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Is this abuse?

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Thread replies: 25
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Is pushing someone onto a bed and holding them there abusive?
My husband did this while we were arguing. He went up to me yelling and pushed me on the bed, grabbed me by my hair. He said he was gentle and no, he did not hurt me but I thought he was going to. I feel like I'm overreacting because he acted like this was normal. What do I do?
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Sounds kind of hot
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And what were you doing? Hitting him? Hitting yourself? Throwing stuff around? Saying you were gonna fick his best friend?
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>>17391970
It would have been in different circumstances. Lol.
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>>17391966
damn. It is, if the intimation doesn't work next time or the time or two after it will get rougher.
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Abuse is a retarded buzzword femcucks use when they feel neglected or underappreciated.

Answer this >>17391979

But yeah he was probably out of line and you should let him know he went too far.
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>>17391979
I don't hit him. I think I said it might be too hot out to call him during my lunch break, or cuz I forgot/lost something. I was like 4, 5 ft away when he did that.
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>>17391981
Sounds like you need to have a talk with him about your "punishment"
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>>17391966
I think it probably depends on whether you immediately fucked or not.

But it's probably super abusive. watch out for a grand apologetic gesture later.
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That's not okay, and the fact that he's pretending it's okay is very worrying. It'd be one thing to do that in the heat of the moment and then regret it (though apologising for shitty behaviour only to constantly repeat it is still abuse), but he doesn't even seem to understand/care that he did something wrong.
Abuse or not, that's not okay.
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He was establishing physical dominance.
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>>17391966
You're not overreacting. In may places, what he did is worthy of criminal charges for assault and forcible confinement.

Having said that, you weren't hurt and you're trying to be objective about it. And you want to address this rather than "make him pay" and end the relationship.

So tell him that you're not going to call the police or leave him over it, but that he crossed the line and you were afraid for your safety so it mustn't happen again. If he was upset about something else and took it out on you then you two need to discuss it or it could well happen again and be worse. Perhaps make it clear that unless he does counselling with you that you'll have to consider leaving? I don't like ulitimatums much but you have to sort this out and put a stop to it.
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>>17391966

leave him
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>>17392107
>And you want to address this rather than "make him pay" and end the relationship.

Ending a relationship because you've been made to fear for your safety is not an act of vengeance.
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>>17391966
If this had been part of some kind of play, I would not call it abusive. But absent any indications of play, the only reasonable conclusion is that this was a knowing and deliberate attempt at physical intimidation.

That is abusive. The fact that there was no actual intent to harm is irrelevant, given the clear design to make you believe in the moment that there was, and to use this to compel submission. You are not overreacting. Your husband needs anger-management training, or a divorce, or both.
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>>17392119
I agree, Anon. If OP has a continuing fear for safety, or isn't convinced that this will never happen again, then OP is justified to end the relationship and leave for that reason and that reason alone, but it's not justified if OP leaves out of vengeance or to make him pay.

This incident is a symptom of a serious problem in the relationship. If the problem can be solved then that's good. If it can't then OP is justified in leaving.

Couples sometimes have a serious issue, and they either get over it and fix the issue or they should separate. I'm not encouraging OP to separate because of the incident, rather OP should leave if the problem leading to the incident can't be resolved.

I believe that a couple will sometimes seriously offend or hurt each other given enough time, the question is whether the relationship can survive it. If a couple separates any time there's a problem then that leads to the attitude that relationships are disposable and don't need work. It's a slippery slope. How many Anons are on r9k because their SO dumped them for some minor slight or unilaterally understood offense?

We complain about single mothers going through guy after guy and screwing up the kids in the process and treating dad as a walking wallet. But if we're going to promote a society of nuclear families and strong relationships then those involved have to give each other the benefit of the doubt that problems can be solved rather than simply ending it all when there is a problem.

I'm not saying that women should stay in abusive relationships. I'm saying that both women and men should value relationships more and do a bit of work before ending them, unless ongoing personal safety is literally and imminently at stake.
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>>17391966
An argument shouldn't come to physical contact from either party.
In no situation is doing that normal or ok.

Expect him being nice for a bit, but be aware that he will do it again because he has normalised it and you believe it.
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>>17392159
>indications
He did literally say something about dominance as an excuse. Bleh. Ty
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>>17391966
It's NOT okay. Because of some people who did this to me (including my parents because i was easy to panic my entire life, and they thought holding me still in a position where i can't move at all will help, because i happened to run away, or be agressive[mostly verbally] during panic attacks) it gave me a PTSD where i get HORRIBLY agressive and dangerous when someone tries to even slightly dominate over me(even if it's just something like telling me not to do something), to the point where i can even try to stab them with a knife. Don't let this happen to you because this is hell and i hate it with all i am, but i have no control over what i'm doing when this happens.
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It's abuse, lass, watch out for signs of overexerted dominance.
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>>17391966
1.what was the argument about?
2.how long did he hold you there?
3.did he say while holding you down?
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My ex did something similar. In one instance, he pushed me against a wall to yell at me. In another instance, he pulled me onto the bed and held me down to angrily lecture me while I was sobbing and trying to leave. I'm glad I can say he's my ex.

It's an intimidation tactic, and yes, it's typically considered an abusive behavior.

Talk to him about it, or leave him. Personally, having been in a similar situation, I'd say it doesn't bode well for the relationship. But if you want to make it work, you need to be clear with him that he crossed a line. If it happens again, you need to leave, and you need to make your leaving him brutally cold so that he knows that there's no chance of making it up to you,
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>>17391966
This sucks so bad. I posted this thinking I'd get told I'm just being sensitive and stuff. Idk what to do. Stuff is already back to 'normal'. Thanks everyone.
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>>17393118
You are being under sensitive. If it was me I would have left the house and stayed with my mother or something. No way I would ever stay with a man who would even think of doing that to me.
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>>17392278
>m-muh values
Thread posts: 25
Thread images: 1


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