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I don't know how to love.

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I am a 20-year old male college student about to begin my sophomore year. Before last year I had been home schooled all my life. I was kept entirely socially isolated; my only social contact was with my physically abusive father, my emotionally abusive brother, and my emotionally distant mother. I survived this by trying to minimize my interaction with other human beings and sheltering myself with a large number of cats. Somehow despite my isolation, I have been socially successful in college and have a reputation for being friendly, outgoing, and exceptionally intelligent. But I have absolutely no clue how romance/dating works, I have a nasty habit of sacrificing my own welfare in order to benefit people I hate (they don't even have to ask, I volunteer to help), and I have never felt love for another human being before.

I met a girl in the spring semester that I think I have fallen in love with. I think she likes me back, but she knows nothing about my emotional issues and seems to have gotten the impression that I am some kind of genius relationship-guru. Ironically, I have no clue how relationships are supposed to work, and highly doubt that I will be able to develop a normal, healthy relationship on my first try.

How am I supposed to explain my feelings and emotional problems to her in a way that won't scare her off?
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>>17380571
>How am I supposed to explain my feelings and emotional problems to her in a way that won't scare her off?

You don't. Just have fun with her and keep your problems to yourself for now. Seriously you can just emotionally dump on girls you will drive them away. Just have fun and enjoy the present with her and only dump a bit at a time when she asks about you.
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Save talking about that stuff until maybe the second or third and don't tell her everything at first, try leaning into it, some people can only take so much.
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>>17380571
I'm also 20.
You got a girl to kinda like you back?
You won.

Hold off and let that shit grow. Enjoy each other's company.

At least I hope that's how it works. I tried forcing things when I caught feelings and that went to shit pretty quickly.

Good luck. I'm living vicariously through you.
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Keep it light until she notices that you're maintaining emotional distance. When that happens she'll probe to figure out what the weirdness is, and then just come clean. Don't expect much, some people are offput by baggage (shallow ass niggas), but if she really cares about you she'll love you for sharing your deepest pain with her and you'll love her for accepting you as you are. If she rejects ya, then she's not worthy. I come from a very similiar situation, you're gonna meet the right person one day and it's gonna be the best thing that ever happened to you, you're gonna feel real love and connection for the first time. Cry together and have some bomb sex, and just be cool with whatever happens. She might not be the one, but you'll likely remember your first for a long time given your position. Attachment issues are a bitch man I feel for ya.

Take a risk OP, you'll find the one eventually :)
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>>17380632
>Keep it light until she notices that you're maintaining emotional distance.

See, I'm not sure if I can "maintain emotional distance." I feel like it's taking all my willpower to avoid throwing my arms around her and telling her that she's my favorite person ever and I don't want to let go. But that would make her think I'm crazy.
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>>17380663

Open up man, I'm guessing you've never done that to anybody. Be prepared to cry a lot, she'll understand I think. It's important that you tell her about the emotionally distant mother, as this is why you're having trouble with the opposite gender in the first place. Your mom is supposed to teach you how to be comfy around women, and because that was affected, you maintain hypervigilence, you've got walls. This is a wall.

Maybe don't even make it romantic yet, tell her you love her as a person and that you're glad simply to be friends with her because no one has made you feel like she does. It's inherently romantic, she'll understand that it takes time. Tell her you're scared she'll run if you share this stuff with her, let it out slow at first. You'll know if she wants to hear more or not, and I'm willing to bet she will. So long as you aren't up her ass all the time, thing'll be fine. Just keep your own fears/anxiety in check and maintain some objective awareness of how you're acting, and if it gets too bad for ya anxiety wise hit up the therapist at your uni/local doc. Worst thing you can do is try to force her to solve your problems. She can definitely help though, but keeping her at arms length for a lil bit while simultaneously coming clean will allow her to engage you at the level she is comfortable with. If you think she likes you, lemme tell ya man she probably does. Girls love a sensitive, smart, hurt guy, who is also fighting for himself. By opening up and staying on a positive trajectory, you're showing that. Just maintain your awareness and you'll be good ninja, you'll know when to let the walls of Jericho come crashing down.
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>>17380715
>Open up man, I'm guessing you've never done that to anybody.

Actually, my fall roommate managed to open me up, and I've talked about this stuff with my 3 closest friends.

The comment about my mother screwing up my interaction with women is spot-on though. I'm finding it a lot harder to feel comfortable sharing this stuff with my crush.
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>>17380775

It's different with women, much more powerful emotionally. There really isn't much else to do than simply to do it, just probe a little bit, drop some hints and when she bites, I doubt you'll be able to hold it back lol. Sharing something with an emotionally healthy woman who will empathize with you goes from being terrifying to being, the single greatest thing on planet earth. Peace and love anon
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