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le confidence meme

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ok, can someone once and for all canonically define what the whole 'be confident' meme is all about? its the typical advice given to everyone regardless of their issue, the only problems are:

1. no one actually explains what this fucking means
2. no one actually explains how to achieve this, whatever it is

so please, someone enlighten us all
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seems like as expected no one actually has an answer for this
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the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust.
"we had every confidence in the staff"


synonyms: trust, belief, faith, credence, conviction
"I have little confidence in these figures"
antonyms: skepticism, distrust
•the state of feeling certain about the truth of something.
"it is not possible to say with confidence how much of the increase in sea levels is due to melting glaciers"
•a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities.
"she's brimming with confidence"


synonyms: self-assurance, self-confidence, self-possession, assertiveness

sage
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>>17388716
The only way to gain confidence in a thing is to do that thing. The implication is that the first few times one does a thing must always be done without the benefit of full confidence: that comes later.

When someone is telling you to "be confident", what they really mean in the short term is to be brave: to face your fears and do the thing even though you are scared. Confidence will come later, when you have done it a few times and either succeeded or, perhaps even more importantly, failed but survived.
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>>17388755
have a go at step 2 you fucking unit
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>>17388716

Alright, I'll give you an answer, but you won't like it

Go to the gym and lift some weights, get your testosterone pumping, feel proud, stick your fucking chest out, ace that shit like an alpha male

Not kidding, if you lift weights you will feel a lot more alpha, but you sound like a pathetic sack of shit so I doubt you've got it in you
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>>17388759
but i did do the thing many times and nothing changed. i go out to meet people and the only thing thats different is now i get rejected in real life rather than online, woooooo

>>17388765
ive been lifting weights for 6 months, nothing changed except now im slightly fatter and my hamstring hurts all the time
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>>17388781
>ive been lifting weights for 6 months, nothing changed except now im slightly fatter and my hamstring hurts all the time
Well then you're not doing it properly
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>>17388716

Being confident is liking yourself, knowing who you are and what you want in life. It can't be explained because confidence is not a universal feeling that means the same thing to one person as it does anything.

Think about a task or a skill you consider yourself good at, whether it be a video game or a coding language. When you make a decision in the context of this skill do you hesitate or do you let your knowledge and experience make decisions for you?

If your answer is the latter than this is something that you're confident in. When you make a keystroke in said programming language or perform a move in the game you do it not because you debated whether or not it was the right thing to do and then did it; due to your practice and experience you already know its the right thing to do so you just do it.

Social confidence and confidence with women and romance is the same thing. Confidence is not an all encompassing feeling that you can just wake up with. Its a prolonged, difficult thing to achieve. It requires constant failure, learning and subsequent corrections.

Confidence is muscle memory. Muscle memory can only be achieved through trial and error, preparation and dedication.

The key to being confident is fairly simple but the process, however, is not.
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>>17388790
no i just did shitty strong lifts, regardless your advice is still garbage. lift weights and then what, suddenly everything slots into place? you still have said nothing
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>>17388716
Confidence is associated with success. Confident people tend to succeed and unconfident people tend to fail, it's just a fact of life.

Due to these associations retards believe that success is a direct result of confidence. So they say "be confident", because in their mind it's 1) going to make you succeed pretty much by itself and 2) something that's in your head, so (according to them) it's something you have control over.
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>>17388716
>1. no one actually explains what this fucking means
......because it's pretty fucking self evident. "Be confident in yourself" seems pretty clear to me. Do you feel secure in who you are? Do you like who you are? Do you trust yourself to be able to go get the things that you want? Are you unduly affected by the opinions and practices of others? How do you not know what "confidence" means?
>2. no one actually explains how to achieve this, whatever it is
By working on yourself and becoming someone you're proud of, duh. Or did you think confidence is something you go pick up and the grocery?

Your questions seem really, really dumb to me.
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>>17388716
A real way to build confidence.

Pick something that scares you and do it, you might succeed or fail, but that doesn't matter, you just have to do it. Then after that, pick something else. Inb4 people say this doesn't work but don't actually practice it.
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>>17388761
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>>17388761
in all seriousness, try being more specific about what area you want to have confidence in

for instance, I have zero confidence that I could fly an airplane, but I seduce women even though my teeth are a medium shade of yellow

do you want confidence of your value in society, your ability to succeed with women? be specific and don't ask for a cure-all. try actually solving your problems and not complicating them.
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>>17388863
> do you want to know about women?

what fucking board is this exactly? ofc thats what i want to know about
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>>17388866
rape is the only way to have total confidence
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>>17388847
Works. It definitely works.
Alternatively, try to do things you know you are competent at, and then go a step beyond. Run another mile. Go for another set. Play that guitar for another 15 minutes even though your fingers hurt. The knowledge that you can do more than you originally thought you will find to be empowering. And with empowerment will come confidence. I know this for a fact because I'm working on doing that shit myself.
It's Not something you're gonna get overnight either. But every time you lift those weights weakness leaves your body, and every time you do something that makes you nervous or scared despite that you lose a little bit of fear.

If it helps any, I believe in you OP. The only thing that can truly kill confidence is giving up.

>Tl;dr achievement and small/medium/large victories give confidence. be sure to congratulate yourself too, because doing stuff is doing stuff.
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>>17388872
right so you dont know anything either
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>>17388716

I teach piano lessons. Teaching the 14-18 age group is so difficult as people are developing still so I have them actually yell at me e.g. shout "I'm confident." or just do a war cry..

That builds confidence in my experience. It's about dominating the environment you are working in and even if you do make a mistake plowing through it..
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>>17388888
I know that questions from total strangers I can't see that are way too vague aren't likely to get an answer from me, because I'm not a bullshitter

try asking someone middle-aged, impartial, and attracted to your sex. they might have some really good advice.
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>>17388781
If you've been meeting people for a while now and you don't feel any improvement, like you don't feel any more confident at all than the first time, you're doing something wrong. Maybe you have social phobia, in which case i suggest CBT to help you with that.

You're supposed to get more confortable, gain more confidence and experience less anxiety the longer and more frecuently you do an activity. If this doesn't happen with meeting people, then you're not engaging correctly the activity, like for example you have certain thoughts at the moment which "shield" you from really exposing yourself out there, or you eject the situation too soon, before you actually reduce the anxiety/ get confortable in the situation, etc. Its a very broad range of things that may be going wrong, and i suggest cbt therapy because it can provide a much more individual help for your case in particular than anything you could read on this board.

Source: Im a therapist.
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>>17388901
You sound like a cool guy. Are you good with women?
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>>17388765
>lifting weights gives you confidence
this is the most retarded post I've read all day
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>>17389107
I suggest you avoid /fit/. For the sake of your sanity
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>>17388796
That was a really good explanation
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>>17388755
>>17388866
>>17388877
>>17388888
>>17388977
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>>17388716

Its about not giving any fucks.

You know those douche bags you see driving are in riced out hondas or wearing skinny jeans who seem to hook up with all the girls you have a crush on?

They have confidence. They do themselves.
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>>17388765

Thats not confidence, daddy. That is insecurity.
>>
Human psychology, the category where "confidence" falls into is not an objetive science. It is not possible to define personality traits with a solid base. You can't define "love" or "kindness" or even "friendship". You can't define "success" or "confidence" either.

When most people talk about confidence they bring up things like "success" or "believing in yourself" or "being happy with yourself" or "knowing what you want" or "realizing who you are". All these explanations are subjective.

tl;dr: no one will ever give you an objective definition
>>
You're wanting the "how do I know if I'm doinitrite?" meaning of confidence then, yes?

Confidence = you approach x without wondering and worrying about how it's gonna go because why would you? You already know no matter what happens you'll come away from it better off than you were when you went in.

>practice
get gud fgt
>homework
Do the research and do the training so you can do effective practicing efficiently.
>perspective
Equating failure with defeat is a mistake. Expect some failure. Embrace it as part of the development process. Part of knowing what to do is knowing what not to do.

Say as a result of failing you learn a new aspect, highlight an area that needs work, get a status update on progress, come up with an idea to try next time, identify a limit, find a weakness, discover an exploit, spot a pattern, or notice a trend etc etc. You attempted unsuccessfully to meet your objective and in doing so you further honed your skills. Net loss or net gain? Are you better or worse off for it at the end than you were at the start?

...and there you have it. The dreaded "nobody but you can answer this for you" point in the conversation. You're not tasked with facing the step by step planning of a uniquely tailored strategy for yourself with no formula or example to follow like the "it's all up to you" line seems to imply. All it comes down to is a choice that needs made. Decide which paths to take. Decide your perspective. Lead yourself to where you want to be.
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I used to have very low confidence and everyone told me that. I then took a professional dev class and it had a section about appearing confident just by body language. I've since practiced how to use body language to appear more confident, but I am not actually confident. Politicians usually have body language coaches, see obama vs jeb with sound turned off an you can clearly see who is more confident just by how they use their body.

Confidence to me is the kinda thing that you fake it until you make it. I'm not confident, but i simply look confident and that's all that matters to other people.

Tip: Use the CQI method when introducing yourself : compliment, question, introduction.

I like your watch, is that rolex, my name's John.

All of that in one breath and you're already making an impression.
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I'll give you a simple answer. The Bruce Lee answer

Confidence is simply being like water. It means going with the flow. It's not something you're inherently born with, it's a skill you develop over time. Public speakers have had to give 100s if not thousands of speeches till they felt comfortable, people who are good with women have had to undergo tons of rejection to get to the point they are at. It means being outcome dependent and not caring about what people think, if you hold a door open for someone and they don't even take time to acknowledge you then you don't care, if someone steps on you and doesn't apologize then you simply don't care, this doesn't mean becoming a doormat, but achieving a level of, let's call it "zen", where things in life that annoy most people don't seem to phase you.

Self-confidence is something else but not so different from the original meaning.
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>>17388798
>>17389107
>>17389117
>>17389198

Cucks detected.
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>>17388781
>but i did do the thing many times and nothing changed. i go out to meet people and the only thing thats different is now i get rejected in real life rather than online, woooooo
I'm sorry to hear that, but it can take many tried. What were the mistakes you made? What have you learned from them? You can't quit prematurely: yes, you only get one try per person, but you have to keep going, and keep learnin, until it begins to work.
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>>17388716
The definitive definition:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGS029Peq7k
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its coming from the fact you are sure in yourself
you know what you want and get it
its when you say its gona be alright, and it does ineed turns out just alright

you achieve this by knowing what you want to be and actually become that person

its not a meme, it works
fags who pretend and fake it make it a meme, because it doesnt work for them, since they are
you know
FAKE
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One generally cannot be confident on the whole. You build confidence in different areas, for instance you might have no hesitation making a lasagna, or taking a shot in a football game but you may have serious doubts approaching le women.

What genuine, true, confidence is however, that most people seek, is indifference to the outcome. So if the woman doesn't like you, you are still perfectly happy and it doesn't effect 'you'. You are still in a happy mood, and you see the bright side to everything. If you do get the girl, you share the experience with her, every moment together is fun, not just the sex. The sex is just a fun experience you both shared at the end of the night.

If people were like this in reality, they would be walking down the streets smiling in bliss. But very few people are like this, even though you might think they are.

I learnt these concepts from Eckhart Tolle and a dude on youtube called owen cook.
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>>17390588
>its coming from the fact you are sure in yourself
>you know what you want and get it
>its when you say its gona be alright, and it does ineed turns out just alright
Worth noting, however, is that "being alright" is not the same thing as success. You can't walk in certain that you'll succeed: not only does that not even make sense, it also tends to come across as arrogant, which will actually hurt your chances. You could fail. But confidence is knowing that EVEN IF you fail, it will still be all right.

Rejection stings, but it is not the end of the world, even in aggregate. This is the one and only thing of any value that PUAs have ever said, but valuable it is. Learn it well.
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>>17388716
Is that supposed to be Darth Sion?
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>>17388796
Fucking this.

Also, fake it 'til you make it. Worked wonders for me. I used to be a lazy manchild until I was 22. Then I bought some nice clothes, started casually talking to women more often without overthinking everything, lost some weight, got a job I enjoyed and decided to try and become the man I've always wanted to be. A couple months later I got a 10/10 gf that lasted for 2,5 years. Now I'm 25, fucking 9/10 bitches on the first date like it's nothing and I feel like a completely different person than the edgy virgin I was 10 years ago.

If you're just looking for advice on how to pick up women, read up on molly or coke and do it on a night out with your close friends. It makes you happy and confident without being obviously fucking hammered.
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>>17390949
what did you change? more detail.
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>>17391369
>changed my style from edgy church burner to formal casual and started getting haircuts regurarly. People take you more serious if you don't look like a twat
>stopped giving a shit if people are religious or political as long as they don't shove it down my throat
>stopped putting women on pedestals. Realized they're also human, with similar insecurities as the rest of us
>started experimenting with drugs after reading up on them, and drinking less
>changed my diet to the better and started lifting
>learned self defense
>got a job I really enjoy
>did some serious introspection (lsd, weed and shrooms are good for this if your mind can handle it) and realized what are my strengths and weaknesses
>started treating people like I want them to treat me. Only act like an asshole if someone deserves it
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>>17388716
you can't just be confident. A person either is or isn't confident and that doesn't really change through will alone. Confidence isn't a skill.
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>>17391797

>
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>>17391797
False.

Self improving and life experience leads to confidence for most people.
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>people who aren't naturally confident
>people who aren't cocky or arrogant in anything
Thread posts: 47
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