>>17377876 Old one close to 404ing I go to the strip clubs

I want to fuck my brother.

We're both in relationships, he has a girlfriend and I have a boyfriend, but I just want to fuck my brother regardless of that.

I don't read incest smut. I don't watch or Jap stuff either which promotes that kind of thing.

I just plain want to have sex with my brother, I want to feel him finish inside me, I want to kiss him and have him hold me after sex.

I realize this will never happen. I realize I crossed boundaries dozens of times before when I stole his underwear and pleasured myself with it or when I held onto him for too long in front of his girlfriend. I've intentionally barged into his room when I knew or suspected he was masturbating just to see his cock.

I know part of this stems from the fact that he's literally the only one in our family to give a damn about me, to always support me through all kinds of shit in my life and help me right back up, and it's fucking awful of me that I have thought about him fucking me when I was having sex with my boyfriend and I even like to occasionally think of us both cheating on our partners with each other.

I honestly have no idea how to stop this.

Counseling hasn't helped for shit and I'm thinking it might be time for me to move far away where we don't see each other so often.

Being with people makes me withdrawn, tired, and angry.
Being alone makes me bright, energetic, and at ease

Where do I go with this?

>>17384260
>but there aren't many places for a socially awkward 20 year old to go in the city in the middle of the night when he knows nobody

I did not know that titty bars were for anything other than entertaining groups of businessmen, the "lads" and lonely losers.

I like hearing you come out of your room at 4:30 in the morning. Yes, I'm awake. You don't know this. I can hear floor settle under the load of your slow, dragging steps. I can almost hear you blow a sharp breath with every step down the stairs. I know your knees hurt you. When you open the garage I jump up from my bed and swagger towards the window. There's a blue slash of light usually that crosses my desk. God I should be asleep. The grey hasn't passed along the morning yet, and I watch you drive away. I don't see actually see you this warm morning, but I know you're there. When you walk, flip the light switch, cough, clear your throat. I imagine you like to say things quietly under your breath like I do while getting ready to leave. I like to think you take a glace at my window above. I guess that's why I make sure I stay behind in the dark of the room with only one eye peering through a blind-slat. I don't need you to worry anymore. But still, I like to think you know I'm there, that you can feel the weight of my concern sink through the floor, and you know it's there. I hope you feel it and smile, and not know why you're smiling, but you smile because something feels good, feels right, and firm. You can take the vibe with you and suddenly your knees don't splinter so much, and your headaches seem mild, and you can make the most of your efforts at work and have it be noticed because like them, you feel something, like a wild contentment making you giddy. Maybe it's just this morning but know that I wish this sentiment on you forever. I like hearing the weak whir of your car gain up as you get closer to the end of the street. I listen until I hear only myself breathing. I take one last peek at the jagged horizon and I can see the sun barely carve above the distant edge. Now it's time. Lets start our day, shall we? You go ahead to work, and I'll stay here and think of you in my sleep. I love you, mom. I don't think you know just how much, and that's okay.

I just spent all night trying to use tinder.
Left swiped on probably 400 girls.
Goddammit. Pretty sure this makes me a bona-fide misogynist.
How do i fix this though?
Do i need a manic pixie dream girl or some shit?
How do i start falling for girls again?
I thought this was normal when growing from a teenage boy into a man, but it seems like most other men are still attracted to many (even most?) women.

Maybe that other one where women pick the men? Bumble i think?
Might work better if i just sit back and let them do the deciding.

I punched myself several times in the chest as an attempt to breathe when I was having asthma attacks while walking in the heat. I left my inhaler at home and had to resort to this to breathe better.

It worked for a while, but now I have a tiny cramping near my chest while my left arm is also crampy. I can't explain it other than it feels like you left your foot to rest for a while, and it unfreezes, with that brief leftover tingly numbness feeling right after the tickling pain.

I had to deal with a dog that triggered all of my allergies just before this, so I honestly don't know if it's a heart problem, or I punched a tendon, or perhaps I bruised something while sneezing to death.

Either way, I'm in some form of agony.

I'm literally crying right now..

I've noticed that a lot of the time in my dreams, there's always someone, usually me, running from something. Be it the burglar, mysterious being in the dark, gang members, etc. I'm running from something a lot in my dreams. And the other night when I faced, what was an evil step father (i don't have one irl), I fell down and cracked my head open and died, and even though i was dead, i would still be in my house which was burning and i'd try to get up but keep falling down cracking and flattening my head more as i bled out around my dead family.
I have a lot of fucked up dreams these days.

I don't know if I am attracted to her (the girl I am interested in) anymore.

I saw a picture of her randomly and my first though was that she was ugly. but when I looked again, I saw what I like(d) in her again.

But I am also getting an odd feeling about her being a bit off. She has 800 friends on facebook but only like 4 comment on her stuff. And then she goes an likes those few comments.

>>17384873

>But I am also getting an odd feeling about her being a bit off. She has 800 friends on facebook but only like 4 comment on her stuff. And then she goes an likes those few comments

I don't understand why this is a thing. Like, why that matters?

I'm so lonely

>>17384620
Seems like tinder is not for you. You probably need a bit of personality to back up the physical attraction you're waiting for.

She saved me and comforted me from a certain situation. She's smart and we made out on the beach. She is with a guy that she was suppose to marry, but fellout. Her personality is fucking great. I'm torn. I don't want to take her from the guy, but the feels.

I posted the other day about how I'm a guy in my late 20s with my own house, well paying job, puppy, nice car, hobbies etc that got turned down by a girl ive known, befriended and supported for several months who was mentally and physically unwell in favor for dating some guy she met for a week

Thanks for whomever gave me advice. So far my personal life has been a huge letdown and after trying several different avenues with no luck, its time for me to go. I don't want to get into my 30s and 40s while being a virgin with zero relationship experience. As bitter and fedoracore as it sounds, it would be just as uncomfortable to me trying to date some woman at that age who has been in several relationships, as it would to them trying to date a complete infant in that regard.

I'm just tired of lying and covering up the embarrassment that it brings, so this is my decision. Honestly /adv/ whenever I needed some advice you guys at least didn't completely shit on me every time so I truely appreciate it all. Thanks for everything.

I'm tired of people telling me that I'm lucky and shouldn't complain.

My girlfriend just left me and it made me realize just how alone I really am. I have no friends and I genuinely have no idea how i'm going to cope if I can't talk to her every day like I have for the last five years.

I have the biggest crush unthinkable on you and I haven't felt this way about anyone in a long time.

After we met and hung out yesterday, I couldn't and still can't stop thinking about you.

I want to do cute cheesy shit with you. I want to inspire your music. I want you to write a song about me. I want to kiss and cuddle and hold you. I want to have emotionally-charged vanilla sex with you the way other couples in their early 20s do.

You haven't texted me since yesterday though. I'm intimidated to hit you up myself. It's alright. Most guys find me revolting anyway.

>>17384507
Play mmos.. Welcome to being an introvert

>>17384931

Buddy, what you have to understand is that what you were taught attracts women and what actually attracts women are two very different things.

>>17385047
I've spent the past several years researching, learning and applying the knowledge from various communities that speak of attracting women. I keep an open mind about it; for example I think PUA shit is lame but I see certain parts of it can be effective especially in cold approaching women, I believe that dread game is important even though I personally despise it because I don't like having it done to me and its literally wasting time to make a girl give me attention, and so on.

I haven't been sitting on my ass moping about how I'm a loser, I've been actively improving myself for years now, from physically lifting/keto diet to financially making 6 figures before taxes before 30 years old.

Like I'm fairly certain I already know what you're going to say but chances are I've tried it, I lived it, put it into practice, and nothing works.

Maybe I'm cursed I don't know, but I'm an open-minded and meticulous person so I don't believe I've overlooked anything simple. So unless you've got some super secret konami cheatcode that I have yet to use, I've probably done it.

Got my heart crushed in such a way I'm wondering if it destroyed my ability to love. How can I be sure?

>>17384798
I'm sorry. I love you

>>17385096
We've been doing this to ourselves for countless generations. You need to believe that it always gets better, because it always does.

>>17384880
Just how she acts couppled with that just seems kinda odd.

She goes through liking each comment someone leaves (about half are family)
Kinda ties in with possibly being high functioning, whole still being on the spectrum.

My boyfriend won't stop talking to this girl on facebook. I have told him about 5-6 times now over the course of a year that it makes me uncomfortable that he talks to her. Every time he makes a huge deal out of it and refuses to regard my feelings. I think he is up to something fishy, by the way he acts when I confront him over this girl. He clearly cares about her more than me, as he wants to spare her feelings and not stop talking to her but refuses to consider my feelings. I've been cheated on many times before by two previous partners, so I'm very sensitive to thesethese kinds of things. I feel like I know the warning signs and I know when someone is lying to me.

If my boyfriend asked me to stop speaking to someone because it makes him uncomfortable, I would stop speaking to them immediately out of respect for him. Why does he not have this mindset? Is he two timing me? If so, what do I do? I fell really in love with him, I wanted to marry him and start a family. Without him I feel like I'll never be happy again. That being said, I do not want to be a cuck and I will not tolerate this much longer.

Why does he like this girl more than me and care about her feelings more than mine?

>>17384260
I haven't stopped thinking about you since the last time we've been together and it's killing me that I'll only be with you again in two weeks.

>>17385112
>such cringe

What's the point of this?

It's just as dumb as the single letter signed replies despite there only being 26 letters.

>>17385184
Be thankful. Be thankful every single fucking day of your god damn life that you have someone that makes you feel that way.

>>17385177
Someone help. Please.

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i hate myself bcuz im a piece of shit. i wish i was never borned so i have to be in this fucking shit society.

>>17385215
*born

HOW DO I STOP EATING SO MUCH SUGAR REEEEEE
The only reason I'm not fat is because I'm undereating
Inb4 "eat more" I CAN'T

>>17385231
You don't need to eat more, just eat all the time. Never be hungry.

>>17385177

Who is this girl, and old ex or fling or just someone from school or something?

>>17385251
Just some girl he met on /k/

>>17385261

does she live anywhere near you?

>>17385262
Same state, but a few hours north. That distance doesn't really matter to me, seeing as people have sex on skype and flirt over the Internet all of the time.

Am I being cucked? This sucks and I have no idea how to handle it, I'm having a mental breakdown over this.

>>17385271

Are you into guns at all? Maybe he's just looking for someone to talk to about them. Have you been able to ever read any of his conversations, or are you just drawing conclusions?

>>17385275
I am into guns, we go to the range all of the time. If he was just looking for someone to talk to about guns he could very easily talk to me. He also has many, many friends who are into the same things he is.. he could also very easily talk to them. I haven't read any conversations because I think that crosses a serious privacy boundary. I just told him many times that it makes me uncomfortable, and every time he makes a big deal out of it. It seems very shady to me that he cares more about talking to her than respecting my feelings.

>>17385280

Why don't you message her and start talking to her? Ask her some innocuous question about a gun or something, and casually slip in that you boyfriend said to ask you

>>17385289
I don't have a Facebook, or any sort of website like Facebook. I have to just blindly trust him, which I'm having a hard time doing. I've sat down and talked with him about this but he doesn't seem to consider my feelings at all. I'm not sure if I should just end things and let him be happy with her.

>>17385301

Trust is part of a relationship anon. If you have no other reason to suspect something is awry other than him not pandering to your every whim, then maybe you need to re-assess yourself.

>>17385312
So you wouldn't respect your girlfriend's feelings either if something made her uncomfortable? I guess that seems to be a trend with men, because I sure as hell would stop doing something that bothers my boyfriend if he asked.

>>17385316
That just means you're a doormat desu

I really really really wanted to you watch you fap. I should have said yes. I don't think I have the courage to bring it up again.

>>17385322
I guess so. More of a reason for me to be alone I suppose. Thanks for talking to me anon, I don't have any friends so I appreciate having someone on the other end of the keyboard.

>>17385316

I actually had a few girls I knew from college, that I talked to regularly on facebook for years. My girlfriend at the time brought it up, I reasured her that nothing was happening, and that we were platonic. Occasionally, when one was intoxicated, she'd try and flirt with me, but I shut it down. That's not on me, and I wasn't going to stop having a friend because my girlfriend thought there was something there that wasn't.

I would literally murder someone for a well paying job.

I hate being poor.

>>17385336
That's a different anon, sweetheart. Want to be online pals?(femanon)

>>17385371
Iktf Roskolnikov

I miss you. I miss your curly hair that my hands would get tangled in. I miss your laugh. I miss how you'd walk around with a smile and every time you looked at me it got a bit bigger. I miss when you'd pretend to shave me whenever I hadn't in awhile. I miss touching everywhere on your body. I feel such extreme sadness today, I haven't stopped thinking about you since we broke up, I didn't want to. I'm sorry for everything. The memories won't stop replaying in my head, and the fantasies of things we could have done hurt even more. I love you, and I miss you, and I just want you back

>>17385375
Like I said, I don't have Facebook or any websites. I couldn't be online friends with anyone, wouldn't have a platform to speak on. Thanks for talking to me though, I appreciate it a ton.

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>>17384260
I spent a good 2-3 months trying to get over this crush, yet every time I get a text, I get that same feeling in my gut

What a drag

I'm doing my best here. But the more I do, the more you take it for granted and the more you demand. I might break sometime, y'know.

I don't know why, but lately I haqve been thinking that it was for the best that I stopped talking to her.

But I don't know. Maybe i really am over thinking it....

>>17385381
This was extremely sweet. I hope things work out for you and you find someone even better out there. You will find love again.

>>17385724
Thanks anon, but it's not that she wasn't better, it's that I wasn't good enough. Now I'm just trying to fix myself, make myself better, I dunno, maybe she'll see how I've finally gotten my life on track and see that I'm not the same person who messed everything up

>>17385738
I wish you the best either way. Good luck out there anon.

I like this. A lot. But what if I'm too scared?

I feel like I am looking for something, but I don't know what it is and thinking about it drives me nuts.

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I had to dump a gaming friend yesterday. I felt like a shitheel but I didn't see any other option. I'm the only online friend he has, and I felt bad for him, so I put it off as long as I could, hoping he'd either go away or somehow get more friends (though I can see why he'd have trouble making/keeping friends, he's so fucking needy). he'd quit the game so I thought I was rid of him, but he came back so he could hang out with me.

you know how sometimes you make friends with someone who has some of the same flaws as you, plus a bunch that you used to have but that you got over years ago? in one sense it's nice that you can relate to each other's struggles. but at the same time, you're in the process of trying to fix yourself and you can barely stand your own flaws, much less theirs. so you're trying to judge not lest ye be judged, but this person's shit is just driving you bugfuck. and you kinda want to mentor them because you've been where they are, but you don't want to take on the project of trying to fix them because that's just a bad idea all around.

and you don't want to abandon them because they're lonely and struggling and you know all too well what it's like to be lonely and struggling. but the stress of dealing with them is bleeding out into your other relationships including your marriage and you just fucking can't anymore. asking them to back off and just spend less time together doesn't work because regardless if you see them once a day, once a week, or once a year, they're just as annoying and suffocating and off-putting as ever, and it just wrecks your day to talk to them. eventually you reach that point where you realise it's just not gonna work.

I hope he gets some of his shit figured out and has a happier life. I feel bad that his parents did such a huge number on his mind that even now he can't see a way out from under it. but I am not doing well myself and his shit is so far beyond my pay grade. so, bye dude. sorry man.

>>17385894
amen to that

Often I go somewhere and you suddenly appear there, not always in the way I would usually see you and there's some element of surprise and then somehow you go again and I don't know why you do it, because I would rather you approach me directly so we can be together again. Maybe that's not what you want though, at least you said you no longer wanted to be my friend, and I suppose it's my fault for being so defensive and paranoid and projecting opposing emotions to my uncontrollable feelings for you, even though I'm mad enough to settle for something platonic if it meant we could share adventures again, and spend blissful hours together. Every time I don't see you, I'm disappointed and return to introspective tears and loneliness, I feel this is my fate forever because I can't find anyone that I feel about the way I do for you. I don't suppose you noticed or cared about my letters and how much I value the wonderful times we have shared so far. The days with you, have been the best in my life, I suppose I need to go now and blend away into insignificance

When you said you let me lead what we do together, I didn't mind, perhaps not all the time but I also didn't realise that had been the case and that I was being led somewhere for no reason by thinking you still had the slightest interest in me, and again that feeling returns me to my own insecurities that I allowed myself to retain when they should have been gone so long ago, only the perhaps would I have become too complacent about our love, although for all I knew you thought I would push for anything to break it, I just wanted your words to match the feelings you showed me, just like me really! quieter in moments, then uncontainable contrasts

I'm in love for the first time. I knew him before you. He has the key to my smile. We don't understand each other and it's alright because the understanding found in love is a perfect harmony that words find in the heart before the mind, which can only follow and like mine, yours has been found

>>17384798
*bear hug*

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A close ish friend just told me he went on a date with a girl I have a mad crush on (who's a mutual friend of ours). He doesn't know that I like her so much I think, though he may suspect it. Anyway that means I'm gonna probably see them together often and hear about them. The last time I saw her I asked her out but she told me she was busy whatever and that she'll text me about it later but she didn't.
The guy is a total autist imo but I guess I'm the real huge loser here. I thought I had a connection with her but I suspected this guy liked her too. But I thought he was just wasting his time flirting with her, I didn't think she'd actually go out with him. But what feels worst is how she picked him over me. I guess it wouldn't feel so bad if she was dating some guy I don't know so at least I won't be hearing from them that way. But besides being friends with this guy and the girl, we have activities together every week.
I'm freaking out right now, I don't know how I'm gonna deal with this. I hope the pain goes away soon. My life has been spiraling down out of control lately and this feels like the last nail on the coffin. I feel horrible, I hope it's only right now.

>>17386068
Tell your friend you liked her and ask him what you should do. A real bro would give you the best advice on how to move on and find someone else- perhaps even be your wingman.

In any case, no sense burning bridges and screwing things over for yourself over this.

In any case, he probably knows you better and what can help you more than any of us here.

>>17386093
That's not the advice I expected (I mean I didn't even think about the idea of telling him and asking him for advice). You may be right, thanks anon!

>>17385766
Dont let fear in the way of something amazing bloom.

I just wish you would sweep me up into your arms and rock me back and forth, pressing your arms tightly against my body, squeezing me and comforting me. Lay down with me and hold me until I fall asleep. I'm so anxious and so scared of so much in life. I feel safe when I'm with you. Even if I cry, you'll make everything okay.

Please don't ever leave me. Please promise me that.

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I just masturbated alone whilst watching a recording of me masturbating alone, this is 5 days after having not masturbated. How do I last longer this time around. I want you to tell me, or just make me confused about why I masturbated to a video of my self. I also want to be held by Kaworu, I don't know if I'm a homosexual or not

God fucking dammit. I just wanted to play VNs on this shitty operating system, and I've spent 2 hours installing shit only for nothing to work. And now my 9-day German streak on Duolingo is ruined because I let time get away from me. Ruined for absolutely no progress. Fuck it all.

E,

Are you still here?

Should I come back?

>>17386679
>making it this vague

>>17384260
I feel I have sold my soul and interest for nothing.

>Had big dream of hiking across USA since I was a kid.
>Go to college because that's what I need to do to become successful
>Leave after 1 year because of lack of interest and fuck student loans
>Join military for a year
>Get kicked out due to depression, suicidal thoughts, and being put in a psych ward 2x
>Work for friend at computer repair shop
>Is ok
>Get paid $8.00 and hour, make a pay check of around $350-$400
>Barely make rent
>Live with 2 other friends
>Friend 1 I was never really close with, doubt that'll ever change
>Friend 2 has screamed and yelled in my face as if I fucked his gf and got him fired for things like saying I'll clean tomorrow after getting off work
>Pretty sure he agrees with the notion we're just acquaintances who can tolerate most of each other's shit since we've known each other for like 10 years now
>Has choice between spending the 10k I had on hiking dream or car
>Chose car
>Living paycheck to paycheck
>Know I won't go anywhere
>Stopped giving a fuck a long time ago
>Don't even fantasize about things like having a gf or a happy life any more
>Friends are graduating college as teacher's and lawyer, I'm still a fucking loser
>Just waiting to hate myself enough to the point I finally kill myself
>Would've broken down typing this out about a year ago
>I honestly feel nothing and am doing this just to make my night by myself somewhat more interesting before I fap and go to bed

Sometimes I feel like killing myself cause the world is just too much

I feel persecuted for the color of my skin despite being an upstanding person and citizen and being well liked

I fear everyday that a horrible future is to come

I have read so much and the more I find out the way people in my country are going, the more I feel the world and this life us completely pointless

I just want my family to be safe. I love my grandma and don't want anything to happen to her.

I'm scared, all the time. And I just want the world to leave me alone.

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>>17386736
>sometimes i feel like killing myself
stopped reading

JUST DO IT

>>17386702
Not really vague, actually.

E lurks, and posts, here.

She and I have had a few exchanges.

>>17386776
its me, E. Hello anon can i have pics of ur dick w/ timescamp?

>>17386776
There's been several Es floating around here lately- one of whom is even male! So I'm not sure to which one you are referring...

The spark from this E is fading since I never received the sign I was hoping for. :'(

>>17386736
You're white, right?
I hope you're white.
Because everyone and their brother has been tripping over one another to defend the honor of minorities.
Whites have to live in fear now, not only for being called out as racists and bigots, but also because they're concerned about the terrorism being carried out on a monthly basis around the world.
White men (i'm a red woman, status card and everything) are being dragged through the mud several times over by the political left.
If you're not white you can rest assured that our leftist society has your back. People can do all sorts of degenerate things, fail at it, and take their anger out on western civilization. No problem. If they're part of the oppressed class.

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>>17384798
Grow up

>>17386792
Why not post the pics you have?

You know, with that can of Edge shaving gel? :3

>>17386827
She thought I was 9", and she wasn't wrong; though I think it was a little generous, as women are terrible judges...

I doubt I am who you want me to be. I am sorry, for that.

>>17386874
Not J; R.

I'm done here, unless she responds, and can prove it.

I shouldn't even be here, but... something compelled me to try, one last time.

I'm so fucking stressed right now. I am planning to go to Uni this fall, but I need to cough up $10,000 for just this semester. If I can't well I can't go. Federal Student Loans are out if the question and Private Student Loans are expensive. I feel like a failure and I can't stand another day in this house.

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My family won't stop degrading me as a person and constantly badgering me because I don't have a girlfriend. I seriously just stopped trying because every girl I've ever met either hates me, sees me as family, or has used me for her own gain/entertainment and led me on for nothing. I'm so sick of the games and of being used that I seriously am incapable of giving a flying fuck anymore. But my family won't hear it, and my dad practically wants me to turn into a man whore fucking everything on two legs while my mom wants me to find someone to put a rock on ASAP. It doesn't help that even some of my cringelord friends have girlfriends, while I'm stuck with nobody.

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There's this 15 year old girl that keeps bugging me. She's a student of mine and I think she has a crush on me. But I'm beta so I don't really know what to do with myself, other than suicide.

I'm feeling alone, worried, and scared.... But I'm mostly scared about being a single parent...

My girlfriend has admitted to me in the year and half we have been together that she didn't think I was "hot", that I am too fat, unhealthy with a terrible diet, hates my hair (too dry, broken), thinks my clothes are all terrible, i'm pretentious, hates my taste in music, I am too poor and I am awful at sex.

I know if I told her any one of those things she would absolutely lose her mind.

:/

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>>17387000
It's not that great anon, to be completely fucking honest. Once you do get a woman, while your family will stop degrading you, your new found lady friend is going to degrade the FUCK out of you. She is going to judge ever fucking aspect of your life and just make you feel like shit until she gets bored of you and starts fucking another guy behind your back.

You see all those happy couples in movies, tv, and in your life? It's all bullshit. Those women you see are all fucking soul sucking harpy cunts and all those guys are simply faking displays of vague happiness while secretly waiting for the day fem sex-bots bots are a reality so they can finally live free of those worthless bitches.

Be better than that anon. Save your soul.

alright. Mom, im so sorry about your illness. i know its killing you, and i know you know it too. the way you continue on for the girls is amazing to me and i can never ever understand what lying to my daughters about myself dying would feel like. im sorry you and i never got along so well, and im sorry about what happened with dad and with jake. i tryed all i could but i can only do so much mom. im so sorry. ill try my harddest to take care of them... i have a plan momma and theyre gonna be okay. housed, fed, and oblivious to the world, like we always wanted for ourselves. ill take care of them for you momma. i promise.

Dad, i sincerely hate you from the bottom of my heart. but youre still my dad. i cant explain what it feels like to love someone and hate them at the same time, but goddamnit is it strong. you killed mom you son of a bitch. you stole my entire childhood. my sisters and my brothers childhood. we were nothing because of you. no friends, school, no money no nothing. fuck, i starved years on end because of you, and gave it to the girls so they could eat. i would go to bed hungry and scared every night. regardless of what you did and didnt do, i honestly want you to know... i forgive you. i can hardly stomach a conversation with you, and when we talk it always becomes a yelling match. but i love you ad, despite everything. and regardless of how this plays out for everyone, i forgive you. I wish i could tell you that mom is dying because of what you did, but even with how i feel, i know how youd take it, and i dont wanna lose you too. ignorance is bliss like we always said, right..? i love you dad, and thats why i cant tell you.

Jake, you left us. again. we always said we'd fix this when we got older, but your leaving, like always. i never told you i knew, but even in arkansas i could hear you crying yourself to sleep, begging god to take you away from this. now we can save them from this, and youre just leaving? it's your life and your choices, but...

People think I am depressed and act sad because I'm lonely/want a girlfriend. That I am a melodramatic attention whore.

They don't know I have been raped. That's not something guys admit to. They don't know I have the memories of my best friend gurgling blood as his mangled face was gasping for air as he died in front of me after he crashed his car. They don't know I have tried to kill myself with a heroin overdose and I am still addicted to opiates of every form and adderal/ritalin that helps keep me awake from my nightmares. They don't know my first relationship was with a girl that would hit me with whatever the fuck she could pick up and throw at me when she got in a jealous rage. That every time I tried to leave her she would threaten to kill herself and then tell the EMT that arrived I tried to stab her. That when she finally started to fuck some other guy I was ecstatic I was free of that horror. They don't know my next woman would steal and run off with more than $20,000 of my savings when I got laid off my job.

Sure. I'm depressed because I miss being with women. That's it.

>>17386679
I'm still here

>>17387168
I'll never forget what it felt like to hurt like that. to pray to a god that would listen. to cry into a pillow before bed every night hoping beyond hope id wake up somewhere else the next day. Live your life Jake... i'll do this myself. like always.

Girls, all three of you are amazing. Hannah, youve become such an amazing girl. you're beautiful and it terrifies me. Knock that self loathing stuff off. we've got things to do, and the younger ones look up to you. at least its just teen angst and not genuine trauma. thank god.
Sarah, my Sarah Bear, im so proud of you. you saved my life, and i've never been able to rely on someone like i do you. you move to the beat of your own drum and dont take shit from anyone. as far as my opinion on you coming out as bi, more power to ya Bear. id still love you if you were spray tan orange and wore pants on yer head. keep bein you, and dont let anyone stop you.
Leah... im glad you dont remember. of all of us youre the most fortunate. you wont remember everything that happened when youre older... and youll be normal. all i've eveer wanted. youre always smiling and you like boybands, and you act all girly all the time. even if your body wont grow any more, you'll always continue to grow as a person, and you can prove yourself in your own way. our family way.

now for the big one.
Tima. I love you. i love you so much. so fucking much. through everything we've gone through together, i dont know if i could feel different. when i first met you, you were scared, lonely, and just... empty. i saw me. i know what that look means tima, i wore it for years. thats why i talked to you that first day. i knew you were hurting, and if it was as bad as i was, i wanted to help you so badly. as i talked to you, over time, i fell in love with you baby. the things we did... theyre important, but theyre not what make us... made us... us. i know it's easy for people to understand given the background, but it doesnt matter.

Im in love with my best friend's girlfriend. i cant see my friends without wanting to pour my heart out to her and make her understand that its not a phase. it hurts being with my friends because she wants to spend time with me but i cant spend time with her because it only makes me fall for her even more. ive tried avoiding her so my feelings could fade but they dont. i still think about her all the time. i cant fall for anyone else because i dont meet other woman. i want my feelings to go away cuz i dont want her to leave my friend for me. but at the same time i want to spend the rest of my life with her.

>>17387187
but who we are to eachother from our perspectives is whats important, not theirs. ive watched you become someone different tima, but thats not a bad thing. i couldnt be more happy. i would listen to you every day, no matter how sad or how bad things got for you id always listen. when you left.. i felt like dying. i felt alone again. so when i got the money to go see you, it took months worth of money, but i did it. ill never forget what it felt like to hold you again, and what it felt like to hold you against me, smiling and crying into my shoulder. i wish id have noticed that you never once looked up from my shoulder when he talked to me. im so sorry for that. im so, so sorry. he'll never do anything to you ever again. prison's a cold place for people like that. those seven years are gone, the past now. over the last year, youve become so... alive. you know youre beautiful, but you wont admit it. in time, i know you will. you only have an addiction now too, not a reason, and i know youll move on from that too. youve got a will, and a new life to call your own. even if i have to go, just know how much i loved you. how much i do love you tima. now and forever, like we always said. i'll watch after you from afar, but i know how bad your heart hurts to see me. im still your guardian angel baby, im always right here, im just a little... quieter. how badly i want to see you. to speak to you. and i know how much you want to see me. but i know this is for the best. i love you.

to life.
is that all you got? bring it on. ive passed all your other shitty tests. gimme another. im not stopping till im six feet under. have i earned relative peace yet? or is there another challenge? keep pushing all you want, i absolutely refuse to quit. at the end of the day, im so happy with who i am, and its because of the challenges you threw at me. maybe thats the point. but if this is just tests to see how much i can handle before i quit?

im still standing. try again.

You're probably off fucking someone else.

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I just want some friends that'll care as much I do. Being a lonely fuck is eating me up.

>>17386845
You're right. Not this E. Sounds like you'd have a better chance finding her on tinder based on your conversation history

People call others stupid for the smallest, most trivial of reasons that we might as well say everyone is an idiot.

>>17387382
I know right. Like if dick size is the important part of that missed connection you may as well just find another skank.

>dream about making out and grinding with my dad
>about to have sex
>he drive and ambulance(?)
I haven't saw the prick in 6 years, wtf brain.

Sentimental Monsters

I've had to much time to think lately and seeing the name just really cranked open a floodgate I thought was permanently closed. I've spent more than decade punishing myself for those years I patterned in disgust. We brought out the untamed evil in each other, had your tastes been more refined, I might had stayed on that sick ride and not burned that dotted line. You were more focused on approval though. If you friends would stick it, it was fair game. I remember the day she brought your unkempt spawn in, as to rub it in my face, it was a lot for me to not chuckle. I still possess that letter she sent me somewhere. I still remember that call she made to me looking for you, I guess you can't teach a dog new tricks when he has a feverish bone. It's rare I think about you, the last name thing coming up in conversation in questions of relation to people has come up lately. I just smile and say nope just an easy last name. Oh ask her if she was able to conjure up a convo with the lady in dress. She reminds me of J, I, and M. I have to assume you have taught her how to be a master of bullshit. I definitely was able to hone my craft while being with you. I am thankful for the inspiration though. I am not the most conventional in the world but I know when to say sorry for being a massive cunt. Thank you for teaching me how shark infested the waters are. I am in a better place now. You could have done so much more had you not let the lifestyle over take your art. Sentimental monsters.

I'll never leave you""re love

>>17387175
I'd date you. I love walking sob stories.

>>17387175
You should seek counselling for sure. Your experiences are terrible. I can completely relate! Not everyone is like that though, keep doing good and good will come to you

>>17387546
Not always true, you can be good and just and still land head first in a pile of crap. Without conflict one cannot grow, you just have to look for a silver lining and take the lesson that is being dished out. Internet hug for the sad anon.

CF, it didn't mean anything to me and you're not bothered but it's annoying that you wanted people to think it did

D

>>17387480
My sentiments exactly!

Just fuck you. Your name flashes up in a tag and I feel happy then I'm asked to join you all, great! And seriously, I see you like our mutual friends stuff in numbers but you've still cut me out. Only there though, you make sure I can see everything on another place where we don't share those mutual links, as if you're embarrassed to know me in from of our friends! Fuck you. I've gone out of my way to include you and show care and patience and listen to you and support you, share your good name, just fuck you. I'm so in fucking love with you but you don't give a fuck, and it's tearing me apart

Thanks for the love letter on our (wedding) day darling btw

That was beautiful! I hope you meant it. I love you

>>17387543
I have had multiple women tell me "Oh, I would have loved to have gotten to know you in college. You were so talented and mysterious." Of course, they had to tell me after we had graduated. I went to art school so these type of girls would totally be into a guy like me.

It's true I am terribly shy. Not having a gf is a choice.

>>17387546
Counseling has been a big miss. You cannot mention drugs or suicide to them or they will hit you with legal bullshit.

I'm all for the keep doing good. I don't expect much good to come my way but I won't stop trying.

<3

>>17387556
First, thanks anon.

It doesn't always work out in the end that's for sure. My mother is the sweetest lady in the world and after working a factory job for 20+ years, it closed down. She was allowed grant money to go to college so she went to get a degree in dentistry, making dentures. 2 months before graduating she was diagnosed with brain caner. They cut out most of the tumor but that resulted in her losing fine control of her hands. Meaning she can no longer carve the dentures she trained years to learn how to do.

She now works in a new factory job.

She volunteers teaching children about the outdoors. She volunteers time and art to sell for charity. She helps elderly friends clean their yards. Shes 60 years old, has debt collectors calling her, hospital collectors calling her, and is now about to lose her most recent job. I give her half my paycheck so she can buy toys and take the grandkids (nieces and nephews of mine, I don't have any) to the zoo and other events.

What you put into this life very rarely pays out. But good people do it because it's the right thing to do.

I have never told anyone in person or under my online alias about any of my issues. I have however talked about being depressed. I create art by channeling my depression. Most people like it, some truly understand. A few others though... they are just assholes that have no idea what it's like to have depression.

I'm having suicidal thoughts again. I thought j was healed...

The pillow on your side of the bed still smells like your hair even after all of these months. I'm probably going to kill myself as soon as that changes.

What does he have to hide from me? We were engaged 9 years ago after years of courting each other and others, and split up for awhile afterwards. We had plans to live together.....anyway, I made sure it would be possible for us to make it, and maybe he changed his mind since I didn't give him an answer at the time, but I'm still desperately in love with him. We've seen each other recently, and I get the feeling, certainly a wish that we might get back together, since he's all I need, but only if he really feels it like I do, and I know it would work if we let ourselves, yet I'm still afraid my whole world will fall apart

We were seeing each other for years on and off and I didn't expect him to be serious about me, so I assumed it was a joke but I really love him

I'm in a country where prostitution is legal and regulated, so I'm trying to go to brothels every chance I get. Been twice so far this summer.

I love the old traditions of dating

Where you end up with the person you like and feel for the most
It's so good
It's not like that anymore, people just who're themselves out to anything with no feeling or care or romance or meaning or depth
I live life vividly
So glad there's others out there too
Stay strong
Be a support
Love
Be true, to you, to them

>>17387718
Do you have a blog somewhere or portfolio? I'm curious to see your art

I know I used to be super into you, but I've really seen through your bullshit. You've opened up your facebook again and I saw you removed all evidence of yourself before you lost the weight that you didn't need to lose in the first place. At least you left photos of yourself with your natural, better looking hair color. Please stop being so superficial. You could be so much more of a better person if you didn't let the wrong people influence you. I've tried to be at least friendly with you, but when you ignore me multiple times in various locations, it doesn't go unnoticed. You didn't used to do that. I'll be the bigger person and acknowledge you when we cross paths, but I don't think I want to do much else.

PS - I came across one of your school projects online. Jesus, learn to proofread. I hope you didn't turn that in for a grade. It's full of 7th grade level grammar.

We've been together almost 10 years love..ffs

When are you going to taste my pussy?

Don't want to an hero, too much to do... How to be happy inside. (No drugs or booze) 3 kids of my own, drunk gf, crazy ex wife, lost job month and a half ago two days before I had neck surgery... No family or friends, only stay with gf for the kids sake...Not even 35. What do?

PS gf has 3 kids too. Also one that lives away. No $ and no car.... All I wanted to do was help them out. Same poster as ending in 66^

>>17387749
Well said. Too bad u r not a chick around me....

I've been watching football for he last 72 hours, and recalling Saturday afternoons of cricket in the park and later my fathers television, and now I have loads of other stuff to do

AUUUGHHH

I FELL FOR MY FWB
I HAVE SO MUCH FUN WITH HER
AND SHE OBVIOUSLY ISN'T INTERESTED
AND SHE KNOWS I LIKE HER AND I'M NEVER GOING TO SEE HER AGAIN
THIS SUCKS

>>17385543
I'm going through the same thing. Talk to her again when you're ready. Personally I have a crush on a girl who recently got a boyfriend, so I'm making it a point to not talk to her until I completely move on from her.

Made porridge for the first time. Was decent. Not 100% traditional Scottish porridge but still alright. Went well with scoops of ice cream.
I need to find more dishes to make. Something clicked in my head while I was sleeping the other night and now I have little desire for frozen foods and just want to cook my own food now. I made Chineasy cucumber salad and garden ranch cottage cheese yesterday. I can cook simple things and make simple salads. I must go deeper...

Oh fuck, I r love you so much

>>17387975
>Went well with scoops of ice cream.
dude wat

>>17387721

Healing isn't linear. You got better once, you'll get better again.

My social life and career are far better than what I dreamed of during my childhood and teenage. However, during the last three years, unrequited love broke my inner self. I have every materialistic thing I could've possibly imagined as a middle-class guy, and could get more if I wanted to. The thing is, I don't like doing anything anymore, I'm not tempted to buy things or do things I used to find so exciting before... I constantly feel as if my soul is trapped inside my body, I want to run away from this society and maybe go Antarctica or such other lonely, beautiful place and die alone there. Unfortunately, I cannot; my family loves me too much and would probably go horribly ill or die out of shock if I ran away and left them.

I have no purpose to live anymore, I'm not even interested in finding a purpose to live for. I don't know why am I writing this.

I don't know if you realised how much you completely took advantage of me over this. Trying to make me level the playing field by picking you apart when it was your decision to break up.

You can't expect this to be equal like you've tried to with everything else. The fact that I struggled so hard to say anything awful about you yet you consistently put me on the spot and reduced me to stutters should've told you enough about how not okay I am with it.

Yet you kept going. And you still think I'm going to message you one day just to dredge up our shit for literally no benefit to me. Any catharsis I get from doing that would only ever be a temporary remedy, and ultimately a bad reminder.

This shouldn't be on me. I'm sorry but it's your call here.

>>17388072
no way this is a coincidence.

Full initials?

>>17388064
I have to stop feeling bad!

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longtime bf doesn't want to have sex with me (last time we had sex was in February)
he's taking antidepressants because he's been diagnosed with anxiety
he's lazy af playing video games or sleeping 24/7
whenever I try to talk to him or seduce him he claims not to be in the mood or to feel sick

I neither have the balls to dump him nor to cheat on him

>>17388118
If you're even considering cheating then you need to break up. Cheating makes you an inherently shitty person, don't do it.

>>17388118
How about you stop being a cunt and try to be a little more understanding?

The fact you think having sex is more important than his issues (which are clearly depression, anxiety, and negative side effects from the medication) rather than.. I don't know, talk to him about the medication and these effects? That whatever he is taking just isn't working and he should really see his or a new doctor that specializes in these types of illnesses.

it's not just the sex he's missing out on. AD can really fuck you up more than help in some cases. You should have tried to deal with this MONTHS ago.

>>17388118

antidepressants cause ED

the fact that I have privilege is not the issue, the issue is that you don't. they are not mutually exclusive either; because people do not cross the street to walk past me at night does not mean a black man gets shot by a jumpy cop. I do not need to check it, I need to use it to help you get it as well.

why would I get rid of it or impede my privilege so that no one has any privilege and everyone is brought down? how does that make any sense? and why would anyone seek to alienate potential allies or legislate crippling measures that still do nothing to guarantee you privilege?

fact of the matter is this, there is just about no part of my genealogical history, going back over 900 years, that is good or represents white privilege. in fact I come almost exclusively from a long line of slaves, oppressed people, killed people, exploited people, and generally shit on people.

so we can work together or you can alienate me but if you get in my way I'm going to have to either circumvent you or ruin you. that's just reality and you'd do no different. sorry not sorry. dunno what to tell you.

>>17387146
why the fuck you still with her? don't you want someone who loves you for you?

>>17388044
not that anon but there are these packets of instant oatmeal you can get at the store that have those apple and cinnamon and other flavors, pour one on some vanilla and butterscotch ice cream

legit better than an orgasm

The only thing that keeps me motivated to do anything in life is thinking that I'm working toward becoming a vigilante of some sorts.

I don't mind if I get shot to death by some fucker in an alley doing it. Going out at least trying to do something positive is better than the other two alternatives I see (either suicide or dying in a hospital bed).

It's shitty, selfish, and childish of me to even think about doing this kind of shit, but I don't feel like I have anything else to live for or look forward to.

>>17387146
She would but she might come crawling back with additional improvements
it's just a shit test, bro

>>17388221
I want to say it's because I love her. She's not easy to be with. She's very mean and takes every little thing as an insult. I like her career, shes very talented and hardworking. She can be very sweet and loving at times.

I am absolutely sure she is bi-polar. One minute she will be saying how she would never leave me, hurt me, or insult my abilities as a man. She then will then proceed to say fuck it I'm done, say shit to deliberately hurt me and then tell me her ex's were better in bed. She will say she would never judge me and then will comment on the food I am eating and call me fat for it. She will say how terrible my ex is (which I agree) and then tell me how much more I loved my ex.

I cannot say anything to her without her absolutely losing her shit. Either an hour or a day later she will come back apologizing for being that way.

If she would just control her fucking bitch side she would be amazing. But holy shit is she a fucking cunt when she get's like that.

Loved garlic all my life, the more the better.
But I just munched down a clove raw for the first time in my life as a desperate cold remedy, and holy FUCK, I don't know what I was expecting but it wasn't that.
But y'know, maybe it's just that the searing pain and misery makes a runny nose pale in comparison, but I actually think it worked.

Crippling anxiety and super afraid to be judge for my looks leaves me unable to apply for a job. I wouldn't hire me, so how do I convince people to hire me?

>>17387558
Ha-ha you fell for it

>>17388322
Fake it til you make it.

>>17388348
But I can't even fake it. I'm fat, people will SEE the lack of self-discipline in me.

I am so incredibly sad and lonely. Why doesn't anyone care to reach out?

>>17388311
>>17388311
lol
youre so fucking silly
hope you feel better

>>17388363
When was the last time you reached out?

>>17388380
I try and reach out. No body likes being loved everyone wants to impress people that hate them. but i have lost faith in humanity so lately I haven't been talkin to many ppl i am generally afraid of ppl. i don't know what cults and agendas ppl are secretly a part of. I'm lost, paranoid found God but he's kinda dickish . I am soo sad. But I think i rather be sad and lonely then actually be around people. They literally make me sick eww gross!

I don't know what I'm gonna say when I see you next, just plan on speaking from my heart. I'm sorry for the way things happened. I hope you can see how I've changed, how I'm not the same person who made those mistakes. I miss you and love you so much

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Seriously, I'm fucking tired of women.

I'm fucking tired of their games, I'm fucking tired of them. People mock the MGTOW, but for fucks sake, they got it right.

Women are worth nothing more than fuck and dump.

Was going out with this girl for two months, seemed very down to earth and cool. Was all about me, how I was amazing, how I was this, how I was great. Always sent me good morning or good night, was like that.

Then, 2 weeks ago, she started ghosting. Our last date had been awesome and everything was fine. I start reaching to her and she answers, yes.

Goes on about how course is consuming her time. Her sister is coming back to the country.

Goes like that for 2 weeks so I decided to hop on tinder today to check out - there she is.

I'm not angry about her not wanting to pursue this, I'm angry at her placing me as plan B, in case she doesn't get another person.

I'm angry that she made me lose my time.

Fuck.

>>17388410
that's life. why are you so focused on it? good thing this happened now instead of two years into a relationship when you hit hard times.

people leave for all kinds of reasons and it really doesn't effect what you need to do for yourself.

>>17388426
I just needed to vent, it's not really hitting me hard.
It's just sad because I liked her and I feel really let down - especially since she just changed her behaviour without a notice.

And you're absolutely right. At least it happened now, I should avoid to let my guard down in the future and keep on focusing on building a better future for me.

You have a face, and I like it.

I love my girlfriend, best thing ever to have happened to me. She has literally done nothing wrong and the sex is great. But goddamnit I really want to fuck someone else. Nothing beyond that, I'm just a thirsty selfish motherfucker. I'm surrounded by hot single chicks at work and it drives me nuts

>>17388044
You've never heard of eating a spoonful of porridge with a scoop of icecream?

I love my doggos so much.

Man I've been working so hard these past years to get my shit together and I still can't be happy. I busted my ass through college and worked the whole time to pay off my loans, graduated top of the class, and got a great job.

But I'm still not... happy? Fullfilled? I'm not sure. I moved halfway across the country on my own and know almost no one here and rely entirely on myself. I see coworkers and colleagues getting engaged, settling down, and generally enjoying life yet I'm bitter from both long term relationships I've had in the past crashing and burning. The more I think about it, the more I don't even understand love or myself. I just see everyone else and wonder what's wrong with me and why do I fail at things no matter how hard I try?

That's about where I am. Not sure where to go from here. Maybe I just want to genuinely care about someone and them to care for me for once?

Sorry for the edge.

>>17388473
I feels ya, but on a smaller scale. Just graduated top of my program from a community college, moved upstate on my own. I feel better - I like the seclusion and not really knowing anyone. But sometimes it gets to me. I just need to find some chill spots to drive to and park and sit back and watch the sunset/night sky and relax.

>>17388447
Grass is always greener on the other side, don't do it, you'll regret if for the rest of your life

>>17388501
This. You never know what you got til it's gone. Don't make the mistake some of us did OP.

>>17388482
I hear you man. I'm not some anti-social neckbeard either. I work in corporate at one of the largest companies at the world and we usually have several socials/happy hours a week and I got to as many as I can. I just can't seem to connect to the rest of the "fresh out of college" crowd.

Most I've met are still acting like they're frat bros/sorority girls and I hate it. I just want to have decent, intelligent conversation and good companionship, not drink myself to blackout every other night.

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I am extremely upset with myself that I haven't been able to live up to my father's standard of being successful, or at least on the right track, at a younger age. I desperately want to become my own boss - I am tired of being a pawn in the business world, and practically living in poverty. Every job that I've had, I've been demotivated to work hard, because of the thought concept of being a pawn and never having the opportunity to move up unless I work for 20 years. I want to innovate something; change the world, but I do not know where to begin. Perhaps be a small business owner? Bluntly, I want to find the quickest way out of life, which in my mind, is about $10,000,000. The world is scary and I want to hide from it. But I want to prove to my father that I was a success before he leaves the world, but my professional skill-sets are not that strong, and while I am knowledgeable on computers and most tech, I will never have a tech-related job unless I earn a degree-- which is seeming impossible for me because I absolutely fucking hate school. Sometimes my only light of hope is a powerball ticket that I'll buy once-in-a-while, hoping that I'll get lucky.

>>17384260
I am sick of it, I am totally sick of having to look for work, and I am sick of going to interviews for nothing. I literally tried everything now with little to no luck. I have tried everything, I changed my resume multiple times to look better for the job I am aiming for, I gone to the goverment for interviewing services, I practiced in front of the mirror, I have tried networking (though most friends, and people abandonded me, and only act strange towards me, but not to others they know when they ask.) I have done everything I can and learn that I could.

I am sick and tired of trying.

My biggest issue is I just screw it up during the interviews to messing up what I want to say when they ask a question, or how to present myself. I just end up stuttering.

The only damn jobs I can ever get are ones that places are looking to fill, or just have pitty on me. But these places do not pay well enough, or give me enough hours.

I know some people hate working, but for me its different I enjoy working for many reasons, but what I don't enjoy right now is trying to find work only to be turned down multiples times.

>>17385177
Well, regardless he should respect your wishes or at least compromise. But this could also be just a misunderstanding, have you read the texts ? is it an ex?

GF and I are moving in together to a flat in a month. Even though we've been together for two years now, I'm feeling like I should be chickening out. Have no idea if it's gonna work out or not and having second thoughts. Want to tell her but have no fucking idea how to even bring this up without freaking her out or making her think I wanna break up or shit like that.

>>17388566
What I would do for practice is interview for jobs that I didn't even want. That way if they do wanna hire me and nothing else has come up, I got both interview practice in as well as a potential job to fall back on. Almost landed a job with Facebook that way. Just did it for shits and giggles, and then got a callback and a second interview upstate for a tour of the datacenter. Answer every possible question they could ask you, over and over again. Practice practice practice. And don't worry about being nervous, they've sat in the same seat you've been in - they know how it goes. Just show them what you've got and why you deserve the job without coming off as entitled. Keep on applying, man. Make the cover letter genuine. Copy/pasting never seemed to get me any calls back, or any offers at least.
If you do tech stuff, consider going through a recruiting agency like Randstad or Teksystems.

>>17384933
The feels. Then the same people get upset when I don't talk to them when I have a problem.

The worst was when my adopted cousin told me I was lucky because I was spoiled by my mother and then went on to brag about how my mother, father and stepfather took her out on trips, sent her away to camp and took her on shopping sprees. None of which I experienced because my mom was "tired" by the time I was born, my stepfather hated me for being another man's child and my father died when I was too young to remember him. My mom never took me anywhere unless it was on an errand, never took an interest in anything I was involved in. That includes school and hobbies. Nor cared when I started fucking up my life. Not to mention, my cousin's always been everybody's favorite while I've been the black sheep everyone chose to ignore.

But I don't get to complain because my mom was nice enough to me.

>>17388572
Just sit down and talk to her about it. I know it's hard to bring it up, but it sounds important

>>17385177
He's going to cheat. More like he likes the thrill of being able to flirt with this girl without consequence. My ex did all the same things as your boyfriend. He talked to a girl on facebook, he lied when I asked him about his intentions and then defended her feelings when I told him to stop. He continued lying and ultimately, she was the reason why I broke up with him.

Nobody can tell you about your boyfriend's feelings except him but you better protect your own before you get irreparably hurt. Go out and talk to other people. Get friends, even guy friends. If he sees you with others and doesn't bat an eye then that's how you know he doesn't give a shit about you. Most guys who have real feelings for a woman will do anything to keep her. In any case, just remember he is not the only guy in the world.

>>17387918
Yea, it's tough ...
I have a crush on on her, but like her as a friend as well. But I said something stupid, in which I basically called her a liar.

And following that, I haven't said a word to her. (Been a month)

I'm afraid. I've lost all drive. I'm socially crippled to the point my only experience with women is ldrs that never lead to anything. I'm so fucking anxious of talking to people because I can't convey what I really want to say. I can't intergrate into social groups and can't form friends well. I'm scared of becoming a wizard because I'm such a social autist. I'm so sick of living in a society where the poor and mentally ill are treated like trash, and that if you haven't had romantic/sexual success by a certain age you're a waste of breath. I hate that I externalise and internalise my problems instead of addressing and solving them, not because it's impossible but because I'm so neurotic that my hopelessness has consumed me and sapped the strength to get back up and improve my situation. I hate that my attitude to life has become so nihilistic and passionless that I can't even feel accomplishment. I'm sick of hiding my past because of shame and fear of more social rejection. I'm sick of constant failure and my defeatist mindset and possible inferiority complex, and how I'm to the point that everyone's compliments seem empty and out of sympathy that I'm not something better. I hate how showing emotion and weakness means I'm not good enough to be seen as a man when I feel that it's weaker to hide emotion. I hate that I have no outlet for my insecurities and anger. I hate how I come from such a dysfunctional family and how my surname is literally a definition of inferiority as if I'm here to be a failure and to watch myself fail. And I hate how I think all this and my reaction is "Eh".

>>17384456
Hawt.

I don't have a hot brother or sister, but I know for a fact that if I did, I would want to fuck. One of my favorite fantasies growing up was having a true "partner" where pretense and human bullshit didn't matter. I realized very early that this isn't actually possible IRL. So, I used to imagine having a clone of myself to be able to just relax with and fuck with. The closest to a clone? Brother or sister.

Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on how you look at it), my older bro is a very upstanding, vanilla, great person. I would never, ever want to fuck with the beautiful friendship we have as brothers by trying to blow him.

There were some times though where we were wrestling naked in the bathroom trying to annoy each other like brothers do and our dad would walk in on us and be like "WHAT IN THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE." It was hilarious and is now a running joke in the family.

Thank god no one has any clue it actually turned me on.

If you're anything like me, the best way to conquer this is exposure therapy. Spend as much time with your bro doing normal bro things and learn to appreciate what he *can* give you - a happy, fulfilling brother-ship which is something precious and unlike any other relationship.

I have some knowledge that one of my online friends wants to possibly kill herself but I fear that I dont know enough information on them to go to the authorities to help

I've tried calling you love but your phone doesn't work anymore??!!

I love you so much, I can't stop falling in love with you ffs

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I feel so fucking lonely..

I used to never know what this feeling was. I'm 25, and never knew what this was until now. I used to be a emotionless person, but this girl unlocked that part of me. Now I'm fucked. It hurts just to type this, but I wish I didn't meet her.. It really makes me feel terrible just typing that. But this feeling of lonliness is awful. She's done a lot of great things for me, and she changed me in a positive way. But knowing she fell for someone else.. God dammit. I feel so fucking terrible..

I'm not Trans
I know I told you I was
but that was just so we could stay together
I had nothing
I was willing to change my self for you
but now that we are apart I don't know how much longer I can keep up this charade
we are best friends still and I am so ok with that but I am so afraid to not transition
I don't know who I am now
I gained so much weight after we broke up and now I hate my self
I force my self to throw up after every meal and I starve my self every day
I have lost 80 pounds and I haven't left the house once
I've had 4 therapists but I haven't said anything to them of truth
I'm so fucking good at hiding how sick in the head I am
I'm so fucked in the head and I'm too afraid to get help
if I don't become skinny again I'm most likely going to kill my self
but I don't want to set off red flags because I'm so scared

I don't want you any more
but I just want some one to hold me as I cry

I'm sorry I'm not perfect
I'm so fucking scared

>>17384260
I want power. I want control. I want to use other peoples egos.

>>17389159
Be a controller of you, and benefit. They'll want to stay away otherwise if you hurt people

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>>17389176
>I don't even know why I feel guilty but I can't stop it.

Is it because you couldn't prevent it or because you got a guy arrested?

I was never one to drink much. But ever since I lost her, I've felt this urge to both drink and smoke. Two habits I never had.

>>17388728
Age?

I'm 27, and I'm pretty close to jumping off a bridge.

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I feel so trapped. Like I'm in a room that's filling with water and there is no way out. My family is crumbling, I live in a dead end city with no jobs or room to advance, I get treated
Like shit at my dead end job, I'm 23, maybe have $400 to my name, and I just have no urge to keep fighting anymore. My gf broke up with me, a co worker was able to get a girl to fuck him at a party in a few hours when I had be trying with this girl for a few weeks.

I was thinking about enlisting in the marine corps, but i know I wouldn't be able to make it for a multitude of reasons. I just have no fucking idea what to do.

>>17387146
If she thinks so little of you why don't you dump her?

I think I have a porn addiction and I'm 4 days cold turkey. I would just watch it all the time, sometimes just to kill time or even before I got out of bed in the morning. Masturbation isn't as satisfying anymore, I need heavier porn to get off. I'm going cold turkey from masturbating and porn for at least a couple months. It sucks and I've been getting urges but I think I can push through. I'm just worried that I'll end up being really nervous about sex and being with women in general in the future when I wasn't before. Like in trying to undo the porn stuff in my head I'm going to make myself feel uncomfortable or guilty or something about real, normal sex. I'm naturally very anxious and have high stress levels all the time.

>>17389131
When was the last time you tried calling this person. Phone numbers change all the time. Good luck anon.

Amy, I think I am in love with you. I say I think because I don't know if I really do have this serious crush on you or you're just an incredibly close, amazing friend of mine and I can't remember the last time I had real meaningful physical contact with a woman and I'm just conflating that with our platonic love/friendship. Even if turns out to be real nothing would ever come of it because you're right, I don't know how to be in a romantic relationship, it scares me a little and we've already said we're not attracted to each other that way (or at least at the time I wasn't). When you came over last week, and it was the first time we'd seen each other in months I never wanted that hug to end. idk man, maybe I just need to get laid

>>17386679
What's their initial ?

I completely ruined my life. There is no way out, I know I will never get out of this. No one is to blame but myself. I brought shame to myself and ruined my good name. I really fucked my life up beyond redemption. I have no Job No Training no trade no skills no higher education than a not even that great HSE. Not very much job related experience or life related experience. That is not even the bad part. I have wasted my youth. I have wasted my life. I have destroyed my life and it all started on this web site years ago. Really I believe it started when I was born. I chose to do the terrible things I did in this life. I messed up so bad they say if you are pushed to homelessness they might even come and kill you for what you have done. Wasted my life. Completely ruined. I keep fighting and trying but I realize everything I'm doing I should have been doing years ago. That is all.

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I don't have a blog or a journal. Last night I hooked up with a trap, had the most amazing fuck ever (him/her squirming and moaning holy fuck) and then the night went downhill.

Wound up blackout drunk at a friends. I've never self harmed but apparently I had to be restrained to a couch after making myself purposely bleed a lot for the sake of 'feeling'. Before being restrained I apparently chased off some creeper dude that no one liked by shaking blood on him and pouncing on him. One religious and sober friend said I was acting possessed. Afterward my lullabies were two gay guys on uppers banging in a room nearby.

Woke up today on a futon with one of those dudes younger chubby sister (legal, but why bring her?) hugging my back. She had been overly worried and watched over me the entire time, extending into today by getting me water, breakfast and then hugging me as I left.

I feel bad. I'm not good for her or anyone. I'm trying to die but no one will let me. I even had an old neighbor lady ask for help while gardening as I got back. She loved my company.

Why am I alive. I want to die.

N

im sorry i fucked you up like i did. I was just a naive little kid and i didnt know what i was doing with girls and now when i think about you im remimded that you still love me and god damnit sometimes i think i love you too but all we were was just an experiment. Im sorry i got into your head the way i did and im sorry i tried to get you to sleep with me. Maybe in another world we actually make it and are happy, but now you need to forget who i am and go find someone else who makes you happy.

m

I need to stop getting my hopes up about this girl. I can't stop myself from checking her Twitter and Tumblr every day. I'm not even hoping to see anything about me on it, I'm just captivated by everything that she writes.

I want to believe that she might be interested in me too, but I'm almost too afraid to hope for it. Part of me wishes I could just stop thinking about her completely so that I don't wind up hurting myself by doing something stupid like trying to confess my feelings to her. But at the same time I know that if I keep living in fear like that, I'll never get the chance to ever be with anyone, ever. I don't know what to do.

I'm sorry, Jessica. I still care about you, and feel guilty for not hanging out, but lately I've felt like being alone, and I know I can't bring that up without it sounding like I don't want to spend time with you. It's just the energy for playing a game together or watching netflix is gone, and I'd rather hole up in my room for hours and hours not speaking a word. I feel bad about it, and don't know how to surmount it.

I'm a tranny, I hate myself but I can't deny it anymore.

Been with my boyfriend for six years. I love him but I think about breaking up too often. We started dating young (at age 17) and I seriously cannot stop thinking about fucking other guys and I'm wondering if I'm wasting my youth being with one guy. Still, I know that's not a good reason to break it off. However, the bf has really bad self esteem/depression issues and I think he might have borderline personality disorder. He's always going through some crisis. He has an adderall addiction and I hate it. He'll lie in bed in a catatonic state for a whole day when he gets low. He sees sex as immoral even though we've been doing it forever. His doctor said he might be depression and suggested therapy, and he flipped out. I wonder if I would be happier with someone who was more mentally stable and he refuses to seek help for his issues. I feel like shit just typing this because I do love him and want to see him happy.

>>17384456
Lewd

That said, I'm in a kind of similar situation as your brother might be. My family is shit too and I've pretty much always taken care of my little sister to make her family life as non-shit as possible. I love her above all else, and if she came out to me the same way you're feeling I'd be terrified. That's something unthinkable, but I wouldn't want her to be hurt either and I might cave in to pressure with the result being me never wanting to see her again.

Sorry, anon. You might just have to go away.

I hate myself for being a lazy, procrastinating, discipline lacking, sexually unattractive, bastard.

Why aren't suicide booths a real thing yet? isn't there some sort of assisted suicide in hospitals?

>>17389837
There are but it's only for the elderly...

>>17389796
I also used to think that I also wanted to just fuck tons of girls, not be tied down when I was young, but god I wasn't more wrong, I'll take a meaningful relationship over hooking up any day of the week. Obviously everyone is different but just trying to give you my anecdote and mistake

I'm an alcoholic and I'm grasping for straws.
The military is my last chance to be what my parents expected of me.
Everyone saw so much.
Fucking graduated top of every class.

I never had motivation for anything.
I still don't.
I'm tired of not being happy.

>>17389878

I totally get the lack of motivation for anything, but all it takes is that first step. If your unsure what you do just try the things that seem like fun.

also forget other peoples expectations, deal with that after you've found out what makes you happy.

>>17384260
I'm in love with my ex.

He's so perfect in every way, and I know if my girlfriend found out, she would absolutely kill me. But I cannot help but lust after him. I dream of us kissing each other and falling in love again and it's killing me because I know I can't do it.

>>17389890
>deal with that after you've found out what makes you happy.
What does?
I don't know.

I've changed majors so many times and graduated with some degree that is shit because that's the scraps because I could put together for an undergrad.

I've never had desire or motivation.
There was this thing in highschool like ten years ago.
Where I had to describe where I wanted to be in the future.
Other kids wrote "Doctor" or "Scientist" or "Magician" or some shit.
Like they had a plan.
I wrote "Alive".
And that was it.
They also had a job shadowing program where you could sit with a professional to see how life might be.
I asked to see an astronomer. That was my interest at the time.
They said "Sorry, we can't do that".
So while everyone else went out, I sat in class.

Then when I graduated, the speaker said "Every man without a dream is already dead".
That was me. Already dead.

I've never been anything else than what I am at this very moment. No ambitions, not desires, just what I am now.

I'm saying all this stupid shit because I'm drunk.
And I intend to continue to be drunk.
Maybe tomorrow too.

Anyways, I've always been empty.
I don't know what's wrong with me.
I used to pretend at Christmas that my parents gifts made me happy.

I just say I'm in love with whoever my significant other is at the time because they always put me on a high pedestal and I can't stand to hurt their feelings. I feel like a shitty person because I'm constantly wanting to get together with other girls and end up stringing them along.I drink to keep sane. People are always wanting to be their best friend, but I make up excuses to not hang out with them. I just feel like a shitty scumbag of a person constantly.

I broke up with my girlfriend of 1 year yesterday. We had a pact that we wouldn't drink alcohol because she has a control problem when she's drunk (she falls and seriously hurts herself / says and does mildly stupid things). She recently moved three hours away from me and she drubkenly facetimed me out of nowhere and drunkenly denied being drunk to my face. I wouldn't have been as mad at her if she just would have told me first that she was going to drink. But she didn't tell and then denied it to my face.

So I dumped her the next day over the phone.

I'm really hurting because this was the first relationship I've ever been in, I'm 24 years old. I live out in the country and I'm not a very sociable person; I like videogames and generally unpopular things, but what makes that such a problem is the fact that I'm a farmer.

My interests conflict with my job and it makes it so difficult for me to find a girl with common interests.

I'm hurting because I miss my girlfriend, but I'm also scared that I won't be able to find someone I like as much as I liked her. She was so closed to perfect except for her impulsive tendencies, mostly involving alcohol.

I lived 23 years without being in a relationship, and it's never hurt like being fresh out of one.

>>17389905
The only people who I reciprocated love towards were just awful people for the most part and whom I got involved in super complicated affairs with. I still love them even though they're waaay out of my life at this point. My mind's a mess.

I just got the new season of Bojack Horseman.
I was taking a very drunken shit and I got it.
Achievement doesn't mean happiness.

What does that mean for me? I'm unhappy and I don't have any achievements. I mean I have a few academic awards, but those mean jack shit.
The season said that I'm supposed to find happiness within myself and that trying to judge whether you're worth anything but how others judge you is a recipe for disaster.

But... I'm unhappy now and I have nothing. Will I still feel shit when I have something?
Is that what I'm supposed to learn?

How will I ever be happy then?

>graduate college
>get a well paying job at a successful company
>start achieving my personal goals
>have regular sex with a hot colleague of mine

...and I've never felt so empty. This is the life I'm supposed to want, but it just makes me feel empty without someone to share it with.
I don't even like sex that much. My dumb brain likes it, but I - the me that thinks - just wants... love I guess? Cuddling and staying up late at night talking and just being around a nice girl. Or something like that. I can't even remember what relationships were like before sex, but there was something there that's missing now.

>>17390072
Don't self destruct because you feel empty.
If your life is empty, then your life is like a beautiful doll.
Don't fuck it up.

While inside that wonderful outside, try to fill.
Learn how to cook.
Join clubs.
Sit outside in the summer and read a book. Then and pause and see the clouds go.

You got all the hard things done.
You got a job.
That's the hardest thing.
You also got sex.
Second hardest thing.

Now find inner peace.
That must come from within. Like, not even some omh shit.
Just find something you like doing alone.

My favourite moments are in the kitchen with the radio playing while I make a good meal for myself.
Or sitting under a tree reading a good book.

Find what makes you close your eyes alone and be happy about it.

I'm sick to death of my best friend having suicidal thoughts nearly constantly. It feels like I'm talking him out of doing it every other week now. I just want to yell at him over it for putting me through this all the time, but I know it'll just make it worse. I can't just up and leave either, because then I'll have nobody to talk to.

>>17389271
Been 20 since june.

>>17388410
you can start avoiding this degeneracy by not using tinder in the first place.
it promotes the irresponsible hookup culture and demotes companionship and life building

Once again I was a fucking emotional drunken mess. I think I'm done drinking.

I am seen by my friends, close ones, family members as calm and rational very often. I am not likely to externalize my thoughts whether they're generally accepted or not and sometimes I just sit and listen to stuff that I find ridiculous and rage inducing at times.

So I keep a lot of shit inside, whenever I take notice of something specific happening, whenever I read some shit, whenever I have to deal with something as a product of someone else actually fucking up and the like. Sometimes I have thoughts of taking some people for a walk and bashing their heads hard with a bat, or doing some physical violence.

This all started once when I was approached by some guy acting like I was staring at him for too long when I didn't even recognize him. He didn't act on anything though he grabbed me and threatened me with putting me on the ground. Since this was fairly random, I couldn't wish anything more than for him to suffer the same way, but I didn't ever talk to him again and soon enough he was out of the picture. I followed the advice to be more passive about the whole thing though for about two weeks I was pretty much planning on my head how to kill him and make it look like an accident.

A few friends know about what happened there and I told one of them, which I trust quite a bit, that I was worried about the fact that I could just lose my mind and do anything I would actually regret, but she told me that in general a lot of people feel like this and I shouldn't be worried about it that much. And I'm still a really weak person physically so I would likely be on the receiving end.

Still, I'm concerned about the fact that sometimes in my mind I find it easy to justify violence even though I never hurt a goddamn fly. And that if I had a quick way to end someone, I would probably do it. I sometimes go slightly blind when thinking of certain things, and people don't seem to notice.

>>17384620
You just don't. Don't actively look for it, just move on with your life and it will eventually happen.

And by the way, do you hate people -just- based on the fact they are women? Only in such case you're a misogynist. Don't believe in propaganda.

>>17390177
I straight up will not associate with anyone who uses that. It's disgusting. Liberal feminists actually have the gall to say that shit is empowering, that women aren't oppressed because they want nsa sex, not even realizing that wanting nsa sex is questionably immoral in the first place. As if because the woman says it's alright, it's alright.

I'm a conservative asian female but I'm very fair. I wouldn't drag a man through a mile of nonsense just to court me, but I'd rather climb a mountain of broken glass than even get the time of day from some chump who treats women like a gas station. Oh, I'm running on empty, where's the nearest?

baka

>>17390371
What would be empowering is for people to actually decide what they want to do and deal with the consequences. Liberals shift the "demeaning" state to a "protecting" state in such a way that it's not really any better.

>>17390385
I'm not saying ban tinder. People can go be rutting pigs at their leisure. Free country. I'm just saying I'd also employ my freedom to avoid these individuals.

>>17390389
Yeah, I don't particularly care for Tinder either. I think the classic knowing each other for a while, being faithful and creating a family is undervalued these days because some people fuck more than they eat.

In a long distance relationship and had sex with my bf for the first time was fucking amazing. We had sex like 5+ times a day when he came to stay with me for a week. We live each other tons and it was intimate and passionate and fun and kinky...

And now I literally cannot come from masturbating anymore. On one hand it was so great that fingers or dido doesn't do the trick but on the other hand it's incredibly frustrating and I used to get off at least a few times a day... holy shit. I miss him so much. Nobody's ever treated me with such love and respect and made me laugh like he has. LDRs suck. I miss having sex with him but I also miss his smell and warmth and just looking over and seeing him there, being able to rest a hand on him out something simple.

But fuck that dick is good. I can't believe can't please myself anymore, WHAT HAS THIS DONE TO ME

>>17384668
I read all of it

>>17385035
I'm sorry, I'm kinda in the same boat only me and him were together 2 years not 5

>>17385381
Oh god I'm feeling it too.

The sadness turned to missing to confusion to anger then hatred and fear and back to sadness again

>>17385906
I've been there and know exactly what you're saying. Especially the part about the flaws. I will readily distance myself from people that remind me too much of me

Being an adult is cofusing. We are going on dates, having sex, pet names, the whole nine yards but I dont exactly know where we stand and dont want to pressure. I got stupidly jealous hearing about your friend coming to hang out with you, even after you made it apparent he would be on a seperate bed.

Its only been a month or so, and I guess this means I actually like you romantically and not just as a friend I like to fuck.

I dont even think Im in a good life position to be a serious contender in a relationship. Im basically a loser. Its weird how well we seem to get along and im afraid to ruin that with my life or thinking you actually look at this in a different way.

Wish I wasnt so dense as well.

I don't like how everyone shits on Hitler and never says anything good about him. He was perhaps one of the Top 3 leaders of human history. He turned a country ravaged by post-war butthurt and socio-economic instability into a superpower that took most of the world combined several years to bring down.

How is that anything short of fucking amazing? Credit where credit is due, is all I'm saying.

You know that feeling after you've been crying like a bitch for like an hour and you're finally done and you just feel kind of numb and tired but also almost kind of happy and satisfied?

I feel like that all the time now.

>>17390466
Sounds a lot like what we used to have.

i don't know why you've suddenly became so distant. You know I'm terrible at reading people and am nervous because I don't know where I stand with you, I just can't shake the feeling that your getting bored of me. Over the last week we have hardly messaged each other and that stings, Your the first person I have met who has made me want a relationship and I'm terrified you don't want the same.

>>17390528
While I'm no fan of hitler I think that people just fly off the handle at the first word they hear. This is common with people who do not actually look into these topics to avoid hurting their own sensibilities. I don't support fascism but I think that the best way to fight an argument is to bring a counterargument instead of silencing it.

And I would go as far as to say that any possible topic, no matter how controversial, how outrageous, how twisted it is for most people even, should be discussed, even if it's just so there's an argument to be made instead of just parroting whatever they told you to say so you could feel like a good person.

Because otherwise it's something that is easily being abused over and over nowadays. Germany is quickly becoming a shithole because it is illegal to say certain things, and it shouldn't be that way if they actually wish to fight this issue they have.

>>17390169
>20

Ah shut up then.

>>17390549
I completely agree with you 200% and you worded that very well. You cannot fight a problem by ignoring it exists.

>>17390567
yeah what the hell is 20?
i'm 31 and i'm still socially fucked. dead in the water. people by now have largely settled down and won't extend their social circles because they have enough on their plates to deal with.

When you're 20, there's still time to change. People at that age are in college FORMING social groups. You can still change it around, even just connect closely with a couple of people. Seek therapy (maybe on the internet, learn to cope with social anxiety. maybe just throw yourself out there until the fear goes)

still got time

>>17390599
Heh, it's not even that much of a big deal.

When I was 20, I was already as much of a loser as I could. I was a fat slob (270lbs) and only spent time at home doing fucking nothing. I didn't have friends, I only shitposted on the internet and sometimes I thought of just ending it all pretty much.

And then at 23, I lost 120 pounds, my family was alright with me, I was more outgoing and I decided to go back to studying. I got from a position where I would fear ever talking to a human being I didn't know to having a whole class treat me like a fucking greek god. Granted most people go away, but I feel really bad for people who turn the lights off pretty early. My life is not amazing, I currently don't have a job and I don't think I'll ever get laid, but at least I got to the point where my life is worth something. All it took was some time and some exposure.

I,

I like you. But you confuse me. You looked so pretty the other night. I hope youll be at that party coming up soon. I dont go to many but im going to that one, Ill talk to because ill be drunk and itll be fun. One of the only reasons im looking forward to it.

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I am a legitimate cuck. I had a long term crush on a girl, that eventually became my gf for 2 months. Those were pretty much the happiest months of my life. I became more and more happy, she became less happy. At the end of those 2 months, before I even had a chance to have sex with her, she admitted that she was a lesbian and that she had been fucking some Moroccan girl (she isn't a muslim) since before we had hooked up. My ex has a semi-anonymous tumblr I stumbled upon (finding the blog and looking through it makes me feel like a fucking stalker). Her blog is about her sexual orientation (which has me wondering whether it is genuine or if she just does it for attention) on which I use the 'Ask me anything' feature to ask her sexual questions and then I fap to her detailed answers, after cumming I always feel like a miserable piece of shit. The ultimate irony and humiliation for me is that I hate on fags all the time, while my ex became one, I hate on Arabs all the time while my ex is dating one and I call people cuck all the time despite being one myself and enjoying it. I wish I could get off the ride and could just get a normal fetish. I admit that I have a lot of issues if you felt like telling me that I was a freak.

Occasionally my ex writes on her Tumblr about how bad she feels and about how much she cries, this makes it even more confusing for me.

>>17387175
I would of ended it by now.

My mother cheated on my father with some jewish faggot and that's the reason why I look like geddy lee as a woman.

Fuck you mom. My brother looks like my dad, perfect facial features, blue eyes, and I look like god took a piss on a gypsy.

No wonder guys swipe on me all the time. Fucking hell.

>>17391015
Child of sin and demon kin. I feel sorry for you.

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I don't like my best friend's girl friend and also they are getting married in six months after only dating for nine.

I'm tryin to be there for my friend but I just can not fake like a person.

>>17391015
>my dad
How did you even find out that she cheated? Is "your" dad aware?

>>17387175
>>17387718

Is it really fair to resent people for thinking that's why you're depressed when you don't trust them with the true reasons? I'm not saying you should tell them, that's a complicated question, but what else are they supposed to think from their perspective?
I'm not saying this as a criticism either, just saying really. I personally find it easier to let go of frustration with people when considering their point of view (even if it's flawed), or accepting that they're outside of my control, or accepting that I've chosen not to pursue the effort of making them understand.
Or, you know, venting in a vent thread is good too. Carry on.

And if talking to counsellors is a no-go, maybe you could adopt a separate alias just for you where you can be more open about it, if that's something that would help.

I'm really bad at keeping friends for a long period of time. I think I only still talk to 2 people I knew from highschool still but it's not on a regular basis and they are insufferable. I'm pretty good at making new friends but bad at keeping them. I tend to only have girl friends who are as shitty and evil as I am. But I don't usually feel like I can tell them everything?? And generally when I make really good guy friends it's because they have some sort of crush on me and I just use it as a way to have friends.
How do people normally make and keep friends? Why did I not learn how to do this? Why would I rather sit and home and chill by myself instead of message one of my friends to hang out?

I had a falling out with my friends over them constantly dismissing and belittling my views and choice of profession. How hard is it to fall into a new circle of friends? I`m really sick of them.

>>17391308
If you're out of school it's hard enough to fall into a friend much less a circle of them.

"You know, I'm starting to not mind onions nowadays. I used to gag when I'd forget to remove them from my burgers or pick them out of other foods, but now I don't really mind them."

Holy jesus motherfucking christ THANK YOU, thank you thank you thank you. If this person can eat carrots or maybe squashes (like in a curry or something) by the end of this year or maybe next year I'll be so unbelievably happy. Cooking for them has been so hard. Now if they can get used to eating fruits/vegetables/legumes and I can get used to eating meats then everything will be wonderful.

I miss the old 4chan /adv/. It's full of normalfags now.

Looking at our old pictures is so painful, we were so happy. Somehow I've been able to avoid reading your notes you wrote to me, I know I wouldn't last a few words before I start crying.
I'm gonna text you tomorrow, first time in weeks, set something up for the weekend, I hope you join me, I so badly miss you and desperately want to reconnect with you, please say yes

i know its not you.

its been months........

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>>17391082
>>17391082

I know that feeling, my best friend is getting married in a few months to this girl who WAS nice, but the longer they dated the more mean she got, she eventually started bashing on him and slapping him a lot, and when I was at their place for 4th of July she ended up freaking out because they didn't make enough food for everyone

She smashed a plate against the wall and then dragged my friend into the bathroom where she screamed at him for about an hour while everyone awkwardly sat in the other room, when they came out my friend had scratches on his face and a big bruise on his arm, no one said a single word


And he's marrying her

Honestly at this point the only thing you can do is just let it happen, they will learn sooner or later, talking to him about it will only make him mad I'm sure, just like with mine.

I am 23, my girlfriend is 21. My relationship has become unbearable. I have been almost depressed, going to shrinks,taking pills meant for bipolar and schizophrenic despite the fact that I'm sane, avoided her from cutting a dozen times. She is beautiful, clever and the dream of many men (she loves manga, is a bit of a nerd, absolutely loves sex) but we just don't fit. I have to spend constantly for her, take her out for dinner and do her shopping and groceries even though I'm broke. She tries everything to make me spend... she even told me once "give me 50 euros for shopping and we'll do anal". Told her she sounded like a whore saying that.

Too bad she tells me I am the opposite of her ideal man and that I should be ashamed of myself for being "too particular". I tried leaving her saying it was for her own good but she wants me, and pretends we marry soon. I am not ready for that, I want to travel abroad for years, do a Working Holiday in Australia (Italian here) and not stay in my country anymore. I am a traveller, absolutely love meeting new people and trying new things... not staying on a couch watching TV programs about marriage, birth and a few clever cartoons.I don't want to spend my lfie doing an office job in the same Italian city.

It is fucking me up to the point that every festival I go to with friends I constantly hit on women. My latest crush is a 17 year old Romanian fire juggler. I don't give a fuck if she is jealous... she recently refused some guys' offer of a gangbang saying "I'd tell you yes but I don't think my boyfriend would take it well". Think???

I really want to graduate soon and get my drivers' license. Only then I will go to whatever country offers me a job. I'm sick and tired of this bullshit

>>17392160

Also, her mother saying they are a middle class family and I am too strange for them. Too bad she tells her daughter she inherited every negative side from her parents and her stepdad telling my girlfriend she is a whore... with her mother just saying "the tone wasn't right".

I swear to god I was a lot more healthy when I slept in gypsy ghettoes, was mistaken for a terrorist in Turkey and slept out on the streets of many Eastern European capitals.

I feel fucking sick, I fucking knew it. My girlfriend broke up with me, said we hadn't been spending enough time together and that she felt I didn't care for her. A week or so before we broke up I went over and I felt like every time I looked over at her she was texting this one guy, thought nothing of it, it's nothing probably
Then a few days later she asks if I'd want to hang out with her and that guy because it'd be weird if they hung out together alone with her dating me, I said I couldn't go, and then she told me they decided not to hangout because it'd be weird
Literally the day after that after work she went to the starbucks he works at and he took her home and they just talked for a few hours, fine fair enough I thought, she needed a ride home, whatever
Next day after that she and him met up at a park and talked, I didn't know she was doing this, we were just snapchatting then all of the sudden she was at a park with that guy then she stopped responding for like 2 hours because she said her phone died
Next day after that she went to the church he goes to and where she used to go (she hadn't been in months) because she told me he wanted her to come, then they went to in n out after. That night I went over and she gave me the whole we need to talk bullshit, we talked for hours, didn't break up, everything seemed like it'd work out, I never brought up the guy cause I trusted her
Next night she asks if I can come over again and talk and then she broke up with me then.
Now I just saw on her snapchat that she's at the beach, I texted her sister and asked who she's with and she said that guy
Unbelievable, I knew it, I knew she had given up on me, it all felt too fast, it all felt too sudden, she hangs out with this faggot 3 days in a row after saying to me that they shouldn't then she dumps me
I keep feeling like puking, I just want to text her and get her story straight because I deserve it after 2.5 years together

>>17392403
She was expecting you to show you care

>>17392445
I did show it, by pouring my goddamn heart out two nights we talked, telling her how I'd do anything for her and how I'd do anything to fix this, how I wasn't in my right mind the past few weeks but I was willing to battle through my problems for her

>>17392467

You need to show this to women constantly. There comes a point that they won't be satisfied by words only. If you really can bear the pressure go and do it!

I think the reason I have social anxiety might be because I'm actually a bit of a narcissist. Everything is about me. Everything. I really don't care about other people at all. Just today my great aunt died and I pretended to be sad but I really don't feel anything at all.

>>17392476
It's too late now, she doesn't care about me, she gave up on me

>Stop having such a bad memory! Do something about it! I find it so annoying. What, you want some magic memory pill? Those don't exist

I don't know how to respond. Let's say your memory is like a bug net. There are holes so of course some things escape, but mine is like there are only a few threads hanging from it. I've tired omega 3 pills and writing down notes. The pills didn't work and the notes only work some of the time. What else is there? I don't know what to do. My bad memory is going to end up killing me someday, I just know it.

i really want to convert to judaism but i have no idea how to, im 15 and im still studying the religion but i dont know where to go with it.

>>17392517
look dude, everything a person does is selfish. think about it. say you actually did feel something about your aunt. the only reason you would feel something is because YOU lost something that YOU used to have. your feelings of sadness would still be geared towards YOUR loss, what she provided you. love is really a selfish emotion.

It's odd. I want to contact her following the fuck up. She is just a good person even as a friend....

But for some reason, after seeing her new fb pro pic (showed up on recommended friends) I kinda find her "ugly" Probably just the makeup is kinda shitty. But still...

>>17392664

Apparently, jews of old use to heat their heads using steam, in order to "see god".

But that was back in the desert and shit.

But, many modern jews keep doing this, by turning their ovens on, and placing their head inside them for some time.

Maybe you should try it.

>>17392683
fuck you adolf.

>>17392675
Right. Humans are inherently selfish. Unless you're habitually manipulating and exploiting other people, you probably don't have full blown narcissistic personality disorder.

She seems like a person I want to get to know but life gets in the way sometimes.

usually don't post to these threads but I'm feeling a little bit cucked atm

so there's this girl that I started getting really into in one of my classes, added her on FB, we seemed to just click naturally, but I wasn't sure if she was into me

well I messed up lol big time !
so there was this other dude who I'm pretty much positive that shes into, and I facestalked him and noticed a post that he made that was directed toward me and the girl talking in class

and I told her about it (did not say who it was though lol), we had a good laugh

but now jokes on me because I'm pretty sure that instigated her to talk to him because he has now removed all of those posts and has stopped posting things all together

then when we were talking last night she sends me the song by watsky which is:
tiny glowing screens pt 2
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1SWZ7qWEjUs
which I interpret her as like letting me know lowkey that he knows she knows and I'm cucked cuz now they are talking

does anyone else see what I'm seeing or?
how cucked am I atm?

he's going to get home and give me shit for "being lazy" when right now, i hardly have enough energy to type this very post. i don't have enough energy to do much more than breathing while keeping myself sitting up. i'm not looking forward to it

I just wanted to say thank you to the anon that advised me to tell my ex gf to fuck off. After that I'm feeling way better. Thanks again. Can't probide any pics cause I talked to her irl.

I keep making the same mistakes over and over and over.

>>17392932

Old school /robot/ here.
Not the fucking shit "robots" we have now, who are mostly women who imagine it's all lonely undiscovered Chad heartthrobs on there, or kids talking about memes.

Legitimate, hates most women, hides the powerlevel, attempts to navigate social minefields on a daily fucking basis robot.

I post here sometimes, especially to other loner-type guys who need help coming to terms with the fact they aren't attractive, or their creepy or whatever.

It's pretty easy to accept, when you get used to it.
And you don't get lonely when you enjoy being alone.
It gets better, when you actually make an effort to make it get better.

I'm pretty comfortable with who I am, for the most part, even if I'm labelled hateful, or creepy, or whatever other insult they've ever thrown at me.
It's nothing new.

What is, however, is the fact I've had a shitty year.
The only other human being I could relate to, my grandfather, passed away earlier this year.
And I don't want to admit it, but my dogs getting old, he's struggling to climb to stairs, I'm fucking terrified that the one thing that ever really made me feel welcome at home won't be around another year.
I had to reduce my hours at work because I Was stressed.

This is how it gets you.
There's this girl at work. I tell myself I'll never speak to her. I'll never be that dumb.
"deathstare bitchface".
That's the name I gave her because my god she just looks so goddamn bitchy. Like, I'd have bet my left nut that if I asked her if she had the time, she'd scream "creep" at me.
Looks like your average, spoiled, too much make-up, entitled Stacy.

But, I catch her looking at me, hence the "deathstare". She seemingly chooses to work near me. I did foolishly speak to her once, and she was sweeter than she looked.

Someone I once thought I had nothing but a cautious hatred for is consuming my mind.
I think I finally understand what people mean when they say that they were "desperate".

It sucks.

>>17392997
Sorry for your grandpa. I've lost my dog like two years ago and it was terrible, I'm not going to have another one because of that. Also what i found out is that not giving a fuck is the best way to live your life.
I simply can't relate to all those people that could do anything in order to find any girlfriend. I've had long relationships for quite some time in past years and I can say, that without a doubt, being alone is really good and healthy for me. Good luck to you.

All I ever do is make a fool out of myself. It's nice because then I can have the excuse that I'm laughing with people, but it's only to avoid being laughed at, which I deserve because I'm a fucking joke.

>>17393018

Thanks bro.
Means alot.

Yeah, I won't be replacing my dog either.
Shit, that dogs made me happy, and I love it to bits, but...
My grandfather died slowly, held in for days - it was good we got to say goodbye to him but my god was it heartbreaking.
Waiting, knowing it's going to happen. It fucking hurts.
And in a way, it's like that with dogs.
You know when it starts to happen, maybe they can't climb the stairs, maybe they start sleeping more.
It's a slow process and you just worry about it all the goddamn time.

I'm not gonna put myself through this again. I'm not having another pet.

>>17393031
It may sound corny, but Remember to be with that dog, make him happy, he deserves it after all these years.

>>17392403
Ok so fuck this biatch.

Time too; fuck bitches, get money. Life is to short homie

I hate how you don't like any other kind of meat that isn't beef.

It is slowly killing all of us.

Ok just to throw it out here; since we are going to have to have this talk in person soon anyway.

I don't know what you want from me? You threw me under the bus, multiple times there where shady dealings; things i did not expect and would not have done to you. But the last time; lying to my face, was the final straw. Even on New years, you continue to lie.

And now; that my life is going somewhat better, and you have decided to return, i have to embrace you with open arms? After you just left me to deal with my own shit? I don't get it. I'm not angry, i forgive you, and i understand. But i don't trust you anymore, and i don't see why i should put myself in the position to trust you again, to probably let you break it up in the future. My past self would have felt sorry for you, but no more. I'm putting my self, and my needs before yours this time. Thank you for also teaching me the valuable lesson that girls can never be true bro's. It seemed to good to be true anyway. Somewhere i do feel sad, cuz at the end of the day, i do have real bro's, and you are probably lonely at the moment. But you will find new people, and betray them, since something is wrong inside. I know what its like, me and some of my friends have it too. But like i said, we are bro's, and we protect each other because we know we are broken. That's what real bro's do. Thats what honour is, coming clean and mending shit, when its uncomfortable, but the right thing to do. Girls lack honour. They do it when it suits them. Sorry honey, not again. I wish you all the strength, its sad that it had to be this way, but the risk of trusting and being fooled again would be more unbearable than the risk of missing out on our friendship, since you have shown me how easily you discard these anyway. Good luck. (btw, atleast your fav white knight will always be there, the sad fuck who stabs bro's in the back to do your bidding, you can keep him)

I'm garbage, I know I am. I should have been fired from my job ages ago, but nobody seems to notice. I'm not even hiding it well. Right now, I should be begging my parents to let me move back in or be homeless on the streets. I just can't motivate myself to do anything at all.

I'm never going to get a wake up call. I'll never stop until I hit rock bottom, until there's no part of my life that my laziness and indecisiveness hasn't ruined. There's some part of me that just constantly drives me to do as little as possible and just let myself and everything around me waste away. I'll just keep wasting time and money and being a fat, useless eyesore until I die a lonely death.

I have no ambitions. I have no dreams I care about any more. I've never accomplished anything worthwhile in my life, and I doubt I ever will. I utterly failed to do anything with my life. I hate myself so much.

>>17386892

R?

Everytime I try to jack off or see something arousing I think about this faggot that owes me money, not anything sexual about him or anything, it's just like he is haunting me even at that. It's just weird.

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I'm doing a total overhaul of my life that has taken me from full /r9k/ to near completely normal (from other people's point of view) all because I want to get laid and not because I care at all about all of the stuff on its own

Everyone keeps telling me that sex is just a little bonus to a good life itself but I don't believe them, for me sex is the final boss of life itself and everything else is just working towards it for me

>tfw still don't have it yet

>>17391827
How can you be so sure?

I wish you never pressured me to have sex.

I'm gonna text her right now probably, I can't wait any longer, I have to now what she feels

>>17393206
Good luck man

Hope you get a nice piece of ass

>>17393473
I sure hope so

Fuck man, part of me is glad we don’t talk any more outside of the odd text message but sometimes I just want to yell at you more than I ever did when we lived together. We have too many of the same friends, and I know they were yours first but I am not giving them up, and I have to bitch about you with them constantly. You are an inevitable part of our conversation, and it is almost always about how much of a dumpster of a human you are.

I feel fucking childish typing this out on this website, but if I ever confronted you in person about how much of an asshole you are you would just wriggle out of it like a snake and somehow make me feel even shittier. I should have seen all this coming, you entitled prick, but I guess I didn’t really wake up to how much of a shitler you were until I was in that accident and you gave me zero support. I’m sorry my body got broken, yeah shit was fucked for a minute, but now that I’m on the mend and can think strait, you are a savage motherfucker to just use me and throw me away as soon as things went south.

I was the one that moved first and laid the ground work. You lazy entitled fucking cunt, you couldn’t even get a room on your own if you tried, much less figure out how to post up in a brand new city. Enjoy making coffee for rich assholes – I can see the appeal for you, after all that’s what you aspire to be; aloof and well fed, you fucking drunk. But you will never make it.

You won’t have any friends if you keep this shit up, but I know you wont change. Your plans don’t ever work out, EVER. You torpedo everything in your life and blame it on everyone else and forget about it every night with beer, then you parasite on to everyone else’s goals and pretend they were yours first. I used to hate you bald, and then I felt sorry for you, but now, finally, after typing this out and really taking stock of it all, I feel like I can finally start trying to forget you ever happened.

>>17386892
R,

Anyone who would fuck with your mind this much isn't worth your time. Letting go is difficult but if she wanted you in her life she would have made a move by now.

I've seen you posting here for the past two months, enough is enough. It's time to heal and move forward with your life.

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If you send a text when you have 1-2 bars of service and it takes a while to send but then says it went through, that means it went through.. Right?

>>17393546
No

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I deny it to myself, but I love her. However, I see that I'll be fine even if I don't get her. I think I'm gonna make it.

Airplane mode is cool, huh?

>>17393206
sex isn't that good. then again maybe i hate it just because i can never cum.

>>17393563

If this is the case, that's awkward because I was attempting to make plans with someone. And they suggested when and I told them, and since it displayed as sent and didnt give me the error, I figured that sent. I'm sitting here doubting my phone, though I've never had this problem before.

No point in talking to you.

>>17393206
You know, sex is alright, but not amazing. It's like the yearly super hero movies that come out every year. First one is badass. Then it gets into a routine, sometimes it's good sometimes bad, but you always have a pretty good idea of what to expect and it usually never blows your socks off.

I saw you walking with your new boyfriend.

I am not jealous in the least, in fact, I felt raging hatred for dating such a reject in the first place.

I'm such an upstanding being. I just wish I wasnt so prideful in talking to really beautiful women. Then I wouldnt be alone..

Well, I've finally accepted the fact that I'll never be with the girl that I'm in love with. I've finally realized that she is a piece of shit. I've finally realized that all the times she used to come over and hook up with me were just her using me as an outlet for her boredom. I've finally realized that I was just someone for her to use when she wanted something. I've finally realized that she is just an overall objectively bad human being. I will no longer let someone be so toxic to my life. I will no longer allow her to use me in ways that feel good in the moment, but once the monetary pleasure diminishes, I'm left a shell of my once unbreakable pride. Fuck you, and enjoy your piece of shit boyfriend.

>>17392517
>narcissist
The term you're looking for is "egocentric", and everyone is to some degree. It may get better as you get older, more likely with the help of a counselor

>>17384260
I can't remember a time in my life where I felt any form of romantic love. Sure, I had crushes and a couple girlfriends, nothing lasting more than a year. They would tell me they loved me, and I genuinely believe that they did, but when I said it back, I didn't feel like I loved them in the slightest. I don't know why it happens, but I just fall short. Then, when I realize I'm just a husk in the relationship, I end it so the other person can move on. It doesn't end well.

Over the years feelings that accompany crushes would fade, and every crush I did have turned me away. It used to make me incredibly sad, but these days I realize it probably wouldn't have amounted to anything anyway. Afterwards I found myself dating girls just to date them with no substance in between. Just to try to actually be a normie for once.

Now I'm a junior in premed who doesn't feel much of anything anymore. The girl I'm dating now is extremely sweet, but very unstable and clingy. We've been dating for about two weeks now, and I'm afraid she'll delude herself into thinking she loves me this early on. I'm already thinking about breaking it off before August.

I understand if this sounds edgy and pretentious, but I don't really know how to talk about it.

tl;dr I date girls who I will never love out of pity for no one but myself. God, I am a bad man.

I am a 25 year old male who has never watched pornography. I do not think about sex. I don't have sexual dreams and images of naked women do nothing for me. I am attracted to women, but my thoughts never dwell on having sex with them. Usually if I'm fantasizing about a woman, its just things like speaking intimately with each other or going out and doing things together. My family and friends assume that I'm gay or something, but I can't really explain to them that I just don't think about sex without seeming like I'm a tumblr inspired special snowflake or a closeted liar.

There's a demon who feeds off my distress and in return it will occasionally throw me a tidbit that feels so good, it's like I've been reborn. So whenever you're so down, you feel like nothing is working, that you're positive you're about to hang yourself, there just might be an extradimensional entity making a meal from you.

You ever see reports of hauntings, the ones whose "spirits" are those of people who've committed suicide? It's usually demonic. Because in life it drove people to suicide.

You could try bouncing it out. You have nothing to lose. Or you could live in symbiosis like I do?

>>17393593
how good is it at first
condoms dont count

I survive on 3-4 hours a sleep each night. Some nights I workout at the gym just pushing myself until it's near impossible to move. Other nights I lie awake thinking about how much easier it'd be to disappear rather than continuing the façade that it's all under control.

>>17390088
You make a good point, anon.
I'm so busy that I've forgotten about the small things that I used to love.

>>17392872
>throwing around the word cuck so casually

You aren't being cucked you dipshit
She was never fucking yours to begin with
You two were never in a relationship
You two were nothing more than friends

>>17394468
Cuck has taken on an entirely different meaning on 4chan. If your boss tells you to do something you're a cuck these days.

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Cheyenne Frontier Days is the goddamn worst. It's a ten day festival dedicated to bull riding and country music. We get one or two non-country artist, sure but it's all just annoying.

At work, they schedule us all erratic hours, which screws up plans we may have made with friends and/or our internal clocks. The customers become about 10 times more ungrateful than usual, and the customers that aren't rude don't know their ass from a hole in the ground.

Then our store owner wonders why we're in a bad mood. WE'RE IN THE WORST STATE IN THE COUNTRY, FEEDING WHITE TRASH ASSHOLE HICKS THE WORST FOOD KNOWN TO MAN WHILE YOU REAP THE REWARDS AND DON'T HAVE TO LIFT A FINGER YOU LAZY EBENEZER SACK OF SHIT!

What she does has to be some kind of sadistic power trip for her or something because when I offer advice or help she absolutely refuses but still goes to other people acting totally helpless and even freely telling them things I've been asking her for ages FOR HER BENEFIT. She will go and accept the same advice I've been telling her from perfect strangers who then look at me like I'm a sick fuck for depriving her of her needs. Then if I assert myself she tells people that she was afraid to ask for things because it would make me mad. Never mind that she adamantly refuses when we're alone. And then she wonders why they're investigating ME for neglect. Wow. She's gonna get me arrested and I'm pretty sure she doesn't give a shit.

>>17393592
You messed up

You're supposed to let sleeping dogs lie. If I'm not bothering you, or anyone, why would you set out to bother me instead?

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>>17394698
>rednecks
>white trash
>country ass white people
>the South

Maybe it's just the New York in me but South brings out the worst in people. But I have worked special events and holidays in retail and it does bring the absolute worst in people. Just remember you'll have better days once it's over and go in slightly tipsy or somewhat high to make it easier on yourself. Good luck, Anon.

I'm so used to hiding and being overlooked, the attention was really needed. I just needed that tiny bit, now I feel rejuvenated and motivated. I know that I can stick to this diet, get healthy, and share a newfound charisma with everyone!

And I will sing for you all one day, just you wait! I've been studying and practicing really hard.