Woman and attention whoring

Obviously she doesn't value your opinion of her anymore and is seeking outside attention, either you've done something to push her interest into another direction or she's genuinely losing interest and you're better off going your separate ways.

Or if she means a lot to you try and clean up your mess by hitting the gym, eating better and being a bit more self concious of how you look and making sure you constantly look good, she will appreciate that and notice it, if she doesn't a lot of other women will, it's a win-win scenario.

>>17381460
Continued a bit,

She is from the city, I am from the country. Every girl I have met has been from the city and from very rich families. Her had owns a literal mansion in the middle of one of the largest city in the world where she lives. She pays "rent" but it's only $150USD a month. My ex's have all been rich as well. In fact, every girl I have ever talked to have rich families (like yachts, mansions, businesses, vacations several times a year)

I grew up on a farm where the first few years of my life didn't have running water. As in, we had an outhouse and pumped water from a well. When I was about 4 my parents got a new house in "town" but my grandma kept the farm. We stayed at the farm most of my life until 1997. I say "town" because there were still only about 7000 people in that county. When people think of "poor" America they think of middle class for reason. I am not middle class. I am poor.

I was accepted to a fancy school with a full scholarship because of my abilities. I graduated with a bachelors and proceeded to get work around the country. I have lived coast to coast. No one would ever guess my past. I was raised as a hillbilly, went to school with a high rate of well-off kids and work in an industry of rich, liberal people similar to those in college. I stick out like a sore thumb.

I have the build of scottish-nordic ancestry. I am broad, thick, and taller than most (6ft). I played sports my entire life and football in highschool. I am a big guy. I do not have the kind of build that you "tone" to have abs. When I work out I just get HUGE. I weighed 265lbs in highschool where I worked out 8 hours a day in the summer for football.

I lost weight (and muscle) since then. I got down to 180lbs in college but gained weight because of depression. I got back to 220lbs (when I met current GF) but have started losing weight so I am at 205lbs now. I want to get back to 180lbs (I look thin and scrawny at 180).

>>17381473
I am honestly trying. In this post I mentioned a bit >>17381481 but my body type is not one of a runner. I could squat 350 (probably 400 with a lot of work) and bench my own weight. No matter what I do, I look fat. My chest is just huge and my body goes straight down from there. My legs are thick as fuck.

The last time I timed myself was just as I got to college. At 260lbs, I ran the 100m in 14 seconds. That's at 260lbs.

I biked everywhere for years. Despite my size I can run faster and further than she could hope to. But I'm fat. I don't know what to do.

She got on my case when I ate a ham, provolone, sandwhich, spinach sandwich. That's all I had on it. No mayo, oils, seasoning, anything. Wheat bread. Had a couple "light salt" (my blood pressure is fantastic) pretzel crisps with them because I don't like greasy chips.

For breakfast I have something light, like applesause (no sugar, but I do add like a tsp of honey). It can't be more than 100calories. Or I'll eat a plain apple. I like apples. A lot.

Once we watched a movie together and I brought a fun sized candy bar to eat. She got on my case for that as well.

She doesn't eat any better than I do. She drinks coffee and puts sugar and cream in it. Like A LOT of sugar and cream. She goes to starbucks and has a frozen frappe that's pure sugar. She eat's greasy market food.

Even when she wasn't as "fit" she was incredibly beautiful to me. I told her that everyday.

She has always changed her friends. Her two new BEST FRIENDS are a girl she works out with (a girl that is obsessed with looks. She also fucks men while her BF is away because "I just have to have sex".) and a gay guy that only talks about fucking other men on tinder.

>>17381498
Yeah, sounds like she is looking for validation. Since you do validate her, apparently she doesn't value that anymore. So stop validating her. Maybe tell her everything you just told us that actually bothers you about her. Maybe she will take it to heart, maybe she will throw a fit. If the latter, obviously dump her.

>>17381546
I more than validate her appearance. I wrote poems, send her letters while we are long distance, and have drawn/painted her two dozen+ times. I'm a professional artist so these drawings aren't Napolean Dynamite level.

This is an insert from my last letter to her. She had told me she was feeling insecure so I wrote to her about a time we were together (too intimate to share) that she should think about when she felt go that way.

".....I knew you could recognize the warm, loving admiration in my eyes. You could see my reverence for your beauty had me genuinely in awe. My fervent admiration had erased all doubts. Your face was shining brighter than any light in the room. As I took in the sight of my love, in that moment, you knew you were absolutely, exquisitely beautiful. Because you truly, without question, are. All of you. My gaze was unquestionably sincere...."

My drawings and paintings of her get dismissed, as she thinks I do them "because I have to" because they are expected of someone like me.

It just ends with me feeling a tad bit unappreciated.

But... is this common? Is this what I should expect of a relationship?

>>17381460
You honestly just need to discuss this with her and figure out if she still wants to be together. Your affection, although really sweet and sincere.. I guess it's not doing it for her right now. You could always distance yourself somewhat and see how she reacts, but I would talk to her about what is going on.

Many, many women absolutely crave attention - I believe it stems from insecurity.
Some women are truly in love with their partners and disregard the compliments of other men - again, there is a difference between acknowledging that a woman is beautiful and mentally banging her, so even the compliments of other men can be taken with a grain of salt.
I really do think the recent influx of attention and her new 'friends' are changing her views of life and what she should be 'doing' as a young person though..
IG is poisonous (being the pinnacle of superficial qualities) if you spend all your time on it - it's like it enforces the idea of 'become a 10/10 and bang other 10/10, also get rich and buy luxury goods n cars'

>>17381460
the constant in all your choices is you OP. Somewhere you are ignoring the signs. My guess is you find broken ones and believe you can save them or mold them into your ideal princess and they never were.

You're attracted to narcissistic women. Recognize the signs and avoid them in the future.

>>17381702
>>17381728
I understand I'm the constant. Which is why I was asking if these are the type of woman I keep finding or if I should just expect it.

>>17381694
She get's INCREDIBLY defensive about it. She gets defensive about everything. If I am having a conversation with her and mention something that she might already know she will get upset "I already know that, you think I'm stupid?"

>recent influx of attention and her new 'friends' are changing her views of life and what she should be 'doing' as a young person though..
I am 29 and she is 28. She has freaked out about getting older in the past. I get A LOT of attention online for my work and many of that attention is from very pretty, young women (most around 20-22). She had mentioned that she was afraid I would leave her for a younger girl but I have told her time and time again how beautiful I think she is. She would get upset if I talked to a younger, prettier girl even if it was innocent. She hates if I use someone I know as reference for my work. I might not fully agree with her but I understand how it could come off so I stopped doing it. I stop doing a lot of things to make her feel more appreciated.

I have told her as well how much I dislike young actresses or how I hate how older actresses will get plastic surgery, dye their hair, and wear the same clothing has an 18 year old girl. We have talked about how beautiful older women can be if they acted their age. To act classy and mature. That isn't something for me to worry about because I would love to be able to wear a nice suit like an older gentlemen with her as we age.

She loves instagram. I hate it. I hate EVERY social media site. I HATE IT when someone uses their phone while they are with me.(unless it's like, GPS or an emergency).

I give her a crazy amount of attention because I truly love her. She just got obsessed over her appearance the last 4 months.

>>17381749

>she's 28 and concerned about growing old
>she sees the attention younger, hotter women give me
>she's demonstrably insecure about things she feels inferior about
>now she's trying to get attention based on her looks

OP how fucking dense are you?

>>17381771
?

Did you not read the fucking post? I have talked to her about it multiple times. I STOPPED commenting on younger girls replies, liking photos, and even changed subjects of my works.

I compliment her constantly how amazing her out fits are, how good her skin is, how beautiful and stylish her hair is. I compliment her makeup, I tell her that when she puts on makeup it's like trying to improve a Vargas pinup. She's just adding style to a masterpiece.

I don't sit idly by. I know she's insecure and concerned. I make a huge effort that get's completely ignored.

>>17381783
Not him OP but an observation. Perhaps you are spoiling her with "too much" love?

You seem very affectionate and while I cannot comment on the dynamic on your attraction to girls with problems, this girl sounds like she craves attention.

Much has been said already and I am not at all suggesting you start being msnipulative, but perhaps she has become desentizised to your praise and is seeking a new high off compliments from others? It also, bear with me, sounds like your intimate and close experiences are lacking and mundane: there is no bond.

Just from her company I would suggest to bail and try to look for adjusted less insecure and superficial women.

Female here. Um. I can see how what she's doing is bothering you, but actually YOU sound like the insecure one. I think that as an artist you should be comfortable with people appreciating her body because ultimately you're the one sleeping with her. Why not get your own instagram and start posting your work? You can leave comments on her photos yourself, cos apparently that's the love language that is working for her right now.

I don't really care for instagram but I know that women use it to feel relevant. I think she cares more about the fact that she is getting comments than what the comments even say.

She's not had some massive personality change, she's just proud of how she looks and she wants to show off a little. I think that if you can be less concerned about it, it will fade into the background as an issue - she's not doing anything behind your back.

Jeez. I always thought that artist stereotypes were the laid-back and creative type that weren't so judgemental? Iunno.

tldr. Advice is to just man up and be cool about it because it's not a big deal. You care because you're feeling insecure rn.

>>17381815
Of course it is a big deal, she compensating some problem with attention whoring.
He puts an effort to do things and she rather have some pixels telling her he would fuck her everyday.

In girl-land these types of comments mean nothing. She would not sleep with the kind of person that said things like that.

>>17381840
Doesn't mean she doesn't have a problem.
Like i said she rather have this vapid attention than her boyfriend's efforts, that is a huge redflag, her giving them attention back is another.

>>17381815
Another female here.
I'm at least 80% sure it's not about being proud and showing off. Every instagram model type person I've ever come in contact with have been cripplingly insecure and often depressed and/or anxious. They get addicted to the likes and often feel like if they don't get x amounts of likes and comments that day, it'll mean they're ugly and worthless.
Either way, there's absolutely no reason for her to reply to any of the comments. You don't flirt with other people when you're in a relationship, period.
Anyway OP, I also fully understand her being insecure about a few things you mentioned - you say you get tons of attention online. She probably feels she deserves that too. It doesn't matter to her that you get it for your work and she gets it for her body. Attention is attention, and everybody wants it.
You also mention meeting and using young(er) women for reference. Maybe it is entirely innocent, but unless she's watching you like a hawk, there's no way for her to know that, and it's practically a cliché scenario for sex, so it's not entirely unreasonable for her to be anxious about it.

>>17381815
Not OP but the company she keeps would ring alarm bells due to their promiscuity and OP sounds less insecure and more concerned. Among women in
the US, this behaviour may seem normal but anyone with a proper template of healthy family relations would know its unhealthy to crave attention of this kind from social media. That screams insecurity and poor personal awareness.

She is entitled to be proud but this means of fishing for comments shows she wants to be recognized and is not content with herself, the definition of insecurity.

There are a lot of mental health issues in the US and this girl seems to be among them like the OPs previous gitls.

Fair point! That's so sad, though. Do you think that's OP's girlfriend's issue then?

>>17381851
I think so but not just cause of that but also cause of the hirls he has been with. Its a continued trend and while the specific circumstances of each varies besides their family status, yes I would say insecurity is absolutely her issue.

But again, we can only get so much from text and one persons view. Could be a fair bit different to reality but it is what it is.

> I write long, romantic messages on her beauty, intelligence, and ethics
here your problem

OP, worst case scenario, you're shallow, possessive, and validate yourself by monopolizing the attention of women you perceive as desirable.

It's time to chill the fuck out and distance your sense of self from the behavior of others. Be yourself and reject the urge to manipulate because you are toeing the line with what you believe to be well-intended gestures.

>>17381797
I am a hopeless romantic. I love poetry (Yeats, Wallace Stevens, and Dickinson are my favorite), I love art, and I love cliche romantic dates. (Beach, Drive-in Theater, Picnics).

I know for sure I give her more love and affection than most woman are use too. More than once as a girl absolutely freaked the fuck out when she learned I was considering her as a model. Or I have seen posts blog about modeling for me. Before, I would reply to girls like this publicly or say "You're definitely pretty!" but I have stopped doing that because of how It could be seen as flirting. I'm honestly not doing it to be flirty or to get with the girl. I genuinely love the female form as an artistic subject. My GF does as well. She works mostly with pretty girls. She understands where I am coming from but I still understand how she would be uncomfortable with my actions. So I changed.

>>17381815
I am insecure. I am terribly insecure. But when she tells me one thing in private while acting completely different in public it concerns me. She tells me "I don't care if anyone thinks I'm beautiful by myself. And you (OP)." then proceeds to dismiss my compliments and flirting with strangers online.

> I think she cares more about the fact that she is getting comments than what the comments even say.
One of the things she use to believe in, and a reason I fell in love with her, is how she valued her work more than her gender. She would get super upset when interviewers asked her about being a "woman artist" She would say that she was just "an artist".She hated when girls would use their looks to get attention and followers. Not anymore, though.

>Jeez. I always thought that artist stereotypes were the laid-back and creative type that weren't so judgemental? Iunno.
Being an egotistical cunt and an attention whore is the opposite of what art is about. It's not about the creator but the art.

>>17381903
You idolize women and wonder why you attract attention whores? Are you retarded?
Normal people don't enjoy being put on a pedestal; all you're gonna get are girls like this unless you fix yourself.

>>17381815
>tldr. Advice is to just man up and be cool about it because it's not a big deal. You care because you're feeling insecure rn.
Openly flirting and disrespecting your partner is unacceptable, to anyone. You might not care that your partner doesn't value what you think but I do.

>>17381840
>>17381843
Not only what >>17381843 mentioned but it concerns me how she is completely tossing out her previous morals. Her flipping around concerns me a great deal.

>>17381845
>I'm at least 80% sure it's not about being proud and showing off
I am very certain she is doing it because of her insecurities as well.

She justifies her replies with "oh it means nothing" or "Oh that person? They are silly I wouldn't consider them at all". I try to tell her it's more than just that but she instantly get's defensive or tries to turn it around on me.

>t doesn't matter to her that you get it for your work and she gets it for her body.
She gets a lot of attention for her work too and she USE TO believe that women using their bodies for attention was lame as shit. This is what truly bothers me, her switch.

>using young(er) women for reference.
I use to do it but I don't anymore because I could tell it bothered her. I'm totally ok with using stock images or the like for references as well. Another thing that super pissed me off was in the past she WOULD NOT model for me. She straight up refused saying how she was too self conscious. I tried so many times to get her to model for me (because shes very pretty) but she wouldn't.

Recently, she went to an event dressed up in a 1940s outfit and posed there for photographers. Took a bunch of amazing photos, they were great. But... it sucks because I wanted her to. Then one day I go online and her (female) friend had a photo shoot with her (after she promised I would do it first...). I love her new confidence I truly do... but she seems absolutely unwilling to share it with me. She would rather do everything or take ANYONE else's advice

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>>17381938

Stop asking for it. Stop fawning over her 24/7.

Make her work for your attention
.
Supply and demand mate, your attention is penny's, your to ready to give it. Instead of "oh so beautiful" go for "hm? yeh thats nice", instead of "love poems" just give her an off hand kiss on the cheek.

Make her work for your attention. Show her that your attention is worth something. make it something she wants, not something she can have for free. Additionally do it in waves, make up some bullshit excuse, anniversary, a nice day, a rainy day, anything

But seriously your tending to a dog, give it too much attention and of course it thinks it can get away with anything, and consequently get bored of what your giving it.

Supply and demand mate!

>>17381913
>Normal people don't enjoy being put on a pedestal
Are you kidding me? People fucking love it. This is why they work to be celebrities, models, politicians, CEOs, ect.

You start your reply by calling me retarded. You're a terrible judge of character so... think about that for a second.

>>17381966
I know all about this and... honestly? I hate it. I hate playing games. I just want to live and love with everyone's cards out in the open and no games. No secrets, no manipulation, none of that.

But this is reality. I don't want to live in reality.

>>17381981
You asked why you attract this kind of people, i answered. Now that you don't like the answer you'll procide to deny it.

>>17381981
Its less of a game and just valuing your time and effort. I wont spend time on someone if they dont value/respect that very time and effort.

Its just having some self dignity.
>Or thats just me

And believe me you will get burnt out if you continue like you do. And that will hurt you more than anything.

Go casual, give attention when you think shes earned it, and if she hasn't then just do what you want, work on some art of another women, if she complains just say "Hm, well i was going to ask you but you've always been so against it" add a cheeky smile, And damn will she ever display herself for you! (Again, show the opportunity but don't offer it)

>I'm just being nice

Yeah, nah.

She's dismissing you and your opinion on the boundaries she's crossing, and thus she's disrespecting you and your relationship.

I know you invested time and effort in this relationship, but, OP, you shouldn't let yourself fall for the sunk cost fallacy.

Yeah, it's gonna hurt like a bitch, like every break-up, but better that than waiting for her to actually cheat on you and potentially expose you to STDs.

>>17381460
People have such horrible understandings of statistics.

If <.000001% of the female population are attention whores, then that means there's still, roughly, 7 million whores around the world. Now couple this with the fact that you probably have a small sample size (n<30) and the probability of successive failures is more likely than you'd think.

>>17382062
I'm just really seeing if she will make the effort. If she straight up refuses, then I'll straight up end it.

The last time she insisted that being "proud" and wanting to show off her accomplishments was ok. She doesn't seem to understand it's how she replies to those compliments that are the issue.

I firmly believe that everyone in a relationship should view their actions as the other person would. If you think "this would offend me if she posted it." then odds are... its not ok.
>>17382129
I have no idea what the fuck you are talking about. You're answering a rhetorical question.