How to deal with the pressure to have a family?

First and foremost, the pressure is imaginary. youare asking how to deal with it, and its literally something you dont have to deal with. you deal by simply living the life you enjoy living, regardless of what people say. no matter what life you live people are going to "pressure" you (re: make off handed comments) about what they think you should be doing.

having a wife and kids for the sake of having a wife and kids is arbitrary and dumb.

>all women my age are whores or single mothers

what? dude, you are 23 fucking years old. thats an awfully broad statement to make. i am 24 this sunday and cannot relate to that at all. there are plenty of normal sane women who simply arent racing to get married.

to the vast majority of people emotions actually matter. they may be ill understood, but the emotions are still an important facet of whether or not to marry someone. its not about just finding the first person who says 'yeah you look like you'd be bangable in twenty years'.

>i dont know what the hell i should do

work towards making a life you enjoy based on legitimate evidence and experimentation.

legitimate evidence comes from experiences you have had. you know you enjoy X so focusing on that will make you happy. you arent sure about Y, so you experiment. if you turn out to enjoy Y, then you now have legitimate evidence that this is something you should incorporate into your life.

>>17376580
>>17376596


as for hte girls, you learn by doing. you need to approach women and see whats up. sounds to me like you are a bit on the nerd geek side, so i recommend checking out that scene. and yes, its a scene now. it was a lot easier to do then you think. I met a nice girl at an anime party. not a big looker, but shes thin, coudl pull off some make up, and is more talented than any normie girl I have ever met. She asked me out on a date.

across the room was another girl, literally only issue is that shes hella short if thats an issue for you. sweetest little latina who cosplays for fun and lvoes boys who do to. total quiet shy nice girl who just likes to have a sweet simple date.

that was at the FIRST anime meet up i went to. and pokemon GO has made it extremely easy to meet nerdy people ,even nerd girls.

figure out what you can improve, and what you have to settle for, and check out that market for a chemistry and personality connection

I'm 25 and there are still girls that don't have kids

>Jesus I have loads of personal problems but I should reproduce anyway
Just live a good life and don't have kids who will inherit your mental problems and learn your shitty social skills. The last Messiah can't come soon enough lmao

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>>17376596
>>17376597

>having a wife and kids for the sake of having a wife and kids is arbitrary and dumb.
I want to eventually have wife and kids, because I like children, and I don't want to spend my whole life alone. I'd rather kill myself, than endure plus 50 years of loneliness.

>>all women my age are whores or single mothers
I didn't say that. I said that most women, who aren't taken, as in already in a relationship, engaged, or married, are whores or single mothers.

Enjoying life is what I am trying to do, but it ain't easy when I still haven't completely recovered from my 3 years of nearly crippling depression, and the constant reminders everywhere around me of how much I am behind everyone else my age. My former school mates are studying in universities, having professions, getting married, having children etc, whereas I am still the same loser I was 5 years ago when I turned 18.

And you are correct in that I am nerdy, however if you think that normie crap like anime conventions and pokemon go are "nerdy" then you don't know what nerdy shit actually is. Try miniature wargaming, pen&paper roleplaying etc, if you want actually nerdy shit. And you don't meet women in those spheres, which is probably a good thing.

Also, I have tried to befriend girls, the most successful attempt was this spring but it ended up just hurting me, as the girl, who herself had stated that I was her friend, suddenly just cut all contact with me. I already had hard time trusting people or opening up to them even a little bit, and she made that even harder.

>>17376652

Thank you for posting that reaction image. I needed it for a post, because that's how I fucking feel right now.

>>17376652

no wonder ur single ur such a cunt

>>17376652
>Claims to be nerdy
>He's talking about silly games instead of reading Jackson bed for fun
Sick and tired of this fake "nerd" culture


Why don't I have a gf btw?

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>>17376658
No problem m8.

First of all, the only reason why they got married was because she got pregnant. Look at the time line you mentioned. He most likely got conned into marriage because he impregnated her.

Second of all, youre only 23 you fucking numbskull.

Third, stop being a homo and grow some confidence and self respect. You dont deserve a special snowflake unless you grow some goddamn balls.

Fourth, who are you that youre talkin shit about single mothers? Some are widows or had to divorce fucked up husbands.

>>17376733
>First of all, the only reason why they got married was because she got pregnant. Look at the time line you mentioned. He most likely got conned into marriage because he impregnated her.
Wrong you mongoloid.
They had been together for like 10 fucking years, and engaged for the better part of it. Besides, their child was obviously conceived after the wedding, seeing how it was born few weeks ago, and the anniversary to their wedding is still few weeks away.

>youre only 23
Yes, and?

>Third, stop being a homo and grow some confidence and self respect.
"Just b urself brah" tier, worthless fucking advice.

>Fourth, who are you that youre talkin shit about single mothers? Some are widows or had to divorce fucked up husbands.
Where did I talk shit about them? I just said that I don't want anything to do with them. Who the hell would want to take care of another man's child?

>>17376652
>I want to eventually have wife and kids, because I like children, and I don't want to spend my whole life alone. I'd rather kill myself, than endure plus 50 years of loneliness.

Not being married with kids doesn't mean you're alone. Being married doesn't keep you from being alone.

Not being around people makes you alone. Be around people.

>>I didn't say that. I said that most women, who aren't taken, as in already in a relationship, engaged, or married, are whores or single mothers.

Then go out wih the few who aren't in a relationship or married.

You like kids, so what's wrong with single moms?

>>Try miniature wargaming, pen&paper roleplaying etc, if you want actually nerdy shit. And you don't meet women in those spheres, which is probably a good thing.

Do you actually hang out with any of the folks you play with? I hang out with some people in my gaming group even when we aren't gaming and many of them have female friends and associates. If they aren't inviting you, then invite them.

>>already had hard time trusting people or opening up to them even a little bit, and she made that even harder.

Well that's part of not being alone. You have to trust and open up to people, and not everyone is going to reciprocate the same feelings.

>>17376753

>yes, and?

this is why literally no one in the world likes you, let alone would date you.

>manning up is the same as 'bee urself'

no. it smanning the fuck up. you are not a man. ergo its not 'be yourself'. its be someone better. someone you could be but refuse to be, cuz ur a bitch baby.

>>17376753
>Yes, and?

The majority of people your age actually aren't married with children. The average age for marriage now is closer to your late 20's and early 30's.

The point being that you lack context and are worrying about being "behind the curve" when you're actually completely normal.

>>17376774
>Not being married with kids doesn't mean you're alone. Being married doesn't keep you from being alone.
No, but it sure makes it less likely. My grandmother and grandfather have been together for like 70 years, and even today they still accompany each other.

>Then go out wih the few who aren't in a relationship or married.
I have no idea where to even find them in the first place.

>You like kids, so what's wrong with single moms?
I may like kids, but that doesn't mean that I want to take care and support another man's children.

>Do you actually hang out with any of the folks you play with?
When we are playing yes, outside of that, no. I don't know them well enough to be anything but a familiar face in the store we play in. That's mostly because I only recently moved to that city.
Back in my home city, there were nobody who shared my hobbies, and I had no friends at all.

> You have to trust and open up to people
Easier said that done, when all my past attempts to do that have ended up hurting me.

>>17376825
I'm not saying that majority are married. Majority of people my age are however, already in relationships.
And I am by no means, normal. I am underdeveloped freak. My experiences with socializing, relationships, sex etc, are on the level of a 13 year old boy. I am 10 years behind all my peers, and there is no fucking way that isn't going to show to everyone. I am so far behind everyone in this regard, that it is just an uphill battle to even catch up.

>>17376834
>No, but it sure makes it less likely. My grandmother and grandfather have been together for like 70 years, and even today they still accompany each other.

Yeah, but they wanted to be together that long. There's an even greater number of people who got married who aren't with anyone right now. Marriage now in no way ensures you'll be with someone.

>>I have no idea where to even find them in the first place.

Then your problem isn't that "women are already in a relationship, engaged, or married, are whores or single mothers." You problem is that you don't talk to any women at all, because if you did, you'd know a lot of single women (with or without kids).

>>I may like kids, but that doesn't mean that I want to take care and support another man's children.

What's wrong with them?

>>When we are playing yes, outside of that, no. I don't know them well enough to be anything but a familiar face in the store we play in. That's mostly because I only recently moved to that city.

If you're a familiar face, then that's good enough. Invite them to some other event you're attending or go see a movie or go have some drinks or something. I hang out with these guys more often than I show up for game night- which is about once a month or 2.

>>Easier said that done, when all my past attempts to do that have ended up hurting me.

It is. However, it is an absolute requirement to not being alone. It's hard, but it has to be done. I would suggest seeing a therapist in this case, because crippling inability to trust of form emotional bonds is going to make any attempts at "not feeling alone" bound for failure.

>> My experiences with socializing, relationships, sex etc, are on the level of a 13 year old boy.

Then you need a therapist, not a girlfriend.

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>>17376868
>There's an even greater number of people who got married who aren't with anyone right now.
That simply speaks of the moral decay of modern society.

> You problem is that you don't talk to any women at all, because if you did, you'd know a lot of single women (with or without kids).
I got no social circle trough which I could even talk with them. I don't know any women outside of members of family, extended family, and former school mates that I have as my facebook "friends" whom I haven't even talked with in like 5 or more years. My statements about women are based on statistics.

>What's wrong with them?
They are someone else's kids, not mine. I am not going to sacrifice my resources to raise children that aren't mine. What would be the point of doing that?

>If you're a familiar face, then that's good enough
No it isn't. We are not friends, we are barely acquaintances. You don't invite people whose names you don't even know/remember anywhere.

Also, I am seeing a therapist, well, not right now, as he is on summer vacation, so we haven't met in a while. Therapy is the main reason why I managed to even recover from my depression.

Anyways, this is all besides the point.
I didn't ask for advice on how to get a gf or shit like that. I already know that I will never have a family, because I am a social retard who cannot trust other people, let alone women.
I wanted advice on how to deal with the pressure to get a gf, start a family etc, that is coming from all around me, as it is actively pushing me back into a depressed state of mind.

>>17376917
>>That simply speaks of the moral decay of modern society.

That belief is not only inaccurate, but likely a contributor to your situation.

>>They are someone else's kids, not mine. I am not going to sacrifice my resources to raise children that aren't mine. What would be the point of doing that?

Not being alone, which seems to be your main concern, for one. But mainly the fact that you might have feelings for their mother and want to share your life with her, which may include a relationship with her family, which may include a relationship with her kids.

If you think that people who already have kids have absolutely no potential to be valuable contributions to your life, then that's another incorrect belief that is likely a contributor to your problems.

>>No it isn't. We are not friends, we are barely acquaintances. You don't invite people whose names you don't even know/remember anywhere.

This is simply not true. Everybody you will ever meet in a social situation will start off as a stranger. Talking to people, learning their names, and doing stuff in a social situations to gain shared experience is the very stuff of any relationship.

But if not knowing their names is an issue, then memorize their names.

>>I wanted advice on how to deal with the pressure to get a gf, start a family etc, that is coming from all around me, as it is actively pushing me back into a depressed state of mind.

The only way to deal with it is to not want it. It's perfectly possible to live a happy and fulfilling life without a romantic partner. Tons of people do it.

But if it is something you want, then you're going to have to do some things you don't like.

>>17376958
I believe in sticking to ones vows instead of treating them like casually discarded words.

And I want a normal family, if I were to have one, not some sort of leftover mess involving another man's kids. I want the same kind of family my parents have. A stable marriage, children of their own.
Unfortunately I can never have such future so ideally I'd like for advice that help me cope with that fact and the pressure coming from around me.

>>17376996
>I believe in sticking to ones vows instead of treating them like casually discarded words.

Lots of people do. That's part of why people get married so much later now.

The fact that most of your cousins at your age are engaged isn't some indication of moral superiority. Statistically speaking, they're more likely to be divorced than people who are marrying later.

>>And I want a normal family, if I were to have one, not some sort of leftover mess involving another man's kids.

Every person you meet is a "leftover mess" of previous life experiences because everyone has had decades of life experience before they even meet you. Some people just happen to have kids, and unless you know that person, you don't know what those experiences are.

I can understand not prioritizing single moms, but discounting them and their children offhand is superficial.

>>I want the same kind of family my parents have. I can never have such future so ideally I'd like for advice that help me cope with that fact and the pressure coming from around me.


You do understand that you aren't your parents, right?

They have their life, which works for them- but not for everyone. Hell, it may not be working for them. They may be miserable and you just don't know.

We can't have other peoples' lives. We can only have our own.

The "pressure" you feel is jealousy because you think they (for some reason) aren't going through any shit of their own.

You can be happy with things you have instead of pining to be others. I'm sure there's someone they could point to and say, "they're better off than me," as well.

Convert to Mormonism bro (unless you are already a Mormon?). Tons of reasonably non-slutty girls that want to get married and have kids. Make sure to go on mission though, no good Mormon girl even gives some no mission scrub a second look. You'll also better have a good job that can support a wife and 3-6 kids, because a girl who wants to save herself for marriage is usually the kind of girl that believes in traditional roles. Good luck.

I'm in the same boat as you OP. I would love to have a family of my own some day, however, like you said, all the good ones our age are either taken, or expect you to play the stupid fucking games they play. Given your inexperience, you will inevitably fail. The younger ones don't want to settle. Your best bet is to learn to live it. Trust, it will drive you insane otherwise.

>First and foremost, the pressure is imaginary.

this. People with kids want you to also have kids for (mostly) selfish reasons.

>>17376580
>23
Shut the fuck up. I'm 29 and single, get on my fucking level.

Get your ass to work, and you'll be able to marry well when you're older.

My neighbours are in their forties and expecting their first kid.

You're just a stupid angsty manchild. Fuck off.

>>17377617
I'm not religious and mormonism isn't even a thing here.

>>17376580
30 year old here, never held hands, no relationships, kissless so i understand you completely

i tried, LORD i tried. It was always with the excuses, or the rejection, or the "i think i can do better and get with your hot friend", or whatever

i cant tell you what to do. But heres what im doing right now and planning on doing for the future

>amass a SIZEABLE amount of money
>flaunt it a bit
>if i dont get a young gold digging trophy wife the next best thing is...
>buy an small island off the coast with the money
>build cabin there
>retire

its all in or i leave the system completely. Ive had nearly enough. Ive also been told by friends and family to go date single mothers. Nope

>>17378188
Living off the grid ain't easy m8.