Caring for someone who doesn't give a fuck?

>>17395868

You answered your own question. Read your post again. Then come back in an hour and read it again.

Holy moley, OP, you are me.
Well, Understand that its just the frustration of his inability to understand or cope with his situation that is making him a dick. You're probably the least of his worries.
However, this is toxic. If you're not living with him or have the ability to get away for at least a short amount of time weekly, then you should. It can weigh very heavily on your psyche and the last thing you want is to get depressed.
Finally, do. not. enter. a. relationship. He seems unstable and unable to support you in any way right now. In order for a relationship to be healthy, BOTH people need to be healthy. So let him work through his personal stuff and if you still want to, attempt it then.

I am currently working with a bipolar schizophrenic who has depression. I got the jackpot with this one. @_@ Best of luck.

>>17395868
For starters you should not get in a relationship with this guy. In the very short description you left, this guy comes off as unpredictable, violent, and emotionally withdrawn.

What exactly do you get out of this relationship? Why do you feel the need to be a caretaker? Why do you feel the need to be caretaker for someone who obviously doesn't appreciate it? Why do you love this dude?

>>17395934
I don't live with him. He has no idea about my feelings for him, and i never mentioned it, outside of teasing (because our friends often say we are perfect for eachother and we should be married), though he is usually just annoyed by this. Wish you luck there.
>>17395949
Because i seriously don't mind all of this. I don't mind being his caretaker, cleaning his mess, and i often just know he appreciates it even though he doesn't show it. It doesn't tire me, neither emotionally nor physically.

Hah. I wonder if this is about me. Initials op?

>>17395868
you contradicted yourself a few times, saying you're able to deal with it but also mentioning that it would hurt you and being nervous about getting into a relationship with him.

so part of you realistically knows that you're going to suffer. don't be a martyr, you deserve happiness as well. he will either continue as he is or will finally figure out what he's doing wrong and what HE can do to fix things. you can't fix his problems for him, these are things a person has to come to realize for themselves.

you already realize you're going to get depressed, and as much as you want to help him, you're most likely going to make things worse by putting up with his behavior and in turn making him think it's acceptable. he will get away with more and more, until you are trapped in an abusive relationship.
you cannot fix him, people heal when they're ready to heal, on their own terms.

>>17395868
OP might really be a woman. You need to think about how you talk to him. The way you speak to him might be enabling his behavior, and you would in that case be bringing it on yourself. sorry but if that is the case you need to ask yourself how someone with a history like that is even functioning, and my guess is the answer is you.

>>17396600
My initials are JL, i don't like the idea of posting his initials here without him knowing.
>>17396615
I actually doubt i'd get stuck in a toxic relationship. I'm not the kind of preson who would stay in relationship like this(already dealt with a sociopath who attempted to trap me in one, and he failed cuz i simply told him to gtfo at one point). I'm not trying to make myself a martyr, but i see why putting up with his behavior can make things worse. Will try to avoid this.
>>17396766
I have a bad feeling the answer is indeed me. I doubt i could make him seek psychological help because he would most likely say something like "if you don't seek psychological help, i don't need to", since i am not a really mentally stable person either, though in a different way than he is.I'm trying to pay attention to how i speak to him but sometimes i just don't notice something's wrong until it's too late.

>>17398369
>>I actually doubt i'd get stuck in a toxic relationship.
famous last words

>>17395868
I've been in an extremely similar situation, 2 years ago.

Do not date him. There's no way it will work out.
Relationships are built on mutual feelings - you both take care of each other, love each other, trust each other, help each other, etc.
Your relationship would be heavily one sided - you'd the one taking care of him and loving him, while he sounds incapable of doing it.
It will be miserable for both of you - for you because you'll be pouring love on someone and never feeling loved back, for him because you'll inevitably ask him for things he cannot give you (and rightfully so, because that's what people expect from their partner).

If this "saviour instincts" are something frequent in your love life, do some therapy and get out of it. It is an awful habit and can be a symptom of deeper issues.

When you realize that a relationship isn't an option, decide what you want - You either decide to be his caretaker and keep things friendly without expecting anything back, or you move on with your life and forget about him.
If you decide to stay, you'll be used and you'll have to be fine with it. Don't expect anything from him.

I personally decided to stay. He was going down a really bad path and had only me, I would have felt too guilty if I left him.
I do have another relationship and my boyfriend understands the nature of my friendship with this guy.
I've been gradually distancing myself from him as he grows out of his unhealthy habits and he needs me less. I hope I can drop contact in a year or so.

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>>17398400
>I personally decided to stay. He was going down a really bad path and had only me, I would have felt too guilty if I left him.
>I do have another relationship and my boyfriend understands the nature of my friendship with this guy.
>I've been gradually distancing myself from him as he grows out of his unhealthy habits and he needs me less. I hope I can drop contact in a year or so.

>>17398369
Ah, close. Can we get one of his initials? Just want to be sure you didn't typo, because one of the initials I were hoping for are close to yours on the keyboard lol

>>17398455
kek

Honestly my boyfriend helped me a lot and taught me how to deal with this guy and how to grow out of those weird co-dependency habits we had.
He has been super patient with me, and I am very lucky to be with him because he understood I can't leave someone in need without feeling shit about it, and did everything he could to make helping my friend easy for me.
My friend is fucking around a lot and he actually likes my boyfriend, so I don't think it will end up THAT bad.

>>17398545
Not a typo. I'm J.L.

>>17398612
Not me then. I wish you two luck

>>17398767
Thanks.

If you enter into a relationship it will turn toxic. I've been there. My best friend from years ago was pretty close to how you described, and for years I had no problem being his caretaker. When we entered into a relationship it turned bad quickly because he wasn't ready nor capable of being even half of a decent bf. He was never there for me and when I brought up problems within the relationship it was viewed as an attack so problems never got solved.

It burned me out within 8 months of being in a relationship with him when I was capable of being a caretaker of his for years prior. We are no longer friends. That's the only thing that hurts otherwise it was relief to not be in a relationship with him.
You can't fix him. Remember that.

>>17398822
I don't really plan on fixing him though i wouldn't mind if he started a therapy. He could use it, but he doesn't want to spend money on private therapist, and he knows(and so do i) that "public" therapists are shit.