Suicidal.

I have dealt with these same feeling for years. And i can tell you from experience, that no one is gonna be a cure for these feelings you are having. even if he was to return to you, you would always question if he was doing so because he did not want to feel guilty if you managed to successfully snuff yourself.

What you need is to build a life up with your own achievements and reasons to go on. Find something that will motivate you to get out of bed and live.

Maybe some therapy will help you. Meds might if you can handle them. but in the end you need to build a positive life for you.

>>17434227

I know I probably sound like the most pathetic person and like a usual crybaby teenager right now. But there has been seriously nothing that could get me out of bed. I haven't felt alive since he left me and everything feels hopeless. Everything that used to motivate me to get out of bed and do something, I did with him. And if I go back to doing all those things again, it'll just remind me of him. Basically.. I can't do anything that makes me happy.

I just want to leave. Then the pain will end. I don't think any advice will ever stop me. I really think I'll be dead by tomorrow.

that is very sad. I do not know your pain, but can relate to it with my own. If you really feel that way perhaps you need to call a dear friend or medical center for help.

However I bet there are plenty of things to live for. Have you ever traveled the world? Seen Exciting exotic places?

Listen to me. I used to feel like this aswell, for such a long time that I barely remembered any time that was happier. Then I realized something: People aren't suicidial because they don't want to live, but because they don't want to live in a way that seems unbearable to them. That the guy you mentioned gave you a good feeling is beautiful, but it doesn't mean his presence or the lack thereof should decide your actions. Think about it, a person made you feel differently, think differently and act differently. For a while the spiral went up, not downwards. You, too, are a person, and you can decide and put the effort in to live an existence that is worthwile.

What he does is not in your control, but you do have the control over yourself.

First anon is right about the achievements and reasons to go on.

You should meet a psychiatrist.

>>17434258

The sad thing is, that I tried that. But they are all busy and are either hanging up or telling me that they'll call back another time. I do not have any friends, I left them all when I moved, for him. I feel so miserably and alone. I've travelled once, to Italy with him.. So yea kinda.. Thanks for the advice anyway.


>>17434266

Thanks anon, you made me realize something in a split second, I guess that means there's a little spark of hope anyway.. I'll wait it out. Maybe if I think about your messages long enough, something will change in me. But if everything remains the same by tonight, I can't promise anything. I just don't know if I should try and call him or just leave him.. I don't think I'll be able to make it if I have to leave him. Maybe it's just a trespassing thought. Maybe it's going to haunt me forever. I don't know.

>>17434282

I've tried that. She was an arrogant bitch, and when I told her about my selfharm, she said "why don't you try and cut deeper next time, then come and visit me."

i think this is someone trolling for attention.

>>17434303

Wow. I don't even bother caring about your comment.

>>17434286

You're welcome. I really hope it does. I know how strong the urge can seem.

Thoughts are just that, thoughts. They're fleeting and what you think in a moment does not constitute you. You're more than that.

>>17434318

I will leave my stuff at home tonight when I leave. When I get back home after a shitload of thinking, maybe I've changed my mind.

>>17434357
>>17434286
You can't just think about it, hoping it will change by tonight. It will take a few day, maybe a few weeks. You should still leave and think, but then act on what you've thought about.

>>17434394

Not to be rude, as I really appreciate your support, but weeks won't do anything good for me. I've given this so many days. So many weeks and so many years. It's ending tonight, if it does.

>>17434403
In that case, best of luck. Don't be impulsive or do something rash. Have patience.

>>17434418

Thank you... Please have a wonderful life, and thank you for giving your time to help others.