Feeling fearful about my relationships

>>17440582
I got you.. but I don't know if I have useful advice - just able to relate really..
Turning 27 this week and really optimistic about a first date this week haha (as in.. please, please let her be 'the one'! - I'm so sick of everyone's bullshit)
Had 3 relationships that haven't lasted that long.. distance/different stages in-life/not feeling it... sigh.. At least they all ended amicably (i think) - but since all of them said something along the lines of 'you are a great guy and you'll find someone better than me cause you deserve it'.. I really doubt myself - I mean.. the common denominator is me no?? Further, lots of first dates that never went anywhere - not good matches/no chemistry I guess.
Other than the constant self-improvement, like yourself, and branching out... the only thing that allows me to not be absolutely crippled by the fear of 'things never working out' is that men have lots of time to sort this thing out. A cousin and a family friend of mine got married at 40 and 38, respectively, to women in their late 20s.

>5 relationships
What have been the common themes so far? What did all (or most) of the girls have in common? What did the breakups have in common? What stuff repeats in each relationship? It can be you stuff, her stuff, behavior stuff, opinion stuff, personal history stuff, interaction stuff, sex, money, friends, free time, fighting, helping, secrets, needs, positive, negative, neutral, whatever. Any aspects that fit the category of "this shit keeps happening", say what those are.

>>17440624
>>17440626
You too if you like

>>17440629
sure,
this guy
>>17440624
each one was a bit different I guess.
1 - although in a similar position in life (was working full-time like me) and a hard-worker; she was just overly-sensitive and held me to message ransom - expects fast replies/texts within the day of sending, but got mad when I do the same. I figured that was her own insecurities/lack of self-confidence. I gave it a genuine shot cause she did work hard.
2 - It was always her plan to move away so I suspect she cut it off early to protect me (I know if this keeps going I'm going to hurt you and I'm just not feeling it). I had consistent issues with getting it up for it.. despite thinking she was cute - I honestly think back to the wise oldfag /b/ post that says 'if you can't get it up for a woman, she's not right for you'. I accept that as a reality tbqh.
3 - Hot & cold. Wanting a relationship and not wanting one. Still wanting to see other people, but not really liking the idea of me potentially doing the same - honestly.. I'm not the biggest fan of multi-dating. I can't half-ass interactions with people or hope to develop feelings in parallel like that.. I dunno.. I feel a bit guilty when I do it (even when its just the scenario of 'seeing someone casually and then going on a date with someone else'). The age gap was larger than the other two.. I honestly just think she wanted to fuck around/have her cake and eat it..

As for myself.. I'm a bit of an idealist and optimistic. Regularly told I'm a really happy and great guy by friends and occasionally by strangers. I'm big on the self-improvement cause its the only thing I have control and power over - lots of gym, philosophy, positive psychology type things, trying to learn guitar and a language.. But I know I'm really afraid of getting hurt. For example, as soon as I organised the first date this week, my initial thoughts was 'I'm going out on this Fri & Sat, I should get numbers cause I don't want to put all my eggs in one basket again)

>>17440664
Well going off that my best guess would be that your fear of getting hurt prevents you from what amounts to taking risks in your relationships.

Which would you say you are, more forgiving or more demanding?

How much energy do you put toward not disappointing the people you like having in your life? How many fucks do you give when it does happen?

>>17440696
What do you mean by risks exactly?? can you give me some examples?
More forgiving. I endeavour to understand people to the best of my ability. And desu at the very least I just want consistency in people's behaviour and affection - I don't like the seemingly near weekly battle of trying to have the right answer to everything.. though I'm beginning to become doubtful that this is at all a possibility in regard to women..
I used to be aim to be 'one who's loved/liked by all' I realised it was naive and so I don't hesitate to call people out on their bullshit even if they are close friends - however this has only been typically with male friends and not a partner. I kind of subscribed to the whole 'your wife's always right' mentality and that calling her out makes you look like a control freak - if this isn't actually the case.. please advise :)

cont.
and thank you for your time :)

>>17440626
OP here. Sorry I was busy earlier and I am only to reply now. I hope you are still here.

>What have been the common themes so far? What did all (or most) of the girls have in common?

1 - She's a girl who works at a bar. A waitress. I was a bit jealous because she can meet guys easily at the bar. It was my first relationship so I am clingy and needy. I believe she got tired or me I got turn off by her being with other guys so I let her go. She found a rich dude to be her financier because she also need money because she has two kids. All in all this relationship wasn't that serious.

2 - This girl is about my age. We start of our relationship as pretty perfect. As time passes by my feelings for her is starting to deepen. I can say that this was the time wherein I really felt love for another person. However, same as before my neediness got the better of me. I feel sad when she is not replying to my texts. I am also controlling of her. She's not fat or chubby but wants to lose weight. So in turn I am the one prohibiting her from eating too much. In addition to that, she works at night and I work in the morning. After close to a year the relationship ended. She dumped me days after my birthday. After a few months she got back with her ex who she used to not like or say bad things that he did while they were together. Like she doesn't like that I am skinny because he was skinny also etc. Now I believe they are still together, while I am quite fit and muscular already due to working out.

3 - She's 19 and I was 26 years old. The relationship didn't last long. Probably the reason was she was belonging to a hardcore Christian sect. It requires that I also belong to her religion. I am a Catholic born and raise but I don't mind my gf belonging to another religion. She was really kind and sweet. When we were together I was neither needy nor clingy learning from my lessons from before.

(cont.)

4 - This was a really fast relationship. Like a week or so. She was about two years older than me. As always at first it was going so smoothly. I thought at first it will last because she is already reaching marrying age and would want to settle down according to what she is saying. Same as before I was also not needy and clingy anymore. In our short time together I gave her freedom and I feel we are already both mature. Also same as before though she was also a hardcore Christian girl and she wants me to go to her Church. I didn't go though so it was probably the reason that after weeks we didn't anymore contact each other and I just said fuck it I don't care. After a month or so she already has a new boyfriend.

5 - I knew her years ago but contacted her on Facebook after 3 years or so. Instant connection etc. Turns out she likes me back as well. I blamed myself for not making a move back then. At first she doesn't want us to be together but she doesn't want to tell me. She gave in and when we were already dating she said she already was married and has a kid. I told her it isn't a problem. Same as before I am turning into a man who doesn't give a fuck anymore with my relationship. I am not clingy so there are times when she got angry at me for not texting back says things at me like I might be seeing someone else etc. I got mad at this saying I am not doing anything wrong etc. Over time I was getting more pissed because of her wanting control of me even though I am not doing anything wrong. So in the end I break it off and until there are days when I receive text messages from her husband being mad at me.

Hope what I just posted was clear. I am willing to post more info as possible if you guys need more.
Also, for the record I pretty much suck in bed. In my 2nd relationship (whom I consider serious) there are times I cannot bring it "up" but mostly because I am overwhelmed by her cuteness or so. I do love and care for her so much.
(cont.)

>>17440986
cont.

I know my 4th relationship that I mentioned here >>17440986 was pretty much a fling but I mention it here just for the record. There were also dates that I had that didn't go for long. Maybe because I am expecting too much. I don't know.

>>17440731
>I used to be aim to be 'one who's loved/liked by all' I realised it was naive and so I don't hesitate to call people out on their bullshit even if they are close friends

This is pretty much me as well. But recently I am becoming like if you don't like me then fuck it. I had lost friend before but in turn I can say that my friends now are the ones who will stick by me and I will also stick by them in the long run.

>>17440624
>Other than the constant self-improvement, like yourself, and branching out... the only thing that allows me to not be absolutely crippled by the fear of 'things never working out' is that men have lots of time to sort this thing out.

You are right but when there's a girl whom is worth it I try it out. However I am just frustrated that it didn't turn out for the best. Not to mention the heartaches or me breaking a woman's heart.

This new girl, I care for her man. I know it is still early but she has the qualities I am looking for. I find her cute and pretty but I have exes before whom are prettier but as of now I still prefer this girl.

To tell you the truth I was only devastated after the loss of my 2nd relationship. Others even though I have the feeling of sadness I didn't really cry or baaaww my feelings out.

It's weird but with this new girl I feel I will cry if ever we don't end up together.

So yeah that's it in a nutshell. Hope you guys can help me.