SSRIs

no one has responded yet so i will.

imo you're right not to go back to a "professional" as they will most likely just try and put you on more brainfuck drugs and make the problem worse than it already is.

i think a lot of people probably feel like you do now, whether they were on SSRI's for years or not. sometimes it almost seems like the human condition is in fact to feel totally fucking empty and, as you said, wear a mask of empathy and sympathy.

in my own case, i'd say i go through different phases, sometimes deeply tuned in to others and empathetic, sometimes completely indifferent and selfishly uncaring about others. sometimes i can identify and weep for a stranger while ignoring the problems of a close family member.

i think it's something we all need to work on consciously rather than turning to drugs - legal or illegal - to magically fix. you're on the right track already just by questioning yourself and why you are feeling - or not feeling - what you are in your life.

life is rough, life is a struggle, and we have to apply our intelligence again and again to the problems presented before us. if we just go through life ignoring shit, drugging ourselves into stupidity or indifference, we never grow as people.

i think it's important to do a regular life review, looking back on your entire history, to see how you have become who and what you are now compared to the past. we are not set in stone, frozen in time; we're processes functioning through time, shifting and shaping based on life experiences and our own decisions, thoughts, intentions, actions, etc. we were all born completely ignorant and helpless as babies, we all had to gradually accumulate a knowledge of the world and others, we had to assimilate all kinds of complex, contradictory views and ideas and ways of life into our own view of life and way of being. it's been a long road, even from birth to your age 23. just stick with itt, don't give up, keep questioning, keep trying.

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Everyone reacts to different medications in different ways.

For example:

I dated this grill who was on a lot Lithium.

A possible side effect is:

>Sexual dysfunction including decreased libido and vaginal dryness.

Well it did the opposite for her; she told me she would randomly get super wet. And after she got out of the shower and was just in a towel doing her hair and makeup, her pussy would start dripping on the floor.

She didn't have a high libido to begin with but when she wanted to fuck, she seriously needed to FUCK.

Interesting grill.

Anyways, I think it just numbed you emotionally and you never really learned or experienced show to express or convey emotions properly.

The grill I was talking about had the same problem.

She came across as a complete ice queen in public but even when it was just her and I, she still had a stone face.

It took months of making her laugh, saying sweet things, getting her little gifts from time to time and teaching her to kiss passionately to finally break through the wall of ice/numbness.

Then when I started saying "I love you" she wouldn't say anything back but then after a few times, she started saying it back and truly meant it.

There's hope, just gonna take some time and things that are feels inducing.

Thanks guys. I'll give a proper response in a few, but I'm very touched and this advice has definitely already helped me deeply.

Dude, it almost sounds like antisocial personality disorder, i.e. sociopath/psychopath
Shit man I say embrace the feeling of not feeling, fucking works for me

I don't think it's sociopathy. I was really concerned about that. The fact I was concerned means I definitely don't have it. I have impulse control, among other things. The profile just doesn't fit me, I don't want to harm anyone.

Honestly, after much thinking I have decided to follow the advice of the posters here. I am going to work on it often. I am going to focus on the love I have for my SO and try to bring that into more aspects of my life. With enough time, it will definitely bloom into something greater. I loved my SO before the meds took my feels, so at least I can hold on to it and blossom it into other things. I'm not going to give up, I think there's hope for me.