I just want to shout into the void. I know no one can help me,

I just took the last pills they would give me and went to another doctor. Things were fine for the most part, the pain was unbearable at times, but I managed to move away for college to San Antonio. Such a beautiful city in a certain light. I majored in Psych and in a bit of irony, did volunteer work preventing suicides on a hotline. I tried my best. Some I helped and some I didn't. Some would call and I'd be in so much pain that I know I wasn't at my best. I know I could have helped more if it wasn't for my damn back. Those I wasn't able to help haunt me, but the others send emails of a wedding or a new child. That always put a smile on my face.

During this time in college it was rough, but I could manage to hang out with my friends on good days. Even met a girl, every good story has to have a girl. Then however every story has to have the point where things go bad. I took a fall down a large staircase I should have never been on. I was stubborn about using elevators. The pain from the fall was terrible and soon it spiraled into me having to leave college. I begin taking long-distance courses from home. The pain kept getting worse, my gal couldn't take it. She didn't sign up to take care of medical disaster like me. With guilt all over her face, she grabbed her things and left, refusing to even say a word. I wish that I hadn't made her miserable. I hope she found happiness elsewhere.

Now for the kicker as if that already wasn't. I had to change insurances and my current doc isn't on the new one. I had to go in search of a new pain management doctor. Suddenly they wont take me. Some rude lady over the phone talking a mile a minute and trying to shove me off the call as fast as possible says I've been reported to the FDA for seeing to many doctors and getting multiple prescriptions some time a year ago. Thing is, all the doctors were at the same practice, they just always had me see whoever was available at the time. Should be an easy mess to clean up, just gotta call the right people and get the paperwork to the right places.

Thing is, I can't wait. I'm staring at a weeks worth of painkillers, a literal countdown to my death. I'm not as strong as I use to be. I can't go off them again. The pain is simply to much. I am an invalid without them, just a ball of writhing pain on a bed unable to even be coherent enough to watch television or go to the bathroom. I just can't do it. There is no where for me to go. Apparently because of this FDA thing I can't even go to an emergency room to get more. I don't know of any dealers to get it illegally, nor would I even know how to go about that.

My ship as sailed. I'm floating adrift in the ocean staring at the last of my rations. I know screaming for help is pointless, but at this point anything I do is pointless. So take this as a warning I guess, live your life to the fullest and all that poetic crap I can't manage to do at the moment. Respect that you have some control over the direction of your life, you never know when you'll lose that paddle.

>>17442011
>just not like Texas
must have been an injury from a fall or one of the fights
That's pretty Texan to me.

>those I helped send pictures
In my experience they have just tried to tether me to the ground and get me back on the computer until tomorrow morning or some shit. It's about five thousand miles from something I'd send them letters for. What did you do differently on the phone?

>I'm running out of pain killers. I know how to get prescribed more months ahead, but I only have weeks worth of pain killers.
This might be stupid advice, but if you are in truly terrible pain and out of medication, an emergency room should help. They say they don't give benzodiazapines out, but I went in there needing them and they gave them to me.

Would they just give you a day's worth and then leave it up to you?

Threatening suicide works for a lot of things. I threatened suicide to get adequate mental health treatment. I upgraded from practically fucking nothing to mid-top tier as long as I kept saying I would off myself.

Sorry to tell you to take desperate routes. I know nothing about pain management. I'm just a guy on 4chan.