Anons, I need help.
I'm M 25 and gay. I live in a big, cool city full of gays and am told that I'm handsome and get hit on. I get told that I'm smart and great for deep conversations and have good grades. But for years now I am miserable, even though I am in therapy. I have never had a boyfriend and my sex life is so bad that I started doing escort sutff. Including BDSM in groups and it went up to 13 young guys orgies. But still, I am never capable of coming. Only when I masturbate. I am blocked, maybe it is internalized homophobia, self hate. As a teen I cut myself and still sometimes do it. I take meds, duloxetine antidepressants. I have sexual drive, they don't block it. It's in my head. I have problems trusting people and my best friends are the ones from high school I rarely see. I haven't finished my degree in years, only now it's slowly happening. I feel ridiculous, like a baby. I often spend the day sleeping, whenever I can. I have semester break and haven't left the house for 4 days after traveling and seeing my old friends and barely eat anything. I don't know what to do. I have anxieties and self-hate and meds and therapy don't help.
How does this sound? What can I do? What would you do? Any feedback?
if thereapy doesn't work, the only suggestions are finding other therapists, are focusing on yourself.
have you considered not focusing on such extreme sexual activities? i do a lot of those things as well (Save for the escorting) but its not for everyone
>>17427962
yes I just want normal dates, but I am too scared that I will be blocked and can't come. I just need some care, hugs and kisses for now maybe. But I can't write that in dating profiles haha
>>17427976
you literally can. you can also just not go to the sex. ask a guy on a date, then drop him off. or if he tries to make a move say 'lets wait'.
you may feel like you're using him, but is he not using you for sex? just do what makes you happy anon, stop worrriny about 'OH I CANT WRITE THAT ON A PROFILE'
i consistently go to the gay club, pick up a guy, and then refuse to have sex with him. and i like sex. A LOT. but after a beer or two its not enjoyable for me. i even warn them that we wont be having sex but yeah.
>>17427985
thanks, I will try this, if I just wasn't so pussy, my anxiety will keep me from acutally going out and dating the guy. let alone going to the club/bar alone. It will get better but the past days have been tough.
>>17428006
get a piece of paper and a marker and in big letters write
'do it anyways'
tape it to your wall, your mirror, or anything you see several hundred times a day.
it encourages you to think about what you're doing.
good luck man
>tfw no kinky bf to ho around with
>>17427929
what city do you live in?
>>17428051
Berlin