Yet Another Dating Advice (With more philosophy)

>>17426496
>I want a woman
>don´t know what i want

what now anon?

>>17426499
I should have been more precise: I want her but I don't know what I want from her (eg: I don't see myself in the future with this woman but I'd like it, and I'm not especially interested in sex).
My friends says it's a problem of confidence, that I don't feel like I'm good enough.

Why-is-this-board-so-slow kind of bump
Maybe it lacks a little bit of love.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=leXt4ilaPdA
Playing this one full volume in response to the thugs of my shitty neighbourhood playing rap.

>>17426502
what makes you think she´s not wife material? how old are you? if she´s interested and so are you, but you are not looking to "settle down" just yet, that´s fine too. just make sure she is on the same boat and you don´t waste her best years witheout being upfront about your intentiont.

>>17426543
>what makes you think she´s not wife material?
She's one of the most perfect wife material I've ever met, she explodes all of my standards.

>how old are you?
19yo

> if she´s interested and so are you
I don't know her enough yet, but I always get to a point where I don't know what to do. It's a larger scale problem.
If she says anything showing clear interest I might not know how to act (my curse pattern) and let her believe I'm not interested.
Really guys, I'm asking, what is the point of all this dating thing and how do you handle from the part where you're pretty sure she likes you back to the whole soulmate part ?

>>17426564
so you want her, you can see a future with her but you fear to react strangely if she shows interest or makes a move? and you suspect it´s because you don´t believe yourself worthy of her interest?
and also, you fear to react in a way that will drive her away? just to make sure i have fully understood your situation and line of thoughts.

>>17426496

OP, how about radical honesty.

"Hey, it's great to meet and spend time getting to know you. Honestly if I may confess I always feel really awkward at first getting to know someone. For some reason I get anxious blah blah blah. I hope you can bear with me a little."

Just use women as your therapist to share your blockage points. You can do it casually and you don't have to overdo it. Just oh and by the way hey look I'm human!

So maybe this one in particular gets away. And the next etc etc. Eventually you will have worked through your inner shit and will be ready for prime time.

>>17426567
A big thank you for your time anon

>so you want her
yes, she's really cute/classy and look smart.

>you can see a future with her
I don't authorise myself to speculate unless I know her more, but I think she fit my standards

>but you fear to react strangely if she shows interest or makes a move
Not stangely, I fear not to react at all, really I can't take this further step into relationships, I always stay friendly even when the girl clearly hugged me multiple times just because she "feel like it" and desperately ask if I'm single (already happened).

> and you suspect it´s because you don´t believe yourself worthy of her interest?
I show a lot of confidence in front of other, maybe too much, but this morning when I mentioned this girl to another one (friend) and told her "maybe she's too beautiful for me" she said "now I get it, you have in fact a bad self esteem".
>you don´t believe yourself worthy of her interest
Re-reading yes it's clearly that, I feel like I have nothing to offer, weird for a 19yo student

>>17426582
>I can't take this further step into relationships, I always stay friendly even when the girl clearly hugged me multiple times
why? what´s holfding you back? what are you afraid off? that she didnßt mean it "that way" and you embarass yourself? or do you simply not get it till it´s too late?

>weird for a 19yo student
no, it´s perfectly normal to be socially awkward at that age

>>17426568
>OP, how about radical honesty.
I like that !
In fact this was supposed to be my new strategy a few month ago and I got kind of good results, but I need to keep working on it.
Radical honesty is sexy af but difficult to master as a habit.
I'm like in between radical honesty and radical roleplaying. That's weird.

>>17426586
>what are you afraid off? that she didnßt mean it "that way" and you embarass yourself? or do you simply not get it till it´s too late?
Both. And add to that that I clearly don't know how to respond ! Like what the fuck am I supposed to do when she show interest ? Entertain her ? Start playing games ? Trying to be romantic ? I'm lost af

>>17426595
give an example of how she could show interest and how you would want to react and how you think she expects you to react

>>17426608
Girls in my country (France) don't show interest often you got to do everything like she was a princess but sometimes it happens
Let's imagine:
"I really like you anon"
"Ew well, thank you"
(*starts to look for a good idea of conversation*)

How she expects me to react:
IF I KNEW I WOULD DO IT THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT OF THIS THREAD HAHAHA

>>17426619
try to imagine why she did or said what she did and how you would like her to react if you were in her shoes.

try to imagine this:
you are on a date with a girl. you muster up the courage to tell her "i really like you". why did you say that? because you LIKE her and you hope she feels the same, right?
now, what do you hope she will do next? say thank you and start to talk about her next vacations? NO. you would feel rejected af. you would hope she says something like "i really like you too, anon".

to keep it realistic, it´s rare that people are so straight forward with their interest. usually it´s more subtle. for example. if she is seeking body contact, then you can safely assume that she WANTS to be close to you and that she would be deligthed if you reciprocated that desire. that way you can both go one tiny step further every time till one does a leaph of faith and crosses that line that canbe mistaken as "just being friendly".

if you are interested, i can type out how me and my bf escalated things, because it´s a perfect example

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>>17426632
>if you are interested, i can type out how me and my bf escalated things, because it´s a perfect example
Please do so, I'll reward you with my best books if necessary

>>17426644
can´t say no to double dubs

right, so
we are both rather shy and at times socially awkward so it was a long way till we finally got around.
after we got together we have talked about that time a lot and it´s quiet funny in hindsight how oblivious we both were.
we met trough mutual friends and we both instantly crushed on each other, but it took us more than 2 years to actually start dating.
he later told me that he thought i was interested in a nother mutual friend at that time, which was completely untrue. he probably projected pretty hard. when we got home he drove me and we sat in his car till dawn, talking about everything and nothing. i on my side, thought i had been flirty all evening and that the fact that i was sitting in his car the whole night was hinting enough but it was far from it.
after that, we had no contact, because it´s rare that that group of friends meets up all in one place. i wouldn´t stop thinking about him for a few weeks till i convinced myself that he probably wasn´t interested since he didn´t make a move even when i hugged him goodbye after talking for hours. (with move i mean, atleast ask for my number).
a year later we met again at a birthday party. we instantly hit it off perfectly. but due to both of us thinking the other wasn´t really interested from the previous encounter, we just parted ways again. he later told me that a few weeks after that he asked a friend of mine for my number but she refused to just give it to him. that bitch, kek.
after that, i definitely have fallen for him but was also busy with life so i moved on after a few months.
then it was my bday and a friend asked to go grab a drink. when i got there, there were far more people than i expected and HE was there too. we went out and had a blast. it so happened that the two of us were the only ones that donßt smoke so we had loads of alone time whilst everone else was outside. basically, we spent the whole night ignoring everyone else.
cont.

>>17426682
the group decided to go to the apt of some friends to continue the night and we went.
someone put up a movie and when i walked in, i saw that the spot besides him was still free. i took the chance and sat right next to him.
till that point, you could easily just dismiss everything between us as "being friendly", even thought it was pretty obvious to everyone else what was going on.
so, i sat next to him and it was pretty hilarious. we slowly escalated step by step.
they have two cats and they came and snuggled up between us. we both caressed them whilst watching the movie and at some point i just thought fuck it and started to veeery gently caress his hand. i could feel him tense up for a milisecond
(he later told me he wasn´t sure if it was unintentional). but then he reciprocated and that was basically it.
he got up to grab some water and when he sat back down, he put his arm around me and a bit later, i laid my head on his shoulder. slowly, everyone else went to bed or home till it was just the two of us left. now it was his time to do a leaph of fait. we were talking about some mundane shit when he suddenly stopped and kissed me. what can i say. we made out for a long time. then we decided that itßs starting to get weird to just hang out on someone elses couch so we went home. not without exchanging numbers ofc. we went on a proper date the next day and have been dating since then.

moral of the story: it just takes some "putting yourself up for rejection" to escalate things. it won´t work any other way.

>>17426682
Thank you again ;) , these stories make me see the human side of woman, which is something I never really witnessed behind the poker faces.

>>17426700
It's funny how we all fear rejection, do I come up as naive if I act like rejection is nothing important ?

>>17426703
that was excatly what i wanted to show you with that story and with the advice i gave yo uearlier about trying to see how you would feel in her shoes. girls are mostly equally afraid of rejection. it takes them the same amount of courage to show interest. don´t forget that. if a girl is flirtz with you and you don´t reciprocate, that´s basically a rejection and she will note that and proceed accordingly. so if you are actually interested in taking things further, make sure you just honestly act on yout emotions. iow, if she snuggles up to you and you feel like laying your arm around her, do it. worst that will happen is that she is a manipulative bitch that snuggled up to you without real intentions. but that would be a good way to quickly get rid of those bad apples. best thing that can happen is that she lays her head on your shoulder and you got yourself a gf.

>>17426711
>nothing important
you mean, if you brush it away if it was nothing?
no, that´s normal. everyone tries to act as if they don´t get hurt by rejection. but truth is that rejection always hurts like a motherfucker. you don´t have to show that to anyone. but you also don´t have to downplay it to yourself. admit that it hurt and then move on.

>>17426719
*brush it of as if it was nothing

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>>17426682
>>17426700
Btw if you're interested in one of those subjects just say so

>>17426727
are those all books or is that that infographic folder that floats around?

>>17426737
Folder, but I can screencap what's inside if you want to pick one.

>>17426753
oh, i got that one a few years ago. but thanks anyways.
also, good luck on your date on the weekend.

>>17426766
Thank you

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