Where the fuck is one of these?

Every time I say I'm going to back off and ignore you, I end up caving in. I occasionally reply to your snaps and chat you up at work. I know you're not looking for anything and that's why I want to move on. But you're too hard to quit

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i dont know anymore

I'm so tired of everything.
I feel like butter stretched over so much toast.

My friends are leaving
I moved into a strange house.

I'm fucking old.
Older than you fucks.

My life is feels like a salvage operation.
I'm so fucking tired.

>>17377906
thats not how it works, anon. you need time away or even better (and quicker), someone new.

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>>17377932
with so many bad things, its easy to let life burn into you. happening to me too, just be strong.
its easy to let the bad thoughts linger, as they bring peace compared to the good ones because the good ones take more effort to bring about. the man said to be the happiest man on earth shared his secret, which was literally only think happy thoughts.
pull through, anon

I realized today that I've been using eating as a way to cope with my loneliness and boredom. I'm not some 300 pound guy stuffing his face and pretending like it makes me satisfied, but I am overweight and use food to spice up my entire days spent here. It's kind of sad really.

>>17377967
I feel you, mate.
When I'm sad, I feel like eating.
Because it's doing something, right?

I go the gym. That way when I come home, I both feel good and have the release of being able to eat what I want.

Go to the gym and feel good.
Anyone can go

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Transformers has ruined my fucking life. My boyfriend talked me into watching it while I was wasted and for some reason I just developed huge robot fetish. I can't stop thinking about robots dicks and I'm scared I accidentally rewired my brain or soemthing because I spend something like 75% of my time thinking about robot dicks. I do not find humans attractive anymore. The only time I ever legitimately reached orgasm during sex with my boyfriend of 8 years was when I was thinking about Ratchet fucking me into the goddamn wall instead. I took a different route to get groceries like 20 minutes ago and passed an unguarded truck depot and I was this close to parking there so I could slide under one of them and furiously masturbate. I am a tiny ass grill who hates even leaving the house alone and I seriously considered breaking into a fucking truck depo in the middle of the night so I could fuck one.

God fucking damnit I want my life back.

>>17377979
I kind of hate the idea of getting fit for me. I just want to be "skinny". I might try going to the gym later in life, but in my current position it's way too much to ask for given my upcoming schedule. Hopefully I can actually make friends next time, and I won't have to resort to such a stupid way to spend time.

>>17377990
>gym
>stupid

Nah.

The more you go the more you feel good.
It has a separate type of pleasure.

Besides, you're not just getting fit for you. You're getting fit for everyone else.
And people recognize that.

Honestly, you being a heavy fag makes it easier. You got muscles but it's buried beneath fat. You gotta work that shit off.
I was a skinnyfag so I had nothing to go on.

But it makes a big difference. In others and yourself.

Coming back home with sore muscles and a full appetite feels amazing.

You can do it. People like you more with a bit of muscle on you. You don't realize it but it's true.

>>17378005
By stupid I was referring to eating. I think exercise is a fine way to spend your time but it's not something I'm interested in. The kind of women I'm attracted to tend not to go for super muscular men anyways. I might try jogging though at some point if I feel up to it.

My mental health has been on the decline for the past few years, and my family is very against me from seeing a doctor and getting medicated because antidepressants can have bad side effects.

Because apparently some side effects are worse than wanting to die constantly and having mental breakdowns every week or so.

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>>17377980
You're not serious

>>17378016
Have you tried natural marijuana?

>>17378013
>super muscular

Going to the gym doesn't make you Arnold overnight.
It makes you normal.
Go, bro.

Learn to squat and lift.
It feels good.
It won't make you super muscular but it'll make life easier

>>17377980
This, cant, be real

>>17378016
Go see a therapist.
They're not all drug prescriptors.

Just talking about your problems really helps.
It helped me.

>>17378022
I don't have the resources right now, but I appreciate your recommendation. Perhaps once I move into my college quarters I can look around and see if any gyms are open.

>>17378018
>>17378024
I'm not joking. I've got like five fucking porn tabs up right now fucking hell.

Ive convinced my hole city im the prince of greed, wheter on not i am is a hole diffrent story, im an atheist with a plan for world domination, most people in my city know who i am, and actually get scared or stumble when they see me, the thing is now, i am notecing that i have powers that i didnt have before, as if actually convincing people im one of the seven deadly sins has actually made me in to one, but i sort of regret it, because i have to live up to it now, and all i ever really wanted to do with my life is start a dispensary and get high all day every day.

>>17378036
Screen shot your computer you have 2 min or else your lying

>>17378036
Then that really sucks, anon. What specifically do you think triggered this?

>>17378021
Considered it, haven't tried it.

>>17378025
I'll probably talk to my doctor first, then see if they can recommend a therapist if I'm not feeling like antidepressants are a good way to go.

>>17378046
Try it. Just don't get addicted (which is easy if you have the least bit of self discipline and you have a purpose for it). Also try not to let the smell get caught on your clothes. Take cologne. And don't just straight inhale the crap when you get it. Start slow.

ive actually never smoked it myself

>>17378016
Go see a psychologist. They can't prescribe things like a psychiatrist can, it's just therapy. In fact people pretty much always go to a psychologist first and can decide to do treatment w/o medication.

Regardless, you need to get treatment. It will help you get on track to progress. It won't cure you but it will greatly help and you will learn to moderate it more. Believe me it doesn't get better on its own.

>>17378041
fucking hell

>>17377876
I've finally cut all the ties I had with you, Brisa.

Even if we tried again, it wouldn't be the same, knowing the moment I competely lost all the trust I gave to you.

Now you're just another memory in my head, just like all those people... and family.

Am I doing the right thing?
Why does it have to be me?
Can anyone feel anything for me?

please dad come back, i miss you so much.

you would tell me what to do.

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>>17378064
ok I had to delete the first one there was a giant dick in it.

>>17378070
Oh god ill remember the day i met a lady online who has a transormer fetish! Thanks anonn whether its real or not, you made my day

>>17378055
I was raised with a conservative mindset, and growing up the people around me who did end up getting into weed & recreational drugs ended up being lowlifes, which left me with a bad impression on marijuana as a whole.

Also I've heard that it can make people who are high-strung paranoid, so that's been putting me off too.


>>17378059
Thanks for the advice, I'll see if I can book an appointment with one tomorrow.

>>17378070
>>17378044

>>17377876
Going on almost two years since we stopped talking. I feel pathetic every time I think of you since it's been TWO YEARS. You probably forgot about me and never think about me while I just think back at how much of a pushover I was.

I just wanted to be your friend. I couldn't connect to you in real life, see what you think about issues or anything deeper. So I just followed your blog everyday like a loser and you called me out as stalking you online to your hundreds of followers and even people we know using my real name.

I just don't understand that my friend was an asshole to you but you never said anything to me. You just decided to take it out on me not talk with him. Or hell even take it out on him. You just decided it was better to constantly berate and criticize me.

People say that I'm an easy target and they are absolutely right. Frankly, for being just a bitch, I deserve it.

>>17378079
Don't base your life on theirs but at the same time don't go for it if it's not calling to you.

Gotta start somewhere though. Glad to see you're making an appointment, good luck!

>>17377906
my entire life right now summed up

>>17378080
Well this may help, go without sleep or human contact for at least 2 days, on the third stay up all night (but at the end fall asleap) and watch or flip the switch all night to gay porn (ehh maybe straight) so that it gets in your subconscious mind, you might force your brain to rewire itself for human contact, might.

>>17378104
Yeah, this. Id say stay up for a long time with no humans and watch some straight porn before you sleep. Find some human fetishes.

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Jesus Christ I feel so pathetic. One day I went into a really small twitch stream and started talking to the streamer. I make sure to stop by whenever she streams and we talk on Twitter all the time.

Recently all I can think about is her. I think I love her..? What kind of fucking loser falls for a girl on a stream?

Is this how I will be forever? Falling for girl after girl even though I don't have a shot with them?

Please someone help me. I've been listening to "Can't Help Falling In Love" by Elvis on repeat for the passed 3 hours.

>>17378076
I'm glad I managed to entertain you
>>17378044
I have *sort* of an idea. I've struggled with gender identity issues my whole life but never mentioned them to anyone and when I started watching it I was hitting the gym really hard (I still am but not quite as fanatically) and lifting weights and seeing my bf skyrocket in gains while my shitty inferior female form struggled just to put on the tiniest amount of muscle was driving me up the fucking wall. I hated my weak ass female body so bad. For some reason once I started masturbating to robot porn a lot of the issues kind of...settled down for some reason. It wasn't instant but like slowly the burning desire I felt to be a raging she-hulk farce of a woman sort of left. I can't really put my finger on it but it's like being attracted to something so giant and huge and masculine made me feel okay about being small and soft for the first time in my life.

>>17378104
I'm going to have a hell of a time trying to explain why I'm streaming gay porn to my bf.

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>>17378126
Bruh I've been in love with like 10 different people in my life and only two of them have been real. Some people just fall in love really easily.

>>17378139
I think its because when i grew up i didn't have a lot of friends, so I get attached to people/things easily.

>>17377876
I should of never came to Peru. Two weeks was just too long in this country and your family sucks for knowing how to speak English but refusing to speak it with me to make this any easier. Machu Picchu wasn't even worth it with all the fat asses running out of breath and everyone with their selfie sticks I mean Jesus Christ. Also your getting really chubby even for my own liking. Only four more days buddy then your out this piss poor shithole.

>>17378142
Either way, it doesn't make you a loser. You just need to be aware that you do love super easy and be sure to factor that into any decisions you make.

>>17378153
Thanks for talking to me anon. Don't have many people to do this with these days :/

>>17378155
me neither. And you're welcome. Honestly it's nice to talk to someone who has sort of the same problem I do because it's not something that get's brought up a lot and it's definitely not something I'm comfortable discussing with those I know IRL.

I'm think I'm so obsessed with this girl that I regret not getting with that I get these painful headaches if I see her. Like piercing pain headaches where I have to stop and just relax for 30 minutes.

Either that or I'm just imaging things.

I can hear peoples thought, i can also talk to people in their heads, i sometimes do this to people so when they hear me in their minds, they think its them, so i tell them to do fucked up things, im evil i know. Any one got any questions?

>>17378174
Your brain is probably just choking itself for not getting with her

>>17378179
That's what I think.

But is something real? Is there scientific studies about this, because it's been going on for about a year now.

>>17378177
what am I thinking about right now you lying little shit

>>17378126
Hahaha, I bet you don't have much interaction with real girls you actually like, huh? Pathetic.

Guess how I know that tho ;-;
I've recently found a YouTuber who's just now getting pretty famous and I feel the same as you.
It's worse for me cause I haven't talked to her, but for you, go for it!

>>17378189
Ehh idk, but its kind of like when your brain sees someone who rejects you in public and your instict tells you to hide or not be seen by him, thats probably the same thing

>>17378197
Cant hear your thought when your not in front of me fucking moron, we have to actually be near eachother, fucking waste of space, ive done it multiple times

I haven't had sex in literally years, and the longer it lasts, the more I fear that I will never have sex again.

>>17377980
Ever seen half in the bag? Redlettermedia? They do funny reviews of movies. Watch the end part of episode 28, does that turn you on?

People are such fucking dumb shits governed by primal matters, twisted by language and boom suddenly they believe their pseudo emotional analogy justifies being a lil shit.

No one in here even have a tiny speck of flexibility, and I'm tired of wading into this metallic swamp where the locals all are robots without realizing it. Mankind has such a great potential, yet it's constantly spoiled.

I fear that one if these day I'm going to turn evil, it'd make everything so goddamn easier

>>17378357
a little bit. Fuckbot 5000 isn't really doing it for me and frankly neither is the one with the cables but if the one with the cables could throw some pun-littered technological dirty talk I'd probably try something with it.

I'm still inlove with my ex and i want to get back with thim but i dont know if they want to

I fell in love with a crazy douchebag who broke my heart because he wanted to get his dick wet despite knowing I had feelings for him, then blamed me for his trust issues and made a lot of stupid accusations and said a bunch of shit about me to a mutual friend. I still hope he'll come to his senses, talk to me and apologize for everything and try to reconcile. I must be nuts.

I really love my boyfriend.

I'm lonely and there's nothing I can do about it.

I'm tired.

If these antidepressants don't work I'm probably going to opt out. Thing is, I still love my family, which makes the decision harder.

I really need to purge all these sentiments from my chest. If I scream at an octave of 10 would you believe I really miss you. It sees whenever we cross paths I can only spew out formalities. You make me so tongue tied and nervous. I hope you and your family are well. Just wanted to get it off my chest that I really miss you. Sorry I'm a coward in my own right.

I oscillate between strength and hopelessness and I can't figure out what the axis is.

One moment I am in complete control, and the next I'm afraid and embarrassed to exist.

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Im a guy and I have an abnormal want to be a girl. It's basically all I masturbate to, the thought of me being a girl and getting fucked by guys.

It's not just a fetish, I daydream frequently, non sexually about my life as a female. I want it so badly but my face and wide shoulders and general body type just would not look feminine enough if I went through with hormones and surgery.

I'm not fat, actually in good shape, I work out 4 times a week which is sort of a complex way to be masculine so that nobody finds out about the way I feel.

>>17378754
...it's wrong though...isn't...

Really? No response? No reply? No sort of acknowledgement?

How am I suppose to grasp this as an ok gesture in our friendship? I know you got your own thing going on but no need to be rude.

>am a socially awkward fuck
>lonely as hell
>complained about having no friends for years, didn't do anything about it because I assumed I'd be a burden on others if I reached out
>finally sick of it
>starting to reach out to people, asking them to go on hikes with me, go out for food with me, etc.
>turns out people don't actually hate me, and are interested in spending time with me
>so relieved, I could cry

>>17378754

Props to you anon for not letting these thoughts get the best of you.

A friend killed himself. I can't say he was an incredibly close friend, but all in all we'd known each other for a long time. Something I noticed about myself previously is asserting itself: I'm remarkably coolhead about this. Even callous. I've had suicidal feelings myself, so I can at least in part understand.

But I also understand how fleeting those feelings can be. And I know the science backs it up. Suicide is an impulsive act, and despite the fact that apparently he was well-prepared, the facts support this. He bought two new videogames in a genre he loves before he offed himself. He played one, according to Steam, on what must have been one of his last days in the world. He offed himself while Game of Thrones was still going on, and I know he loved that shit. Yeah, it took a while for people to find him. In this heat. I don't think it's going to be an open casket, and that really sucks for the family. Kind of sucks, too, that people were asking each other what was up with him while he was already lying there.

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>>17377876

I can't believe I actually miss him

I wish I had balls to tell my ex to fuck off.

I feel so many things for you. You have a door open that no one else does and I don't think they see it. I haven't met anybody as interesting and subtle and thoughtful as you are. You fill me with nostalgia and warmth that I can just barely understand. I carry hope and dreams and fantasy and you feed them just enough.

Im so incredibly skinny and I hate it. Im 92 pounds and I can't gaint weight no matter what.

I think I remember the day that I started hating myself. It was the first day I started wearing contacts in high school. I'd never worn glasses before because they annoyed me, but with contacts you'd get used to them after an hour of putting them in. I looked in the mirror and saw my lazy eye. I always knew I had one, but I didn't realize I looked like that to people. How can people look at me and like me when I can't even look at myself without wanting to look away? I stopped looking into people's faces when I talked for years after that and I would "cross my eyes" so my lazy eye was less noticeable.

Then I got a limp. I felt that I was walking off for a while, in fact it hurt to walk sometimes. I never brought it up though, always told myself that it was all in my head and to ignore it. I'd hear people laugh behind me and just feel like shit for the rest of the day. It's not like I could forget about it either, I'd feel it with every step I took. It finally got bad enough after a year that I finally told my mom. She took me to the doctor and for years I was just given ibuprofen. I started to realize I was just gonna suffer my whole life. I'm never gonna be happy ever again. Everything I had left of myself esteem, personality and motivation to do anything died that day.

Turns out that I just had a misaligned pelvis. Found out after I went to the chiropractor one day. It doesn't hurt to walk anymore and I don't really have a limp anymore. I don't really have a lazy eye anymore either besides worse eyesight in my right eye because I would spend everyday forcing it to focus.

You'd think I'd be happy now, but I can't let go of feeling like such a piece of shit. I still can't look people in the face without feeling uncomfortable. I moderate my walking, it's no longer subconscious. My social skills are terrible, self hatred became my personality.

I am an empty shell of a human being and I wish I was dead.

>>17379116
Right now, text them "fuck off and never talk to me again" and turn off your phone for the rest of the day "

Meeting a girl today for a second date (coffee). I'm just not getting a good vibe from it because after our first date, she began texting less and less. If she doesn't want to continue to go out with me, I don't know why she would agree to a second date.

>>17379239
I'd love to, but I'm too scared that she will do something stupid like that time we broke up. She's 21 now but she acts like a 16yo.

>>17379142
How tall are you?

>>17379290
Not your problem. Do it. Don't let her manipulate you.

>>17379296
5.3 i think

Realizing I fucked up the past and now live a joyless present

>>17379308
That's not too bad. Try eating more and exercising to gain muscle.

>>17379339
Do you have any suggestions for what i can eat to gain weight?

>>17379306
I guess you're right, I'll write her to fuck off, but a bit less offensive

The more I think about suicide/death the less I fear it I think.

I'm useless.

Sometimes I discover things about myself I am disgusted and ashamed to even think about, much less admit it.

>>17379386
Good shit anon. Post it here.

Don't meet negative expectations in such a predictable way. It took only a few minutes to confirm you didn't change over the last year, and I didn't even aim to talk to you.

I think I'm getting better at taking heat on the internet. It's been a very slow process, but I'm giving less of a fuck each time and it's quite nice.

>>17379666
You'd be most mistaken.

>>17379702
Nah, the behaviour is identical as it was back then. It's just an observation, since the person isn't a part of my life , it's not like we'll often interact. Just an observation, nothing more.

I am 24 y/o fit and attractive man, I m fucking 3 beautiful girls on a regular basis and I m still meeting new people. I got my bachelors degree in arts 3 years ago, travelled the world, worked in australia and met many interesting people. Since January I live in one of coolest cities in the world, started skating again, there are a lot of opportunities for my art. I m inspired and on the right path.
But on the way I lost my girlfriend. She wont come back. Somehow I know that this breakup will have a huge impact on my life. I m trying to save myself. I dont want to be empoisoned by this breakup and lose a part of my personality. I have to save myself

Just fucking kill me already.

Too much of a coward to take my own life

Find no pleasure in things that I once loved

Relationships I have held are either going or gone as I slowly alienate myself from my friends

I try my hardest to act like I'm ok but I'm emotionally dead on the inside.

Hate my degree and University life. Find no motivation or reason to study hard, thus average grades.

Had enough of it all

>>17379762
Find a counselor

>>17378055
>talks about addiction, and how easy it is to avoid
>has never used drugs

STFU&GTFO.

i could look but i think i'd end up killing myself

I fucked everything up...
Things were moving forward, I got my license, things were good at my work, got more independent, better self esteem.

Made friends who I kept, recently got even closer to them, actually got a social life, met new people.

But I made a bad decision. Got drunk at the wrong time and place. Way too drunk, partly blackout drunk. And suddenly I find myself with one of my friends who has to fix the mess I've made, and I get angry at her, screaming at her, calling her a whore... Maybe calling other friends whores too. I can't really remember.

And now I might have lost them. Maybe it is unrecoverable. And maybe I was never a nice person to begin with. Now I'm just a lonely bitter and hateful loser.

>>17379776
Already tried that, didn't find it very helpful

>>17379375

Drink a shit load of chocolate milk, worked for my friend who recovered from cancer.

>>17379823
will do thanks anon

>>17379822
have you tried medication?

>>17379831
Yeah man, currently on it now. It just tends to make things level off for me. Comfortably numb to use an age old cliche, with the inevitable occasional downturn. It's like clockwork.

>>17379835
What kind are you using? What are they supposed to do for you?

>>17379852
Sertraline, they're pretty much meant to make me less anxious and raise my general mood. They do their job but the suicidal thoughts are ever present at times

>>17379828
lactobacilli can be obesogenic in some people so yeah that could work
try lots of dairy, kefir
i wouldnt go balls to the wall on sugar because it changes your brain

>>17379858
then see if you can get a higher dosage or a new medication entirely.

>>17379133
Initial?

I'm so fucking happy to be back to my senses. I lost a lot to get here, the most important thing to me. But I'm back and I will make the most out of it.
And if it's the will of the Maker, I'll recover what I lost.

I feel like my entire life is pointless and all I am is a hollowed out husk of a person filled with stupidity and self-hatred.
Everything I do is wrong.
I have no idea why anyone cares about me especially my parents.
I can't do anything right.
I want to die so as to take the burden off of the people who support me and also to stop the grind of my life.
I can't bring myself to do it since i'm too pussy.
I do nothing all day except browse 4chan and get angry about it.
I could listen to the 2-3 Terabytes of music I have downloaded but my attention span has turned to diddly-dick.
I could watch any of the terabyte or so of wrestling I have on my computer but again my attention span isn't up to it.
All I even claim to like is Listening to music or watching wrestling since I'm too stupid and/or fat to try to do either.
When ever I go out with my worker all we do is go to the dog park and talk about dumb shit.

>>17379920
>worker
are you talking about a social worker? if so, try talking more about what bothers you.

>>17379931
Yes it's a social worker of sorts.
He knows all about it.
And I have a psychiatrist I saw today and he's been seeing me for a month.
I've pretty much feel like this as far as I can remember though.
I once wanted to kill myself in 3rd grade on a class ski trip.
I don't even remember why.
I just remember trying to get lost in a ditch and wanting to die.
Also the problem with the worker is that we don't do anything.
We don't go to the movies because I don't have the attention span.
Going out to eat is pointless since I barely can taste food anymore unless it's something I hate.
And any other number of activities from the aquarium to a museum I just assume I'll hate and probably fuck up.

>>17379939
you definitely need medication

Kinda glad that I have not spoken to her in just about a month. But I have been thinking of her constantly.

But for some reason, I still think that we can at least be friends following the little fuck up. But I want to talk to her, but I can't bring my self to doing it.

My heart feels so heavy it could just burst. I need help so badly. It's so hard just go get through the day now.

>>17379946
I'm on some.
The meds have reduced me from feeling completely numb from depression before but still I can't focus on anything.
I suppose some days are better than others but I pretty much hate my self as easily as breathing comes to me.
Like every single day I do something and my brain tells I fucked up some tiny detail and that I'm a fuckup and I start calling my self stupid.
And it does this so instinctively I sometimes barely notice it.

>>17379953
like i said to the other guy either get higher dosage or a new medication

Fuck you Anthony, I want you to burn in hell. You mocked me, made people think that I was worthless for years, while pretending we were friends. I despise you, I was weak before but you kept envying me for what ? For the money you didn't have ? You hate me just because my parents worked their asses off to get where they are now ! I'm stronger now and I won't let you make feel like shit again. It's time for me to show you how much I've grown. It's my fucking time to shine and I'll have fun watching you boil with jealousy and hatred for me.

E.

Reach me. It will end and it will be stupid
But I'm alive

>>17377876

I'm scared of death. I'm scared shitless. I mean, death is the complete stop of cerebral activity. It means hat I will completely and utterly dissapear, like a switched off computer.

It's horrible because I'm certain it WILL happen one day, and there is NOTHING I can do about it.

I can't accept it. It horrifies me. Can't sleep whenever I think about death, and I can't stop thinking about it.

I'm 22 year old, am I doomed to live my life fearing death? Will I be able to live in blissful ignorance one day?

>>17379966
nice dubs

more importantly, you need to just accept it. you will probably live until your 80's so i wouldn't worry about death right now.

>>17377876
My uncle is a colossal, money grabbing, family destroying cunt.

He has pretty much destroyed his parent's memory and is determined to make his sister and her family (aka me and others) suffer.

>>17379974
666 trips would have been more fitting,though. The fact is, I think too much. Whenever I take a break from whatever I am doing, or stop doing something useful, or start doing something useless (like playing vidya, or browsing 4chan) I always end up thinking about death. I imagine myself in a bed, having reached 80 or so years old, tired, dying. My forces start leaving my body, and suddently, everything just switch off. Poof, I'm gone, I'm no more, I'm dead.

No turning back. Nothing I can do about it. It frightens me.

If I remember well, I lived through similar times, when I was younger. It happend two or three times: I suddently realise my own mortality, and the inevitble aspect of it, and I ended up spending several weeks scared.

But I'm afraid this time, the fear won't go.

I've been watching your updates all evening, somewhere I don't go often enough. I miss you. I'm absolutely completely crazy about you, being apart is driving me mad and so many years, I just can't stop loving you, please could we try? I'm so in love with you, and feel I'll give you the best I possibly can, sexually, emotionally and intellectually weare connected, hell I even love your formalities, though unravelling you is better. I saw you in that list, and suddenly thought we'd opened up to each other again, I'm dreaming again love, take me away, please, what are you doing to me? Don't hurt me, the loveliest feeling, I can't be without you, unless I can travel the million miles

>>17379986
if it doesnt go away you should probably talk to someone about that

>>17379999

Yes, I thought about talking with someone. But I don't want to talk about it with someone of my family, or my friends. It's too weird.

Maybe a priest. Since I'm a catholic, confession shouldn't be a problem. I remember I once talked with a priest about death, and it somehow calmed me down a little.

I'll do this if the fear isn't gone by the end of summer.

Taking myself from here
Is all I must do, and from there I see
Nothing at all
I wear my cloak, until my time comes
For us to be real, when they know
How real we are
I never knew
And we're everything so
Fuck them

Phew boy lads. I typed up a novel so prepare yourselves. So my boyfriend and I are gonna be moving closer to the university both of us want to attend, and we're gonna be sharing a house with his friends. The place is in the absolute best location and the rent is really cheap, of course neither of us would want to move somewhere else, right? And he'd be right there with his friends. One of them, let's call him X, is a total bro. Love it when the three of us hang out together. Fun times all around. He's a bit of a dick when he's around Y though, just the usual case of acting differently when around certain people. But their friend Y is a fucking piece of work.

In all honesty, I'm not really looking forward to living in the same household as him. He's rude, arrogant, I could go on forever. Overall it isn't a really enjoyable experience being around him. I'm probably gonna get shit for saying this here but please let me get it off my chest, I don't have anywhere else to talk about this anonymously. Boy does he hate women. It's intimidating to say the least. He'd go on for ages saying how women are fucking retards, they should all be raped, I can't even remember all the things he's said over the time I've known him. Holy shit would it kill you to not say this shit and push it all in my face? You should have heard him talking to his girlfriend (how he managed to get one is beyond me) on the phone. No respect whatsoever. As you probably guessed, their relationship didn't last very long. But once it ended he brought up that women are whores at every single fucking chance he got, especially if I was around. This lasted for a couple of months.

(Continued in the next post)

>>17380013
id go for a counselor, but if a priest helps then keep going and talking to them.

>>17380028
Either he couldn't tell that what he was saying was affecting me or he didn't care, but no matter what it was I was getting so sick of hearing it. Eventually I started telling my boyfriend that I didn't want to go over to visit Y and his family because of this. I mean, I didn't try and ask Y to stop saying those things, but I felt it would be pointless to even try. Why would he listen to someone who I suppose is "lesser" than him? After some time (I brought it up to my boyfriend a small number of times, but he was getting sick of me telling him I was uncomfortable around Y and he was actually starting to get a bit angry at me for feeling down after visiting) he asked Y if he could stop saying that women are whores/need to be raped, and he agreed. Which is great but I still feel a little uneasy around him. But now I'll be around him almost constantly for at least a year? I know he's all bark but no bite but I still don't trust him. What if he actually does do something to me? Like strike me or worse. He's an angry kind of person and I might accidentally set him off. I don't know how well it'll go if I tell my boyfriend that we should look for our own place instead of staying with them. I don't really want to see how he'd react to it.

(Continued again, next post is the last one)

>>17380031
On a slightly unrelated note, it's really strange how he cannot stand women who swear. Completely fine with dudes saying every swear word and racial term around, but the second I say "damn" I have to watch my language. I'm a woman who is in her early 20s who on top of that has been coming to 4chan for nearly 8 years. Of course I'm gonna swear. But over the years my boyfriend has told me all sorts of weird things Y expects from women, so it's probably something to do with women swearing breaks his idea that women are "pure" creatures or what have you. Though in the same breath he claims that every single woman is a whore. Isn't that something? But every time he asks me to watch my language I always ask "why? You have no issue with the boys swearing, why should I have to act differently?", so I can hear his reasoning in his own words, but he doesn't respond. There's a reason why I'm bringing all this up. I'm really not looking forward to the "if you're allowed to swear then I should be allowed to say you're a whore who deserves to be raped" argument which is bound to happen at some point. I mean, I can understand "why should I have to censor myself when you don't have to?", but one thing is on a way different level than the other. I don't think he'll understand this though. If this argument ever does happen, living there is going to get really awkward really fast.

>>17380036
seems like an all around cunt. id probably just tell him if he doesn't stop being an asshole hes gonna get kicked out.

>>17379999
holy shit i got quads

What did you see, was said to me
And as I said, was told this is not what I see
Your reality is not real to me
So why do you misread what has mattered to me? When I know what you see, no question of your feeling, and how it came to be. Trying to be making my love not free! the only way to be. go now, remove yourself from me. As he sets me free, by being with me

>>17380040
I'll have to keep that in mind if things go to complete shit. Thanks anon.

>>17380052
no problem, hope you get better.

>>17377876
I shit in the shower. I've gotten so used to it that I really can't remember the last time I've used a toilet. Usually, if it's a big shit, I just push it down the drain with my feet. Apparently my pipes can handle it just fine, but it smells like shit all the time.

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I Hate My Life. I Have No Friends. Im a Virgin. I have no Job All i Do is Stay Home And Jerk off And watch Shitty streamers to get through the days. All i do is Sleep . i dont pay rent since i live with 1 parent. i never had a gf. all i can think off is that il end up homeless

"You're letting life pass you by."

Fuck life, what has life ever done for me? Life stopped caring the moment I was molested at seven and went down hill from there. When I was a child, they used to call me The Mayor because I was sociable, fun, and caring. I used to give everyone hugs. Now, I can't even speak to someone without feeling judged or inadequate.

But life didn't stop shitting me on there, I had to go to special schools because I started having suicidal tendencies. Because the school was behavior based and not academic based, I easily excelled. But once I got into actual academia, I started flunking and dropping out.

Ninth grade hits and I say something stupid because kids say stupid shit. But I'm the kid that got bullied for it the rest of his high school career. So I tried to turn to books because I loved reading. I get scolded for reading a head and I lose all my passion for books because of it.

I spent most of my high school career under the revolving door of mental health care. Always suicidal from bullying, the past, etc. but finally I try to break away and move out of that state.

Once I do though, some assholes who I thought were my friends shot my cat in the head and dropped my dog that I grew up with, one of my only trusted bonds in life, in the middle of the woods without his collar. Part of me hopes he did find a way to live a happy life but the other part of me knows that this is a very unlikely scenario. They also might have raped my then girlfriend but I'm not entirely sure on that subject matter.

I made friends in college, people who I thought I would be able to grow old with but because I could no longer get attached to people. I would constantly enter into and out of their lives when my mania and depression hit. They eventually decided I was an asshole, wrote a five page paper about me being an asshole, and discarded me like trash.

So, now, I drown myself in video games and the accompaniment of animals. Fuck life.

>>17380117
Well if you want my take on the whole thing, you kinda deserve it to be honest..

>>17380125
what the hell led you to thinking that about this guy?

Pretty sure my girlfriend is cheating on me. I also saw messages she was sending to a guy, she claims it was a laugh dont know what to do.

>>17380140
if she's cheating dump her

>>17380134
He's a whiny bitch. I'm pretty sure that's why nobody can stand his faggot ass. Simple cause and effect.
>>17380140
Dump her you retard.

>>17380149
I don't know if she is cheating though it has left me paranoid and confused

Did it ever mean anything to you
Because it meant everything to me

>>17380152
not so simple we own property together it is all i have in this world

I wish you cared about me the way that I cared about you. I wish that we could go back in time so that things were less complicated and you could bring yourself to say that you loved me again.

I wish that you would give me some love, or show me a sign that you still really cared about me, instead of just claiming that you do without action. I wish that my sacrifices meant anything to you while you just toy with my emotions the way you do.

I wish that I had someone else in my life that I could go to when things weren't horribly wrong. I wish that I had friends that I could spend quality time with, or a twin sister that would take me out on adventures when I was sad.

I know you have it rough, and everytime you do I'm always there for you. Offering advice and a friendly shoulder to talk to. But when I need it, there's nothing.

Let's face it, you don't really care about me. You never really have. You just like the idea of having a side boy to go to when you're feeling slightly down. It doesn't matter that he struggles with suicide on a daily basis. It doesn't matter that whenever I need someone that nobody is there. You don't really care about that and it sucks. It doesn't matter to you that I have a suicide date now. It doesn't matter that I have a plan. Maybe it will after I'm gone but it's not like that will ever make a difference to me.

>>17379964
Story time

>>17380152
>we own property together
You're stupider than I thought then. Find a legal way to kick her out of your whatever. Do it silently and don't give any hints until you can get rid of her.

>>17380159
tfw

>>17380160
>>17380166

Why do you want to be friends with me? You have it good and I'm sure by now you have seen that I'm a pathetic shell of a man. Why do you still talk to me especially since your with someone for the last 2 years. Why in the hell would you even bother to get to know me on a casual level when you dont have to?

Also fuck your feet are so qt, I mean shit when we were watching the movie you just had to raise your feet on the seats below. Couldnt fight the urge to just admire them half the time but dang if thats how you dress when your not at work thats fucking unexpected to me

>>17380152
Actually people dislike me because I have a holier-than-though attitude, am gullible to other's peoples woes, and disappear from the face of the earth when I'm depressed.

Not because I'm whiny. I actually don't tell people much about my problems and would rather just disappear before it even got to them.

You are right though, I deserve it. But not for the reason you said.

>>17380191
yeah your story really doesn't make you look whiny

>>17380197
If you don't like whiny posts don't go into a get it off your chest thread, bub. Simple as that.

I'm just going to leave this here, a smile.

>>17378754
you aren't alone man I feel the same fucking way

I've been lifting for the past 6 months or so to kind of curb those thoughts

I fucking hate feeling like this because whenever I'm near a girl I want to be her instead of wanting to fuck her
I enjoy feeling feminine and I masturbate to the thought daily which makes me feel like such garbage

I don't know why I'm like this
I'm so fucking scared man, I don't like this feel at all

>>17379858
I'm on that too. Only been taking it for 2 to 3 weeks so far. I think it's starting to have an effect. My doctor put me on something else first and it made my anxiety horrible, didn't leave the house that day and refused to take anymore of that shit. Also on lorazapram.

>>17380232
Smiles are pretty. Thank you.

The anxiety over problems in life is getting to me again. Someone reply to this; I honestly don't care if it's a roast or a compliment lol. I just need to know that someone's aware of my issues.

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>tfw no bf
>tfw no bf
>tfw no bf
>tfw no bf
>tfw no bf
>tfw no bf

I was in a group discussion talking and could visualise him telling me he was going to take his life in front of me, amd he had really stood there before and screamed beside me and I wanted to hug him close to me again keep,him safe from harm forever and I don't know if he needed me but in my vision of him, he was I. Front of me again but this time threatening to hurt himself and then I wondered about last year and about how the thoughts I imagine can be signs, and how it happened and so much more I need to know and how much I need him beside me for the rest of our lives, so I never have to lose him again

>>17380346
Bro hang in there. I'm feeling it too. Right when I feel like I'm done with feeling this way, it always hits again. I feel like a bunch of weights from a gym or something are on my back.

This evening brought a chain if retarded decisions I made and said.

It all started with a guy telling me he's not going to contact me anymore ever again. He was a friend of my gf, they've got some disputes apparently and now... Now he tells me that they're not going to be friends anymore and wants to warn me that I'm not his friend as well and all that. The thing is, I'm not sure if he knows that we're actually dating.

And apparently, these two have been doing some stuff together lately. Chatting, spending time, etc, etc. As she told me one day, she fell (for an hour or so, but still) for some guy that took things too seriously and became an annoying fuck. They didn't do anything that could be considered as a cheat, though... Anyway, it looks like that the guy was this friend.

Presumably rejected and frustrated over the fact that he considered himself and her as a couple for about a week but then found out that he was wrong (at least that's what I hope for), he was told that she is actually dating me, and he decided to ruin it all for me a little. Success, most likely.

I don't know anymore. I'm afraid. I said I'm giving her a serious talk 'about something' tomorrow, but she didn't answer yet (might be sleeping). I took all the words of her friend as something that I can actually count as a cheat and leave her, but now... Now I somehow think that I'm wrong and should think three times before I do something.

I'm afraid. Afraid that she might lie to me, afraid of being betrayed without even knowing about it, and... I also am ashamed a little, for I told my friend that I'll dump her tomorrow... Yet now... Yet now I'm being a coward. I just don't want to hear any of the words he might say if I don't put an end to my relationship tomorrow.

I just don't know anymore, guys. I'm almost in panic.

>>17378676
See >>17378888

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Feel like I'm being monitored by the FBI, NSA, hackers and/or my old peers. No friends or motivation left. Job prospects being negatively impacted by the supposed spying that's going on. I may be paranoid, and no one's watching, but I'm convinced they were at one point and I can't stop hypothesizing about what they may have seen, what they might think, and whatnot. It's a very stressful way to live.

>>17380346
You can make it, buddy. Tough moments, up and downs, anxiety... We all get through it sooner or later. You can make it. You're a person strong enough for it.

>>17380449
i have the same problem as these two except no-one actually ever wants to hang with me

>>17380438

Sometimes it feels as though I'm two people.

Most of the time, I'm a happy, despite cynical and pessimistic, virgin robot neck-beard. Got dealt a shit-hand, got dealt a lot of them, got used to it.

I tell myself "I'm a creep" so I don't have to bother with women (and end up actually creepin' them out), and I'm okay with that. It's just who I am.
I tell myself "I'm a loner, I'm not comfortable with other people". I'm also okay with that.

I do my own thing and it works for me. I hide my powerlevel and blend in to survive, don't get too close or too personal with people. Most of the time I consider thing "none of my business", or more cynically "not my problem", though I won't outright say it.

I'm not necessarily hateful, but I understand that to me, other people are a threat, and so at best, I'm apathetic.

The problem is, every now and then this childish naive nagging part of my brain decides to say "hey, you know what'd make you happy? Love".
Fuck that part of my brain.
That part of my brain can go choke on a thousand dicks, and if I could kill it, I would.
That part of my brain sucks.
It makes me crave some real goddamn interaction with someone, no hiding my powerlevel or anything.

That part of my brain is my biggest goddamn risk, and I want it gone. It turns me into someone else, someone I don't like because they're like a beaten wife with stockholm syndrome, they'll keep making the same fucking mistake and getting hurt each and every time. There's no helping that.
They'll keep hoping things will just magically get better.

>>17380438

It hurts, but dig deep and figure out what is actually going on. The truth will set you free.

>>17380466
This one... Is something I don't really understand as an answer, but it is an honest response at least. I can't say I feel or understand you, but somehow I want to... Just want to say that I want that part of your brain dead as well. You don't want or need it, you're just a victim of our biology, of the chemistry that makes your brain cry for love.
And if the absence of that would make you happy... Somehow I really want that part of your brain dead.
Thank you for your response, though...

>>17380470
That's misty. Yet somehow... I know and feel like that it'll work. Thank you.

>posted here previously about frequent fainting/dizzy spells/loss of vision
>tried eating more salt and drinking more water, didn't help
>got EEG done in office
>finally got to see the neurologist
>abnormality in my brain could be causing seizures
>possible abnormality in my spine found by coincidence
>need to have an MRI and a 3-day EEG now
>going to have wires plastered all over my head, won't be able to shower for days

Fuck. Seizures I can handle, but I'm a little freaked out about my spine, since I have no idea what could be going on with that.

>>17380481

I didn't actually mean to respond to anyone, just clicked reply and forgot to delete you post number, because it's easier than scrolling to the top to reply.
sorry.

>>17379952
What's wrong?

>>17380483

I know personally how rough this can be. I have a syrinx (cyst) in my spinal chord that was just discovered last year. It is around 1.5 mm in diameter and extends from T3 to T9. I just had my yearly MRI check up and it thankfully hasn't moved. My doctors all agree that it's nothing to worry about now, but I forever have to be vigilant over it.

It's hard getting this kind of news. All I can say is that I hope what they find is not that big of a deal and that you can find treatment that works for you. I wish you the very best.

>>17380486
No problem. Well, at least there was something I helped you with.

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I once killed a mother in front of her children with a roll of half-dollars

>>17377876
It's been a year since we talked and i miss her, i miss her so much im so lonely and bored

Stephanie Burtch - I'm not sure why you have told my boyfriend about your lack of sex life with your HUSBAND but it ends now.

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It can only get better from this point, right?

I usually don't care about dating and all it drama but then I started talking to one my freinds I had lost touch with. All our interactions were online. We had made plans to hang out and even maybe go on a date but he ended up cancelling after an exchange of nudes said he wasn't ready for a relationship. Found out he was just bored of me, that he just had trouble keeping interest in most girls. Still really stuck on him he asked to be freinds with benefits. Knowing this was stupid I still agreed. Exchanged a few more nudes. Still he kept canceling hanging out. And ended up talking less and les to me then just one day straight out blocked my messages. I kept thinking about how stupid I was the whole time but he was what I wanted and I kept making these mistakes. Im upset about him doing this but at the same time not because if we actually ever hung out i probably would have slept with him. Idk someone say something that won't make me feel so bad or like a dumbass.

>>17377906
Same for me going to safeway, even though they added a stupid 'bag ban'.

>>17377876
fucking hell I started a thread for my insecurity because I thought this one wasn't around. My bad.

>>17380545
That's me and fast food. I tell myself I will cook more and be better at it, but for just a few dollars more I could get an instant satisfying meal if I walk down the road...
Its hard to resist.

>>17380346
I feel you.

>>17380566
I wish that was me.

It's cheaper to eat fast food in Hawaii :(

I'm going to be the size of a fucking truck after college. oh well.

>>17377980
Maybe you could take steps?
Ask your boyfriend to dress up / act like a robot for fun times.
Paint him in a chrome color or something.

Maybe you'll wean off it.

>>17378016
I didn't really have side effects when i took mine.

Do try to see somebody though.

>>17378100
Not that anon, but in a similar situation. I knew this new girl 2 weeks ago, shes gorgeous and a pretty nice, and she even seems very into me. But i dont really want something serious, not right now (i broke up 2 months ago), to be honest, i dont really know what i want. One day i feel great and the other day my self esteem is on the floor, thinking about my ex like crazy. I need to move on from her, but its hard as fuck. And i dont want to hurt this new girl too. I never imagined i would end up in a situation like this before, its just fucking sucks.

It's so cliche but I don't really know how else to put it. Maybe it's actually the wrong phrase but it's the first that comes to mind. What's the point?

I'm twenty. I have very few friends left. The couple I do have are going to be gone soon. Literally the only friend I'll have left is my best friend. My dog.

My family stops at my mother and father. I have plenty of half-siblings from my parents previous marriages, decades older than me, but even though they are full-grown adults I they don't care about me. My mother or father is the only connection I have to them, and once they're gone there is no reason to moderately associate with me any longer. My half-sister on my mother's side is sort of close, but I know her and my brother-in-law don't like me too much. They hate it when I'm around, especially when I'm around their kid/my nephew. The best way to describe how I am with him is any typical uncle/nephew relationship. You're an adult in their life, but you treat them like they're a friend of yours I guess. They really hate that. Maybe because it's their first kid and they're being super-careful like any parents with their first kid and don't want some bad-influence chump hanging around. Anyways, parents are pretty old so they're going to be gone soon. I never really got to live a "full life" like their other kids got to. Have them around for major milestones in my life, stuff like that. Woe is me, haha.

So no friends left, and no family. Just me and my dog. It's going to sound dumb, but ever since I was young I always wanted a girlfriend. Once I got to highschool and started thinking about the future, having a highschool sweetheart and getting married sounded great too. Nearing the end of highschool, and getting out to the real world - I really liked the idea of getting married. It's something I've always wanted, something I always dreamed about. But that's all it is. A dream. And you can't live your dreams when you're already living in a nightmare -

>>17380669
(cont.)
Anyways, I guess the whole marriage thing stems from the fact that I want to have my own family. A wife and kids, all that jazz, to replace the almost non-existent family I have/don't have(?). But dating in highschool never worked out. Hell it wasn't even a thing. I just don't have that kind of luck. No luck at all. So meeting someone, hitting it off, having some companionship, someone to spend my life with and do things with etc. isn't going to happen. I know I'll get chumps here saying "Oh nobody cares about that! There are women that like guys with absolutely zero experience!" No, just stop. Save me the false hope. There may be a few out there that exist, but they are very few and far inbetween. Chances are they're already taken. Chances are I'm not their kind of guy. Even if miraculously something did happen, I'd have no clue what I'm doing and I know that they'd get fed up with it. Regardless, I'm not that good looking anyways. I'm not unique. There's nothing I have that some other chump doesn't. Nothing that sets me apart from their other choices, to make me desirable over them.

So no friends, no family, and no happy future.

So I'm in the National Guard. I get state activation very often, and if I'm lucky somewhere in the near future I'll get deployed. At least I'll stay in long enough until I get a couple under my belt. I know there's no good future for me. No happy ending. So I'm hoping this kills me. If not, I'm also very close to becoming a police officer. So getting killed on the job doing that is my backup plan.

But when my dog dies in maybe twelve years, I will have absolutely nothing left. I'll probably off myself then, because then I will truly have nothing to lose, and not much to gain either. I just don't know what I'm going to do.

>>17380517
Should i talk to her /adv/?

>>17380728
Its been a long time. Whatever you do, do it so you dont regret it.

I think finding someone else would be much much better. He/she is your ex for something (i need to follow this same advice too so you are not alone anon) move on and find someone else, that would be the best you can do

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I forgive you, Carolyn.

>>17380765
What's Carolyn's last initial?

>>17380761
She was my only best friend we dated awhile but i really dont care about that now and I've tried my hardest to move on but fuck it's hard maybe i should talk to her

After all the good times we spent together, and how well we related to each other, you fucking stop talking to me because you confessed to having feelings for me and feel embarrassed despite the fact that you are in a relationship.

I guess our friendship didn't mean as much to you as you always claimed, which is a goddamn shame because I trusted you more than anyone. The fact that you would lie to me and say you still want to keep in contact even though you ignore all my calls and messages for months makes me realize I'm done pouring my time and energy into a false friendship that ends just like all of them have.

>>17379894
You first

>>17380769

C or G

My brain is ruined because of treatments and medicine, plus it wasn't really working before that.
Think I might have the cancer I've feared for the past four years. It passed down from my grandma.
Alone, and because of two said things, I can't possibly have a bright future with another person.
>Ment to die early, and alone.

>>17380511
Thank you. I'm sorry about your cyst, anon.

Kind of feeling defeated currently. I finally told a guy that I have been crushing on and off for for a good few years how I felt and he hasn't said anything in response. I'm wondering if he just is acting like he never received my message which I mean honestly hurts more than just having him say he's not interested in me. I think I just have bad luck with people in general. Anyone I've ever told I'm interested in has no interest in me and it makes me feel like a freak and regret ever feeling confident enough to tell people how I feel.

>>17380159
It meant everything to me. Then you turned away

It hasn't been my week so far. I'm telling myself to just keep on pushing on, and that everything will be better tomorrow. I want to tell myself that the people around me care about me, but man, I just don't know anymore. Am I depressed, or just feeling sorry for myself?

I just ended an affair of two years. Basically, I was tired of her using me as an emotional crutch and me getting pretty much nothing out of it. I get she's married with kids and probably feels bad about it, but I'm also married and wanted to spend time with someone who was less dramatic, not more.

I was just tired of it. Tired of filling in the gaps her deadbeat husband failed to close and tired of helping her afford birthday gifts while she continued to wallow in self pity and do nothing to improve her situation.

I don't feel bad about it at all. I'm sure she's more sorry about losing her safety net. I also don't feel good about being monogamous now. I'm back to being bored as fuck with nobody to vent to but anonymous.

I miss you.

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I have really, really bad issues with anxiety in several ways, and one of them that distresses me the most are intrusive thoughts about my boyfriend. If any kind of negative thought or doubt about him or our relationship pops into my head, it scares the hell out of me and I begin obsessing over it and why I could be possibly thinking it when I know I love the hell out of him.

This has been going on and off for months now and it's really exhausting. I talk, joke around and laugh with him, have good and healthy sex life with him and spend all kinds of time with him. I don't understand why this happens to me and I just wish it would go and stay gone. There's literally nothing wrong with him or our relationship and I couldn't have asked for a better partner.

Man oh man. Important times coming up. I'll be finishing my bachelors degree early next year, and my first grad school application is going in soon. With any luck I'll be able to land a research assistantship for my Masters. I really don't want debt for my Masters degree, and also I would like the research experience.

>>17381004
You're both pieces of shit who should die in a fire.

I have hated every single Presidential Candidate out there, I threw away each vote in the last 3 elections because I do not feel right voting for someone I feel isn't fit to do the job. and with Three option on the upcoming one, I'm considering throwing out the next one as well.

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My girlfriend and I just broke up for no fucking reason and I'm so upset right now. This is the first time in a long time I've been with someone I wasn't just tolerating so I could have sex. I was so happy and now it's over for nothing.

>>17381147
What happened exactly?

>>17381166
I've posted about it before and got blasted over it. Long story short, I thought I saw symptoms of an STD on her, had to think about it for a little bit, realized it wasn't what I thought it was, kept it to myself, she noticed something was up, pressured me to tell her, started crying, I caved in, she got mad, we sort of argued, ended on a positive note though, I went home, she said she didn't want to have sex with me but still wanted the relationship, I was trying to figure out what was happening and be supportive at the same time, she kept saying she didn't have to "justify" herself, I eventually started asking to meet up, she kept agreeing and standing me up, she actually approached me to talk one night, found out she just went to bed, I told her she was being immature and I was pissed that I had to chase after her, we fought again.

I texted her yesterday (about a week later, after I came home from my vacation) asking if she wanted to talk about things, she basically said no and that was it.

Only just now did I realize that she must have thought I was thinking about it while we were cuddling based on how everything went, but it's really too late for that now. But if I really still thought she had herpes sores I wouldn't have kept eating her out. I dunno, it's really dumb.

For the record, I had an STD scare a while back when I found out an ex of mine had herpes and we had unprotected sex once, but I got tested and it came back negative.

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So fuck. I have huge feelings for a girl who has been in a relationship for the last 3 years.like its insane. I am legit in love with this girl. me and her connect on every single level, we are into the same things, we relate to literally everything we ever talk about, and in my opinion, we would be perfect together. from talking so much, i also feel like she likes me too, but she wont admit it because she has boy. what bugs me is that her boyfriend is trash. he goes to parties and hooks up with girls and stuff like that. and she always complains about him to me. which makes me even more angry.her boyfriend went camping for a week and she has been talking to me a lot instead. we also hang out quite a bit. But last night, my friend hosted a small kickback and we all got mad drunk. (there was only 4 of us, 2 girls two guys) It was probably the best night i have ever had in my life. other than slicing my eyebrow open from a ceiling fan. anyways, as the night started winding down, one girl started puking and so my friend spend the night on the couch with her. While me and girl i am in love with end up sleeping in his bed. nothing happened between us, no kissing, no sex. but there was a fuckton of cuddling. like full on face to face, hugging type of cuddlng. and it was hella nice, she held me while i held her. it was so perfect. lots of skin to skin contact, but nothing sexual. i fell like shit now cuz i fucking love this girl but she loves her boyfriend but she also has problems with him too. and i basically am a person who just may have casued a huge conflict in their relationship, like i feel that i stole her from him. IDFK. i want her..........................................

>>17381212
I'm actually a little annoyed people are getting this far and still see trouble.

At this point, you should talk to her about how she feels about the situation. That's what you want to know, probably.

Also don't fucking fool yourself to the point where you get critically hurt. If she's considering you over him, how sure are you she wouldn't consider someone else over you?

Your fucking dogs are getting the way. I normally don't get jealous but when you have limit our dates because you need to feed them, or go buy stuff for them and such, I feel like shit. I can't plan anything because it will get in the way of "mommy and her little ones".
Which I also find somewhat off putting. A pet is a pet, not a baby.

As much as I care about you, and love you, a sick part of me is feed up and hopes that pit bull attacks you.

i love you i loveyou i love you so much god how am i so lucky to have you i love you so much

You fucking used me when i was a dumb teenager and now i have sadistic feelings. I'm masturbating to the thought of torturing you every day

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I guess I'm retarded.

I'll keep this short so you guys can skip the bullshit and laugh at me.

The past 4 months of my life, I have spent on courting a girl. First befriending her, then being there when she was physically and mentally unwell, then making plans to be together once things start going better, and so on.

About 1 week ago, she and I were introduced to a few new people in a friend group. One of them liked her and spent time with her, but she made it clear to me and the other guy that she wasn't interested in a relationship, and she made it doubly clear that she wanted to be with me after things turned around.

She just told me last night that her and the new guy are dating now.

I'm just a fucking loser that even the girl that I was talking to for several months that is mentally and physically ill cant even return the same feelings.

>>17381442
you're only retarded in that you did the whole, let's be friends with her first sort of thing. a lot of guys do it so don't be down on yourself, besides you really dodged a bullet. You don't want mentally ill women and you don't want mentally ill women who just put that information about themselves "out there". A lot of these say that because they want a label that lets them escape responsibility. "Oh I slept with your friend because I have trauma and i'm depressed and b-buh-boo-hoo please feel sorry for me!"

Next time make your intentions clear the first time around, courting should happen to make her stay, not to get her in the first place.

Sometimes I just crave a big cock and a good fucking

I posted about it before, I got shit for being a retarded whore(oh no, a girl is having sex!).
Frankly I don't know what else I could write, I wasted so much time pining for that guy. First time he rejected me I just jumped right to dating other guys, but after that, after he came back and it became obvious it wasn't just a miscommunication on both sides... I just can't bring myself to date again. I can't be doing all that mushy stuff with someone because I know it will lead to thinking about him and how much it hurt.
And I can't into casual sex. As I told him. Many times. You think he gave a fuck? No, he cared about getting his dick wet. A true "friend".

"Will you come back?"
Not sure why people always forget what you previously said, or think you've changed your mind. The answer will always be no.

I have never met ONE single mother who A) Didn't have tons of issues, most common is the self-esteem of a banana or B) never once express a wish to turn back time to undo her mistake.

Children are ambition-sucking parasites. Don't kid yourself by saying "Oh wow I'm so brave and strong, raising a human all by myself". You're only doing that because unless you're a widow, you fucked up. Those children are a constant living reminder that the only chance of life in the entirety of existence you have been granted by a series of complete fucking luck.. you threw it away like it was nothing.

Pretending to be otherwise, surrounding yourself with delusional single hens on facebook and consistently posting motivational quotes and getting likes to get your daily self-esteem prop-up in your hugbox means shit when all one has to do is say "You're fat" or "Nobody wants to carry your burden for you" to cause you to either go hysterical or suicidal. That's all your efforts amount to, a house of cards even a light sneeze can blow down.

Wrote this with a few people in mind but it's more of a general rant.

>>17381452
I mean, I was in to her from the beginning, it's just she wasnt looking for someone to commit to at the time because of what she was going through. I was fine with being her friend and waiting for things to get better, and she wanted that too. Or at least that's what I was led to believe. She even stated that she didn't want to date someone she didn't know or at least was comfortable as friends with to start.

The information wasn't out there to begin with, and I've talked to her and know her well enough that she wouldn't use her illnesses as a cop out for things.

But the more I think about it, the more I realize it was just kind of all bullshit and I feel like I was stringed along and wronged, even if I necessarily wasn't.

I guess I feel bad because I suck and am retarded and am looking for anonymous validation.

I'm rotting.

I'm rotting.

Why? Why am I rotting? I don't like it, but it's too familiar of a feeling to let go. I keep crying over nothing, or rather the things I want to make into nothing because that is a part of my goal to move on in life.

I'm rotting. I'm rotting. I'm rotting. I'm rotting. I'm rotting I'm rotting I'm rotting I'm rotting I'm rotting I'm rotting I'm rotting I'm rotting I'm rotting I'm rotting I'm rotting I'm rotting it hurts but I have to go on I'm rotting rotting rotting rotting rotting today it hurt a little more than yesterday.

I'm in love with one of my friends of three years but she's very straight so there go my chances.

Also she only goes for white guys so that's like a double hit.

I like hearing you come out of your room at 4:30 in the morning. Yes, I'm awake. You don't know this. I can hear floor settle under the load of your slow, dragging steps. I can almost hear you blow a sharp breath with every step down the stairs. I know your knees hurt you. When you open the garage I jump up from my bed and swagger towards the window. There's a blue slash of light usually that crosses my desk. God I should be asleep. The grey hasn't passed along the morning yet, and I watch you drive away. I don't see you actually, but I know you're there. When you walk, flip the light switch, cough, clear your throat. I imagine you like to say things quietly under your breath like I do while getting ready to leave. I like hearing the weak whir of your car gain up as you get closer to the end of the street. I listen until I hear only myself breathing. I take one last peek at the jagged horizon and I can see the sun peeking. Lets start our day, shall we? You go ahead to work, and I'll stay here and think of you in my sleep. I love you, mom. I don't think you know just how much, and that's okay.

>>17381551
aww this made me sad
i hope you can achieve what you want anon

>>17378754
Talk to a therapist. Gender dysphoria is a mental illness that has been normalized by the media because of sjw bullshit, and there are many other ways of treating it without destroying your life.

>>17379952
Talk to your friends and family. Be with people you love and who love you back.

>>17381212
Tell her that you have feelings for her if you haven't already. It seems like you're good enough friends to do that; she should understand. And treasure that experience you included in your post, and remember it, even if it hurts. It's worth remembering.

I'm not a violent person, nor have I ever had a very traumatic experience, but sometimes I wish/hope someone would try to beat me up. I think it's either because I want my abilities to be tested (how I react/recover, if I fight back) or because I'd want the resulting attention. Have any of you ever wanted something similar, in a non-perverted way? Is this normal?

>>17381596
same. I want to get in a fight so i can see how strong i am. pretty sure this is a normal feeling.

>>17381530
I'm not sure what you're going through here, Anon, but it seems like visiting a therapist would help a lot. Consider this, it will help you move on in life.

>>17380060
Find a productive hobby that isn't jerking off or watching stand. Make something with your hands, make some art, learn to code, etc. You'll find that the endorphins your brain releases from making something of your own make your life a lot better

>>17381596
>>17381606
Start training martial arts. MMA, myai thai, karate, TKD, boxing, whatever tickles your fancy. You wanna test your abilities because you lack experience and confidence. Trust me, getting into a random fight ain't fun, it's fucking stressfull as shit even if you win. Which you probably won't. And even if you win you have to get the fuck outta there and get a cab home asap to wash the blood off your fucked up hands and clothes.

I accidentally blinded some teenage cunt who wanted to prove himself just like you - and felt like shit afterwards.

>>17381622
Not him but I do a wide variety of martial arts and I don't think anyone will ever inflict the same amount of damage I have self-inflicted upon myself.

Getting into an altercation with another person pales in comparision to all the injuries I've given myself. Heck I've never been in a proper streetfight since I've always diffused the situation diplomatically.

But I know that if I get into a fight with someone for the first time, it's gonna be difficult maintaining composure and remembering all the techniques in a heated situation.

I miss you after just a few days, and you miss me when you've been out of town. What is happening here? Why do i even miss you? Why can't i take a compliment? Why do i have to laugh nervously when you call me beautiful?
I'm a mess.

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Thank you, God. Thank you for finding me in my time of need and bestowing me the wisdom and strength to be humble. To change who I was to who I am now. To forgive those who have wronged me and to break bread with the ones who hurt me. It's trough your love I found salvation and most importantly happiness. I prayed for a lover and several months later you have given me her. It's been 4 years and were about to be engaged soon.

Thank you for healing my father after the doctors said he wouldn't walk again. Thank you for taking my uncle swiftly when he was suffering from cancer so his pain was short lived. Thank you for watching over my family and loved ones. Thank you for giving us the ability to look after ourselves and be able to be independent.

Please look after these poor anons who have broken hearts and weary souls. Thank you. In your name I pray, Amen.

>>17381778
Hey anon, thank _you_. That was very uplifting! I'm glad you're happy, have a great day :)

>>17381778
Thank you for your prayer, friend.

I think you're gonna ruin me just like Jamie did. And I'll be in the wrong for protesting about it.

need a hug

>>17377906
Sorry anon, I know that feel, the best way is to completely cut them off. Try to avoid speaking to them AT ALL. Oh and negative reinforcement can work, everytime you find yourself thinking about them, hit/pinch yourself until it hurts.

>>17381778
Hey anon, good job.

>>17381888
We all need a hug.

>>17381888
*hugs*

I don't even know why I waste my time trying to be happy, life is just one big struggle and suffering. I'll never be happy I just want to leave this life behind.

I need someone but no one needs me

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>>17382036
Try this book out, helped me a lot

Are we gonna keep pretending this is more than just sex or are you actually gonna do what I asked and take me out? I just need to know before i really start getting invested. I mean, I like you, and while I don't know why, once i start i can't stop so what are we gonna do?

You have the emotional maturity of a sociopathic six year old child and you're almost 30. I don't know what I ever saw in you.

>>17382125
Have you considered taking him out?

I want to die but I don't want to kill myself

Why would you even try if you were going to fucking do this?
I do believe that you love me, even though that's not going to last any much longer. We were supposed to fix ourselves, and have something beautiful. Now you are just going to slowly fade away, leaving me broken, you ripped from me the last semblance of faith I had.
After all these years.. The moment had come for us, I really fucking love you, I would never do this to you. I mean what the fuck M ?

The worst part is that I'm not sure if I should fight or just leave now..
I can't take this anymore, I don't think I am going to last much longer.. The dream I didn't want to tell you about today? Was just the fucking future, I saw you going away, and you just didn't give a fuck about the consequences of your actions.
I feel as if I am fading away, the remnants of what once used to be me are broken, shattered, ripped in pieces. I had never felt so empty..

Jesus fucking Christ and I'm still loving you.. If you were to be another person I'd just stop doing so, easily, it's just how I am.. But not you..

Why now? Why are you doing this? Making me go through this shit? I wish I had never told you to come that day, I felt like shit for making you wait in the cold, I was drunk, I passed out in my bed. That's why I didn't open the door.

Its just.. So frustrating.. I wish I could do something but I can't now, It's too late..

I fucking broke down the other night because I was drunk, and years of shit inside me came out, things that do not affect me anymore.. I am not so fucked up as you think I am. I'm sorry if I scared you. I know that what happened the other night was pretty much the nail in the coffing for us..

Just.. fuck..
I'm not letting this end here, I am going to confront you and tell you what I think.. or not. I'll see what's the better choice, but all this shit that's burning inside me, that feels like is going to come out and tear me apart in any moment.. It has to come out, and I know it will

g

>>17382242
Thanks, love. Means a lot to me.

just JUST when I get my shit together now is when life says FUCK YOU and I get tinnitus

now my life is over. can't sleep. constantly irritated. won't be able to work, or go to school, or live alone, or date. it's over.

FUCK THIS FUCKING GAY EARTH I FUCKING HATE IT

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK UFKC FUJKKUF

WHY DID I FUCKING TRY SO HARD IF IT WAS FOR NOTHING

>>17382099
I'll look into it but I don't know if anything can help me now, thank you though.

>>17380159
I feel you to the fullest extent

>>17380159
It meant nothing to him

I can't decide if I want you to talk to me or I dread it. One thing I know for sure, this isn't over. For better or worse.
I hate you. I loved you. And you took advantage of my friendship. You psychopathic piece of garbage.
I want to stop thinking about you.

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>>17378039

>>17377876
Why the fuck would you guys say you loved me, that I was cool and funny, only to block me out of whatever's going on anyway.

Is it because you don't want to hurt my feelings? Keep your self image in check? I'm fucking mature enough not to play your shitty games and deal with someone telling me that I'm not any of those things. I can handle not fitting in, but I cant handle you fucking lying to me, Jesus Christ.

Coop just fucking tell me what it is
A, your cool but still don't go out of your way to help me
Jer, I want to like you, but you need to fucking give me a goddamn chance
B, Your probably the one I can connect to most. But you still hide shot from me so I'm not there, fuck you

>had a baby
>body turned to shit after baby
>can't fix tit sagging or loose skin through exercise
>broke up with deadbeat dad because he refused to work
>wanted to be a sugarbaby to pay for cosmetic surgery, so I can feel pretty again
>most sugardaddies expect sex
>can't do it because I don't love them, and can't bring myself to kiss or have sex with someone I don't love
>quit
>feel like a failure
>know I could have everything I want if I could get over my disgust for casual sex
>can't do it
>trying to find a job that I can work while raising a baby alone
>not finding anything

Have no idea how escorts do it. The thought of kissing someone I don't love makes me want to throw up. Can't even imagine blowing them or letting them fuck me.

The person I see occasionally is much more masculine then me and the gender roles are flipped:
>rides a motorcycle
>shoots rifles and has a concealed weapons permit
>has a sword and dagger collection

In my case:
>I talk about my emotions
>I have a small dog

[spoiler]I love it[/spoiler]

>>17382415
Sorry to hear that man, but try and look for counter reliefs for it on Google there a few things you can do alleviate it.

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>>17378039
Is it you in pic related?

I keep fantasizing about a beautiful girl just swooping into my life and making all my problems go away. I really am foolish to keep entertaining these thoughts

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>>17378425
Boy do I have the perfect thing for you

I can't imagine myself being with anyone else anytime soon, and yet it was so easy for you.

>Long distance relationship
>She's acting weird and I'm losing interest

I'm just waiting for the "I've been with another guy" conversation so I can just end it there and then without looking like a dick although I look like a dick anyway because I thought a long distance relationship could work.

>Parents act hostile all the time
>Then complain that I want nothing to do with them

Very jealous of those of you with good families.

You made me break up with you on a false premise.
You pretended to be bad to test my resolve.
You tested me too hard.
I am so sorry.

>>17382928
Wait mate look at i this way: They are obviously bastards. Imagine this:
>Parent(s) are giving, self-sacrificial to the point of ridiculousness
>Do everything for you
>Except leave you alone
>Ever
>It was all a trick to keep you from ever not being dependent of them in some way
>Manipulative behaviors, hysteric fits, overemotional scenes all thorough the childhood

When I told you I wanted to leave our meme religion you asked if I meant I wanted to leave you too.

I told you I wasn't sure, but I am. I want to start living my life honestly. Soon I'll stop being too scared of hurting you to do so.

>>17382928
Are your parents as bad as these?

>>>/ck/7903947

I fucking hate you. I have never hated a person so much as I do you. I've spent so much time these past months hating you that I can't even focus on the good things that happened to me since you started ruining my life. You made up so much shit about me. You influenced everyone around us to treat me like a second class citizen. You deliberately tried to put me down every day. I thought I was strong but you somehow managed to piss me the fuck off. I trusted you with things and you turned against me every fucking time. I'm not usually an angry person, but you really brought out a rage in me. You are the most pathetic fucking piece of shit ever. How you managed to turn everyone against me, I don't know. But I hate you for it. Fuck you.

I'm not sure what went wrong. I mean it's quite possible it's my unhappiness that made you question me at every turn but when I speak to you it's pure honesty. I'm quiet and always have been. Some days I'm more silent than others. It's not because something is wrong, I'm not hiding anything. Today was harder than I thought possible and you tried to hurt me. Actively sought to break me down. It worked. I would never do something like that though. Why am I the bad guy?

And I still love you whether you believe me or not.

my vagina is broken, i can't have sex.

Everything i see about relationships, fapping, even being a mother makes me upset. i will never have a successful relationship without being cucked

i wonder if it'd be better to turn into a tranny man, i'm already very tall.

>>17382938
>"testing" your partner

fuck that bitch

We've survived the south coast of Spain together during darkest times, it's hot as hell, the strongest breeze and grey beautiful rains of coastal towns in England. I held you in my heart at Ireland. The Europe challenge and all that follows in our defeat; how I love you so and can never deny you sweetheart. Please take me home forever

>>17383142
You have a mouth and an ass. You can still have sex.

>>17383159
could force myself to learn anal.

but lets be real too, what straight man wants to only fuck a girl's ass, and she has to prep every time before? maybe for hookups, but not a relationship.

>>17383142
Broken how?

>>17383169
physical damage from hormonal birth control. hurts to sit on a stool.

I really want to message her, to recover my friendship with her (straight up called her a liar). But I am always so nervous to do anything.

I had, and still have (to a degree) feelings for her.

>>17383166
Faggots have to do it and it doesn't seem like such hassle to them.

Just make sure he is interested in a proper relationship before you let things get to sexual and once your ready explain your situation to him.

As far as I can see the only real problem that could come up for you is your inability to have children but I'm sure your already aware of this part. There are options such as surrogates or even adoption so dobt worry about this too much.

>>17383191
well they have prostates, so there's a reward for them kek. but fair enough.

Why did I let you back anytime you wanted? You have a way to make someone feel wanted, if only for pleasure. I loved the way you looked at me.

I dont know where they have gone. when you lose something people always ask where or when was the last time you saw it. but i dont know. i dont remember. ive been searching to find them for it seems like a long time. wandering in the dark. every now and then i see a light but i know they wont be that way so i turn back. i dont want to lose them more you see. ive been focusing on finding them in the dark for so long i forgot what spending such a long time in the dark myself would do to me. I seek scraps of light, tiny things id like to do or see even though the shadows they cast can be even more scary than darkness when they flicker around you. but they shy from the flickering doubt and anxiety and i dont want to push them closer than they seek. i dont want to go ahead into a bright patch because it feels like im rubbing their darkness back in there face, being light without them. so i try and try to help them, leading them in the dark as i become shadowy around my edges. i never thought that if i shined so brightly id burn the darkness away and the shadows would be so faint we could find each other. but i faded and they found a sun. in constant turmoil but burning so hard to make light that the brightness spills out of his eyes when he speaks of her and the shadow cast by them reaches for me with bladelike fingers of fear and hatred. I was burning a dark flame, a dimming one that sucks the energy of those around me all along. and now im alone in the dark. and ill never find them again.

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>>17382829
that thing doesn't actually exist trust me I've looked.

>>17382250
Maybe i will. I'd be okay with showing him off.

If you really were having a bad day, i hope i could be a bright spot in it, even if it wasn't for very long. I tried to, because you cheer me up without even knowing. Even though i only see you two or four times a month, i always look forward to our banter and how you always "make sure I'm doing my job." And to be honest you're one of the reasons i don't go looking for another job.

You're a really good person and you deserve to be happy. I know we all have bad days. God knows i have plenty. But hey, you're strong enough to smile through it and so am I. Chin up. Someone cares about you even though she shouldn't. So take care. I don't want to stop seeing your smile.

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I want to fuck a Trap, but I don't identify as Bi. I typically am not attracted to biological males, but something about Traps draw me to them.

I guess and odd Fem/Mas balance? Like this one is so fuckable for me....

>>17377876
stuck in an endless cycle of being lonely, wanting a gf, having high standards, lowering said standards, going on dates, not wanting to commit and repeat.

>>17383306

Shit, that coulda been for me.
Especially with the two or four times a month part.

I know you're likely not the woman I'm thinking of, but if H reads this, she damn well is the bright spot in my day.

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>Tfw 22 and having thoughts about my 15 year old (16 and legal in october) family member of a family member

She's my half brother's cousin, absolutely no relation to me in terms of blood

But I've known her since we were kids. When I was between the ages of 8 to 12 my dad would drag me to parties with his girlfriends massive family and we all used to hang out together. Essentially as step cousins.

Then we all got older and the older lot of us did our own thing and we dont see each other nearly as much anymore. But seeing her tonight for the first time in ages, she's actually really hot. And adorably nerdy and sweet on me

Its so bad. I keep staring at her fantastic ass and whenever she bends forward catching sight of her amazing tits.

But there's absolutely no way of going through this situation that involves trying to get with her and NOT looking like a creepo

Shame. Suppose I could just use the oppurtunity to reconnect with her and stay in contact with her with the excuse that she likes undertale and can chat to her about it, then just wait until she's a little older to try anything.

15 and 22 is weird and illegal.

18 and 25 seems much more normal. And hot

I don't know what to say.I'm scared.I'll admit it I'm scared.But I'm not about to back out of this.I promised myself I was going to make it out of here, alive, with a pair of wings on my chest and that's exactly what I'm going to do.But just thinking about the things I'm going to have to do within the coming weeks gIves me extreme anxiety.kinda like a borderline panic attack or something.i have no idea how to get over it either.This course is built around conquering fear and that's always what I've struggled with the most in life.Im stuck here,I can't cope at all and I'm not quitting.I'm trapped but I don't want to leave.God help me.

>>17383364

I just dont get how people can get over the fact that you're just fuckinga guy in drag. Or a guy that's fucked around with his body in order to grow tits.

You're still attracted to femininity, so why not just fuck women? Why be attracted to fake women with a dick?

If you like the dick as a guy, then you're just gay/bi bro.

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My little brother demanded to know why someone (me) would "choose to be lonely"

What should I have said to him

>>17383476
Its more so that I am attracted to Semi to Feminine people, without any regard for if the have a dick or not. It's just that I don't care whats down there I guess?

>>17383484

You're a more open man than I. Everyone always says about "Nobody is 100% straight" but I honestly dunno if I could even consider enjoying sex with another guy involved.

MMF threesome, maybe. But only if theres no gay stuff going on and its more of a fun thing to do with your buddy

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I feel so sad..

I've felt so terrible today that I've masturbated 5 times just to level me out.. But I haven't even been aroused. I just did it because I feel so sad, that I wanted a distraction. But, not I just feel sad as hell and out of it. Fuck..

>>17383477
That lonely and alone aren't the same thing, and that even if you're surrounded by people you can still feel lonely.

>>17383180
If you feel you've bettered yourself and changed for the better since you last spoke then just do it

>>17383488
I guess so. Like I would not be into a MMF, if there is gay shit with a typical masculine guy. But I would be game if it was a trap, and I was fucking them.

I'm working hard on myself. I'm making goals and putting in effort, whether it be cleaning my room, working out, etc
I have this job lined up that I'm hoping works out, I can get some money in the bank and get a car
I'm changing my outlook on life, no more just laying in bed for hours on my phone, no more staying home for days in a row never doing anything
I'm correcting my mistakes, for me, but I hope she can see all the effort I've put in and the hard work I've done, and see I'm serious about her, I so badly want to talk to her, but I'm staying strong, I don't wanna tell her how much I've changed, I want to show her, I wanna fix what happened between us because of me

>>17383497
I guess I did better myself to a degree. (Finally got my first job at 20 yrs.) But is it in a way to better our "Friendship"?

>>17383511
Guess that's up to you to decide
Did you ever apologize to her?

>>17383513
Never spoke to her since that. So no.

What I said was "I don't mean to sound like an asshole, but if you don't want to hang out at all just say so."

Turns out that she was legitimately busy with her sisters HS graduation stuff that day and the next

>>17383521
Maybe just message her with an apology

>>17383522
Maybe. Just seems kinda odd to do so after a month of not talking.

But, maybe I'll do that during a break at work tomorrow. Dunno what to say exactly. It woulda been better to do this sooner. No more than a week after the incident.

>>17383534
I dunno, maybe to her it'll show that you've been thinking about it even after all this and still care

>>17383539
True. But I can't help but think that maybe she is kinda glad I stopped talking to her. But we have spoken on a weekly basis up until then for up 5 hours at a time...

My current girlfriend would tell me how our sex was amazing. I was talking to her about our first time and then another specific time she replied "ah THAT TIME BLEW MY MIND".

I say to her "I want to be the best you've had" . replies with "always leaves me satisfied".

Then for some reason like an idiot I ask "So, how great is it then? Better than the rest?" . She says something like "yeah It'll get better.".. That was... a bad fucking reply. I ask her "wow... christ. It's that bad?"

"No no! it's good. When I got with my first bf he was embarrassingly bad but you'll get better with practice"

(me, knowing her other BF was extremely experienced made the connection) "Holy shit, I'm the worst then.... what the fuck.." She tries to make me feel better by saying "well we haven't had much time to get better."

Me being inquisitive again "fuck.. so I haven't even gotten fucking better since the beginning? Not only am I the worst, but every time is the worst time you've had sex"

"Seriously... we'll get better were both inexperienced".

She acts like every time we fuck it's the best thing in her life. That I turn her on and "wild". Yet.. I'm fucking terrible. We talk about how I can improve or what she likes and says "no you're amazing I love it every time" and I don't know to fucking believe.

Just fucking kill me.

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>>17377876
All I did was ask if the granola you bought was on sale. I was just trying to make conversation. I never said I didn't like it. I like that brand. It was just that you bought a shit ton of it. You didn't have to freak out.

>>17383554
Stop thinking so much about it, just make it fun, when you start over thinking sex is when it is shit, just ask her if she likes what you're doing and if she says yes just keep doing it

>>17383571
She always says yes though. That's what bothers me the most. All this time she tells me how AMAZZINGGG it was only to find out I'm the god damn fucking worst ever.

Like her replies filled my head with a huge ego. Shit like "I completely blanked out I was in just ecstasy" which I knew was bullshit but figure it was just exaggeration. I asked he "so it's the best right?" and didn't expect a serious answer at all because how she acted up till that point it felt like I was. Her "we'll get better" reply kinda makes me question EVERYTHING.

Its not just a few times. We have been together for 1.5 years. She has suggested positions and the like in the past like you would normally but always told me she felt great. Until today for some reason... where she reveals it's the complete opposite.

>>17383583
Maybe she's being real. Some girls get off really easy. Just because you're not the best doesn't mean she isn't having fun.

I haven't had any friends in so long, and I really feel like this isn't "living". I once read in health class or something that about 70% of a sense of belonging in one's life is dependent on relationships like that.

Have any of you seen the other side of this? Gone from no friends to some? Is this accurate?

Took a look at the facebook of the girl I asked out (Still kinda into as well), and oddly enough, she updated her Pro pic. And my first thought was that she was ugly.... The fuck?


Interesting.

dear random girl from high school,

it's been 10 years since i've seen you, but for whatever reason you've friended me on various social media outlets.

i have no interest in your life because you're not doing anything with it. i didn't even know you very well back then. it's really weird how all your posts tag our mutual friend C. she isn't that good of a friend, because the last time i talked to her she just wanted to gossip about everyone from high school including you. she thought you were weird and said she was pretty sure you didn't finish high school. i kind of cut her off because i didn't really care for gossiping, but please stop liking all my stuff. it's weird.

thanks.

>>17383669
And just looked at the comments.... She went an liked all 4 that were posted..... She's almost as bad as us...


Actually. She goes and likes every comment on her page....
(I am seriously starting to think that she is on the High Functioning end of the Spectrum)

For the first time in my life i managed to buy clothes with little to no anxiety.
Things are working out better out of nowhere,.i'm very happy with this.

>>17383401
No, I'm not, I'm an M, but i hope your H feels the way i do about this J. Have a good life!

I would burn a schoolbus full of children for a drink without repurcussions.

I passed the fucking truck depot again today. Thank god the red one with the smokestacks was gone because if it wasn't I probably would have just went for it.

If i could take my stupid moment of weakness back i would. Goddamn good dick turning me into a fucking sap.

I'm still pissed off at that guy who insulted my intelligence online about a year ago. I hope his family dies, I wanna taste his tears of sorrow. Fucking asshole, he's the idiot, not me. He's too stupid to see my great intellect. I'm superior to him in every way possible.

>>17383688
and you don't think this is autistic at all?
i would thank fucking high heaven this bitch gave you the time of day because I wouldn't

Despite me trying my best to get my shit together, life has kicked me in the ass over and over the past few months. If progress can be visualized as a staircase I kept making it to the second step and slipping back down. Something out of my control went wrong or I miscalculated. Something happened. Oh, we're sorry but we can't do this raise for you. Sorry, you're just not the person we're looking for. Sorry, you're just not going to have that life, no matter how humble, you wanted. As consolation take the worst three months of your life filled with loss, physical pain and an automobile accident cherry on top.

I can honestly say with a straight face that I am trying. I go to bed tired every day, mentally and physically, but wake up again to try my hand at this shit show. "Life isn't fair" is something I've been repeating to myself to make this seem okay. None of it is fair and I don't know why I filled my head with these candy-fucking-coated thoughts that being a good, hard-working person would somehow benefit me. Surely good deeds pay? Do I need to just be cut-throat and heartless? I sit and think about all of the people that are well off and turn their nose up at the less fortunate. I think about the people I've known that are absolutely terrible that have gone unpunished their entire lives.

If this place is truly fucked why do I continue to be this 'good' person with these deeds? Why am I like this? Maybe the 'thanks' and the following warm feeling are a nice respite from the shit storm that this world is. Maybe the life I wanted, even if it was simple, will never come. I might die tomorrow or tonight. Life isn't fair.

I don't work until monday. I'm just going to sit in my living room in the dark with a bottle of anything and listen to music tomorrow night.

>>17384025
I'm not claiming that it's not. I only looked as she popped up on recommended friends with a new profile pic. Otherwise I would not have even bothered looking

>>17383104
You aren't the bad guy, and my love for you is strong enough to endure anything. All it takes is a bit of effort from you, show me your can be thoughtful, kind, spontaneous and show some affection. You're an amazing person, I feel complete around you.
What happened yesterday was simply me showing you the feeling of abandonment I've experienced time and time again being around you. When you sit in silence, grunting occasionally it makes me feel like a piece of shit, unworthy of your input. You saw just how much Id do for you, your reaction was repayment enough. We need to find some balance.