Well, I just broke up with my third gf because I'm reasonably

File: 1455129920124.jpg (42KB, 500x333px) Image search: [Google]

42KB, 500x333px

Well, I just broke up with my third gf because I'm reasonably sure I have avoidant personality disorder. The reason I've begun to feel certainty in this is as outlined (for maximum tl;dr):

- I was 24 before I had my first official relationship, which I abandoned after a year and a half because I started feeling an irresistible need to separate and to be alone. I didn't know how to interpret these feelings, so I set out to experiment with myself intimately.

- The following relationship occurred when I was 27. It was with a girl much younger than I, whom I left because I felt we had incommensurable differences intellectually and emotionally. The underlying reason was that I felt that same alienated disconnect gnawing at me.

- I'm 28 now, and this girl is absolutely wonderful, but again I felt that intellectual distantiation separating us, and it resulted in that insurmountable feeling of alienation and wanting to detach.

This fucking sucks. This one in particular is hurting me like hell because I hurt her with my detachment. She was nothing but kind and loving to me. Even though we had certain differences that were significant to me, shouldn't I be able to look past them to appreciate someone that loves me? Is that what a relationship is? I'm starting to fear that, entering my 30s soon, I'll set off for a life of perpetual solitude. I work well in isolation, I'm an insular person and have cultivated a life of solitude, but I do feel that raging intensity for love sometimes, and it leaves me with the same violence it arrived with. Not sure how to go about things from here on. Should I ask her to wait? I explained myself to her very clearly and she seemed to understand to the best of her ability, and I know it's unfair to keep someone at the end of a wick when there's so much uncertainty at hand.