Environmental autist. Need help

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I made a thread earlier, either I didn't make it or I can't find it.

I will make it short. I just came out of a 10 yr period where I was exposed to sexual, psychological and at points; physical abuse.

I had zero self esteem before I cut ties with parents. Now I am going to college and I have people talk to me, but they can see something is off with me. I miss what people say because I am too focused on my work. This girl called my name few times but I didn't hear her. I do talk to people, I make nice comments and I notice my superiors always like me - i guess they can see i have a good heart.

Problem is I am really closed off. My self esteem is so low I never start conversation first, wait for others to talk to me. I never make small talk and I just make comments / agree or laugh about little things.

Since I am handsome alot of people assume I may be a grade A prick, which I am not. I am lonely as fuck and I want to make friends =/. Before the dark period started I was completely fine so I know I am not an autist (not that there is anything wrong with that).

But how can I be more attentive to people so I don't go through life being a wallflower man? I am tired of missing out on things.


(However, I have been making alot of progress. I am just asking for alot in little time maybe. Like before last week I would not talk at all but now I am making progress).

Maybe there is a book? a guide etc