Girlfriend feeling attracted to other guy

Sorry in advance for the wall of text without paragraphs

>>17440647
It happens.
The connection you might have with a random dude doesn't compare to the intimacy and the deep feelings you have for your partner. It still happens to click with some random dude, tho.
I think she feels really sorry for her feelings, she seems genuine about it.
If she chooses to stay with you, she should cut contact with him and distance herself from him. It will take time for things to go back to normal, but don't make it a bigger deal than it really is.
Stay strong!

If this weren't the internet I'd give ya a hug and buy you a few beers. I don't know what to say in terms of offering advice. I'm listening if you've got more you wanna get out though.

>>17440647
it's already over senpai. She might lose interest in the guy and gain it back in you if you act like a real alpha and don't give a fuck about him (or her to a certain extent). Even then i don't know.

>>17440663
Thanks man, I've told her to distance herself from him but she said it's inevitable that their paths cross because of work. This sucks

>>17440666
Your comment had me in tears for some reason, shit I feel so goddamn helpless.

I would honestly just take her to task and drop her. I have very little patience for women's innate misunderstanding and dislike of monogamy or commitment. That is cancerous and unhelpful advice, though.

There are a number of reasons two people in a relationship can drift closer and further away, and I bet that it can happen more frequently because you do not live together. I think you should be intentional with how you approach it. Just "letting it happen" will not serve you. Be there, be supportive, and keep away whatever burgeoning jealousy or resentment you have.

Phew. My ex clearly developed a crush on a friend of mine and he (being selfish, egotistical, needy and self centred) used to string her along with this aloof 'friendship' act.

At first we were both joking about him because the guy is clearly a local pretentious art scene idiot. Then we ended up arguing about him because she started to defend him because he was so 'sensitive and needy'.

I said go if you want to go, I'm not going to stop you exploring what you feel you need to, but we are over. I think she wanted to remain in the drama filled situation because it was exciting so she swore she didn't want to, but she wasn't willing to cut contact and just wanted to be friends with him.

She didn't stop basically trying to throw herself at him. It didn't help that mutual friends got involved and painted him as a troubled soul and me as being controlling and her being so troubled and uncertain and omg star crossed lovers etc. She kept acting frankly embarrassing around him while telling me that she was the one who deserved sympathy because she was a victim here and I was being so understanding so I thought well lets take you at face value and help you out so I knocked on and threatened to smash the guys face in if he didn't cut contact.

She went crazy and her friends went crazy and I got labelled a psychopathic control freak and she moved out to 'think about things', during which time she stayed at his house and lied about it blaming me for her lies because she 'didn't want me to hate him or her' because they were 'just great friends'.

She then wanted to come home asking me to apologise for my behaviour and apologise for making her lie to me. I was like fuck no, here is your shit.

It got kind of fun with having to call the police because she vandalised my car and house and her friends used to come over to threaten me saying that I was trying to get her to kill herself and I'd chase them down the street threatening to beat their asses.

>>17440683
This story boils my blood. I am sorry that you landed with a girl who was capable of that.

>>17440680
I would like to be there, to support her, I told her I would prefer to take that course of action rather than going different paths and seeing how things end up happening.

However it seems that's what she wants.

I am at that point where I feel like pushing her would be worse than just pulling, I might be wrong and the fact that I don't know what to do haunts me, I don't want to lose her but I'll never know what's the right course of action and when I do know it might be too late already.

>>17440677
If she cares about you she can change job or just really avoid talking to him if it is not STRICTLY work related.
Deleting him from facebook and blocking his number would be a good first step.
Point is - it won't get better if they spend time together. Make it clear that if she wants to stay with you, he has to be out of your lives.

I've been with my boyfriend for 10 years and during the time we both had some small crushes or people we clicked with. It's inevitable.
We never acted on it and stopped talking to the people we liked and we are as close as it gets.
We talked about it when we felt for someone else, stopped talking to the people we were attracted to, and worked to get close and get better together.

>>17440683
Anyway she went to stay with friends and tried to come home a couple of times, talk it through calmly, but each time she was trying to negotiate an outcome where I accepted blame for everything and apologised for not apologising and would have to let them keep being friends because he was 'so important' to her life.

Each time I refused and I got more pressure from her and her friends. After a while I got another girlfriend and calmly got on with my shit. She moved in with the guy and literally within a month she moved to another city to be away from it all and got back with her ex.

When I just started getting on with my life she was still acting crazy and people on the fence started to realise they'd been backing the wrong person. It was like her friends got tired of her constant drama and maybe she realised that while he was a great crush and great social ammunition without me and the conflict she was just left with a terrible person to be with so the whole heap of shit evaporated and she ran.

That was her all over though, never enough on her own always having to create conflict off of another.

>>17440647
>be with her to help us get through this but she declined
What do you mean by that? She just wanted to be alone to sort her thoughts, or did you two break up?

First and foremost, I think she is very honorable by telling you this. That takes guts and is the epitome of trust. She did this with heavy fear of rejection and that really says a lot about her.

I would not suggest distancing yourself, it sounds to me that she was afraid of you doing that to begin with, which led to her hesitance in telling you. If you love your girl and want to be with her, distancing yourself only serves to benefit the other guy, not you.

What you should do, right now, is call her up and thank her for being so honest with you. That's commendable. Then explain to her for you two to move forward, she has to cut contact with this guy out of respect for you.

If she doesn't want to cut contact, then you know exactly how bad it really is. Likewise, if she does cut contact, you know your girl is fighting for you.

You need to never mention it being "over" unless she doesn't fully commit. Don't toss out any minefields that she will have to navigate with you. Make it known, though, that you're not the one going to be strung along while she jumps the fence to get a better look at the grass.

>>17440683
Wow. I've never been this pissed in this whole month. Fuck her. Jesus christ she reeks the typical women bullshit.

>>17440694
I told her to block him to minimize contact but she said it was no use.

It makes no fucking sense to me, she says she still loves me and I am still the person she cares the most in this world but she can't act to prevent from damaging what she has?

Yesterday she told me she was scared she would end up alone because of herself, because she had this thirst of needing to live intensely with things that shake her bones.

>>17440691
If she wants space, if that is her need and a part of how she copes, then you should oblige accordingly. Unfortunately, I cannot say what that will bring. There was a point in my relationship when my GF and I were really under a lot of stress. She was still in uni and I had no job; she thought she wanted space, she wanted to take a break, but that would have been the end. I have an idea of this concept as a last resort, not a first solution. I can tell you until I am blue in the face that you should work with her, but if that is not something she is conscious of, that her selfishness, this technical lack of respect of the team effort a relationship is, then you will have to give her that. It could be damning.

>>17440706
You should have a conversation about this - discuss about your future.
If you want to stay together, you have to make effort to get over this. Relationships take effort, if she's not willing to take it, then maybe you should leave her.
Insist that the "crush" is not a problem, it's her unwillingness to get over it that worries you. Shit like this happens, if she cares, she will get over it and work on your relationship.

>>17440711
>is not conscious of***

I actually broke up with my girlfriend yesterday because she realized she still had feelings for her ex. Time to move on. As long as she's happy, get on with your own life.

> I feel like distancing myself is the best thing to do at the moment and not say anything, but, at the same time I feel like distance could be the same as me opening up the road to the other guy and lose this relationship.

You already lost her, just like I did. If you were nearby I would get us some beers. Lost a great friend and a lover. Distance yourself and let yourself heal, hang in there buddy.

>>17440698
I don't know man.

I offered my help and she said that wouldn't work, that she was the problem and she had to fix it from within by herself.

I also asked her to block this other guy but she said it was useless, because of professional reasons their paths would cross eventually.


I honestly tried to help her but I don't know how we're standing right now, I just know she turned off her facebook chat (for me at least) just now, which makes sense, I was feeling like doing the same thing as I can't stand seeing her online and not saying anything, it feels like a stand off to see who says anything first.


Anyway, I feel like if I do something right now it could be worse, maybe I should let her experience what's life without me and hope she doesn't jump the fence in the meantime, at the same time I can't stand being so passive about the girl I love and risking losing her. Damned if I do and damned if I don't I guess....

>>17440706
You're getting cucked mate. I wouldn't have even driven her home, she could have walked.

>>17440697
Anyway, what did I learn that OP might benefit from?

In a good relationship with a good person people know to cut this shit out before it becomes a problem which threatens the relationship. If they are a little dumb, that is understandable because occasionally people learn from mistakes, we aren't born knowing everything, but it would imply to me that this person is either not a good person or there are issues within the relationship and this is being used as an excuse to break it up.

It is completely acceptable for you to insist that they cut contact immediately because otherwise the existing relationship is doomed to a slow death from paranoia and trust issues.

It is completely unacceptable for your partner to basically use you for support while they go through a drawn out process of working out if they are trying to jump ships while acting confused and vulnerable and portraying themselves as a victim of circumstance the whole time.

Listen to her friends and your friends. There is possibly a great deal of bitching about you going on behind your back if friends are supporting her and helping to sustain her poor decisions. If there wasn't bitching going on, then her friends would tell her to stop being so stupid, so assume she has laid foundations for you being the bad guy. I find few women do things in isolation without the support of friends.

It is difficult to not be the bad guy. In my case I was the bad guy for trying to tell her she couldn't have a 'friend'. I was the bad guy for threatening him. I was the bad guy for trying to manipulate her, control her, victimise her and threaten her mental health by holding her accountable for her actions. I was the bad guy for refusing to accept blame for this situation and refusing to make a concession that would allow her to come back when she wanted to.

In reality she pushed us apart at nearly every step.

>>17440722
Nevermind that she is back online.

>>17440737
Thanks for the input.

She insists she is immature, that I am way up ahead when it comes to emotional intelligence and that she has a lot of growing up to do in that area.

>>17440647
Happened to me too, à similar story.

Like the other anons here told you, don't distance yourself, I think it would be worse. But don't be overly needy of course, just be there if she wants to talk to you, see you etc.

You will get through this man, I trust you

I don't understand why everyone is telling op to stay with this girl? She sounds like the sort to cheat and love attention from other guys. If this was my girlfriend, shed be gone, and I've been with her 8 years.

Alright, I just sent her a message asking how she's doing.

Let's hope I am taking the right path.

>>17440737
I think I knew it was doomed right from that point, similar to the one you find yourself at, but it was important for my own closure and self respect that I went through the motions in a fair manner.

You might be dodging a massive bullet OP. If confronted with the same shit again I think I'd say ..

I'm surprised that you don't automatically know the correct way to deal with this. I think you do, but you don't want to admit what is going on. I think though it is natural to develop crushes while in a relationship the way you respond to them is how you define your worth and character. You need to cut contact with this guy if you value our relationship otherwise it is doomed to descend into paranoia and trust issue drama. If you don't, well you've made your intention clear and I'm not going to sit by and watch this pan out while you sabotage and undermine our relationship to justify your decisions. I believe I deserve better. The honest way to get into a relationship is to break up, process that break up and then move on with integrity. It might not be as exciting, but oh well.

>>17440750
Because what happened to her is outside of her control - she clicked with a guy at work. She didn't act on it or pursue him. She was honest about it with OP.
It happens to the vast majority of people in long term to develop a small crush on someone. It's something you can work on. If everything else is good and both of them are willing to work on the relationship, no point in breaking up.

>>17440750
Because something like that happen to everyone, and if it didn't happen between your patner and you, either you're the perfect couple or she didn't tell you. It just happen and sometimes it fades out, sometimes it breaks the relationship.

But it sounds like she's not a cheating liar, love him, and is mature enough to communicateur about her feelings.

Sounds to me like she's worth fighting for, at least for a while.

I've tried to call her, she didn't pick up the phone.

Sent her a message saying I wanted to talk to her personally.


Her silence is making me feel sick

Fuck sake, I am feeling like a pushy idiot now.

I contacted her and she didn't care to even respond, maybe I picked the wrong course of action.

>>17440756
Most people would just deal with it, and not make their bf/gf feel like absolute shit by treating them like crap and telling them they need space to decide what they want to do. Most people know that this is part of life, and it's just a fleeting crush, and don't destroy the other person's confidence over it.

Sounds to me like she's giving op the cold shoulder over something that is her problem, not his.

I can see this becoming one of those things where she breaks up with op, goes out with this other guy for 2 weeks and fucks him, then realised op was a much nicer guy and begs for him back.

>>17440778
Ignore. It is not your fault, it is hers. Carry on with your life, looking desperate as fuck isn't going to help anything.

The girl I'm with now notices if I'm attracted to somebody. I'll flirt pretty harmlessly with other people and she'll usually bring it up and start to make fun of me asking if I want to suck on those big tits or push my dick up in that ass crack.

She'll try to suck me off as soon as practically possible or fuck my brains out while asking me if I was thinking about putting a baby in that belly, or shooting my come in her mouth or ass or something.

She'll openly tell people about my cock and how well I fuck her and how great our sex life is. I think she gets off a little bit on it and has voyeuristic tendencies and is turned on by me being attractive to other women while knowing that we are together by making it clear that we have a very strong sex life.

We have boundaries though and I don't think for a million years she would expect me to act upon any attraction for others because it'd just be unthinkable. Other people are part of our foreplay I guess and maybe the idea of me seducing another is a kink for her.

I don't know if I'd ever know if she has been attracted to other guys. She is often strongly and loudly remarking that all other guys disgust her and are repellent in comparison to me because I am absolutely perfect.

She is really attracted to strong characters and humiliating situations though so I don't doubt for a second that her submissive side could be exploited by the right kind of person. Thing is because I know her so well I can maintain her interest and I think there is something slightly warped about her infatuation with me which would prevent her from even looking at another.

Alright she replied after all, she said it was too hard for her to go through last night and that she wouldn't want to make things harder by meeting me today again, but I told her I needed to tell her some things just to have some inner peace.

>>17440788
Reminder that she's been fucking the other guy during this time.

>>17440756
didn't you read the OP's other comments. This girl has thrown in the towel already and believes this guy in her path is fate. I agree people get crushes in relationships but if she was committed to working on this together she could avoid the guy and it does go away. What you suggest OP do is sit there and watch his gf be courted by another man and she receptive.

>>17440778
OP this is over. With an ex for 3 years and she developed a crush on a new guy at work and started acting weird and finally she told me a story similar to yours. They had been meeting after work, she swore nothing happened so I tried to save this but when I went to kiss her she told me she cannot and felt uncomfortable kissing me when she had feelings for this other guy. I had spent an agonizing 3 weeks after she first told me of the crush only for this to be the finale. She has checked out already and trying to let you down easily but you're not taking the hint.

>>17440788
OP she broke up with you last night. She is with the other guy now, you were just the last to know.

>>17440787
Good for you goy. How does this help OP in any way? Go jack yourself off somewhere else.

>>17440788
Seems she wants to break with you dude...

I hope im mistaken

>>17440647
>Basically my girlfriend went 2 weeks away due to work and came back 2 days ago and I felt something was off.
That's because she sucked his dick and probably fucked it too.
>nothing had happened
Oh of course not. (Every girl says this.)
>We cried like babies
Ew.
> I was still the man she loved and the love of her life, and that she wanted to marry me
Now I know she fucked him.
>they have a common university class.
how cliche
>could be the same as me opening up the road to the other guy and lose this relationship
The girl has already fucked the other guy. She'll get a high off of the emotional tension of the love triangle and the drama. Then she'll probably leave you and cry a lot.

Anyway, I think your story is really cliche and you already know the cliche ending it's going to have.

Sorry to say but she mentally gave up already. I don't know why she ditched the thought of working to keep your relationship afloat so fast. It only took 2 weeks, really? Even if I give her the benefit of the doubt in regards to cheating, I just think she's already moved on. It really sucks and you are definitely a nice dude who cares about her. You deserve better.

Love is a choice. If she notices a problem and chooses not to address it, she doesn't love you anymore. You said you wanted her to block him but she couldn't. You wanted to talk to her again today, but she she says she can't. She's not choosing you, OP. I think at this point you need to prepare yourself for the breakup.

Just give her some time. I'm not saying dump
Her, but coming from a women who's been there, just give her space. Women can't stand space. Not to play games, but we women, as are men, are complicated creatures. She's feeling pressure because of the what ifs. This guy is prob playing her thinking he wants her there is, he likely only wants what he thinks he can't have. (It happened to me before I married)
This guy will likely hurt her, if she leaves you and goes to her- game over. Just trust me, back off. As painful as it may be. Love her enough to give her the space to see how much you two have together. Grass isn't always greener- and take it from me, girls don't like to be chased. Good luck. I hope all this shakes out in time and y'all are back
Together. Then put a ring on it.

>>17440706
She wants to explore her crush but have you as a fallback. I'd throw the cards on the table and say him or me. Or just dump her.

Sounds easy on a internet forum but I know you probably feel like shit thinking about. Just remember if one girl can love you, then there is another who can love you more.

>>17440778
Ignore her and don't contact her. Time to turn to your bros. Seriously she is trying to weasel out of the relationship without looking like the bad guy.

"Anon dumped me cause I said I thought a guy at work was cute and we get along" is what she'll tell her friends

OP your story sounds similar to what happened to me a few years ago. I would just ignore her if she really likes you she will try to be with you. But for gods sake don't let her string you along.