I WILL FIX YOU non bullshit edition

I like this thread already,
I got a dream project I want to do anon, but it's gonna talk a long time, which is fine, but I keep not working on it. Quite often I'll think about it, and want to start working on it, but I jist dont. and even when I do get to work, I stop after a couple days, but still keep thinking about it.
How can I stay om track to finally finish it? Or atleast get om the road to finishing it?

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>>17406063
When I was 15 I left highschool and taught myself programming at home. This was when PHP was just getting started so I chose that and made a browser MMORPG game. Unfortunately it was a huge project and I was a lazy shit, but I knew that when I finished it I'd feel awesome for accomplishing something big and just sticking through it. Sometimes it was all I did all day, other times I spent 5 minutes here and there and hated even those little periods. I failed so many fucking times it hurts to remember, and I wasted a huge amount of time. But I kept going. I kept fucking up and kept failing and I kept fucking up and failing. After fucking up and failing a few more times it was finished and I was done. That was www.colony-wars.com (no longer around, but it had 60,000 members in it's prime and made me a lot of money, especially for a 15 year old).

Moral of the story: You're supposed to hate it, that's what hard work feels like.

Some other tips:

>Stop worrying about perfection. Identify the MINIMUM key steps you need to accomplish for your project to be done with the least amount of work and work towards those linearly if possible.
>Set out a roadmap of targets, and set a goal and process for each one. Google SMART Goals and use them, they work.
>Just keep working, once you have a roadmap/targets then all you need to focus on is the next thing you need to get done.

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>too damn high

>>17406117
Huh, thanks anon. Setting goals is something I never thought of.
I appreciate the straight up advice and story from it. The world is to confusing, thanks for trying to keep it simple and tame

>>17406180
Identifying why you're not working and what makes you feel like shit when you do is worth analysis, hence the perfection thing. Focusing on getting everything perfect and ideal always used to make me over-plan and feel shit because I wasn't working towards my perfect simple mental vision, or things got more complicated etc.

But at the end of the day it all comes back to the amount of time and work you put into it. Hence plan, but don't over-plan. Analyse why you're avoiding or procrastinating, but don't analyse instead of simply working. Fucking up and failing more often should always be your first priority.

Ive got a feeling everyone in my small town thinks im gay or so the rumor is. I found out because I went into the liquor store and some people i didn't recognize said that "hey, anons not gay" and then another time some fat girl walked in the same store as i was purchasing shit say "hey, anons a twink now". I didn't do much, but i should of confronted them. Ive never been asked directly which is odd and im sure ive been pushed under the bus lot by people i know. Ive been asking my shit friends about it but they say no or call me crazy.
Anyways i'm not social or never really was and don't know what to do since this shit probably hurts my chances of dating girls. I'm starting to fight my social anxiety because im tired of being a bitch.

what can i do over this obstacle?
im in my late 20s btw.

I share you a secret that helps me defeat anxiety and motivate:
There are people that would gladly switch places with you in an instant if it meant not to be disfigured, crippled or have severe brain damage.

In love with someone I can't have, still have to see them from time to time. Feel like I can't get over them and move on. How can I fix this?

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>>17406199
You're definitely over analysing things that don't matter. That's not to say people don't think you're gay, just that it doesn't matter. Even in small town mentality where everyone knows each other it wont affect your day to day life.

As for being "un" social, it's important you understand that that is a completely separate issue.
Social anxiety is almost exclusively down to fear of being thought of as a weirdo, or ostracised/ridiculed. It's a natural human response and we all have it, you just let it impact the choices you make negatively whereas most people ignore it and/or suck it up and make friends anyway.

The key to changing it is the same as any habit: meet new people and make new friends and socialise, repeat this until you no longer get scared.

Most people on 4chan will tell you just to strike up random conversations or find people to talk to at the library or some other awkward socially weird shit. The anxiety-less key to friends (at least for people as old as me) is hobbies and interests:

Having hobbies or interests lets you meet up with other local people with the same interests or skills. You can talk to people you don't know regularly, form new friends, develop new skills/knowledge in that field, and even learn new ones. Photography, boardgames, origami, whatever is popular enough to have a group nearby.

The bonus is that it also gives you something to talk to people about and a reason for people to be interested in you. A man is only a collection of choices and skills afterall.

>>17406225
>That's not to say people don't think you're gay, just that it doesn't matter.
it matters for potential dates if the rumor is going around. but i get you.

>Social anxiety is almost exclusively down to fear of being thought of as a weirdo, or ostracised/ridiculed
that is why i have it. Real shit happened like that. It also contradicts your above statement.
Anyway, that's why i think about people who are in very worse situations would gladly trade places to motivate me to get out to the grocery store and not feel like shit.

>>17406245
Only if you're dating literal retarded girls who decide they don't want to date you any more because someone told them you were gay.

It doesn't matter.

>It also contradicts your above statement.
No, it highlights it.

Also many cripples and uglies have exactly the same social anxiety as you do, and many are already proficient and socially engaging and excellent. Attractiveness is not a limiting factor for socialising, it merely makes it slightly more difficult to form romantic relationships, which are merely an extension of friendship.

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>>17406221
You probably can't. Best course of action is to tell them how you feel and see how they feel you should handle it, whether that be forming a relationship again or freaking out and telling you to fuck off, or anything in between.

In all likelihood your best bet is to limit exposure to them as much as possible and go on dates with new people- which will suck and you will dislike, but it'll move your thoughts past them all the quicker.

>>17406268
maybe you are right, i dunno. I should confront them if i hear it directly when im near.

but my point for motivation was that some people would trade places with me just so they can walk, or use their arms, or not have to worry about disfigurement. It motivates me to get out and get what i want from the store or do errands with appreciation of things that are taken for granted by other people.

>>17406293
>maybe you are right, i dunno. I should confront them if i hear it directly when im near.
You seem to be under the impression that the number of girls throwing themselves at you has went down because someone spread a rumour that you're gay.

The number is still zero. Stop being mental. Confront them if you want but realise you're being batshit insane.

>but my point for motivation was that some people would trade places with me just so they can walk, or use their arms, or not have to worry about disfigurement. It motivates me to get out and get what i want from the store or do errands with appreciation of things that are taken for granted by other people.
Fair. I enjoy doing those things regardless and don't need to compare myself to others for motivation, but whatever works for you.

Can you please check out >>17406298 ? That problem really fucks me up

>>17406319
Posted. Get checked as much as possible and ask for help from every medical professional field you can think of. Health is the one thing you should always be over cautious with,

I like the thread.
so I have quite a few 'issues' I need an advice with. but for now Ill drop imo the main one.

so I want to leave my country ( living in easter eu right now, and I wanna move to w.eu. ) and live somewhere else, how do I do that? it's mainly about visa and the right to move and live there, since my coutry's not the part of eu union yet.
I cant seem to find a way to do that.

second is time managing, from september my uni is starting, I work full time job and I game.
so how do I manage time? should I just drop gaming and all the fun stuff and focus on studying?
Ill have to study 7-7 subject each semester and its my last year, my GPA is 2.32 and I want something around 3.0. cant quit job, and gaming is my HUUGe passion and I have friends there. what do I do..

got few more issues, will bring them here once you advice me with current ones c: thanks a lot

What the fuck is that OP picture? Keep seeing it on this site.

Hi OP, you sound direct and honest so I'll give it a go. I posted about my issues once or twice last year but didn't get much response.

Long story short, I have only one breast, the other, a doctor fucked up when I was a baby and so I am just left like this. It looks really gross on that side, not even smooth skin like women with mastectomies, it's heavily scarred on top of it. I am confident over all and I believe if someone really liked me, they can look past it. But that doesn't change that I physically can't stand being naked, it feels and looks so abnormal even now that I've grown with it. I'm a sexual person but I had explaining this story each time to someone and wonder if they will reject me and if I've wasted my time (I'm not very social) so how would the average guy react to this? Or what should I do? I focus on improving everything and I do in my life, but this is hard and nauseating.

>>17406459
meant *I hate explaining this story and warning people about my body typo

>>17406277
She knows. We're not sure how to deal with it really. I'll make an effort to move on in the way you suggest. I don't click in that way with many people though, so it may be difficult.

Thanks for the advice. Any additional input would be appreciated.

>>17406385
It's clearly one bullet that's hit another. Pretty fucking amazing really.

>>17406385
>>17406480

"Collided bullets from the Battle of Gallipoli, 1915"

I posted a thread earlier.
>>17404478

Sleep deprived, head full of physics, politics, and human social feedback loop / crowd psychology shit. Also intoxicated on some kava. Output, but not necessarily mental clarity, has thus greatly declined. I'd like thoughts either way.

>>17406480
Is it really that amazing? I'm pretty sure it could be recreated with little difficulty. Yeah I get that it was pure chance back then but still, it was a war. Of all the people with all the guns firing so many bullets, sorry, but I'm really not that impressed that this happened.

Cool, but come on, in this age we live in it is easy to find cooler shit. No idea why this picture is spammed here.

>>17406459
I'm not OP, but the only honest answer here is that there isn't a good heuristic that can be communicated, nor is it easy to define the "average guy". It really depends. Unfortunately men are misportrayed as dumb and simplistic being with simple desires and simple needs, but this is not the case for the average male, even if he is not fully aware of it and has been trained to claim he's all about the big boobs and ass.

I can't even give you an answer from a personal basis, and even a photograph probably wouldn't clear this up. Chances are if someone is already to this point with you they won't bail outright though.

I kind of know a similar feeling, though. My problem is trigeminal neuralgia, a history made up mostly of health problems and chronic pain, though. Things that don't show, but are most certainly a turnoff if shared, even for me.

I am a junior engineer with mild anxiety/jealousy issues, when ever I talk with people who I "think" are better than me I have trouble keeping the conversation going and most of the time try to end it quickly.
I also think I am not knowledgeable enough in my field even though most people tell me this is not the case (you can't be #1 in everything), plus I work on small projects in my spare time (electrical engineering) but still think they are not as great as what other people are making.

Guess I just need to start thinking more valuably of myself but can't really get into this mindset...

Apparently if you are suicidal it's 90% likely you have a mental illness. I believe myself to be mentally sound, but the stats are against me. Regardless, they'll attempt to modify my thinking to prevent self termination if I talk to a psychiatrist. I see that as being irrational, but if my attitude were to be changed I'd probably see my behavior now as irrational. Why should I favor one viewpoint over the other? Dying seems more efficient than being alive.

>but the stats are against me.
No meaningful stats are against you. Always question statistics, how the data was gathered, the basis of the data, and how it was calculated. Never place blind faith in statistics.

If you're suicidal it's probably because your life isn't what you want it to be, you're unfilled, bored, or deeply miserable and or suppressing yourself. You just happen to be a machine that sees the notion of death and getting it over with as a possible appealing out.

"Blah blah blah, mental illness blah blah". I swear, psychiatry and its propaganda have done massive, near irreconcilable damage to the collective cultural ethos about the nature of the mind and the basis of human experience and supposed disease states.

I devoted the past six years to making art and honing my skills. I used to be obsessive over improving, spending almost all my free time drawing, and eventually got into my dream school with a scholarship. I was considered one of the best students in class. However, during the past two years, I've slowly become more and more apathetic about my own work as my perfectionist attitude ate away at me. My work has made little progress at all compared to my peers which I find demotivating. The other day I tried to spend all day drawing but I felt zero excitement or inspiration and got nothing done. It doesn't help that I'm currently on break and am basically a NEET at the moment. I've been on vacation and have tried to relax my attitude toward my work but the apathy still remains. Do you have any insight on how I could regain my passion for it?

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My bad, been afk getting my shit done for the day, forgot about this thread.

>>17406459
>>17406464
>so how would the average guy react to this? Or what should I do? I focus on improving everything and I do in my life, but this is hard and nauseating.
Like you're imaginging, most guys will be cool with it if you bring it up and talk about it in a chill fashion and get past it if they like you.

That's going from my experience of a girl with a hand deformity at birth. It had some minor complications for her in day to day life and sometimes when people noticed or it became a topic people would ask questions or stare, but she didn't give a fuck and so neither did I. Your tit and relationships will most likely be the same. It's only a problem when you let it affect your thought negatively or the way you react/interact with people.

Your problems are probably more to do with the fact you're not very social and let fear seep into it. You sound pretty level headed though so you're probably on the right road. Just learn to be more vulnerable, it's the mistake most people on 4chan make when socializing and in life in general. Open yourself up and take what comes. That's a bit too general to be helpful but what I'm basically saying is it's not a big deal at all. The only caveat is that I haven't seen you aesthetically and of course all guys are different, but personally it'd have to be really fucking bad for me to care more about your tits than your face and personality.

How do I find a meaningful life, give it purpose, and choose a carreer path that's fulfilling (even though i have no clue what to pick)?

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>>17406501
Sounds like you're on an introspection binge from a head full of drugs and lack of sleep. Any answers you get here will more likely fuel more negative thought spirals and anxiety/despair.

Best advice is to get some good rest and exercise in you and come back and approach any topics you're concerned about so you can identify what you want to change concretely rather than just thinking about shit over and over.

Also learn to deal with fear productively rather than flippantly/re-actively. Therapy is probably a great option for you and is good for tons of people with all sorts of tiny mental issues. People avoid it because they think they have to be crazy or mentally fucked up in some way when in reality 90% of therapy is just talking to someone about your problems and past issues and how they affect you today then working on steps to deal with that.

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>>17406552
>I am a junior engineer with mild anxiety/jealousy issues, when ever I talk with people who I "think" are better than me I have trouble keeping the conversation going and most of the time try to end it quickly.
Can totally empathise with this, it was me for the first half of my life. I always reacted angrily or pissed at people who would question my ability or knowledge in some offhand way too. I eventually realised it was because I was insecure and compensating, and have since become happier with myself and my life.

You don't need to start thinking more valuably of yourself and the best advice I can give you is to set long term goals and work towards them. Having a target and knowing exactly what you want and where you're headed stops you reacting negatively to people when they say or do something you don't like or that would previously affect you because you thought they might think you were stupid or shit.

It's all about your intent and goal. You care about yours being as great as what other people are making because you think yours is shit. Why does it matter if yours is shit? If you're doing/making it for your own targets and goals then it doesn't matter if it's shit, only that it's functional or gets you there. Thus removing your problem with comparison/having to value yourself.

Also meditation. Helps level your head and makes you react to everything far more chilled out and objectively.

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>>17406557
>Apparently if you are suicidal it's 90% likely you have a mental illness
Well that depends how you define mental illness. As you're probably aware sanity is also majority.

>Regardless, they'll attempt to modify my thinking to prevent self termination if I talk to a psychiatrist.
Not necessarily a bad thing. Also your thinking and reactions are always up to you, that's what gives you choice.

>I see that as being irrational, but if my attitude were to be changed I'd probably see my behavior now as irrational. Why should I favor one viewpoint over the other?
Well that gets into some deep philosophical questions and answers, but my personal take on it is mostly logical: I enjoy things in life that I didn't when I was depressed and unhappy and being fit, healthy and happy makes me enjoy myself and my life and interactions with other people and trying all new things and learning cool new shit etc.
But if your goal is efficiency then you need to define what you're working towards. You seem to be aware that you're thinking is fucked up or at least not what we'd call sane or healthy. I'd propose you write everything down and your judgements and conclusions, then work towards being sane and healthy then do the same. That way you can see how your thoughts and feelings are working and how they've changed, and identify the best method and probably better goals and targets than mere efficiency.

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>>17406573
Been through this plenty times. It's pretty common human nature and we get tired and move on from things most of the time. It takes a rare bird to stick with a craft for life, hence why they're usually exceptional and renowned.

Now, the path to success and artismanship/perfection in a craft is purely time and effort. The literal answer to your question is just put in more time and effort and hours. But I think a big consideration is in finding out why you went so hard and intense to start off with. I'd wager it's a combination of two things: 1. Joy in learning a new thing and getting better at it and 2. Improving faster and better than those around you.

You don't get 1. back, at least not to the same degree or speed as before, and 2. is gone forever. So I'd recommend finding a slow learning pace that still gives you enough interest to stay engaged, but doesn't force you to compete.

Also, as with any craft, you need to take care of your mind and body first. That means regular good sleep, sunshine, exercise and good diet. Fix all of those and you'll genuinely change your way of thinking for the better.

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>>17406829
Continual experimentation and failure until success.

Most of what makes man meaning is working towards challenging but not impossible goals. That and altruism and learning.

List out what you enjoy and what makes you feel good, and ask yourself what you would do if you had all the money in the world or money were no issue. These will help steer you towards a better choice. Remember that winning the lottery makes you just as happy as having your legs cut off (google it) and that you will learn to be happy whatever you choose, so choose something easy that you enjoy and don't worry about it.

I have a real hard time with an emotion.

It's usually related to friends and woman (i'm a straight man).

Lets talk about my complication towards women, thats where I want a tip. I've had a life of few. I'm 25yo, had sex with four chicks (not counting the hookers), kissed a few more, not many. That used to make me real sad when I was young, I felt outcast. Now a days I feel I can have more woman, and many more have been giving me the oportunity to be with them. Still, some kind of emotion comes back whenever the dating becomes harsh. Like when I have to decide if I should keep on investing or not, or if this or that woman would be good for me. If they are really liking me or playing around, saying to their friends that "This guy thinks he has a chance" and keeps playing me around.

The emotion consists of loneliness, fear of judgement, and to be seen as inferior, the same I used to feel in school when my friends were telling about woman and I'd think that I don't deserve it, or that none likes me and i'd feel sad and depressed.
I realize that by me feeling, or thinking of myself as, inferior this thoughts arise, but I still can't seem to put them away, and the feeling takes hold and make me useless to decide or do anything - what kills my chances.

This emotion is one of the few left overs of my depression, but I really think it's been holding me back to accept woman, life and even work, because the feeling is strong enough to affect those circles of my life.

The tip I want is on how to go around the emotion, or 'win' it, or whatever it is you have to say to help out.
Thanks anon.

>>17406051
here we go..
>start working with a friend at a place where he's been at for a while
>I start falling for a girl there that is cute as fyk and actually hard working
>my friend doesnt know and tells me he approached her to fuck and after deliberation she said she wasn't up for it with a colleague
>i tell him i think im falling for her
>ask him if he's ok with it and he says he doesnt care

I'd really like to ask this girl out in the next month because I expect that she'll be gone soon as the summer is almost over (4 month summer cuz uni fag) and I haven't asked her yet but im assuming she'll leave when school restarts

so I really just want to know if someone who's not obese but not in shape can get in shape in the order of less than a month and if you think it's likely my buddy will try to bang her again as soon as the summer is over. It's a kinda shitty situation as I feel like I have no chance and it really hurts when I think about her.

tl:dr out of shape and afraid my friend will bang a girl i like as soon as he gets a chance even though he knows i like her and I would accept it if you just agree that i'm fucked.

OP. I'm nearly 22 years old and battling a bunch of mental illnesses while trying to be successful in life and it feels really overwhelming and impossible.
I can't function socially whatsoever, and even though I work hard I have nothing to show for it because half the battle is just getting myself to do something.
I am retardedly ambitious (like wanting to get into MIT one day), and have an idea of what I need to and want to do to get where I want to be for the most part (at least, academically/skill building wise for jobs), but it really seems impossible. I spent the majority of the day trying to decide whether or not to kill myself in the next few days. I really don't want to. I don't want to die never having known what happiness feels like. But it just seems like something that wasn't meant for me. I feel so alone and worthless no matter what I do.
Do you have any advice for me?

>>17406117
so basically im in the same spot as the guy u replied to but i have the motivation to work on what i want (dont do it full time because video games distract me) whats also motivating me is that i can make money of off it if i can do it well and i want to make money to help out my mother cause i live with her and dont have a stable job to move out and i need time before i can start amking money and my mom makes me want to kill myself and constantly demotivates me so i just find my self listing to music cause i get depressed and music helps. what do i do?

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>>17406051
how do i get better at "shooting the shit'? especially through text messages.

in person, i can usually talk about something quickly based on whats happening around me and the other person, and i can physically see their reactions (smiling & laughing). sometimes it works, but i find that its a struggle to keep that momentum going for long.

but through texts, i really dont know what to say, or know if im keeping their attention well. in person, i get a response back right away, instead of a few minutes. and when that happens i slowly lose interest and stop texting all together.

whats the word, mister OP? can ya fix me?

I don't know why the hell i keep ignoring passes that girls do to me when they want to fuck or when I initiate it. i'm not an autist or have some sort of social anxiety disorder. I don't have depression and I don't easily stress about things. I find it pretty easy to interact with people because I know a little bit about everything and I guess that helps when interacting with strangers. Yet for some fucking reason I can't take a fucking clue when girls want to fuck. Not sure what it is, I don't feel anything at all. I don't feel shocked when a girl tells me they want to fuck. I don't have any emotional attachments to anyone actually, long ago I told myself that I'm going to detach myself from people physically and mentally. This might have screwed me over when that emo part of me decided to let people in my life. I hate this shit dudes, I get shit on every day by people because they know I didn't get to fuck that one girl or this other girl. I'm a fucking loser and worst of all I find myself being that guy that does favors to people and doesn't get shit in return. I can't take this shit anymore, I feel so stepped on and betrayed by others. I can't fucking stand this shit, everyday I tell myself to be happy but it's a sick fucking joke to tell myself that I can be happy but only by lying to myself. I just don't know why this keeps happening to me. I posted before but I didn't get the chance to see my replies, hopefully OP remembers me.

applying for a recreational coordinator position in a local government; they asked me to create a memo with an out of the box event for the city to host.

any advice on such an event(s)?

>>17406051
Should I just blend in with the laid-back mediocrity?

>>17406860
Oh wow, sounds like me at the moment. My current main goal is to pay off my student loan in the next 4-5 years, and in the mean time continue work on small projects. Is this what you mean or do I need to set more strict goals?
Had a chat with the partner as well, might give meditation a go. Also have written to an engineering podcast I listen to, would be interesting to see what they say.

Thanks for the input man, now i'm a step closer to trying and sort this whole emotional problem out :D

>>17406051
I just broke up with my first girlfriend of one year at age 21. On top of her dumping me I just realized she was using me as a fill in for her first boyfriend of five years. Near the end of our relationship she started cheating on me for some lifer at Walmart. Other than her no girls have ever shown even the slightest inclination of interest in me, even she was just playing me. I'm completely unwanted. I want to die.

?

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Woosh, OP back again, I had a fairly busy day yesterday and fell asleep before checking this again. I have a beasting headache today too, need to take my ass to the gym. Anywho, back to my take on shit-

>>17406967
>so I really just want to know if someone who's not obese but not in shape can get in shape in the order of less than a month
Your weight is but one factor and usually not the defining factor for whether someone likes you or not and this is even more true for girls liking guys than the inverse. Separate that in your thinking and deal with it separately. This is important because you need to find out whether she likes you, nothing more or less.

I'll counter that by stating that working out and lifting was one of the best choices I've made in the last few years and I definitely get more attention and interaction with girls (and everyone else) as a result. But that's a bonus, not the sole reason she wont go out with you, if at all.

As a separate remark, depending on how over/underweight or unfit you probably can't change shit in 1 month. But you shouldn't even try. Diet and exercise are lifestyle changes and should be part of your life, not something you do to try out.

>>17409741
Also realized I'm being too general and not really addressing the comments you made.

You likely feel bad when you think about her because you don't think you have a shot. The more you obsess the worse you'll feel that. Deal with it by talking to her, asking her on a date, asking her if she likes you, or whatever else you're confident enough to do to broach the subject. She's just a person like you.

Also talk to your friend. Friendship is just a relationship without the sex dynamic and communication is hugely beneficial here too. Telling him how you feel about her will probably encourage him to support you. Alternatively he wont give a fuck either way.

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>>17407207
>OP. I'm nearly 22 years old and battling a bunch of mental illnesses while trying to be successful in life and it feels really overwhelming and impossible.
Never try to be successful, it's a surefire way to feel shit about failure. Took me too long to learn this. Instead, focus on the next step of your work or goal or whatever you're involved in.

>I can't function socially whatsoever, and even though I work hard I have nothing to show for it because half the battle is just getting myself to do something.
Sounds like standard depression and a key component is likely self-imposed pressure in your situation.

>I don't want to die never having known what happiness feels like.
Also happiness isn't what you get when you succeed or reach a magic stage or number, it's how you feel from day to day.

We know from medical science that the treatment for depression is also what keeps humans feeling good throughout life-

>Regular sunshine
>Regular social interaction
>Regular exercise
>Good diet
>Good sleep schedule

Work on those and you'll feel better.
Work on work and you'll move towards your goals.
and always understand the separation between the two.

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>>17407506
>but i have the motivation to work on what i want
Then what are you asking for in this post? Motivation is never something that helps you or should be sought or worried about and in my experience every self help book or program that's sold for money focuses on offering a magic pill for motivation.

You don't need motivation to work.

That's important so I'll say it again: You don't need motivation to work.

You just need to sit down and work.

Stop trying to change your mentality and "motivation" and start trying to get your work done. Over time you'll do it more and more often. This is basic human habit forming and why everything new and different sucks dick at first, we hate change and like to sit and stagnate in what we know. Make work your stagnant norm.

Music sounds like your release or escape from "bullshit" because you don't have to deal with anything during that time.

Also stop blaming your mom for how you react to your mom. You wanting to kill yourself is because of the thoughts and feelings going through your head, which are 100% reactions to the world around you.

Learn that you are responsible for everything you think and do. Incidentally, this is meditation 101 and I think you personally would get a lot out of meditating regularly.

tl;dr Work more, take responsibility for feeling like shit instead of blaming mom, also meditate.

I can't deal with being transngender. I'm 23, I live with my parents. I'm unenmployed so I currently have their medical insurance. In my country you can transition for free since a new law says your insurance must pay for everything (though I should find out more about this, maybe at the city's LGBT association because their website is awful). My parents are quite conservative and Catholic and hate the idea. I haven't talked to them about it ever since 2014 when I came out. I'm seeing a psychologist but he doesn't really point me in any direction and I think he's not really specialized in this. I feel like I'm hitting bottom. I currently have no motivation for anything. I keep thinking about suicide, Idk if I'm really at a risk though I realized I find myself crossing the street with a red light to see if a car hits me too often like it's out of my control now. I'm afraid to say this last bit to my therapist because I kind of want to stop seeing him.
I have a bunch of friends and I'm single. At least 2 of them seem pretty open minded about transgender issues. But only my parents and my therapist and a priest (lol) know Im transgender and that I like guys.
What do? Thanks in advance and it's ok if you skip this, I like your thread.

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>>17407670
I can relate to this, I was always fairly shit at being social and interacting with people, despite being really good at talking to new people it just fades off and soon I had nothing to talk about and I got awkward.

This is probably a bigger topic than I can do justice but I'll give you what worked for me:

Simply having an interesting life, goals, and learning/trying new things regularly. Having a big project or thing I'm working on creates a reference point for people I talk to and something I can show my passion for. Having new skills and interesting shit going on means I always have something different to talk about and more often than not people have some input and shit they can offer or want to know more about. This is also the basis for networking, by the by.

You can fix yourself son- Hobbies, goals and regular reading are great for keeping you interesting and engaging.

Also on the texts front, learn not to be reactive. Taking the lead and asking them questions, or talking about something you've been doing/trying/learning with enthusiasm and not giving too much of a fuck whether they like it as much as you did or not is a great one- I'll regularly just talk about something cool I did and the techniques I used and my nerdy enthusiasm for that technique and I'm not thinking "Oh shit they probably hate listening to this nerdy shit", I'm just thinking about how much I enjoyed it. People respond extremely well.

Same goes for longterm conversations. Asking personal questions and following up on shit you know about them is also great.


Most of this was too general but I hope some of it isn't bullshit, rock on.

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>>17408207
Well, that escalated quickly.
You said you're not depressed but this reads like atypical textbook depression to me. A huge part of depression is lowered testosterone in men, and for a large part of my life I was very similar to what you mentioned about simply not reacting or caring when girls were interested and involved.

See my treatment for depression here: >>17409762
but also read up on sex hormones. I'm type 1 diabetic so I explain a lot of my past stagnant idleness with low sex hormones. It really fundamentally changes the way you think and feel as a human.

You also sound quite anxious so test your blood pressure (easy to do at home). I also suffered this for 6 months and it manifested in me being angry at everything and at myself, and feeling pressure that wasn't there and generally just feeling and thinking like death.

Can't give you anything focused or concrete unfortunately but write down your thoughts and feelings and analyse them with depression questionnaires, you'll notice a huge correlation and be better equipped to change yourself.

>>17408652
Sure, if it helps you reach your goals or what you want.
Otherwise no.

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>>17408519
Pokemon GO is big just now, potentially an augmented reality treasure hunt or event.

Find local sponsors and use that for inspiration for themes.

Cool marketing one I saw in my local city recently was questions about science and history, after you answered it you got an idea of where to look- Who was the Inventor of Steam Trains?- Answer was Person X, Person X portrait was in a local museum and under the portrait was a QR code which shows you the next location etc.
I'm bastardizing it but you get the idea.

Also anything physical, local gov and council hate physical events but they're great for creating buzz.

>>17409762
Yeah I have severe depression as well as hormonal issues that are going to take forever to get sorted out because American healthcare is fucking garbage. I don't know how to keep up with life in the meanwhile.

I have been working on the sunshine/exercise/diet/sleep, but I still feel like garbage, and by the time I work on all of those I don't have enough time to do things I actually needed to do. and I have no friends so simply interacting with people day to day isn't fulfilling at all. It seems too late to make real genuine friendships at this point so I guess my best bet now is to get used to being alone and learn not to resent it so much and feel so jealous of people with more fulfilling lives but I don't know how.

how can i even begin to stop wanting happiness/success when it's been a lifelong obsession now?

Should i try to convince my ex's friends that I didn't cheat on him? He was very insecure and always accused me of things. Should I care if he badmouthed me or not give a fuck about his friends. I was at best acquaintance with them.

I met this girl last saturday. I only see one time per week, we go to a class, that makes two times now.
For what I've seen so far she shares my tastes.
The first day was really good because I got to talk to her and we laughed together, we were being friendly.
But today wasn't the case, since I couldn't talk to her much.

I'm not necessary looking for a girlfriend, friendship can do, but of course I wouldn't mind if she becoms my grilfriend.

Anyway, what I want to know is how to get to know her more, I'd like to know what she's into, her hobbies, etc. But i don't want to look desperate.

Normally I wouldn't ask this, because I don't have a problem with girls I see almost every day. But since I have never been in a similar siutation in which I barely see her and can talk to her, I need advice.

Thank you beforehand.

why do I keep messing up breakups. like usually I can't just make it a clean easy break and I get emotional about it, even worse when I'm in a rut in life. literal insecure mode when I'm hit with all the why's. yet if she wants to break up with me, I have zero emotion, the woman is begging me to take her back and fix whatever is wrong. is it the only ones I care about that it happens?

Should I leave my fiancé? I feel like I no longer love her like I used to. But I couldn't bear to go through the process of actually breaking up with her. I'm only 23 and possibly getting married next year, I've only been with 3 girls in my life, I feel like I should have enjoyed my youth more before becoming a married man, but I don't want to break her heart cause I'm a really nice person and I would feel guilty about doing something so selfish and ruining her life. But I fuck I feel like I miss being single and having my own life and stuff.

26 with 4 year degree, office job, and own my own home

I feel really distanced from people my age, but also really distant from most of my coworkers who are older. I don't really have any friends and my co workers are generally not people I'd want to interact with outside of the context of work.

I've never been involved with anyone romantically either. I don't know if I even have the ability to form those kinds of relationships...

whether it is friendship or something more, having a non-superficial interaction with another human from time to time would really be nice, but I'd just be interloping in other people's lives

I'm 19 and NEET.
Live in a third world country. Working class family (my father is a carpenter). I'm really insecure (my height is 6'4, my teeth are awful...) so i can't just go out and get a job. I feel like shit for living like a parasite in my parents house. I've tried to study by myself in order to entry in a public university, but i always end up procrastinating. Now i have the admission test in a month and i haven't studied (always depresses me my age, the amount of stuff that i have to study and the time that i have to do it). I don't know what to do, I'm afraid of disappointing everyone once more. Any advice?

Going on a first date next week, just got out of a long term relationship and I feel like I've been out of the game for a while. At the very least I haven't been on a first date for years. Any tips? What should I talk about? How should I dress? Should I just go for the stereotypical coffee/cafe date or try something different?

I just feel nervous I guess, it's been awhile, I'm probably just over thinking it.

>>17406889
Not sure if you're still following this thread, OP.

I'm sort of in a similar situation as
>>17406889

You mentioned SMART goals earlier in the thread. My question is: how do you set those SMART goals if you don't know what you want in the first place? I too want to excel in one of my interests (also involving art) but I'm not even sure what that is, I just want to grow and become successful. I guess I need to define what "successful" means first, but that's my point.

How do I find out what I want so I can set goals?

I owe my parents some money (350 dollars) and I just moved back to the US after living out of the country for years - they paid for my plane ticket back. I'm staying with them and working to pay them off, but I'm actually having trouble finding steady jobs in my small, rural barely-even-a-town. I want to move to a larger city, one where my boyfriend lives and I could stay with him while I looked for work, so I could find a job with more ease and also be with him - we're long distance. I have full intention of paying my parents back even if I don't live with them, but they don't really trust it since my older brother has "borrowed" thousands upon thousands of dollars and never paid them back.. they're broke now because of him. My mom thinks if I go, it will take longer to pay the debt (undeniably true, since i'll have bills to pay but I would still totally set aside what I could every month for them), and my dad would whine and here's the kicker: she said if I go before paying them, she'll hang herself in the closet, but also "you can do whatever you want, you're an adult". Like, jesus, what the fuck. I know she's got a flair for drama and says stuff like that sometimes to make a point, but I can't help but feel incredibly guilty for considering leaving anyway.

Do I just bite the bullet and stay here, getting disappointed every day when I get no job offers? This could take months to even find anything. Or do I leave despite my mother's wishes?

>>17412113
Any chance you can borrow the money from your bf and then pay him back?

If that's not possible then try to sit down with your parents and write out a repayment plan, they shouldn't be able to hold you hostage over 350 bucks, especially when you won't be able to pay them back for a while given the current circumstances.

>>17412142
These are both good pieces of advice, thank you anon. He has offered to help but I turned him down because I don't want to rely on people and then have it turn sour again like it did with my parents and my previous relationship. I'd already be relying on him to stay with him while I looked for a job there - I just feel like such a leech, leaning on people all the time... Financial independence is fucking important, kids.

I suppose I'll talk to him about it when he asks next which will probably be tomorrow.

26 and have no skills or any idea what I want to do as a career.

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I have a hard time ignoring what irrelevant people says or thinks about me.
>I live with my brother in the house that our parents build before they died.
>Have my business so I work from home, rarely talk to neighbors because fuck it.
>Fat lazy female neighbors whose only accomplishment in life is to have kids since 15 talk behind my back
>saying stuff like "that guy never goes to work, is always at home, he's such a loser"
>I will not clarify the situation, like, I'll never turn to them and say "listen lady, I am a freelancer, that means I work from home and own my business"
> I relive the situation during the day, remembering how they talk shit about me when I don't even care how much of a failure in life they are, yet they dare to talk shit about me because their lifes are so dull they have to criticize people they don't even know.
TL, DR: Need a way to just ignore/stop caring what people say about me, even when I already know they are just too retarded to even comprehend what I do.

I have too many 'interests' but im not truly motivated or passionate about something to be able to learn it to the point of being able to make a career out of it.

My life goes something like this

>See programmers make lots of money, and can get jobs anywhere
>Study programming for like 2 weeks
>Get bored
>Watch a new TV show, youtube, whatever
>Get bored
>Get nostalgic over a video game
>Play Wow, Runescape, or LoL or whatever game again for like a month
>Get bored
>Watch tons of youtube videos about other random hobbies and interests
>Don't actually try them because no motivation or spare money to get into it.

Therefore, I never have ended up learning any MARKETABLE skills that would put me above other applicants for jobs.

How to get motivated, and how to find yourself?

>>17412252
Work on your self esteem. They have books on this.

My problem is the exact opposite of >>17407670 . How do i learn small talk?