Suicide

>>17395683
I want to kill my self. girl broke my heart came between me and my friend.left me for someother dude who must be better than me in everyway makes me feel worthless cunt bitch. life seems worthless no love i have to stay medicated or i'll have seizures. I'm loosing al my friends because i have so much hate inside plus im so paranoid i trust no one and just want to be alone but i get so lonley i'm dieing. I do believe in God so suicide is hard to rap my brain around but i'm so sick of this b/s there are other reasons i want to killmyself i've hurt a girl i love very much in the past . I just can't anymore fuck this world. Life is pointless .

>>17395683
Life is worth living because it gives you the opportunity to be happy, help others, and contribute to the world.

>>17395683
My paternal grandfather commit suicide when my dad was around 8 or 9. He lost custody of my dad because my grandma and him got in a fight when he wanted to take my dad on a three month vacation to France. Within a day, my grandma showed up at his house with police claiming my grandpa was trying to kidnap their son (dad).

My dad was taken away that night. My grandma stopped at her brother's house in New York before taking dad back to California. That night, my dad was molested by her brother.

For two years, my dad and grandpa wrote back and forth. Grandpa talked to dad about how he was fighting to get him back. My dad was heavily abused by his mom. Especially when he told her her brother abused him. She whipped him with cords, beat him, called him a liar.

The letters came to a grinding halt. My dad was angry and confused. He asked his mom why his dad stopped writing. My dad told me that his mom replied in the most uncaring and narcisstic tone, "Maybe he finally realized what a good for nothing shit you are." She told him stories of how he ran off with a gypsy slut, had another son, and left him behind.

My dad, for years, felt so much angst for his father abandoning him. By 10, my dad was already abusing drugs, out on the streets, and hanging out with a bad crowd along with his older sister, who was also beaten severely by my grandma.

When my dad was 12, he was caught breaking into an abandoned theater where he and his friends used drugs. He was sent to live with his paternal grandfather (my grandpa's father)

Then, my dad's world crashed hard. He found out that his father did not abandon him, but he commit suicide. And his grandfather said that in his suicide note, there was a segment where he wrote he had given up on life because everything was taken from him, my dad, the "gypsy slut" my grandma referred to was his new wife who had also left him and taken their other son as well.

>>17395739

My dad and I cry over the series of unfortunate events that have taken place in his childhood. He says, if only his dad had waited another few years. Until dad was old enough to make his own decisions about who he wanted to live with. I wish my grandpa was still alive to see the successful person my dad became.

>>17395720
Contribute as in contribute to being a consumer . That makes garbage that makes waste that is killing the earth that is killing us which we deserve. Ignorance is bliss happiness is a lie. I've tryed to help others doesn't work , plus what make one assume they know best . Humans are a bunch of retarded apes with huge egos

>>17395739
>>17395743
Thanks for your story

>>17395739
>>17395743
Godspeed, anon.

i have been dealing with depression for most of my life. I have tried to kill myself a few times but i can never bring myself to. and i always end up regretting not doing it because life is just so shitty for me. i have nothing going for me and i hate myself i have no means to help those who need it most there is literally no reason to be alive.

Sitting in my car, listening to some classical. Contemplating committing suicide sometime tonight or tomorrow.

It just hit me earlier today. My depression isn't going away. It's getting worse and worse. "Am I going to have to be like this for the rest of my life? Is this all that I have to look forward to?" I asked myself these questions before I came to the park where I'm at right now.

Thinking about how and why I got where I am today. Why people are so fucked, why I'm so fucked.

What do I do? My life just won't get any better. It really won't. I screwed it up.

>>17396541
>My depression isn't going away.
Have you seen a doctor, or are you hoping that it'll magically go away?

>>17396541

Life is physical and emotional pain, you are going through it right now and you are freaking out.

Just endure it. That's all I can say, you don't think you can but I believe many people have no idea just how deep they can dig to endure the worst pains, they are just too scared to get that far.

Suicide is honestly just a reaction of fear more than anything. Remove your fear. There is nothing to truly fear in this universe, not even inevitable pain and death.

Stand your ground, clutch your heels to the mud, and take the blastwave. I believe in you.

Please don't!

>>17395683

The problem with suicide is you don't get happy, you just get dead.

If you no shit have stage 4 cancer and your wife of 50 years died, by all means, it's your life - and if someone truly wants to take themselves out you can't stop them.

Most everything else is probably solvable.

The two rough reasons people kill themselves is because they don't think they'll reproduce, or they think they're a burden to their loved ones.

Nobody knows anything either way about an afterlife. I'd worry about here while you're here, worry about there while you're there.

There, that's all I know.

go read: http://dbanach.com/sisyphus.htm

After a week or 2 of not feeling suicidal it has comeback to me today, i don't know if it'll stay again but i think it will, sadness has comeback too.

I'm giving myself 10 more years. If I can't find a long term partner by then, I'll be too old to date anyways. Literally the only thing thats ever given me purpose is to love and be loved. Its the only thing that's ever made me happy, it's the only thing I've ever wanted.
I have no reason to live if I can't get that. But I don't wanna off myself in a way that's "messy". I don't wanna traumatize the handful of family that would even care too much, but I also don't wanna suffer long. Something fast also because I don't wanna give myself much time to puss out. Idk what to do though, I always thought hanging would be the way to do it but I feel like that's easy to fuck up.

As someone who's been through the whole heartbreak, existential crisis, no reason to live thing and came out on the other side pretty okay. I'll just say that there's no one piece of advice someone can give you, except acceptance. Right, my s/o dumped me so I accept it and move on. And the things I was able to move on from by just taking care of me and living one day at a time, doing what I love and what helps me, and saying fuck you to the status quo. But that's me. You have time to find you. Don't fuck it up because of some shitty person/situation. Fuck everyone who doesn't contribute to yoir well-being. Care for you once in awhile. Learn about you once in awhile. It'll be an adventure.

>>17395683
My aunt had a near death experience and said she saw all the victims of suicide she had known during her life all clumped together (she described it like a blob, with body parts sticking out), moaning in pain.

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>>17396890

>>17396541
Is it unrepairable? What you did?

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>>17396541
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ByC8sRdL-Ro

>>17395739
May your grandfather find peace...as well as your dad..

My parents were fighting as always but yesterday it was extremely violen. We were in the car and they started arguing about some bullshit. We drove on a cliff and all the rage from my childhood and those wasted years because of them suddently came in me and i tried to open the door and to jump, but it was locked. I hit the door while screaming like a fucking retard but it wouldn't open. My mom asked me what the fuck was wrong with me without even caring about the fact that i tried to kill myself

Why is life so terrible?

>>17395683
I have wanted to kill myself since I was a young child. It's not solely because I had a rough time growing up, which I did, but I have literally always wanted to die.

I have good days, and I have bad days, but through it all I have wanted to die.

The reason that I have held off on it is because there has always been something that held my interest, whether that be a videogame, movie, book, ect., but when I get to the point where I REALLY just want to end it I wonder why I haven't just killed myself earlier so it could've been easier.

For the first time in my life I was ready to finally do it two weeks ago. That time it was situational. I realized I had been the happiest I have ever been and nothing else would ever compare. The person that I loved no longer wanted me and I just wanted to end it.

What held me back that time was how I knew that person would feel. I knew she would blame herself and have to live with that.

In those two weeks I was in the most pain I had ever been in in my life.

It isn't fair to finally want to end it just to be held back by someone you care about. I knew that if I had just completely dropped contact with her it wouldn't of made a difference, but had she heard the news that I had killed myself it would've ruined her.

I care about her, I really do. I just wanted to die.

Last night I drank myself silly and when I finally got out of bed I felt fine. I texted her for the first time in awhile and we chatted about nothing for a few. I'm for the most part good today.

I know in the future I will get to the point where I am close to ending it again and I really hope I will do it next time.

Hopefully I contribute to something before I go.

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>>17395683
Literally the only thing keeping me alive is my David Bowie album collection. Whenever I'm sad, I listen to him and feel safe. Life makes more sense. But during the day, I've contemplated offing myself so many times. Daily even. Oh yeah, sob story? Sob story!

I'm a 21 year old albino, 5'11 with autism and because of this I can never forget my pain. My brother did cocaine and LSD in my room while he babysat me. My Sister moved out to early. My Dad is a workaholic who's spineless and eats to numb his pain. My Mom is a religious fanatic. Not too bad. Well I had an art teacher who beat me and was emotionally abusive towards me.

First girl I thought liked me was a massive liar, second girl I went out with was an egotistical loon. Others just rejected me. My friend told me she loved me, I said I loved her too. She later said she only wanted an open relationship with me. This was a slap in the face, what's wrong with me? You love me yet you don't really want me? We still talk but it's so platonic now it feels off. She says she loves me but I'm not sure if it's true. I don't feel love for her after she passed me by like that. I'm now only attracted to Asians because of her... I guess because a little 5'3" Asian girl said she at least loved me, it made me feel special for once. But loves not enough it seems.

I black out sometimes so I can't drive. My best friend is a raging drunk. I study, but my grades are average to awful. I work but it's pretty bland and unsocial. Deep down I feel so empty. I just want to die. I just feel like I don't deserve to be loved and it's something I'll never understand or have for myself.

Before I go, I want that last Ikiaru or Blade Runner moment. I need to stop being selfish and do something for others. I won't be loved, it doesn't matter much. It just isn't in my DNA it seems.

>>17395683
I've been reading for quite some time now about different ways to kill myself that are somewhat painless and not too dramatic, and death by dehydration seems like a really good choice. My only fear is someone finding me so I'm not too sure. My other possible choice is getting a lot of morphine but I wonder how hard that'll be becuase I don't know anyone who can have easy access to it. Anyhow, I'm pretty sure it must be easy to get illegally, I just need to do some more research if I actually choose to go this way.