I'm not sure if I should marry my cousin through an arranged

He doesn't sound like anything special. He sounds exactly like how every other guy presents himself when he wants to get a girl.

>>17436334
He doesn't know actually. My parents only old me and wanted me to watch him to see if I like him. They haven't even brought up the idea to his parents yet so he doesn't know. My mom says that's good becuase he's not putting on an act.

pics!!! we'll rate him >:)

>>17436347
>He doesn't know actually
So none of this matters. If he's as well-educated as you say he is, then he won't be okay with the idea of marrying his cousin. I mean, why marry you when he could have any girl he wants by the sounds of it?

>>17436347
where do you guys live?

>>17436359
I was worried about that but my mom told this type of match is highly favoured since his parents will trust mine. She said he will most likely listen to his parents. I guess outside of that I come from a good family and i'm educated and working towards a good career. My family did help his so I guess he knows first hand that I come from a nice family. Idk, that's all I got. My dad just told me to give him an answer in the next week so now i'm kind of panicking I guess :/

religion?

>>17436376
>She said he will most likely listen to his parents.
No, he won't. And if he's the kind to do what his parents say when he's 27 and supposedly well-educated, is that the sort of guy you want to marry?

>>17436367
I live in Canada, born and raised here. He is from pakistan and he came in 2015. Surprisingly, he isn't fobby and is very willing to learn the culture so he mixes up well. His english is pretty good because he studied at a english school over there. So far, he seems to be integrating well.

>>17436381
We are both Christian. If you want the exact denomination, we are Baptist Christians.

>>17436382
Well I guess he is from pakistan and cousin marriages are not shamed over there. Also, there is this cultural notion that you should listen to your parents. However, you are right he very well may not listen. My parents are asking me now what my answer is so I guess they want confirmation from me before they speak to his parents and then we'll find out.

>>17436357
He had a facebook but he deleted it now. I could get pics from his cousins page since she has it but I don't want you guys tracking her down and harassing her or something haha

How does it feel to know you're just property huh?

>>17436406
remove the link from imgur. I want to see how ugly his sand nigger is

>>17436401
>My parents are asking me now what my answer is so I guess they want confirmation from me before they speak to his parents and then we'll find out.
The fact that your parents are putting you in this situation concerns me. Why does it have to be now? Why can't it be later, when you're older and more mature and have an established life path and are actually thinking about marriage?

>>17436412
I don't think thats the case since my parents gave me choice.

>>17436416
I don't know how to do that.

>>17436422
Well, they won't say this but they won't say it is because they want to get me engaged young so that while I keep studying I won't fool around with any guys because i'll know I have a fiance. They said I could basically date him for a few years when I get engaged.

The other reason is because he is 27 his parents could also be looking for some other matches for him already and they don't want to lose him.

The other reason my dad brought up his becuase he wants to get him out of the house asap. You see he landed in Canada and was staying with us and working. My dad doesn't want us to get engaged while we are under the same roof becuase he says it doesn't look nice and he doesn't want people to think something happened and that's why are getting engaged to make up for it. I think he thinks through engagement he can get him out of here faster.

>>17436450
>they want to get me engaged young so that while I keep studying I won't fool around with any guys because i'll know I have a fiance. They said I could basically date him for a few years when I get engaged.
Are they aware that people can break off engagements? Are they aware that you or he could be unfaithful?

>The other reason is because he is 27 his parents could also be looking for some other matches for him already and they don't want to lose him.
You don't get 'first dibs' on him

>The other reason my dad brought up his becuase he wants to get him out of the house asap. You see he landed in Canada and was staying with us and working. My dad doesn't want us to get engaged while we are under the same roof becuase he says it doesn't look nice and he doesn't want people to think something happened and that's why are getting engaged to make up for it. I think he thinks through engagement he can get him out of here faster.
But people won't talk about the fact that you're first cousins? And I don't get this - if you get engaged, doesn't that just give people reason to talk? How does this get him out of the house? If your dad doesn't want to support him, why not just kick him out? This is making absolutely zero sense to me

>>17436461
>Are they aware that people can break off engagements? Are they aware that you or he could be unfaithful?
Yeah, I don't know why they aren't thinking of that. I'm sure they are aware but they're probably thinking because of my christian background I won't be unfaithful. They probably think he won't be either because he's christian too. In regards to breaking off an engagement, that is a possibility. But again, I think they are thinking becuase we are Christian + cultural background we won't.

>You don't get 'first dibs' on him
I know but I guess in the asian marriage market people think like that. Also, my dad brought it up once when I was 17 and just said something along the lines what do you think of getting engaged to this guy in a few years. At the time I didn't give him an answer and he shrugged it off as fine and didn't push me. So maybe his parents brought it up then? and if I say no then they'll find another girl. I;m not sure, I guess I should ask.

>But people won't talk about the fact that you're first cousins? And I don't get this - if you get engaged, doesn't that just give people reason to talk? How does this get him out of the house? If your dad doesn't want to support him, why not just kick him out? This is making absolutely zero sense to me
We won't tell anyone. You're right... idk why he want's to do it this way. I should ask.

A christian from pakistan!?!?!?!? wth, no way. Ya'll get converted when your family came to Canada?

>>17436507
So basically, there is no reason they should be asking you about this shit right now. I understand a lot of this is cultural background and I can relate (I'm Indian), but this situation is just not right to me. Maybe I'm more white-washed than you or something, but I just don't like what your parents are doing, and I certainly don't like the idea of you marrying your cousin.

Just out of curiosity by the way, what's his visa status like? Is it in any way at a 'needs to marry someone local to stay in Canada' level?

>>17436514
>each country can only have people of one religion residing there

do your parents dislike muslims?

OP, following this thread, it seems to me like it's a little scummy for them to go "oh go fall in love with this guy" without even telling him of their grand plans to marry you two. And then hoping (let's face it, pressurizing) him into marrying you at a later point in time, in which they say "well she's already in love with you all these years". And again, what kind of guy would just "listen to the parents" and mindlessly obey their decision on such a big personal thing as choosing one's soulmate? It's not saying there isn't a chance with him, but any educated guy worth his salt, would go "wth why were you all planning schemes behind my back for the past few years? Anyway, whatever, give /me/ time to see if I like her but no guarantees". And that would be it- dragging things on without any guarantee. Any educated guy worth his salt, wouldn't just shrug and go "sure whatever, my parents told me what to do this very second, I shall do it"- in fact it worries me that your parents have such a low opinion of him

>>17436516
I don't know his visa status! I think he landed and everything was fine? He got his work permit and I think he just has to take his exam and he can be a Canadian citizen??? I didn't even think of that, i'll get the details about that!!

>>17436514
I was born here. My parents were christians in pakistan! My mom was a baptist christian there and my dad was a christian but he didn't belong to a particular denomination haha. He went to Pentecostal, presbyterian and even catholic mass!

>>17436528
They faced a lot of discrimination so yeah, kind of. It's more like I see their prejudice come out sometimes. They try and show christ like character and not discriminate and show love but still I see their biases come out.

>>17436529
You're right. I was going to write something longer but yeah...you're right.

>>17436557
>I don't know his visa status! I think he landed and everything was fine? He got his work permit and I think he just has to take his exam and he can be a Canadian citizen??? I didn't even think of that, i'll get the details about that!!
This situation just sounds a lot like "let's get him married to our daughter so he can live here and his parents will forever be indebted to us"

There's definitely something else going on here on your parents' end beyond "we want the best for our daughter". There are red flags galore, and you would be stupid to agree to this.

>>17436559
Okay you are right. I will definitely try and find the details on all the stuff you talked about.

>>17436579
I honestly don't think you should bother. There are just too many reasons that you shouldn't agree to marry this guy
>he's your cousin
>your parents are weirdly pushy about it
>your parents don't seem to think that it's weird for you to marry your cousin despite having lived in Canada for 20+ years
>he doesn't even know that you're talking about this
>this whole plan is based on the idea that he'll just magically accept the situation
>you don't even know why your parents are so insistent on your cousin, despite there being, you know, other guys out there in the world
>you're 20 and they've had this idea at least since you were 17, so they probably won't be happy if you say no and will continue to ask you to consider it
>your parents seem to get a kick out of knowing that his parents owe them
>it might end up being a visa marriage

I could go on

>>17436610
go on if you want i'm listening

>>17436610
I think they will be disappointed and maybe push me a bit but they promised that they would only proceed if I gave a yes

>>17436631
That won't be the case. They'll bring it up again and again. They'll half-ass trying to find you a husband in a different guy. They'll never like any guy you choose for yourself because he's not your cousin.

>>17436673
ahhh oh well :( I think i'll say no and find someone else. If they don't like any other guy I pick hopefully they will get over it with time

>>17436631
there's little way to tell, speculation only goes that far. Though I already think it's quite out-of-line for them to instil the fear in you of them being so massively disappointed if you don't choose your cousin. That's just the modern, slightly more sugarcoated version of the old "marry this guy!" dictate. I've heard of parents reacting a lot less severely than their children anticipated when the children refused the parents' choice- but also of cases where the parents unexpectedly flip the fuck out. Honestly, I think you need to carve your own path in life anyway. You may like this guy, but as the other anon put it, it's a difficult situation with many red flags. Really, there are other guys out there. You need to rely on your judgement, you're an adult now, and not on your parents' (shady) ways, so forget any further guy they "choose" for you, especially since they /might/ do it half-assedly

>>17436357
>>17436406
>>17436416
I want to see him too

>>17436694
Oh no i'm not afraid they will be disappointed. It's my mom who I think will be more disappointed because she has said she feels like she can trust him and she doesn't know the character of other guys. They didn't instil a big fear or anything I was just thinking becuase they were being open with me I should maybe consider it more. But I am listening to what you said, you're right I should make my own path.

>>17436710
and yeah I won't pick the other guys they choose

ITT: arabs inbreeding

>>17436461
>unfaithful
Will they kill her for that?

>>17437712
No they wouldn't. They would be sad because it's a sin.