Going out alone

I moved to a city when I was 21. I used to go out to drink and latch onto groups of people. I was a lot more aggressively outspoken, over confident and irritating when I was young and I think I needed to be for this to work.

I found that students were best because they've moved to a new area and were already looking to meet new people and indulge in new experiences, though you've got to put up with listening to the same conversations about babies first super theories of everything and most of them move away eventually.

I'd say that all these years later while I met everybody I pretty much know during that period it wasn't that successful and in hindsight kind of cringe worthy at times. These days I'd rather express my self confidence in what I am and can do rather than what I can say and think I could do, but maybe that is normal for young people in the process of becoming.

The ones who I know now, came from making the leap from acquaintance to friend and for that to happen you've quite often got to offer up some social capital of your own. Maybe you've mutual friends, interests, skills, hobbies etc.

You've got to put quite a lot of hours in with somebody to start to form a friendship where you can actually be vulnerable and have disagreements and things which strengthen the friendship. In a club setting you'll get a little time every other week or so and it'll never progress and they can always just say fuck off bro.

For me it was music. I played quite a few instruments, had a ton of equipment and could run sound, record and repair things. I jumped at any chance to play with, record with or for, put on bands, help out with gigs, events, festivals etc in the local scene. Kind of tough crowd though because so many aloof trendy people who seemingly can afford to just be critical because they are king of a scene by virtue of looks or talent. Also so many chaotic weird dangerous people who have no idea.

But even so, a not bad 10-15 people who've stuck around.

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>>17440554

I'm good at getting people to hang out with me after we've already met, it's just that I've pretty much never been in a situation where I'm meeting people alone, it's always either friends of friends, merging with other groups on a night out, etc.

Here I'm in a town I don't know with people that I don't know, it's just very strange and somewhat intimidating.

>>17440628
Well I used to smoke which helped because you can usually talk in a smoking area and plenty of people aren't put off by someone striking up a conversation.

I used to just ask people how their night was going make some small talk and introduce myself, ask them if anything is going on later and just move on pleasantly enough.

Eventually you run into people again and ask them again how it is going and especially if people are drunk sometimes they'll latch onto you and introduce you to their group. Sometimes people are assholes and use the fact that you aren't with a group of people against you to try and make themselves look funny or clever, but that is not that difficult to deal with if you are actually funny and socially capable enough to pick up on any dynamics within a group because occasionally that will prompt others in the group to take sides and later on you find a reason to catch up with those people.

What country and city? I've been to some cities where there is almost a festival vibe going on at all times and as such it is really easy to just join groups and strike up conversation. Was in Barcelona earlier this year and it was easy as fuck to just join a random group and ask for a cigarette and talk about the evening and what people are into.

Met five different groups over the week and went to dinner with three of them, drinks for another and talked shit for ages with another and got a strong vibe that a girl was into me and that was the pretence.

>>17440652
Belgrade, Serbia

Sometimes I like to smoke when on a night out because alcohol gives me nausea and the cigarettes help, I can smoke a pack a for 2 days in a row and feel no craving outside these nights at all, so I might do that.