True Horrors of the Night

Hmm, nihilistic existential doubt is not that weird.
Your feeding into your own narrative of reinforcing low self esteem.
Yes, occasionally I feel crushing bouts of internal anxiety about my place in the world.
Everybody cares a bit generally, the social etiquette is to be polite and concerned for other peoples welfare, with good friends it's genuine, but you should recognize that it not other people's place to offer you constant social validation either.

I struggle with both the things you described, I'm 'normal' to the extent that life is stressful and I experience periods of vulnerability and depression.

Mostly that internal routine of excessively questioning all your actions is self-defeating, a little bit helps keep you in check if what your doing is reasonable to other people.

>>17429547
>this little bit of fear keeps you conscious of whether or not what you're doing is ridiculous to other people
The fear is about things outside of my control I guess. What if like, a certain facial expression I'm not consciously making is destroying 50% of my opportunities, and I just can't know? Another one would be, what if my life course looks relatively reasonable but is actually a road to ruin?

Then there are diffetences of opinion. For instance, someone might say I am helping support the economy and keeping myself happy when I buy a thing, whereas others would say my spending violated certain conditions and that I have a clear spending problem.

Just the other day, two people I knew said that a gift I bought was very selfless and sweet, whereas one other said the gesture was naive and the money spent was not optimal to my survival.

That's all open to interpretation, but the example about unknowingly making a face that say ruins 50% of dates and interviews is really horrible. That's similar to a fear of cancer (that will be detected and non-fatal). My only way to cope with a fear like that is to dismiss it before I give myself OCD.

>>17429568
"The fear is about things outside of my control I guess."
Most things in life are outside of your control, it's something everyone has to cope with.
"What if like, a certain facial expression I'm not consciously making is destroying 50% of my opportunities, and I just can't know?"
I doubt that, people look at a variety of things when decoding other people's behavior. If your having a lot of trouble decoding emotional cues you might have mild Aspergers ( not trying to put you down but that's a common problem), or your general anxiety is interfering.

"Another one would be, what if my life course looks relatively reasonable but is actually a road to ruin?"

Um you don't really know, I can tell you being slightly older your going to fail many times, it's something you just have to get progressively better at coping with.

the other things you described, it sounds like your putting an unreasonable amount of value on other peoples opinions. You can be polite and except people's feedback without being completely emotionally impacted by it.

Socially you sound like a lot of people, you don't know your place in the world or secure in your social attachments, and that feeds into anxiety and the problems with fear and emotional interpretation.

I'm really not perfect so take my advice on face value: i think you should figure out what activities make you feel most grounded in your identity. If you feel solid in what your doing it will help with some of that stress, your more likely to meet people with similar interests that you feel like you can have honest dialogues and feel less self conscious around. If you feel grounded in something like that, a lot of people's judgements and opinions will matter a lot less to you.

>>17429616
Thanks man. You're right about all of that.

>>17429643
welcome dude, you mind I ask your age?

>>17429666
21

Oh your doing alright I had horrible anxiety/depression right around then.
6 years out from that and a few break downs later.
Get some counseling if you can afford it.

>>17429747
Trust me I am and will

Kinda, but for me it's more of a hyper-realization about myself and everything around. I am aware of who I am, not just who I am but literally aware that I am consciousness controlling a body. It's not just 1 unified "me", it's more like I the conciousness controlling me the body/personality/how others see me through this fucking "life" shit, and it ain't going too hot. I also just really fucking hate myself for like no reason, just constant torture of myself by myself, as fucked up as that is to comprehend.

>>17429829
Unfortunately that makes a lot of relatable sense

Sometimes people around you act like crabs in a barrel, you just have to be your best person. when you act like your real self, those who mind dont matter and those who matter dont mind.