Can being single for long, prolonged spans of time be bad for

Alcohol helps temporarily, but I feel like I'm alienating my friends and disappointing my family by drinking so much.

>>17427577
>Can being single for long, prolonged spans of time be bad for one's mental health?
Being lonely, yes; being single, no. There's a difference.

>>17427687
How do I stop being lonely?

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>>17427577

Maslow's hierarchy of needs poses Love and Belonging quite high on the priorities of human needs along with further instances of fulfillment that realistically can only be achieved via a companion or partner. Pic related.

>>17427713
I'm a bit unstable on my financial and general future, too. I don't know how and when some medical processes that my entire life will depend on are going to turn out, but that somehow only ends me up more desperate for a hand to hold.

Should I disrupt it further? I won't be homeless while living with my mother, should I move to some other town to have more to fear?

I am in the same boat as you OP. Enough to the point to where I am considering moving to another country for financial security (access to college and more affordable medical care) and for a complete release from all the expectations and judgments of the people I interact with already. Pretty much a complete reset on my life.

>>17427722

Everyone in life needs stability and power in some form. It sounds like you're feeling powerless now.

There are 4 types of power. Hierarchical, Social, Violent, and Sexual.

Everyone needs to have control over at least one of these. From your post it appears that you are lacking in all of them. This will lead you to take power in the easiest way. Violent. This can be violence against the self or others.

I'd urge you if you wish to be more content in your life you first start getting control over what you can and making peace with what is inevitable. Join clubs you find interest in and make friends. Become good at a skill. Go to uni if it's an option and move from your situation.

You're not happy the way you are. So take the initiative and change it.

>>17427788
I'm currently working and trying to get into school for a proper vocation. I will be stuck to this town for a few years longer for that, and I desperately need to find some way to keep from screaming.

I don't have any interests but I'm writing a book.

I'm also 5'6 and around 125 lbs with a full stomach so violence isn't really an option.

>>17427713

>right in the middle
>quite high
>self esteem, morality, creativity, spontaneity, acceptance of facts, confidence, achievement, respect for others, respect by others
>can only be done with a partner

jesus, you knwo you've seen too many disney movies when you ignore the entire pyramid and say 'LOVE IS OBVIOUSLY THE MOST IMPORTANT'

>>17427577

it can be. that doesn't mean it has to be.

the native americans had a spirit totem for the bobcat that taught those under its guidance how to be 'alone without being lonely'.

this isnt meant to say they were destined to be virgins or permasingle. jsut that they need to learn how to appreciate themselves more than others might have to.

>>17427958
I don't care about sex. As a matter of fact, I dislike it so much it upsets me just thinking about it.

I wouldn't mind having sex if it was in a proper relationship and he'd agree to console me afterwards. It just feels so inconsiderate to first make someone cry and then get mad at them for crying.

>>17427971

the issue here is are you warning guys that sex makes you cry? you're acting like they are punching you in the face and should understand its a bad thing.

Being in relationships for long, prolonged spans of time can be bad for someone's mental health,, too.

Kill me lol

>>17427980
To be perfectly honest, that had not even occurred to me.

How do you word that in a way that won't deter him from doing it anyway?

I understand that it has to happen and I do try to hold back the crying, but if you tell a guy not to fuck you and expect him to not grow to resent you over it over the years, you're demanding to have your cake and eat it too just as much as he would, being mad at the crying.

I can't exactly just ask him to punch me in the face instead, can I?

>>17428088
What the fuck is wrong with you.

>>17428001
Dump her you child. She deserves someone better.

>>17428088
The solution is simple. Get professional help to fix your view on sex. Sex should NOT make you want to cry. It's meant to be an intimate, loving act.

>>17428337
My shrink told me to see a gynecologist and changed the subject. I had been told he has worked with transgender patients before.

>>17428350
Did you tell him why it makes you cry or imply something misleading about it? Whatever the reason, it's a problem and it needs to be addressed. If you're transsexual you should find a way to have sex that is fulfilling to yourself and not at odds with the gender you identify as.

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>>17427577
>no gf ever
>no friends for a couple of years now
>work non-wagecuck job full time, stay in shape, enjoy my hobbies

Who else here /selfsufficient/? Get on my level normans.

>>17428378
I told him that the mere thought of sex being a requirement in a romantic relationship riles me up to such distress that I resort to self-harm to calm myself down.

So he signed me up to a group therapy program for women who self-harm.

His job is to play patty-cake with me until the real professionals at the trans clinic are done wasting my time.

>>17427677
Right with you buddy. Take it easy for all us sinners

>>17428440
Sex is a "requirement" because it's a form of intimacy. A way we express love for one another. It's no more mandatory than kissing or cuddling or holding hands, but a relationship without one of those is going to suffer deeply for it. There's no real reason sexual intimacy has to mean penis in vagina though (regardless of which side of that you fall on). There's all sorts of things you can do that don't have to remind you of what set of genitals you have. Find a way to be intimate with a partner sexually that works for you and learn to accept those, even if you'll never accept certain kinds of sex.

>>17428461
Men express their love with the penis. If I make the experience of professing his affection unpleasant to the both of us, I can't expect it to last.

How do I have sex with a man without having to come into any contact with an erect penis?

>>17428528
You don't. If you're attracted to men, you need to accept that sexual intimacy involving their penis is going to come up. If you're attracted to women, then sexual intimacy involving their clit/vagina will. It's YOUR genitals you should avoid if you can't accept them, not your partner's. If you can't accept what your partner has down there, you need to work on that and you shouldn't be looking for a partner until you have.

>>17428533
I'm female-to-male. I don't want to be penetrated or touch my partner's penis with my hands or mouth, or be aware of it in the same room.

My ex and I had this deal where he'd get me blackout drunk in order to finish his needs, but then I had to deal with comforting him about it. I don't know if the guilt made it worthwhile to him or not, I'm just exhausted of having to hide when I cry.

>>17428549
You are not ever going to have a healthy or fulfilling relationship then if you don't change or find someone who is likeminded/ has literally no sex drive (not low, none). It's that simple.

Sex in a relationship isn't about fucking. It's a way to feel loved and a way to show your love. You're literally telling a partner "if you want to have sex with me, you have to [essentially] rape me, I will hate every second of it but I will allow you to do it because I think the whole point of this is for you to cum at the end". It's not. He's going to feel rejected and hurt because of your response to sex and him- he's trying to show his love for you in a way that is extremely important to him, and he's going to feel rejected and hurt because you are disgusted by a part of him. You giving him the physical satisfaction that he can get from jacking off is not what sex is about. If it was, he wouldn't ever need sex from you in the first place, because he could just masturbate. You need to address your hangups. You don't have to have him fuck you, I get why that would be an issue. But willingly touching a body part of a man that you love and attempting to bring him pleasure, and him bringing you pleasure (even if in some kind of roundabout way that avoids your genitals), should not be something that is upsetting. If you want to have a healthy, happy relationship you're going to need to address this sooner or later.

>>17428576
I don't mind him hurting me in the process of relieving himself, it's a sacrifice I'm capable of making. I just can't stand having to pretend to not dislike it.

>>17428657
Try rereading the post. I explained to you why it's /not/ about relieving himself. If that was the issue then he could just masturbate.

>>17428687
Then why can't he?!

Why would you bother giving someone grief for something absolutely avoidable if you could just NOT DO IT?

>>17428701
Fucking lay back and think of england, then. Whining won't help you.

>>17427577
I'm 23 and I haven't had a single relationship in my life. There's times where I feel really shit about having noone by my side but it comes and goes.
It's pretty fucking bad at when it comes along but at least it doesn't last.

>>17428770
I had an awful 2-year relationship from 19-21 and while dying alone feels bad, it isn't as bad as that.

>>17428778
Yeah, I hear a bunch of people say "At least you had a relationship!" and shit like that but I never understood that.
I'm not desperate enough to get a relationship just for the sake of having one. I might die alone but at least I didn't willingly jump onto a sinking ship.

>>17428701
Because, as anon said, he has other needs, and you're not fulfilling them.
It's a general expectation that your needs are met in a exclusive relationship. If you can't meet the needs of your parner, end it or open it. Doing otherwise will only bring misery on you both

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>Can being single for long, prolonged spans of time be bad for one's mental health?

I think it really depends on what kind of person you are. I've known people that are fine in short stretches, some that are sporadic in dating, some that can't go that long without a relationship and forever alones that are either okay with it or depressed. It also comes down to how comfortable you are with yourself and your goals.

Last relationship I had was at 24 and I'm turning 30 next month. Due to my upbringing I'm used to traveling, seeing new faces and never really settling down. I got used to being on my own, never having stable friends and learning to just exist that way. Finally getting that concrete structure in my 20s felt weird as did getting into relationships. The women I dated were amazing, but families and such aren't for me. Never want kids and I don't see the point in marrying.

This all isn't to say I'm without my own problems, demons or vices, but I feel like I'm pretty balanced most days. I'm just an odd case though as I can say with confidence that I'm absolutely fine being alone. It never bothered me as a kid and it still doesn't as an adult.

>>17428927
My family didn't move around much, I didn't have any friends because of sperg traits and bullying. The concept of not having anyone grieves me, as if being alone is solely caused by not being worth anyone's time. My life is not worth sharing, I am garbage and too repulsive to be touched or tolerated.

>>17427713
>tfw you don't have sex and sleep for only six hours a night
>tfw you don't have the security of/for family because no family, or your body because you don't care what happens to yourself
>tfw you have no family, no sexual intimacy, and your only friend is your dog - the other two are going to be gone soon
>tfw you have no self-esteem, don't respect others and others don't respect you because they just look at you and assume you're mean/bad because you're ugly
>tfw when you're morality is fucked because you're often giving up on trying to be the good guy since everyone treats you like you're the bad guy

>>17429017
>too repulsive to be touched
>too repulsed to touch a guy

>>17429057
If I have to buy it with sex, I'll have to buy it with sex.