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How much does age difference play towards a persons values/goals/lifestyle.

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How much does age difference play towards a persons values/goals/lifestyle. I've been in a relationship for about a year, but I've noticed my partners demeanor is such a way to where it contradicts mine. The way we attempt to tackle scenarios, how we choose to affiliate with people and a lot of other things just end up causing friction between the two of us. I've noticed he also expects me to always bend myself for his preferences, but I have a hard time getting him to bend for mine.

I'm almost three years older than him and a friend of mine was telling me about how that age gap is probably what's causing these occurrences, but I've seen the same issues happen between people of the same age. So /adv/, what do you think about age gaps? Is there a limit towards how young or old you're willing to date? Do age gaps cause more differences than people realize?

Pic semi related
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>>17383986
How old are you, and how old is he? If you two are in your late teens-mid 20s, there's going to be a serious maturity difference, and that will definitely impact the relationship in a negative way.
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The man is supposed to be the older one. People figured this out thousands of years ago.
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>>17384016
I know of plenty of couples where the female is older, and they don't have any problems. These people include couples who have been married 25+ years
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3 years isn't a lot unless you're a highschooler, and in that case you need to get out of 4chan. It seems like your problems are caused mostly due to your own personalities and maturity rather than age. Age difference doesn't mean much in adulthood (21 and up) unless it is 12+ years. In that case, it's an entire different generation with much different interests and perspectives. Also gold digger territory, which definitely causes twice the problems.

Regardless, it's always good to keep in mind the rule of thumb of half your age + 7.
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>>17384018
I've been in relationships where everyone thought we were perfect and never had problems, but our relationship was a smoldering mess behind closed doors.
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>>17384013
I'm 27 years old and he's 21, soon to be 22. I think maturity is the biggest clash we end up having from time to time.

>>17384021
Our relationship isn't a burning vessel that I need to abort. We just simply have certain differences in mindset/demeanor which causes some friction. Our relationship is far from perfect, but it's comfortable most of the time.

>>17384020
Thanks for this opinion Anon. But isn't age the contributing factor towards maturity/personality? My parents keep telling me that he needs more time to grow where I've seen/dealt with more which is why I have a bit more solid wants/needs.
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>>17384869
Did you mistype the ages? That's a bit over five years, not almost three.

I don't think it's the end all, but if it's really a bit over five years that's pretty significant at your age. Most people change a lot between those ages.
Having said that, I don't see why it would really excuse inequality in the relationship either way. If he's selfish he's selfish, why would you look for possible circumstantial excuses when it takes its toll on you?
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>>17384869
Your parents are right.
27 to 22 is a major difference
Keep in mind that those eggs inside of you won't be getting any younger
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>>17383986
>How much does age difference play towards a persons values/goals/lifestyle

Depends entirely on their experiences.

Younger people act on what they expect and desire will happen while older people are more likely to act on what experience has taught them will happen.

Older people can be "immature" if they've found they can get away with being an asshat and manipulating people so they can continue to get away with their bad behavior.

Likewise, younger people can be "more mature" if they understand early on that they do have less experience and proceed with more caution and humility.

>>I'm 27 years old and he's 21, soon to be 22.

You have to be more specific if you want actual advice. What are your differing goals and values? What are examples?
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>>17384879
I didn't want age gap to sound too big, but the truth is I'm essentially five years older than him. He doesn't have any selfish traits or is a dick/ass. We simply have alterations which cause us to clash.

>>17384885
His optimism is really high to the point where he'll inflate values that aren't there and expect me to agree with him. If I show him statistical values, of lets say car accidents, he'll try and show how he's immune regardless. I don't mind anecdotal reasoning since some people get really lucky, but sometimes it still causes us to bump heads.

Another issue is him wanting to move out of our parents homes and moving in together. We simply don't have the funds and I try to argue how lucky we are to have parents that'll willing to be patient and let us build ourselves. This causes some clashes once in a while because he'd rather go to the school of hard knocks rather than listen to the advice of our families.

I'd like to say once again that our relationship isn't a bad one. We simply have some ideological differences which cause us to bump heads.

I'd still would like to know about people's opinions towards age-gaped relationships in general, rather than attempt to dissect mine and figure out if he's the right guy or not.
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>>17384903
>he also expects me to always bend myself for his preferences, but I have a hard time getting him to bend for mine.
>He doesn't have any selfish traits

I've got news for you.
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>>17384903
>If I show him statistical values, of lets say car accidents, he'll try and show how he's immune regardless.

Yep, lack of experience. My guess is that he's never experienced a serious car accident. Live long enough and he will an then he'll realize just how easy it can happen.

>>Another issue is him wanting to move out of our parents homes and moving in together. We simply don't have the funds and I try to argue how lucky we are to have parents that'll willing to be patient and let us build ourselves. This causes some clashes once in a while because he'd rather go to the school of hard knocks rather than listen to the advice of our families.

Wishful thinking on his part. Why hasn't he moved out into his own place if he thinks he can afford it?

>>I'd still would like to know about people's opinions towards age-gaped relationships in general, rather than attempt to dissect mine and figure out if he's the right guy or not.

It's not about age gaps. It's about experience. A 30 year old who has lived a life being emotionally manipulated by a wealthy single mom and survived a house fire is going to be totally diffident from a 30 year old who was raised by struggling single parents and helped take care of their 5 younger siblings and saw one drown.
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>>17384903
>I'd still would like to know about people's opinions towards age-gaped relationships

It can work, sure. People always come from different places in one way or another. But it is an extra complication you add. The chance that you at your age and him at his age will want to settle down equally seriously and at roughly the same time, is a lot smaller than for age peers, just to name something. You have been through more in life and the chance that he starts getting restless and wondering about other relationships or the single life is more likely than for you.

But risks are always there. What I would personally worry most about is that you are caught in a certain tension where you both want to guide the younger partner (to have a more stable, reliable and equal partner, and just to help them grow and mature in life) and avoid creating a dynamic in which you're the teacher and he is the student. It can be difficult to both constructively use your added life experience for your shared benefit, and to not dangle it over his head.
It's also possible that he feels less room to develop freely as a person, being with someone much more secure in who they are, than if they were with someone also still being in that stage of figuring yourself and your expectations of the future out.

Ultimately, five years will be nothing in some time. But it does complicate things, it adds a power dynamic that usually isn't there.
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I'm 33 and my gf is 26. We've been together for 6 years now. When she was 20 and I was 27 it was kind of ok I guess though I found her basic lack of common sense and discipline when it came to household, financial and work issues irritating but understandable. This is all easy to brush under the rug during the 18 months or so when you basically just fuck and are infatuated with each other and even them acting like a moron is just 'cute'. It is only later on that you can actually be analytical about how you truly value the relationship.

Now? I'm sometimes pretty tired of her bullshit, but only when it is actually bullshit. You can't shit on someone for being younger or less experienced than yourself and you've got to relate to the fact their brain is still developing and to basically act pissed off and dominating and dismissive of them says more about yourself than it does them.

Of course she made mistakes, she was 20. I was a complete wreak at 20. I think the comes under the heading that an age gap is a problem for some people more than others and it depends on the individuals.

Don't forget though, they don't actually have a great deal of choice as to their behaviour and experience if they actually don't have experience, it doesn't constitute a choice. If you are saying their inexperience is frustrating you, then you are taking issue with a characteristic which is beyond their control and as such getting increasingly pissed off about it is not very wise behaviour from yourself.

Celebrate the shit you do like. Celebrate the chance to show someone something. Celebrate the things you love about someone instead of disparaging the burdensome things that aren't actually their fault.

He acted dumb. Why? Because he doesn't know any better. This is frustrating, but how long you hold and what you do with that frustration is your choice. Once you've dealt with the bullshit you do the autopsy and decide if you need to change something and if you can live with changes.
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>>17384929
Also relate to this. The 20-26 thing. On one hand she has missed out on a bunch of independently learnt life skills by getting with me. I shelter her and teach her and provide for her on several levels. We made a choice. Would have I preferred she learnt those lessons the hard way? Not really, I care for her because I love her and wouldn't want to see her exposed to unnecessary suffering.

Thing is, where as prior to 26 I had no desire for a formal long term relationship she did have that desire at 20. Her ideal relationship is a slightly unbalanced one where a power dynamic exists which others might find distasteful. I fulfil that role, it is part of her kink.

She always crushed on her teacher, the lecturers, the older guy who knew something about the world and was doing something greater than the guys her age rather than just talking about it.

In a way we kind of exploit one another. I take her youth and beauty. She takes my life skills, abilities and comfort. Relationships are weird.
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>>17384909
no no, don't make it more extreme than it is. His parents are very nice about helping him with stuff he wants. Even if he doesn't bend for them right away. He eventually comes around, but we've made a joke where we say "when he's not on bf's time" (I excluded the name).

>>17384927
I guess my problem is I'm thinking of age a bit too hard. Since people make it like a number, I have a hard time considering life experiences towards how one will act.

>>17384929
Luckily, I don't feel like I'm constantly attempting to teach him about the walks of life. And I try and give him plenty of space to grow and tell him to hang out with friends/do dumb shit between them and get some knowledge under his belt. I am worried that he feels like he "has" to grow up for me from time to time, but I'm always trying to give him the same opportunies I could have taken had I been his age again.

>>17384976
I like this a lot. This made me smile. I try to be understanding of our experience gap, although with really dumb shit I made explode a bit. He and I are rather happy despite the gap in the end, but I wanted to hear examples such as this. TYTY
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>>17384976

32 year old with a 26 year old wife. Married 5 years.

Basically went through the same thing, only my wife lost her father in her teens and her mom became an alcoholic and the rest of her family is shit. She also tried going out with lots of guys, many of which were scumbags. The result is that she's actually fairly emotionally smart and very strong willed, but her mom couldn't be arsed to teach/help her with certain skills she'd need as an adult life: how to get a place, how to get a car, maintaining a budget, etc.

I've helped her a lot in that regard. It doesn't hurt that she's kind of a worrier and is always on top of stuff, even if she isn't aware of what she needs to actually be doing.

The only "flaw" I would attribute to age is that she thinks she's a lot smarter compared to everyone than she actually is. She's got enough sense to not say so in public, but in private, she'll will criticize people for having perfectly normal opinions/thoughts.
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