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How many of you feel that your parents prepared you well for

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How many of you feel that your parents prepared you well for adulthood? For those who feel they didn't, do you hold it against them?
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Had a single mom.
She raised me financially but didn't do Jack shit more. Now I'm 25 and have been teaching myself basic traits a man should have.
Do I hold the fact that my mother didn't instill discipline in me against her? Yes.
Is it a waste of time to even think about it? Yes.

The point is that she won't get the kind of respect from me that a mother of skilled teaching would have. My future was effected by things she didn't do for me but since I was around 18 years old, MY choices were what mattered. Can't blame mom anymore. I just had to move on.

If you have kids, be prepared to guide and shape them. Groom then for success and show them what being a leader and teacher can really be.
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No, I don't. It's all water under the bridge now, and I have taken responsibility for my own success.
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>>17383780
yeee boi i was raised a spoiled bitch but sometimes i do sit back and think of how much i take for granite. be thankful for what u has boi
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>How many of you feel that your parents prepared you well for adulthood?
Mostly. They fel short in one or two key areas, but on balance I probably wound up better-prepared than many.

>For those who feel they didn't, do you hold it against them?
No. The few shortcomings arose not from negligence, but active attempts to prevent things that would in fact have been worse, some of which were not exactly typical. Those attempts, in turn, mostly succeeded. Tough to hold that against them.

But I do find myself wishing they'd made me do more chores around the house. As it stands, I wound up with an extremely strong work ethic and the integrity to hold myself to it no matter what, both because of other factors, but not the discipline to actually follow through on that work ethic. This is not a fun combination.

That's about it, though.
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>>17383964
Nigger
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Parents divorced when I was very young. Raised by my mother for the majority of my life. Grew up without male role models, mother dated very frequently and the apartment became a revolving door for her boyfriends. This had a profound effect on me, learned not to value people as I got older, became a shut-in. Ironically, my mother always wondered why I had no friends and had trust issues. Did poorly in school. She supported us financially, but overall I knew there was something missing in her parenting. Had no strong figure to give me a confidence boost.

Moved in 2012 to get closer to my father. Total asshole, but at the same time helped me out a lot in developing myself as a man. We had our differences, but now we get along for the most part, even though he acts like a dickhead at times. He's been recently diagnosed with stage 3 cancer, so now I'm taking care of him in the morning, then going to work at night. It's my way of giving back.

Overall, like >>17383922 said, I take full responsibility for my successes, as well as my failures. I wish things could have been different growing up; I wish my mother wasn't such a cunt whore bitch, and I wish my father wasn't a belligerent drunk shitbag. I forgive and accept it now, I've learned from their mistakes and try to be their opposite in my life.
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My parents taught me nothing. I mean nothing, not how to socialize, not how to get a job, no career advice, no social advice, no anything. They were middle class drug addicts, look normal externally but they were always clocked out from being parents, too busy using to give a shit about their child. My childhood was sitting alone in a room doing nothing with no one, forbidden to make noise, forbidden to go outside, forbidden to go to friends' houses.

I was really fucked up for a long time until I clawed my way out, and now I'm pretty damn great, good career path, fairly social, learned how to care for myself, about cooking and hygiene and household matters, I had to teach myself absolutely everything.

I guess the only benefit is that I learned how to learn, now I'm in the rapid lane of personal growth and innovation to improve my life. I was nonfunctional, about on par for the worst hikki you would expect to crawl out of /r9k/, until age 21. Then I went away to uni, and finally on my own, I started fixing all the issues I had, starting with severe social anxiety and shut in syndrome.

I'll never be extroverted, and I feel like I carry a lot of scars from my youth, not to mention having had the first twenty years of my life stolen from me. I'll always resent them. I've moved far, far away and limit contact to a phonecall now and then to keep up appearances.

Just think for a moment everything your parents have taught you. You probably take it for granted. The value of working, getting you your first job, encouraging you to make friends or explore hobbies or learn, helping you, advising you, teaching you how to function in daily life, how to cook, how to clean, how to care for your personal hygiene, how to maintain your possessions, about business. I never had any of that. I jumped out of the bird cage and had to teach myself on the way down before I hit the ground.

I regard myself as now being pretty successful in all regards, and it's 100% self built.
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>>17384784

Oh, I should add, although they made decent money we were always dirt fucking poor. Rice and canned vegetables level poor, hand me down of hand me downs level poor. I never had clothes that fit, there was never money to do anything, I couldn't do extracurriculars or have hobbies or anything. There was no heat, no air conditioning. I wore layer after layer of my shitty cheap clothes during winter to try to stay warm. There were nights I couldn't sleep, I just curled into a miserable ball and wiggled my toes to keep feeling in them. No personal care, often no money to see a doctor or dentist. Couple that with that my parents didn't teach me about personal hygiene/care... I was made fun of horribly because I always looked dirty and scruffy and my clothes were cheap, ratty, and poorly fitting. Since I never got decent food I would take food at lunch that other kids didn't want, and I got made fun of for it. I got screamed at for taking a shower that was too long, while my parents smoked or drank or snorted our money down the tube. We ate garbage food devoid of nutrition, I wasn't allowed to play sports or go outside so I got no exercise. I must have looked like something that crawled out of foster care, or like I was raised by wolves in the woods. They didn't even get my hair cut more than once a year. Everything I owned was cheap, ratty, and falling apart. They were so obsessed with drugs they neglected their own child. I will never, ever forgive them. My father (parents were separated) also had a girlfriend who verbally abused me, and I had to fight for my life in my own home and live in fear. They both were violent and loved screaming at me, breaking things, throwing shit around, punching/kicking holes in the wall...
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>>17384803
damn son
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My Dad is pretty intelligent, and my mom is pretty dumb, but my Dad let my mom make all of the decisions for them and my brothers and I so that he didn't have to do anything. My mom convinced let me go to a college that got me 100K in debt. And now I'm wondering why my dad didn't jump in and tell me not to be a dumbass. I barely spent time ith my Dad even though we lived in the same house, I was always with my mom. She's a fucking psychopath and would talk shit about my dad behind his back such as how he's a democrat. She also told me when I was in highschool that she let a guy take her out to dinner every weekend when she was unmarried because he would pay for it even though she was never into him. She got pissed at me when I criticized her for it. Now I have trouble trusting women.
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>>17385087
I feel like my mom only married my dad because he has a decent career. It seems like she just latched onto him and ruined his life.
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Absolutely, but I'm from an earlier generation, when 2-parent households were a thing. Mom stayed home. Dad worked, was disabled at age 40, and there were 4 kids. Mom went to work after, my dad became a house-husband.
There was always enough food and heat, utilities got paid, and that was it. No AC, no vacations, simple clothes, hand-me-downs mostly. No car, and we lived in the boonies. I thought nothing of a 30 mile bike ride until I was an adult and learned it wasn't normal for a teenager going to work. By 14 we were expected to work, and at 18 expected to leave. Everyone but me joined the military. I got a job as a commercial fisherman and went to college on a scholarship, then grad school.

My parents never talked much about their expectations. They set an example, expected us to do our part, helped when necessary, but they were THERE. They knew my friends by name, if the cops showed up with one of us drunk or in trouble, we got beaten and grounded. We prayed together, and were expected to be home for dinner unless we were working, and dinner was a sit-down affair, no TV or distractions were we talked to each other.
It wasn't always nice or fun. I got my nose broken by my brother, and my father reset it himself (couldn't afford an ER visit), then grounded me a month for having goaded my brother into punching me.
Having a 2-parent family is the key. Religion helps.
I have kids of my own, and preparing them, to me, is mostly a matter of leading by example. My kids will experience different issues than I did at the same ages, but giving them a foundation and exposing them to responsibility, accountability and the benefits of stability is about the best I can do, I think. Although we're religious, I'm sure that my sons will do like I did, and lose interest at some point. But the foundation is there, and when life fucks them, and it will, there is a foundation of faith to rely on, and that will help them as it's helped me.
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>>17383780
Yes, or at least they nudged me in that direction. They can't hold your hand the entire time, but in my case they helped me when I needed it. Life is unpredictable, so unless they shelter you forever you'll never be fully prepared.
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>>17385087

You should know whether or not that's true. Having no answer to the question of why your parents are married is pretty tough.

You should know that women DO judge a man's ability as a protector and provider when they're looking at marriage- at least the smart ones do. Compatibility is about more than just getting along, and love is about more than just passion and compatibility. I had some nice ex gf's who I never even considered marrying. My wife married me because she loved me AND I was good to look at, had a stable living, we were compatible, and she saw how tight my family was, and knew that I expected to do the same with my own.

Struggle is hard on a marriage. A woman who married a poor man can have a good life, but it's not easy to have the instability that comes with living hand-to-mouth. Having some stability increases the peace in one's life. Stability is attractive to women for that reason.
I"ve been wealthy-ish, and I've been poor. Being poor sucks. If your mom valued wealth or stability too highly, it's possible that she was willing to accept less in other departments from your dad. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses.

One final thought: you do NOT and should not know the state of your parents' marriage as well as you might think. My dad died surrounded by people who love him. When he passed on, and my mom kissed him the last time and said her goodbye, my brothers, sisters and I saw that there was a depth and breadth of their lives together, an enormously rich inner marriage, that children don't share in, and that's the part that my mom was mourning. I didn't truly understand that until I saw it, and having kids of my own, my wife and I are very aware of it now. If you're very lucky, you will understand too, eventually.
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My parents divorced at 11 and although they didn't really teach me anything about how to survive as an adult, they took care of me until I decided to find a job, move out, and learn on my own at the age of 23. I'm grateful to them for doing that, and although I would teach my kids some things that I was not taught so they don't struggle financially into their late twenties like me, I don't hold that against my parents at all. I'm happy with the person I turned out to be because of my experiences.
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My grandfather died when my father was 13 and so he was raised by a single Asian mother. My mother was raised by a retarded family and her being the youngest meant she was bullied constantly. She went out with friends since at home was horrible meaning she got into more trouble. She developed a gambling habit and at the age of 4 I was taken by child care services to live with my grandma on mothers side meaning shit got tense real fast. I was indoctrinated, albiet unintentionally by her family to hate/dislike my mother. I gave her no respect even going to swearing and shouting at her. At age 17 I realized the situation she was in, I forgave her for any thing she had done to me in the past and hoped in my mind that she would do the same, because even though she sometimes acted crazy she deep down did love me. I was told this by my father who I only saw on the weekends. He suffered from depression and a borderline personality disorder. I know he loves me but its just hard for him to show. I love him too.

I learnt from my childhood to never ever judge someone solely from their immediate actions. Everyone has history, everyone has problems.

I learnt that people can change, that forgiveness can always be given.

I hold nothing against my parents, my grandmother or my mothers family.
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>>17383780
Single Mum
>How many of you feel that your parents prepared you well for adulthood?
She didn't. Whatever consciously or not, she tried to keep me being a child - she did everything for me. I had to fight for independence. Eventually I decided to fuck off to another country and that was a sound decision, even if it wasn't easy.
I don' hold it against her, I'm convinced she's mentally ill.
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>>17383780
they tried like hell. but i am a stubborn fuck, and as such, i ended up learning things the hard way. i thank them often for not selling me as a child.
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I don't know what my parents taught me. It's such a mixed message. They're uneducated manual labourers, and while they ignore me, get drunk, argue (sometimes with me)... When I go to leave, they get all mopey and needy.

Not long ago we had an argument because I said I wouldn't work in a field as a manual labourer because I'm working on a damn law degree. They called me arrogant, and I said it's just sensible not to do work you're clearly above. And that's the virtue of working hard. You get to be above that. All the same they compare me to my brother, the clear favourite, who has no education saying 'if he'll do it why won't you'..

They seemed to resent me for that, even though both of them profess they never really tried at school. All the while they say they wish me the best.

They say they love me but they're so ready to just shit on me. They're were neglectful drunks when I was a kid, and they never forgave me for going to live with other relatives when they stopped letting me have food.

I really don't like them. I wish something were there, but I don't think they did me any favours.
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