Ask spirit bear anything!

File: bear's-advice.png (2MB, 1372x8201px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 1372x8201px

Refer to pic for reference of first thread.

I have a cummy in my right pocket and have no idea what to do with it.

>>17377944
bear,

how do i get better at human sex

>>17377944
can i squeeze you?

File: kermodebear.jpg (105KB, 615x410px) Image search: [Google]

105KB, 615x410px

>>17378172

Bring your pockets to the dry cleaner for adequate stain removal.

Spirit bear, will I ever find love in my life?

File: questionspiritbear.jpg (449KB, 900x600px) Image search: [Google]

449KB, 900x600px

>>17378182

The act of sex is art. Start with working on foreplay. Take time to explore your partner, and communicate. Stick your tongue in their ear. Rub bramble-berries on their tum-tum. Bring yourself closer towards your inner feels. Thrust with meaning. Hump with bravado.

File: spiritbearmad.jpg (15KB, 236x354px) Image search: [Google]

15KB, 236x354px

>>17378201

Of course not. I'll lick your skull clean and devour your children.

File: yesspiritbear.jpg (5KB, 275x183px) Image search: [Google]

5KB, 275x183px

>>17378214
Yes, you will. There is approximately 7.125 billion humans on the planet. Maybe it isn't your time yet, but your time will come beautiful child. Floss twice a day.

Spirit bear, how do i not miss someone so much?

>>17377944
Spirit Bear, how do I make my Blue-Eyes Deck more consistent?

Spirit bear, how do i make the guy that i like, to like me back?

File: North-Spirit-Bears.jpg (102KB, 960x500px) Image search: [Google]

102KB, 960x500px

>>17378276

Loss is absence. Absence is nothingness; a void. Putting something/someone in its/his/hers place probably won't give you long term satisfaction. I suggest constructing something around whom you miss. A final remembrance. Catharsis is what you're truly missing. Build a effigy and set it ablaze in celebration.

>>17377944
Bear,

How do you type with claws? How do you have access to a computer?

Spirit Bear, how do I figure out what to do with my life?

File: spiritbearnono.jpg (187KB, 750x500px) Image search: [Google]

187KB, 750x500px

>>17378278
Spellcasters are essential. I recommend Maiden with Eyes of Blue. Also carry Damage Condenser. Don't store your cards in a humid den with dead fish.

File: spiritbearblue.jpg (25KB, 520x324px) Image search: [Google]

25KB, 520x324px

>>17378285
Bring him fresh granola, salmon, and blowjob. Wet his coat twice a day with a misting spray bottle. Brush repeatedly. Or get to know his hobbies.

File: sbear.jpg (102KB, 1000x667px) Image search: [Google]

102KB, 1000x667px

>>17378301

Unlike humans I use telepathy instead of typing. I built a computer on the river banks of Denali out of fish carcasses, twigs, dead wolf cubs, raven eggs, dried berries, and my bear semen. Yes, I am using a broadband dial up connection.

spirit bear, what's the least painful way to kill myself without a gun?

File: happyspiritbur.jpg (295KB, 1000x667px) Image search: [Google]

295KB, 1000x667px

>>17378307

Roll 20 sided die (icosahedron)

1-eat fish
2-sleep for a while
3-community college
4-befriend a smaller animal
5-commit grand larceny
6-practice meditation shakra
7-eat honey
8-dress up like a pretty lady
9-become the local barber
10-lick the tip of a pencil
11-autism
12-marry a spouse
13-grow a healthy pelt
14-build a warm den
15-watch "Goodfellas"
16-become the becoming
17-enlist in the military
18-off to /pol/ with you
19-make fish jerky
20-remove the laces from your shoes and do a silly little walk

File: sbursad.jpg (244KB, 800x555px) Image search: [Google]

244KB, 800x555px

>>17378351
Call +1 (800) 273-8255

or morphine idk...you're bumming out spirit bear.

>>17378355
Thanks spirit bear, heading to my nearest recruitment office now.

>>17378310
Of course I'm using the Maiden, but the Damage Condenser was new to me. Thanks, o great Spirit Bear.

File: pathofspiritbear.jpg (827KB, 1000x667px) Image search: [Google]

827KB, 1000x667px

>>17378365

Great Job!

how do i know if someone (a guy) has a crush on me


hehehehe......

spirit bear am i doomed to an eternal existence of false social connection and cheap pleasure as i dwindle off into the twilight realm of my own secret thoughts and eventually hang myself with a cheap coat-hanger

I'm in need of love, what services do you provide Spirit Bear?

hi spirit bear, is my week going to improve? its been very rough so far

>>17378789
cmon spirit bear i need an answer

Spirit Bear, which is better: trout or salmon?

>>17377944
Wise 'spirit' bear of advice. I have missed your wisdom, and since your absence have craved your advice. I kissed a minor, and feel pretty bad about it. Everyone, including her parents, think I'm 18. I am in fact 21. She is not below the age of consent. Yet still too young in my opinion. She has fallen in love with me, oh wise bear. How will I handle my human problem?

File: Spirit-Bear-016.jpg (344KB, 1000x667px) Image search: [Google]

344KB, 1000x667px

>>17378513

Place your hand gently on him once and a while during conversation as affirmation.

File: spburss.jpg (19KB, 300x335px) Image search: [Google]

19KB, 300x335px

>>17378544

Get a cat...or several. Just try not to maul them to death.

File: spiritbearwalks.jpg (206KB, 950x633px) Image search: [Google]

206KB, 950x633px

>>17378778

I am spirit bear. I walk the line between reality and consciousness. I exist in forest realms of infinite pleasure and sorrow. I'm sending thoughts of love to you at this very moment. My fur is soft, and my teeth are sharp. Open yourself to spirit bear.

Sup, bear. You are helpful. I just turned 19, moved to big city, going to live alone. Can't get rid of anxiety and suicidal thoughts, I've been here a lot, but today I couldn't stop my hands shaking. I'm aware that I should deal with my problems as soon as they arise, but most of the time I feel my powerlessness and my fear of social settings, lack of trust.

How do I calm myself?

File: Spirit_Bear_shaking.jpg (421KB, 600x784px) Image search: [Google]

421KB, 600x784px

>>17378789
>>17379357

"What matters is to live in the present, live now, for every moment is now. It is your thoughts and acts of the moment that create your future. The outline of your future path already exists, for you created its pattern by your past." -Sai Baba

You'll be fine. Just watch out for that falling flower pot on Sat 23rd. It will put you in a coma young cub.

Spirit bear, I had a long term relationship with a qt who I broke up with last year for personal reasons.

QT has a new bf but still has some feelings for me. How do I win her back spirit bear?

File: spirit bearknows.jpg (14KB, 275x183px) Image search: [Google]

14KB, 275x183px

>>17379399

Like this is even a question. Salmon. Tilapia if I'm lucky to catch one.

Spirit bear, I have a horrible self esteem. How do I improve it?

File: sleepyspiritbear.jpg (11KB, 301x168px) Image search: [Google]

11KB, 301x168px

>>17379459

Do whats right in your heart. Tell the truth to her. If it is meant to be...roll with the punches. Leave if she is under 16. You're playing with fire. Burnt paws hurt very much.

File: calmspiritbear.jpg (123KB, 960x638px) Image search: [Google]

123KB, 960x638px

>>17379651
Kava is a drug made from the ground roots of the plant Piper methysticum, a member of the pepper family that also includes black pepper. Kava is consumed as a drink or supplement. The crushed, ground or powdered root is added to water and drunk like tea. It is widely available and was used by bear during his college years.

File: spiritbearinthewaters.jpg (8KB, 274x184px) Image search: [Google]

8KB, 274x184px

>>17379663

Let me ask you this. Can you un-burn toast? Follow your feels on this one.

File: spirtbear.jpg (3KB, 121x80px) Image search: [Google]

3KB, 121x80px

>>17379688

Hunt smaller predators (coffee shop guy, bus driver, college student) for game. Stare into their eyes and let them know you are destroyer of the weak, and shadow of pride (in proud stance)

>>17379699
It's illegal in my country. I'd rather get a psychological advice. Thank you, anyway.

>>17377944
Hey spirit bear, i have problems in talking with people. I really don't know what to talk about without ending up on politics and other serious stuff that could make the persons i'm talking to irritated or offended. How do i learn to talk about nothing with ease like average people do?

>>17377944
How to deal with falures, rejections ?

>>17379695
Aye spirit bear. She is yet but 16. My younger sister is even older. It feels right in my dong. But my heart has no idea...

>>17377944
I'm very very very bad at sexting. what can i do and what can i read to improve this skill? i'm afraid to sound ridicoulous

File: spiritbearfamily_3.jpg (30KB, 300x200px) Image search: [Google]

30KB, 300x200px

>>17379717

A wise teacher once of mine said,

"if you don't open your mouth; you won't seem a fool"

Seems like a backhanded advice, but it has served me well. Talk is cheap. I advocate body language/action far more to communicate true feelings. Use this instead of arguing a point with words. For example - Ben and Sally are walking down the street, and see a homeless man. She thinks the homeless man is crusty garbage. Ben thinks he's just on hard times. Instead of going into a pointless debate Ben decides to give the homeless man an orange. She gives Ben a funny look and says that's dumb. Ben has inner strength and stays positive...stares into her eyes and smiles. They continue walking

File: spirit_bear_playful.jpg (62KB, 570x319px) Image search: [Google]

62KB, 570x319px

>>17379714
Call a suicide hotline for in depth conversation with a professional human. I am a professional spirit bear. I'll recommend taking the bus and visiting a nature reserve, read a book slowly one word at a time, cook something for yourself, store pebbles in a jar, play the fiddle...etc just anything to calm the mind.

>>17379661
thank you bear, i will not let it hit me

Spirit bear, how do I deal with my gay sexual urges?

A girl loves me and I've been leading her on. We're even dating now. I wish I could love her back, what do I do?

File: sbursss.jpg (10KB, 204x189px) Image search: [Google]

10KB, 204x189px

>>17379726

Failure/rejections are the spice of life. Without them you'd never learn. Imagine playing a video game where you just win every time. You just float through each level in a state of same. No risk; no reward. So get up off your knees, claw something to death, and waddle your way up the river champ. You got this!

File: Kermode-Spirit-Bear-12.jpg (419KB, 1024x729px) Image search: [Google]

419KB, 1024x729px

>>17379760
This is a tricky one. A female 16yr girl (age of consent in many places) dating a 21yr old guy is the farthest acceptable age gap in the eyes human morality. If you truly care for her I'd say a relationship wouldn't be inappropriate if you're honest. Wait till she is ready and comfortable...even if it takes a couple years. You'll wait if you love her.

Your sister is going to get weird-ed out by this.

File: wanderspiritbur.jpg (12KB, 275x183px) Image search: [Google]

12KB, 275x183px

>>17379761

Les Liaisons Dangereuses

Pierre Choderlos de Laclos

File: whatspiritbear.jpg (458KB, 2378x1474px) Image search: [Google]

458KB, 2378x1474px

spirit bear is going to need some more info

>>17380185
Why are your gay sexual urges a problem?
What's your gender?

File: spiritbearhides.jpg (12KB, 253x199px) Image search: [Google]

12KB, 253x199px

>>17380195

If you're with this sow, then you care for her (maybe not love, but something close...it will grow if you stay); or you're dealing with your own sense of inadequacy using her for your own sexual/emotional gain (you will not grow and become emotionally crippled). Either way establish honesty in your cave of life.

...Or rub honey on your face. Continue to chant "Beezlebub, beezlebub!" into a the reflection a chilled pond.

>>17380287
Wow, you hit the nail on the head. And it's honestly both. I'll try the Beelzebub, thanks!

How do I get my girlfriend to intentionally gain weight? She's already pretty big but I want her bigger.

File: bigspiritbear.jpg (211KB, 350x507px) Image search: [Google]

211KB, 350x507px

>>17380372

Honey and salmon. Carry her everywhere on your back to reduce exertion

>>17377944
Spirit bear, how can I express myself better so I can be more like myself?

File: FB_IMG_1465791325437.jpg (37KB, 509x475px) Image search: [Google]

37KB, 509x475px

>>17380249
I find it difficult to hang around with other guys, I sometimes get erections at awkward times. I am male.

File: spurbur.jpg (59KB, 640x360px) Image search: [Google]

59KB, 640x360px

>>17380490

Be yourself.

I'm going hiking soon and terrified I might see one of your ruffian cousins. What should I do in case of an impending bear attack?

File: 69582603.jpg (310KB, 500x777px) Image search: [Google]

310KB, 500x777px

>>17377944

File: spurbur1.jpg (14KB, 440x293px) Image search: [Google]

14KB, 440x293px

>>17380496

There is nothing wrong with you. It's just a thing. There's lots of things that happen. Some people say things are bad. You have to decide if that thing is good or bad for yourself...but don't let anyone tell what the thing is. It's just a thing till you define it. Morality doesn't exist...just morale. Pick the burs out of your fur nigga.

>>17377944

How does one find enjoyment in life if they have no ambition, spirit bear?
How does one catch salmon if they don't know how to catch salmon?
These are questions that keep me awake at night, spirit bear.

>>17377944
How do I deal with abusive parents who I live with currently? It's really affecting my grades at college..

Oh mighty bear, will I remain committed to my plan on eating right and losing weight even though exercising is hard

>>17379706
You can scrape the burn off with a knife.

How cooked should I have my steak?

File: spiritb.jpg (112KB, 610x290px) Image search: [Google]

112KB, 610x290px

>>17380672
Stand tall. Stand straight. Stand quietly. Do not run. If approached within 5ft without bear mace raise your arms to appear as a larger creature. Say "Whoah bear!" repeatedly loudly. You will most likely be eaten. Fear not. You will make a delicious lunch for my brothers and sister. We will use the entirety of your corpse.

File: watspirit.jpg (9KB, 278x181px) Image search: [Google]

9KB, 278x181px

>>17380675

I understand the you've received high levels of autism. May spirit bear bless you.

>>17377944
spirit bear, I find myself attracted to Asian school girls, how do I satisfy this lust?

File: bearspirit.jpg (5KB, 318x159px) Image search: [Google]

5KB, 318x159px

>>17380709

Make yourself desperate. Motivation can be found once your back is against the wall. Put yourself in a situation you're going to have to react. Pick a fight at your local watering creek (libation center).

>>17377944
Oh please wise spirit bear, bless us with your wisdom!

My friend seeks the knowledge,

"Why am I fat? FUCK!"

File: leavingspiritbur.jpg (45KB, 300x200px) Image search: [Google]

45KB, 300x200px

>>17380736
Explain to your family this is troubling your studies. If they care enough about your personal space, and mental health they will assist. If not leave the den. Pack dried fish, nail clippers, and toilet paper. Be brave young bear. You will survive.

File: spirit-bear-fast-facts.jpg (208KB, 1280x720px) Image search: [Google]

208KB, 1280x720px

>>17380947

Eat less salmon from the edge of the waterfall. Designate to walk one hour each day and only drink water till you have reached your weight goal. If you follow this advise it will happen.

Oh most wise spirit bear, I find that every time I date someone I always dump them because I either liked them for their looks and got tired of their personalities OR I agreed to date them because we got along even though I didn't find them to be that good looking. How can I go about finding a mate that has both beautiful soft fur and the ability to ponder about salmon migration?

File: sbearupset.jpg (1MB, 1500x1004px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 1500x1004px

>>17381002

The burn is deep. But I'll offer another example. Can you unscramble eggs?

File: owl_head.jpg (529KB, 1050x591px) Image search: [Google]

529KB, 1050x591px

Oh mighty spirit bear, how can i find my calling in my human life?

File: spirit bear rare.jpg (10KB, 301x168px) Image search: [Google]

10KB, 301x168px

>>17381011
Rare. It's the only way.

>>17381099
Unfortunately I don't have the money to rent another apartment (I live in an expensive city), but thanks for the advice Mr. Bear.

File: spiritbearhasspoken.jpg (83KB, 1280x720px) Image search: [Google]

83KB, 1280x720px

>>17381079

Have sex with an Asian school girl. Spirit bear has spoken!

>>17381151
but where do I find them IRL, wise one?

File: fatspiritbear.jpg (110KB, 700x489px) Image search: [Google]

110KB, 700x489px

>>17381088

Check out ->>>17381118

Who cares if you're fat? It's personality that matters.

>>17381118
He feels blessed by your wisdom. Thank you, Spirit Bear, may you be blessed with a thousand salmon.

File: watchspiritbur.jpg (130KB, 467x700px) Image search: [Google]

130KB, 467x700px

>>17381123

Become the bear you want to be. Become the becoming. Lick your pelt. Kill the weak. Rip the skin off their back. Feast on their guts. Use their blood as your own personal lubricant. Soon the sow will gather near your creek waiting for your approval gorgeous one. Remember...it's called the food chain for reason.

>>17377944
Oh Wise Spirit please give me your advice

there's a girl I like that's shy and introverted, I bearly see her and when I do she is in the corner doing art stuff, for an art class, and bearly speaks about anything, any idea how to get her to open up socially?

File: Spirit-Bear-with-Salmon-2.jpg (190KB, 600x600px) Image search: [Google]

190KB, 600x600px

>>17381135

You are not human. You are spirit owl! What mockery is this? Spirit bear is not impressed.

>>17377944
Why am I still in love with the same girl? We met freshman year and no matter how hard I tried to like someone else she was always on my mind, its been 2 months since graduation and she is still on my mind.

File: spirit-owl.jpg (72KB, 600x736px) Image search: [Google]

72KB, 600x736px

>>17381178
Thank you Spirit Bear, you have shown me my wronged ways. May fish be plenty, and mating season sooner

Hi spirit, I posted before but I liked your advice so much I'll ask another:
I've been doing nofap/noporn for about a month now, so I can be better in bed. I haven't really noticed a difference and I really just wanna jack off to my favorite porn again. Please advise

File: leavingspiritbear.jpg (10KB, 275x183px) Image search: [Google]

10KB, 275x183px

>>17381138
Then don't pay rent. Ride surf of the couch off others. Live in hostels. Squat in empty classrooms. Split rent with friends. Camp in the park with a suitable weapon. Become flexible like birch bark.

How do I stop feeling the need to have other people validate my self-loathing?

File: kermode.jpg (93KB, 620x349px) Image search: [Google]

93KB, 620x349px

>>17381153
I've had luck nail'n some broads in Boston's Chinatown. Great fish and dumplings as well brave one!

>>17381224
many thanks master spirit bear

When I take a shit in the woods should I dig a hole?

File: wearyspiritbur.jpg (22KB, 229x350px) Image search: [Google]

22KB, 229x350px

>>17381175
Ah, the elusive art school girl. These types usually like spontaneity and are "hard to read". Be exciting and "different". Do something she wouldn't expect that would still appeal towards her interests. Don't be cocky or all knowing (like spirit bear). Be genuinely original. Example - Bring her to the beach and light off fireworks then strip naked into the water no matter how cold it is head first; Make her something three dimensional (sculpture) offering a message for a date; or even just slap her butt when you guys are piss drunk. This sort of "fun" will open her up (probably). Watch out though! She may be lesbian. Art class is notorious for this.

File: goodspiritbear.jpg (31KB, 400x266px) Image search: [Google]

31KB, 400x266px

>>17381184

Go to her (queue "running to the airport to stop a flight" music)

File: imagespiritbur.jpg (7KB, 193x262px) Image search: [Google]

7KB, 193x262px

>>17381192

It doesn't matter. It's a myth (like spirit bear). But I'll let you in on a fun trick. Don't jack off for a month and eat pineapple everyday. It will change your density and has said to taste very sweet.

Oh spirit bear I've done many a wrongs to my fellow beartheren and day after day I have to face them and the guilt knowing I cannot undo the harm.
Everyone I've crossed paths with has experienced a great amount of pain due to my own negligence. The thought of death dances on the edge of my mind continually and the voice of regret screams in my ears.
Can even this sacrilegious empty hollow husk of a person ever hope to find happiness one day?

File: silentspiritbear.jpg (11KB, 275x183px) Image search: [Google]

11KB, 275x183px

>>17381205
Get away from people for a while. Take a walk in the woods. Find the best things about yourself and practice them in solidarity. I hate you.

File: spirit-bearone.jpg (584KB, 1858x1428px) Image search: [Google]

584KB, 1858x1428px

>>17381244
No. Only small dogs and cats do this shit.

Would a mountain lion be a good pet?

>>17381252
oh great Spirit Bear please don't let her be lesbian,that'd be the third time the girl I've liked went lesbo

File: spiritbearfuckya'll.jpg (140KB, 500x375px) Image search: [Google]

140KB, 500x375px

>>17381269
Yes. But only if you rub your belly twice and say, "Nonono I am so pretty, I am so pretty. Yum Yum Yum!"

Okay well, spirit bear's true life energy has transpired into the inter-dimensional 4th plane. It is plentiful of sow and fish jerky here. I hope you all will find inner peace. Your logic and words cannot reach me. Goodbye. Perhaps my children will advise your shortcomings soon. Watch for Bear Jr. and Panda Bear in the catalog!