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Help me out /adv/, I need some impartial advice.
tl;dr: Don't want a roommate, but put in a situation where I can't say no.
I am a lower-year PhD student, and have a friend who is an upper-year PhD. I use the term friend loosely--we've worked together a few semesters, and have gone out for drinks a few times, but it's not like we talk on a regular basis. I don't even know her number. She is, however, well-enough of an acquaintence to know that a) I have a spare bedroom at my apartment, and that b) I have considered renting it out in the past.
I say considered, because the last time I tried renting it did not go well. I suffer from severe depression and anxiety, as well as your typical run-of-the-mill introversion, and having someone else in my private space was just not a good mental state for me to be in. However because I'm also broke and an idiot, I continually think "it can't be that bad" and that "having extra money would weigh out the bad parts of having a roommate" (I am at the moment living pay-cheque to pay-cheque).
Back to the girl in question. She asked if still had a spare room and if I would consider rooming with her, to which I said yes I still have the room but I wouldn't be back in town until late August, and that we could talk about it in person then. She took this as a definitive yes and made plans on when to move in and etc.
Now normally I wouldn't have a problem telling her no, but she needs the room because she broke up with her common-law, who she says has been abusive, and needs to get out of the place asap. I will post a screen of one of the messages she sent.
Do I just suck it up? We haven't even started rooming and I'm already not sleeping because of the anxiety. I want to help her out, but I don't think I can take having a roommate. But I put myself in this situation to begin with.
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Pic related is the convo that sparked my concern.
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>>17403471
I realize the privacy of living alone is a wonderful thing, but like you said you're a introverted person, and you could find a good use for the money.
I'd honestly go for it, take the cash, and use it as a chance to just talk with someone, look at it as a place where you can learn how to be near someone. I realize that his would be harder than it ever sounds on text, it's not a switch, but to be fair, you did say yes.
She's upper level so she won't be there forever, and really you're helping someone out. She could help you with connection in college potentially, but really you don't have much to lose, and you've got quite a bit to gain. Take the leap and let her have the spare room and use this as a chance to learn more about yourself. If you can't handle it, then go visit a therapist, and talk about it, colleges normally have ones that are free, and you'll have more income to pay if you must.
If you can't sleep try taking melatoin, you can get it at your local pharmacy near the vitamans, and tell yourself over and over, that you are helping someone, you're making the world a bit better, and that she can't hurt you, she's not going to judge you, she won't insult you, she will probably be grateful for the opportunity. You will have to face this some day, so why not do it now when you have a good bit of upside for yourself?
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When you talk about it in person, mention an extremely high rent price, and then mention she also has to go halfsies on the bills, and you need first months rent upfront.
And if she can't do that, too bad so sad, and if she can do that.. Well, you just made some bank, and that should tide you over until you figure out how to make her leave, or start sleeping with her.
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But won't having someone around help you beat back your introversion? Sorry, I've never dealth with severe depression, but I know what it's like to be afraid of social interaction.
I think you should give it a go. It sounds like the money will REALLY help you.
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tl;dr
if the woman is an admitted abused psycho,... you should run run run and not look back.
if you decide to let her in, here's a few things to expect
>her being late on rent
>her ex coming around starting drama
>her fucking you and starting drama
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Impartial advice won't do you much good here. Because we can't really understand how you would be affected by having a roommate. Leaving aside your anxiety, introversion and whatnot there is no objective reason not to get a roommate, you need the money, you have someone to spend time with etc. But you can't really leave those things aside, can you?
Still, I believe you really should try having her stay with you for a while. I mean, you already sound like you have some issues and I doubt staying by yourself will help with them. By getting a roommate you're forcing yourself out of your comfort zone and this can make everything better... as much as it can make it worse. Still, if it does make it worse you can kick her out after a while. Well after giving her a warning in advance. This way you won't break your "promise" either. To me it sounds like you really need a change in your life and this roommate thing might be the change you need. Or it might be the opposite, who knows? But unless you think your life is great how it is now, you should always go for change.
I am an introverted asshole who went through short periods of mild depressions and I live alone but I had some friends (and even some people I wouldn't really consider friends, just like that girl is to you) stay at my place for extended periods of time (up to 2 weeks) from time to time. Living with a roommate has its ups and downs, but for me the ups tended to be more important than the downs. I felt some minor annoyances and the lack of that complete privacy living alone offers you once in a while, but, generally I felt a lot better, even happier having another person around me most of the day. That being said your psychological situation seems a lot worse than mine ever was, so you may react differently, but then again, it can also be a constructive or even pleasant experience.
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