't have had a healthy relationship with your mother as she wasn't your real one. The child-mother connection is only with your natural mother. Had you been given for adoption you would have ended up way way worse. Delinquent, bully, maladapted, angry, violent, even if the adoptive parents were as good as they could have been.
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>>17442026
If not b8, consider suicide. Also, you piece of shit.
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>>17442265
>It seems like I have no mental health issues as for now.

It seems that your mental health check was not very thorough
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>>17442296
>and they know it'll fuck up their child mentally if they knew they weren't loved while growing up.
Dude... dude seriously... you can fucking tell when you are loved and when you are not. ffs
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>>17442325
tell that to asian culture where it's normal for your parents to withdraw their love and attention for you as soon as they can and where abuse is common place. they're pretty much the powerhouse of innovation and technology in the world. kids grow up fine as long as the basics are met. minimum love and attention is enough.

you also disregard the fact that while growing up, most people find their own source of what makes them happy and keeps them from killing themselves.
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>>17442026
>>17442163
>>17442265

I know that this is how I'd feel if I had a child, I don't like taking care of animals/plants/etc. in general. I'd still raise one as best I could if I was somehow forced to be a parent, but I would not enjoy it.

Because I know this about myself, I refuse to willing put myself in a position where I must take care of a child. The decision you made was a selfish one. Raise a child without the proper love required for them to grow up normally, or lose your spouse? Not an easy decision by any means, but you still chose the selfish option. And "I didn't realize I wouldn't love him/her" is not an excuse. You're bringing another person into this world, whether they like it or not. You should have made damn sure you were properly prepared to FULLY take care of a child. Anything less is highly irresponsible, and in your case, arguably immoral.

There isn't solution at this point, except to deal with the situation you have put yourself in, and hope that your child forgives you.
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>>17442026
You seem really immature op.
Altogether you just seem like a horrible cunt. Just ugly on the inside and completely vapid.
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>>17442242

This

Where is the father? This question needs to be answered ASAP
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>>17442026
Welcome to parenthood. What other parents fail to mention is that a majority of parents end up loving their children but hating their lives to the point where if they had to go back, they wouldn't have had the spawn.

Welcome to the rest of your miserable ruined life. Sorry nobody told you sooner. By the way, kids know when you don't love them. Wear kevlar.
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I would kill your cat in front of you. This "animals are better than humans" meme is going too far.
Christ, you are even asking 4chan of all places for advices. If I were in you I would kill myself.
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You should get rid of your cat for the sake of your child. Don't be selfish, your child comes first and if you are this more loving towards a cat than your own child then the cat has to go. Also if the father is in the picture or not answers lots of questions too.
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>>17442026
This is some epic bait
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>>17442265

>The child was my husband's decision and he will never let me give the child up for adoption.

That right there is your bigger problem.

Yeah, the fact that you have no emotional attachment to your child is troubling, but as long as you're trying to care for her the way you know you should, she should be ok, despite what that other guy said. I've known plenty of parents who didn't have the emotional attachment to their kids, but they did their best, and their kids turned out find.

That said, the fact that your husband made the decision to have a kid, and either didn't let you have a say or didn't listen if you objected, is a big issue. You may love him, but if he isn't willing to listen to you or take the time to understand why you don't want to do something, he isn't as in love with you as you are with him.

Couples need to be on an equal footing, and that compromise line is bullshit. Look at the situation you're in now because of compromise: stuck with a kid you feel like you don't love properly. That's making you unhappy, and your husband doesn't seem to care or notice this fact.

Even if you don't want to leave him, you at least need a break. Take the cat, leave the kid with him, and go away for a week to try and get yourself sorted as to what you want out of life and if he and the kid are really going to be in it.
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>>17442912
Like I said, enjoy being miserable.
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>>17442857
That's fucking stupid. I can't imagine regretting children you willingly had. I got one of the roughest scenarios and I never thought once that I'd be better off without them. Sure they're tiring and time consuming but they're great otherwise. One of my mine goose steps around the house and says yes as "ass". Same age as ops. One of the best facets of my life. I know many other parents and they all seem to cherish their children.
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>>17443051
>I'm not intelligent enough to realize that not everyone is the same

Sounds about right for mindless breeders.
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I love junk food more than nutritious food, but guess which one I show preference for if I want a healthier life?
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>>17442026
Did you even want the kid?
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>>17443062
I'm saying the idea that the "majority of parents" regret their kids is retarded. Thank god you won't be passing on your faggot genes while I'm popping out blond haired blue eyed boys.
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>>17443072
>white kids

Gross.
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Teach her the things you like. In no time you could read same books together, play say boston or another crappy card games or maybe chess, or breed saltwater fish or bake muffins or build lego villages or sew barbie's dresses or or or or Your problem is it's your cat who makes new things to both of you to enjoy, but with a kid it's you who need to be the idea center. It usually pays off over time.
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>>17442026
Wow, this is fucked up. You ought to be truthful with yourself and get out of this situation. You are way too insecure and selfish. Let you husband find someone better or put the child up for adoption .
Then you live out your dream of living alone with house full of cats, because that is your sicked up calling. But really, get some help before you hurt your child.
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>>17442304
>The child-mother connection is only with your natural mother.

As someone with adoptive parents, you're talking bullshit.
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>>17443084
>shitskin feels inferior
>G-gross I-I am t-totally not jealous or a-anything
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>>17443219
>projecting all of your worth on the color combo of your offspring

Oh anon, how failed is your life?
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>>17442265
>The child was my husband's decision

>Men having any say in Western nations about whether or not they can have nor not have children.

And this is where the hook is exposed.
Being an employed, married woman =/= being forced by your husband to have kids by any means. You're already doomed to be a mediocre parent because you have no inherent love for your child (>>17442292
is correct in saying you will subconsciously fuck up your kid and she will know you don't love her), but just wear a smile for 16 more years and it'll be fine. Don't have more kids though.
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>>17442026
If you're doing your duty as a mother, I believe all is fine. My parents had me when they were 20, neither were ready, I can't say they love me, but they care for me.
They're more attached to my sister's, which is fine, I'm not under the microscope. I grew up well enough, I'm in my second year of UNI got good grades all my life, I smoke weed here and there but who doesn't.

I think I'd love my cats more than my kids if I had any. Just because everyone as a whole believes you're obligated to love your kids doesn't mean it's correct.
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>>17443223
>projecting all of your worth on the color combo of your offspring
You're the one that made the value judgement. Don't get mad that whatever race you come from looks like dirt.
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>>17442026
You sound like a really, really, autistic geek incapable of human emotion and developed feels. Even from the way you type, you feel like a formal attire idiot incapable of reaching low and talking sincerely to a person.

You better start training your feels and responsibility properly because you will end up as one stone cold asshole who just stares with a poker face while everyone else around them is dying in pain. You'll end up a sociopath.

How is your humility and courage? Bottom of the barrel?

Do something to stop being a 1 dimensional asshole incapable of feels. Grow some character and start learning to be valuable human being.
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>>17442946
But still. This is a much more /adv/ice post than the other ones in the thread which just tell you to suck it up and fake enjoying it.

Go take it.
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Why is everyone shitting on OP for not loving her child? It's not like everyone loves their siblings or parents and no one cares but if a parent is taking care of and providing for their kid but doesn't actually love them, everyone freaks out?
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>>17442847
My husband is with us, of course. We have been together since high school times and we love each other a lot. He works more hours nowadays, but whenever he is at home, he is very enthusiastic about spending time with me and our daughter. I can see he really truly loves her. As for me, he is as supportive and loving as any husband should be. My issues are not his fault.

>>17442895
Your post proves that indeed, some animals are much better than humans.

>>17442912
I will not get rid of the cat. Interactions with my cat give me strength to carry out my daily child-related duties. My cat improves my mood and makes me happier and therefore more able to take good care of my child. I will not give up anything I love dearly - the cat or my husband - just becaus the child is supposed to "come first". It still does come first, my days are not mine anymore but hers, and I have conditioned to think about her first and tend to her needs first. I'm not willing to give up more.

>>17442946
Long time ago, when we were both still teenagers, I told him I do not see myself as a mothering kind. However he always hoped I would change my mind, as he always yearned for a child. What happened, I suppose, is that I have convinced myself that I want the child too. And now the child is with us, I don't mind it that much. I'm aware I'm obligated to take care of her and so I do. The only issue is that I'm unable to form emotional attachement, yes, but I believe I can still be a good mother despite that fact. Also, I can't leave my husband and the child, not even for a week. My husband wouldn't be able to take care of her alone, and my action would hurt him a lot. I don't want to risk it.


>>17443069
Once I thought I did. Now I don't mind the child, just can't love her, it seems.
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>>17443098
It will not do; I don't enjoy spending time with her and I doubt playing chess with her would even change it. I see many of you don't understand that to me, my daughter is like a random person in a supermarket queue: I don't hate her or wish her ill, but I don't want to spend time with her or bond. Being her mother means I must spend time with her, playing, bonding and tending her, but I find no affection towards her, just as I find no affection towards a random stranger.

>>17443156
I won't leave. I have sense of duty, both towards my husband and towards the child. It would break both of them. As for hurting my child - I would never do it. I don't blame her for being here, as it was mine decision too to have her. I don't hate her for being needy, because I'm aware that's how children are. At times I might be slightly irritated, but I believe that too is fairly normal among most mothers, as children can be oftentimes pretty tiring.

>>17443667
I'm capable of human emotions. I love many people, and many people love me. I can easily feel any emotions human being feels. I'm just indifferent towards my child, as it happens.
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Cats are much better than humans anyways, especially human children. I don't blame you one bit. Please come over to /an/ sometime to show us your Bengal, he must be adorable.
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This thread is bait
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My wife keeps talking about having kids. I don't think I can love them either. I just don't like people young or old.
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>>17443928
>>17442115
Why would this be bait? Human children look disgusting compared to kittens and puppies.

Not OP.
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>>17443214
And how would you know the difference?
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>>17442353
>asian culture
>powerhouse of innovation and technology
>grow up fine

and yet you left out the part where asians will or want to commit suicide because they are overworked and stressed. Or because their culture frowns on bringing their sad emotions in the workplace and they have no where/no one to vent to. Take Japan for instance, Japanese students (young and old who study English) feel more comfortable going to their American teacher to talk about their depression. In their culture it is frowned upon to talk about your feelings to your own family.
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>>17442857
>majority of parents
citation needed.

this is the dumbest thing i've heard yet. are you even a parent? oh wait, if you are then you're probably the father right?
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I have some questions OP.
Did you breast feed her at all?
Did you have an epidural while you were going into labor? If so, did you feel like they gave you too much?
How did you feel about your daughter when she was a newborn and infant?
What are some activities that you two do together?
Is she mean or doesn't listen to you most of the time or is she sweet towards you?
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>>17442026
Divorce your husband, leave the kid and marry a childfree man? Childfree life is excellent too.
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You're not alone, but not loving your child isn't talked about much. Some people just don't love their children. It's not because of the cat, so don't get rid of it, but do get therapy.
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>>17442026
If this isn't bait, you may have postpartum depression. I had that with my daughter and we didn't truly connect until she was around 2 and a half.

I am ashamed to admit that. The symptoms of post partum depression are looked down upon because everyone expects you to immediately bond with your child.

I took care of her as a baby. I was mostly just stressed and lacked giving her genuine affection, though I still held her and coo'd to her. I was generally just waiting and begging for her to sleep so I could have a few hours to myself. I found it easier to seek affection from other people and animals as well.

However, there came a period when I was struck with guilt over my attitude towards being a parent. A lot of it was insecurity. I felt like my daughter deserved someone better than me.

I confided in someone, my godmother, about how i felt and she was the most supportive person in the world admitting she had felt the same way and how she overcame it.

I started bonding with my daughter. At first it felt forced, but it felt like something I needed to do. And after this bonding started, I fell completely in love with her.

My daughter is 7 now, and once the bond and love was built, it never went away. I'm happy I did that, because once my daughter's personality really started to show as she reached 3 or 4 years old, she's just the sweetest thing. Extremely caring, always thinking of other people and her friends at school, does well in school. And I feel like if I didn't jumpstart that bond, we'd be in a bad place.

I want my child to not only be a successful person, but also to develop meaningful relationships with people throughout her life. That begins with parents. You are her first example of a friend, of complex love, and morals.
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>>17444198
>If this isn't bait, you may have postpartum depression.

OP you are not a bad person if you are seeking to be able to love your daughter. you may want to talk to professional to help you in this.
just start with empathy.

you may also have toxoplasmosis and this parasite (not your cat) is the one causing this kind of behaviour.

but I think it has to do with depression. it really sounds like you are not a bad person but donĀ“t stop trying
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>>17442026
You're spending too much time with your child and not enough on yourself. Bring the kid to daycare and do the things you enjoy for yourself. You will be happier and you'll be able to deal with the child better. If your husband objects, divorce him. I have already told my husband if we have a kid I will leave it in daycare plenty of time, because I have a job and I want my own time for myself too for my own good and my own well-being. Don't listen to anyone who says slandering bullshit about leaving a kid in daycare. You should spend time with your kid, but you should also spend time on yourself. My mother brought me to daycare too since she too had a job and wanted her own time for herself and I don't resent her for it, a woman needs to take good care of herself if she wants to be successful. We have a great bond nowadays.
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>>17443839
>My husband wouldn't be able to take care of her alone, and my action would hurt him a lot. I don't want to risk it
Ew. Why did you marry such a useless, disgusting man? One of the driving motives behind my decision to marry my husband is that he doesn't mind taking charge of the child-rearing because I don't want to lose too much of my time for other things over it. A man that can't take care of a child alone and gets ""hurt"" by that isn't worthy of being considered marriage material.
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>>17443214
This. My adopted mother died and it was way more traumatic for me because she loved me so much despite not even being blood. Hero's you rarely see on this earth. Meanwhile my real mom is being a whore on Facebook after abandoning her second child without any feelings of shame.
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>>17442026
Sounds like it could be depression, try improving your diet and exercising more. Cats are a stress relief to many people in comparison to looking after children which is a 24/7 job, this might be why you're feeling the way you are.

If this feeling doesn't pass go and see a doctor, they will be able to help and you won't be judged.
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>>17442026
NEWSFLASH
SOME WOMEN DON'T LIKE KIDS

Now that I got it out of the way for anons, I read a bit through the thread.
OP, I don't think there is something wrong with you. We all believe this picture that love for children comes inevitably, but sometimes it doesnt. Children are like tiny suicidal drunks for a long time and not fun. You feel you get more back from your pet than your child and that's understandable in a way.

It's unfortunately too taboo to reach out to your husband about, especially not in the way of "I love the cat more than the baby". But what I think you need to do it tell the husband that you struggle with being the maternal sort of person. He seems to want her, and he can spoil and love her and do all that lovey dovey shit. For a long time in human history only one parent gave any form of love and the other was stern and aloof, sometimes both parents were aloof and the ones who gave love were servants and could never step into the education of the child. I think the best thing to do is for your husband to take the lovey dovey stuff and you take a more practical role. You can be the driver to extracurriculars, make them sandwiches, bring home the money, he can take them to the doctor and hold them when they cry and delight in them not smearing poop all over the wall when they wipe.
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Congratulations, you're a shitty mother. It's a thing that happens from time to time. It's not your fault, your instincts just didn't kick in like they should have. As long as you don't abuse or neglect your daughter, things should be okay. That being said, things will probably never be good. Children are intuitive. If you lack motherly love, they'll most likely pick up on it.

I have the opposite problem where I want to love and take care of all the babies/toddlers.
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>>17443098

This is the first empathic advice I've read and you kick it to the curb simply because you don't even want to put in the effort.

You sound like a narcissist with heavy anti-empathic tendencies, weaving life to make it most beneficial to you without carrying responsibility to the people closest to you. Not trying to offend you here, but to open your eyes.

Fact is you brought a person into this world who will grow up to have mental issues because of the lack of love you can give. And that for her sake, you should take action. As trying to improve yourself seems out of the question (giving away the cat or trying to connect with your daughter) I'd say realize there's a life at stake here and talk about your problem with your husband, and/or your therapist.
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>>17444198
>I started bonding with my daughter. At first it felt forced, but it felt like something I needed to do. And after this bonding started, I fell completely in love with her.
>My daughter is 7 now, and once the bond and love was built, it never went away.
I told you, OP, if you force it, it'll start being genuine.
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>>17442026
I know I'm probably going to get grilled for this but I want to make sure OP is fully informed so I'll take the risk.

Have you considered that you are cat-kin?

The Bengal may be the embodiment of your true child where your human daughter is just a constant reminder of how you were forced to conform to society's homo sapien expectations. Cat kin isn't something you choose, it's something you are.

Take a good look at yourself, make sure you're not repressing your true identity.
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>>17442265
so you never felt excited about having a child to begin with.
bingo
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>>17443995
Anecdotal evidence from literally every parent I know (including my own mother who didn't start liking me until I started talking) and also:

http://qz.com/708438/the-parenting-happiness-gap-is-real-new-research-confirms/

http://www.scmp.com/magazines/post-magazine/article/1858685/how-having-children-robs-parents-their-happiness

http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2015/08/12/parent-happiness-study_n_7977408.html

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/to-your-health/wp/2015/08/11/the-most-depressing-statistic-imaginable-about-being-a-new-parent/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/complete-without-kids/201103/fact-or-fiction-childfree-couples-are-happier-couples-kids

Also, as an aside, fuck you, you sexist prag.
>>
>>17443839

>Also, I can't leave my husband and the child, not even for a week. My husband wouldn't be able to take care of her alone, and my action would hurt him a lot. I don't want to risk it.

When I said to take off for a week, I didn't mean without telling anyone. I meant let him know that you seriously need some time away to think about some things, work with him to arrange child care for when he's at work, and THEN go somewhere by yourself.

Either way, though, you really need to have a good long sit down discussion with the guy and tell him honestly that you're not developing a bond with the kid, and that you think you both shouldn't have any more (at least) due to the fact that you were right about not being the mothering type.

I'm not the mothering type either, I knew that before I ever got into relationships, but I'm also not love-blinded into lowering my own standard of living to be with someone who thinks "I'll grow into it." It doesn't work that way. I found a guy who was equally against having kids, and we're quite happy together because we had all those details ironed out in advance.

And just as a silly note, neither of us wanted cats either. I'm glad you like them (someone needs to), but we're dog people. That was something else I wasn't budging on... of course, I'm also allergic, so I guess that's slightly different. ^_^
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>>17445254
You are mentally ill. You need to see a licensed psychologist and work through your delusions.
>>
>>17442132
Toxo is common. GET TESTED. You AND the cat.

Cat ladies don't collect cats because they are crazy, they are crazy because they collect cats.

If your cat has toxo get rid of it before your kid gets infected.
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