Pathetic Habits

>>17381489
>stay up til 6am playing vidya and browsing 4chan
idk why. I'm too tired to even enjoy being awake, but I don't want to go to bed and be alone with my thoughts while I wait to fall asleep. usually when it's this bad I would put on netflix and fall asleep to some old tv show, but my router is being a dick and I haven't gotten round to getting a new router yet, so my wifi is pretty much useless.

masturbate to people gaining weight. not so much pathetic, more creepy than anything. best part is that i have an eating disorder as well lmao.

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>procrastinate; give myself excuses to not doing things that i ought to be doing right now
>i.e looking for a job, making my website, etc.
>wallow in bad memories and let them control what i do
>stop talking to certain people when i remember the bad things they did to me in the past
>allow myself to think up things that will never happen and live in that daydream instead of doing things in reality

>>17381489
Meh, kind of lame...

I like to take adderall (usually get them from my friend) and write about various things that pop into my mind. I save the to file, store them on USB and just let them sit there in my own private thought bank. During all this, I do a fuckton of research on the topic and develop a greater understanding of my thoughts and where they lead to.

My adderall-pal found out what I do with them by asking, so I let him read some of my writings and he claimed to be impressed.

I thought of one day writing a book, and I was specifically going to call it "The Adderall Diaries" but then that stupid fucking James Franco movie dropped and ruined my title.

Anyways, I have no clue why I do this, but I just do. I don't have any social issues, but I like to just dump my friends for a couple of days at a time in any given month and put it all down, I guess. Shit part is I cannot do any of it without adderall, and I get no kick out of the adderall. There's just something about saving my thoughts, idk.

I spend hours a day giving life advice to random strangers on an anonymous Internet message board.

Pick my nose and eat it

>>17381585
doing gods work pal

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>>17381489
I do a similar thing but it's more just hypothetical situations I might be in with this person I talked to for a while. haven't talked to them for several months though. I also masturbate with the intent not to ejaculate and tell myself this isn't masturbation while tallying the days it's been since I last masturbated/ejaculated, day 4 today.

Also I spend alot of time on an anonymous image board seeking validation in the lives of the weaker

>>17381489
I spend hundreds of dollars a month on strippers because they are the only sexual contact I get.

I havent cried in almost a decade. Once in a blue moon I want to but then I convert it to hatred

>>17381896
I cry when I'm angry

Procrastination it is.

>>17381489
eat boogey

smell each and everyone of my farts, it became an unconscious reaction. whenever I
fart i just scoop the air around my butthole and sniff it.

still daydream about fucking my high school crush and fuck my pillow to her.

>There are 10 shitposters in this thread.

>>17381542
care to give a sample of one of your txt diaries ?
it's an anonymous board, go for it !

>>17381489
I also have fake conversations with people in my room. But I don't cry after, I probably should considering how pathetic it is. Usually it's when I'm excited to tell someone something, and I go over how I'm going to say it the next time I see them. But the conversation I planned never comes out as I thought it would.

I've dropped out of two classes in the past two semesters because I procrastinate about 3/4 of the way through the semester, then realize how fucked I am, then stop showing up. But I don't tell my family or friends because I don't want them to be disappointed in me.

I had trichotillamania as a child. In which I would pull out my hair. I have switched this into pulling out my eyelashes so that it isn't as noticeable because I have short light brown eyelashes anyways.

I hug my body pillow at night and pretend its my boyfriend when he doesn't spend the night. Sometimes I wake up mumbling his name when I'm half asleep. To some this can be cute, I feel creeper guilt when I do this.

I only masturbate to monster hentai or college lesbian hazing. But when I'm done I get post shlick guilt. I even think what I'm watching is strange, but it's less the visual and more the portrayal of dominance that I like about it. I also like monster hentai specifically because I have a thing for odd shaped dicks. Like bf's is bent at a slight curve to the side and he has pearly penile papules, and it's the best thing ever. But I feel weird for liking it.

>>17381489
jacking it to /d/ and /aco/, especially mind break, forced gender bender and body swap.

>>17382363
The part out of all of this that strikes me as being exceptionally weird is liking papules. What the fuck

i spend too much time here
im supposed to get my shit together but nope lets shitpost first even though its completely useless

>Sit down and think "if only I was a guy girls wanted to date, better yet fuck"
>Spending hours playing video games
>Worrying what people think about me in public
>Thinking "I'll apply to college tomorrow"
>Stuttering

>>17382363
I have the same problems except I fantasize about some girl I never even talked to. I end up watching half of some hentai, finish, and then watch the rest in disgust.

>>17381524
Nothing wrong with that, I do it too.

I tend to hug a pillow/blanket and pretend it's someone who likes me. Helps me sleep.

>>17381489
I talk to myself a lot, or even refer to myself in 3rd person sometimes, mostly because I have no friends to talk to about my hobbies and interests.

>>17382341
Here, this one is kind of deep and a tough subject for most, but it's more recent ...

http://pastebin.com/yQnLwa1h

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>>17381489
Pic related described my life, except I'm a guy but you get the point.

>>17381489
I used to the do the same thing. Keeping yourself completely silent helps a lot. I think rather than articulate now and it's greatly improved my concentration.

Having hope even though knowing that it will destroy you

>>17381489

Well, I'm in a 'unique' situation so:

>Don't leave the house unless I'm forced to.
>Only eat Reduced Fat Wheat Thins and drink water to save money.
>Look at my ex-grillfriends (we broke up in January after 5 years) Twitter and see she has a new boyfriend and sounds much happier overall. (I'm happy for her; just miss the good times we had)
>On a toaster laptop so only play casual games and visual novels.
>Watch Netflix and Hulu 24/7, even when I'm asleep.
>Every night I take three 10 MG Valium and turn on Bob Ross and the Joy of Painting; it's so soothing that I feel comfy and relaxed; I'm out in 30 mins tops.
>Usually go to college but I can't afford it this semester so I'm doing all of these things until January.
>Look like the boy next door (I'm 30 but still look 22) and am approached by girls at college, every semester; I always mindfuck the young ones and when I'm done, they're either damaged goods for life or nymphos that can only get off by calling the guy "Daddy", being choked and degraded.
>I smile and joke around people but I'm pretty dead inside.

Too many?

>>17382844
>>17381489
>>17381885
>>17382363

You do realize that talking to yourself is WAY more common than you think, right? It's one of those things pretty much everyone does, but no one admitts to. Not pathetic at all.

>>17382969
>I smile and joke around people but I'm pretty dead inside.
Pretty much what every not completely detached depressed person does.

>Eat Boogers
>Masturbate by smashing my dick against the floor
>While listening to music, pretend to be the singer and move the mouth over the voice of the singer while making retarded gestures that i'd perform live

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>create worlds and characters in my head to distract myself from the monotony of my daily life and depression gnawing at my heels
>awful at fleshing things out so most of these ideas just rot in my head (I'm okay at drawing and have done comics before but I can't stay focused)
>have characters die in my mental stories, sometimes I get sad if I've been daydreaming about that character for a while, etc. develop relationships between characters and shit too
>masturbate not to porn or photos, but ideas of me actually being with someone, being loved and happy (I've had the opportunity but can never fuck girls I barely know. I always have to have some mental connection and feelings.)
>most weekends usually are heavy drinking, exercise, computer, games and 4chan

>>17381542
>adderall

I've thought about going to the doc about my issues focusing but adderall always kinda freaked me out. The few times a friend gave me some I immediately felt focused and worked on art, essays, etc. My heart would flutter sometimes though so it really scared me off from using it.