How do you know it's time to stop chasing her?

>>17374568
Don't chase someone who isn't putting equal or more amount of effort that you are.

When you realize that she's moved on too.

>>17374604
Let's say

>meet girl
>have a nice chat with her
>she laughs and everything goes well
>adds me on facebook
>talk to her a bit
>ask her out
>says she can't and doesn't re-schedules

Should I pursue more or just stop? I often heard that if a girl is interested, she will let you know

Don't chase women or whiskey. If she wants you, let her chase.

>>17374618
Just stop bro move on. Some of the best logic I've obtained was that if a girl isn't ready, she will never be ready. Best to keep moving. Ask any girl you find attractive out become there friend if you get rejected and you will, remember there is nothing wrong with you most girls today just want Mr right now not Mr right.
Also don't be so avalible if they say they can't and dont give you an other day to try something fuck them your time matters don't chase them.

>>17374638
If I have never been able to get a woman interested enough, it surely means that something is wrong with me?

>>17374714
Ment it in the don't let it get to you , we all have something wrong with us even those who seem perfect. How old are you ?

When she turns around and puts an arrow in your shoulder

>>17374568
>How do you know it's time to stop chasing her?
When you have approached and she has said no. Even once.

>Or when you should not even consider approaching her?
When you have known her for more than two weeks, and have not approached.

>>17374714
More like something is wrong with how you approach, which can be solved though going out and being sociable.

>>17374568
always try to approach her, as you never know what might happen.

However, if there are clear signs of her not being into you move on asap.

>>17374743
Turning 23 next week.

>>17375417
What are some clear signs?

>>17375403
I've lost track on how much time and money I've lost going out. All of my friends have girlfriend and they sometimes bring their friends but they arr always interested in one of my friend, not me

Same thing with me, a girl I know asked for my number but never texts me. It's weird too, she said how she's not interested in being with someone and how she hates seeing couples in public. Couple days after that she runs into a famous football player and then snaps herself on a bridge in Prague about how she wished that athlete was with her and that she needs a man to keep her company. What's that all about?

>>17375625
Also I'm interested in her and I occasionally chat with her on Snapchat but like what others said, she never chats with me unless I do first. I guess it isn't worth it.

>>17375625
She is looking for a man who can provide her with wealth and a boost in her social status (i.e. dating a famous person). Sorry dude, looks like she basically told you to fuck off.

>>17376974
Damn, women think and want these things at the age of 21? I thought at that age you just want to have fun?

>>17377028
A lot of people are super picky. Nobody is good enough for them but anyone would be lucky to have them. People all think they would make awesome partners and don't think about how insufferable they are, and why their demands are so silly.

>>17374624
Everything's mutual. Nobody should have to "chase".

>>17374638
Things change. People change. Everything we 'react' to change who we are. Even so, that doesn't mean anyone will do.

>>17374714
Low self esteem is normal. She simply isn't interested in you. She might have someone already who she has a crush on. Don't take it personally.

>>17375554
I'm 21, and been single for years. Don't compare yourself to other people. Feel the need to have a partner because you want to, not because there's preassure around you. Find the right reason to begin with, and ignore the rest.

>>17375625
And WELL, some girls likes attention, simply.

>>17375628
Been there. I always started the conversation, and if I didn't, nothing ever came. I quickly found out he had 0 interest in me, simply being polite to answer when I wrote.


>Don't worry about it.

>>17377066
>simply being polite
I think that's what it is, do you think there's no point in pursuing these kinds of people?

>>17377071
Personally, no. I know that person will never feel anything more towards me.
But who knows, it might turn into something for you.
Step 1; become a friend. Get to know the person. Hang out.
The best partner you can have, is also your best friend.
And when you know the person, you can tell if it would change into something more, or not.
How much do you really know about her, and she about you?

>>17374638
I have a scenario. I'm a pretty chill guy, but I'm terrible at picking up on romantic cues. I really want to believe this girl is into me, but I honestly dont know.

>meet girl at work
>get coffees/lunches together etc.
>get along well, good laughs, etc.
>(she's a project manager and I'm an engineer) we often do a united front against assholes and lazy people in the company and contractors working for the company. We report up separate branches but because of our roles, we often cross paths on work stuff.
>she can be really bitchy towards people at work, and she's big on enforcing the rules, but no matter how much i slack off (I often just skip documentation on my commits and sometimes bypass the ticketing process when I find a problem) -- she NEVER gets angry with me. I honestly don't know how she doesn't get pissed at me sometimes. As I'm doing shit sometimes I'm thinking "This is really irresponsible and reckless!" She just lets it slide when I do it.
>We get lunch or afternoon coffee and she'll often say stuff like "I don't want to go back to work." but we always do.
>she's been single the whole time I've known her, but she talked once about how we should both get on an online dating app and we should talk about the dates we go on.

>The other day I ran into her as I was walking out of the office and she was walking back to her desk, and we stopped and talked for about 10 minutes. I wasn't expecting to stop for that long, I was just thinking wave and walk. But she was talking for awhile and I was happy to participate. She said she was just going back to grab her work laptop and then go home, so I tried to casually suggest we should go get dinner. She said she's too tired. We talk for another 2-3 minutes about her car or something then we split.

We've hung out after hours a few times, but only with other people. She gave me a ride home once.

Is she interested in me or are we just work friends?

>>17377071
Also, the girl I mentioned doesn't seek attention. She's very down to earth and lives a sort of care free lifestyle (she's 20 and tries to live life to the fullest). I'm attracted to her because I'm like the total opposite of her. Is there any way to get with her or would it be better to leave her alone and let her live her life?

>>17377094
That was probably for you
V
>>17377080

>>17377092
>she talked once about how we should both get on an online dating app and we should talk about the dates we go on.

Ouch.
What does your gut tell you?

>>17377107
>What does your gut tell you?
i dunno, that's why I'm asking /adv/
we bumped into each other at the lunch line today and turned into an hour long break for lunch and coffee, both the lunch sit-down and the post-meal coffee trip were at her suggestion.
I was just gonna say hi, take my tacos and go back to my desk.

>>17377080
To be honest, I've never hung out with her but we are co-workers so I get to talk to her a lot. Like I said, all I know is that she's a very down to earth and a warm person. She doesn't see the negatives in people and doesn't try to bring them down. This is why I like her because, while I don't see the negatives in people, I'm very negative towards myself. I can't help but see things going wrong for me. I know this is not healthy which is why I like her because I feel like I would go out more which leads to more socializing and then no more negativity. I'm 23 but many times I feel like I'm like in my mid 30s when I think about and say these things. I should be going out more and meeting new people.

>>17377121
>hour long break.
I think that does mean something.
She might not even realise so herself, though.

Do you make her smile? Shy?

>>17377130
>She doesn't see the negatives in people.
That's both a blessing, and a curse.
Be careful with that, and be open.
> I'm very negative towards myself
I think dating her would do you well, then.

-To find a way to see if she's interested, eh.

Can you estimate for how long you've known/spoken to her?
Does she act different around you, compared to others?
Does she give you any extra time/attention?

I>>17374618
Well heres my perspective op, and keep in mind this is just for my case.

I was in the exact same situation not too long ago. Id ask her out but she kept bailing and not offering to reschedule. I even made a thread here. Anyway, she casually texted me if i had any plans one day, amidst an untelared text conversation. At this point I was already in the process of you moving on etc. Then I said, one last time, I was gonna grab a beer and if shed like to come. She said yes, we had a good time, and now shes my gf. I asked her why she was so busy and turns out she actually has a lot of serious things going on in her life so it was really difficult for her to find time. Im glad i asked her out, shes a great girl

>>17377268
(I'm happy for you!!!)

>>17374618
Don't bother. If she was interested, she'd communicate with you. You can ask one more time, but you really shouldn't and definitely not more than once. Do you really want to be with someone who lacks the modicum of decency to definitively say no?

>>17377239
Maybe saying sje doesn't see the negative in people was too much. I think you know what I mean.

We've been co-workers for a year. The weird thing is, I've never spoken to her but she started speaking to me after about 5 or 6 months in.

>does she act different around you?
She started getting really close to me and would go out of her way to hug me and talk to me. She would get mad when I didn't say hi to her.

>does she give you extra time and attention?
Not really, the thing is, I thought she was showing interest in me but she recently went on a trip to Europe and I told her about how she would give me these stares as if she wanted me to say something to her. There was this one time where she called me honey bun and sweet heart. A girl never said those this to me so I thought she was interested in me. When I texted her about all of that, she said that she doesn't remember saying or doing any of that. I told her about these things and she said that she calls people sweetheart in a condescending way.

>>17377130
You mean you just want to use her to feel better about yourself? Not cool, man. You'll make her jaded and miserable.

>>17377287
>I think you know what I mean.
I'm actually autistic, no jokes.
So no, I don't understan.... xD

>Total of 3-4 months?
That's good.

>She started getting really close to me and would go out of her way to hug me and talk to me. She would get mad when I didn't say hi to her.
Right there. There. A huge sign.
I _Think_ she likes you. Yeah.

>she doesn't remember saying or doing any of that.
Shy?

Did she ever change during this time you guys spoke?
I mean, there's a possibility, that if her behaviour around you changed, is because she found someone else, that maybe you took too long to make a move?
Some girls waits for the man to magically know when to do things.

>she said that she calls people sweetheart in a condescending way.
Well, mixed signals.

Inner thought; Is she keeping you around, because you give her attention, like a puppy?

>Fuck, I wish I could talk to her directly, this is so confusing. I feel your pain, anon.

>>17377287
I felt really dumb because I legit thought she liked me but it turns out she was just being super nice. I was hoping that she liked me, I then told her if there was ever a chance that we could go out or be together but she never responded to it. A day or two later I texted her again about something else and we just texted about that thing and acted like the other conversation never happened. I just felt really confused because I don't know if she wanted me to press her or not. Or maybe she just sees me as a friend. I don't understand the friend thing because I've never put myself in a situation where she would start giving me attention in that way that she did.

>>17377312
>but she never responded to it.
She doesn't want to hurt you. :/

>>17377301
I kind of answered this already but no, for the duration that we've worked together I've never given her attention. Just the casual hi and bye, there was never any full-fledge conversations until after she started doing those things. I recently started saying things to her when she snaps things like how she looks good and whatnot. She answers with "I know I look good". She isn't conceited, she just doesn't care about whay people think of her.

>>17377339
>I kind of answered this already.
Sorry. A tiny tad bit high right now.

Well, could be better to take distance from her.
But in the end, you'll do what you feel is right.
I just hope the conversation helped at least somewhat in understanding the suitation.

>>17377346
Thanks, just wanted someone else's thoughts on this to see if I could decipher what the fuck was happening. I still occasionally chat with her but I think you're right in that I should just back off. If she actually liked me, I think she would've told me. Maybe I'm just terrible at reading people. She was probably just being super nice to me.

>>17377369
There's plenty of possible reasons why she did as she did. I can try to list a few that comes to mind.
>Feeling lonely/need of intimacy/warmth.
>Unknown/known urge to manipulate a person.
>Loves attention of any kind.
>Generally confused and low IQ gal.
>^And/or immature, not ready for 'adult' relationships.
>Bad past/family/such. Issues/luaggage (holy fuck, engrish?).
>Trying to help other people, doesn't know how, end up wrong. /Genuinely nice person.

Does anything of this open any thoughts in your mind?
Just tell me to shut the fuck up if you're done with the topic, ahah. I can probably keep going all night.

>but I think you're right in that I should just back off.
As I said, it's all up to you, in the end.
Never listen blindly to a stranger on the internet~

>>17377239
>Do you make her smile? Shy?
She always smiles the whole time we're talking. Unless we're talking about something serious or stressful. I wouldn't say shy though.

She does have some like self-confidence issues though, I guess, when it comes to work.

We have kind of different personalities at work, in that I'm constantly kind of pushing the company on my values as far as code quality and data structure. Whereas she's more just trying to keep things under control and make sure people are following the rules and staying on timeline.
One day about a month ago, we were coming back from coffee and she just starts talking about how much she admires me and how I just lead with my values even when it means challenging our bosses and telling them stuff they don't want to hear. I was speechless -- no one had ever given me a compliment like that before. (My mentor is always encouraging me to kind of go along with "the plan" and just make my "niche" where people will eventually realize my area is always overperforming.) I didn't know what to say to her other than like "thanks" and it actually made me tear up a bit. I think I said that too. Like "You're gonna make me get emotional"

And she actually made a stand (which broke from our project timeline) about a week after that on an issue that she felt strongly about, and she told me that I inspired her to do it.

She also had just gotten promoted with a few people reporting to her and was asking about running a team (because I've had my own team for a couple years). She's been having difficulty with getting her people to listen to her, etc.

So again. I don't know where those compliments came from. I feel like these were good signs. But I'm just such a dumbass on these issues.

>>17377409
>We have kind of different personalities at work
>she admires me
>she told me that I inspired her to do it.
>I feel like these were good signs.
Factors, if you look at them, there's generally two possebilities;
Kind/proper/friendly
Likes you/knowingly or not.

This is really tricky, because the only way you'll find out is by asking her. And if she doesn't "know" already, she'll push you away.

Do you think she would be a good partner for you?
Simple. If yes, then try, but be careful, yet blunt.
You can't get anywhere if you both act like 8th graders around the subject. c:

I think it's great that she looks up to you in that way. That alone, shows that she has some sort of 'deeper' feelings for you.

As I said, I'm a tady tid bit high, so don't take my words too seriosuly.
>Capatcha is a bitch.
Just think about what you Want. Aim for it.
Worst scenario; you will loose that Friend.
Do you want to keep her around, or try for more?

>>17377383
I thought you were done. I think it's the last point you posted. She probably just likes helping people but ends up being super nice but I just took it wrong. I just wish that if she had zero interest in me she would tell me so. I want to bring up the conversation about her being with me, but I think part of me is afraid that she would say that she doesn't like me so I don't know what to do. Maybe I should wait until she comes back from Europe and then talk.

>>17377455
>Maybe I should wait until she comes back from Europe and then talk.
Yes. Always do serious stuff in person.

I'm sure you can do this, anon! I believe in you.
And if it all goes to shit, then you can surely find someone else. I think you deserve that, even without knowing you.

>>17377461
Thanks again. I hope so as well. I know earlier I said that I was attracted to her because she's the opposite of me but I had no intention to use her in that way. I genuinely like everything about her she's gorgeous but I'm mainly drawn to her as a person. It just sucks when you really like someone but the other person is oblivious to it even when you give some hints.

>>17377472

Okay, feels like I've said everything I wanted to say, even probably repeated a few things.

Good luck.
I really wish to know how this works out in the future, if somehow possible.

>Cyber - non intimately - hugs.

>>17377441
>Do you think she would be a good partner for you?
Yeah. I do worry about what happens when we have a fight. Because like I said earlier, I've seen her get pissed at some people at work and she tends to hold a grudge. She's also generally got her shit together really well. I know I'm in a much better financial situation than her (I had fewer college loans, cheaper lifestyle, and a higher salary as an engineer) but in basically every other way she's a more functional adult -- I worry that some of my lazy/disorganized life-habits might not be so fun or amusing if she got a closer look at them.

>Do you want to keep her around, or try for more?
She's my best friend at the office and I'd hate to lose that. But at the same time, one or both of us could get transferred to another project site at the end of the year, so...

Ughh.. I'll need to think about it some more.

>>17374568
Pretty much the instant I realize I want to. I just remember she's going to say no anyway and it's better to just spare her the fumbling awkward bullshit that is having to deal with my failed attempt at human contact.

But you should probably try harder than that OP.

>>17377479
If you're interested maybe we could friend each other on social media. What do you use?

>>17377504
Or maybe something else that doesn't reveal us.

>>17377499
Of course you worry, because you care.
Your lifestyle shouldn't affect how people feel about you, you know. If she's what you claim her to be, then I don't think that would be a problem, once you got together.
I honestly think she would just try to help you with it, rather than bash at you for it.

>She's my best friend at the office and I'd hate to lose that.
Then think carefully about what you want to do.

>at the end of the year, so...
Time. Ugh. Well, you have until then to decide what to do, I guess.

>Ughh.. I'll need to think about it some more.
Indeed. c:

>If you're interested maybe we could friend each other on social media. What do you use?
My throw mail;
[email protected]
Once you wrote to me, write in the thread about something in the mail. A hint, of sorts.
Be quick, before someone decides to be you!

>>17377521
I'm that dude from thread

>>17378527
Gotcha.

Let them do most of the chasing

My best advice is to make 2 attempts to ask said girl out (assuming girl doesn't flat out say she's not interested), if she doesn't reciprocate or offer an alternative to her excuse it's a waste of time

>>17374568
When you have to force it to the point it hurts, you have to stop.

>>17374568
If she doesn't show any kind of attraction to you, do not become a mindless orbiter.

>>17379774
That's where it always bugs me. If there is no initial attraction, how can I create it? How much is too much?

>>17374618 if she was interested, youd already be dating her., dont chase if you dont see any effort from her side

>>17374568
Women only want to date the hottest shit in town,has a penis made of chocolate and that shoots money. Also dont forget that you need to shoot lazers out of your eyes so you can protect her. After having these qualities then you can safety approach her without rejection

File: know_how_your_date_is_going_by_how_she_is_flirting.jpg (521KB, 1688x1125px) Image search: [Google]

521KB, 1688x1125px

>>17374568
If you want to seriously know when to stop it's when she smiles but covers he teeth. Like the girl in your picture, she's "smiling" but she's covering her teeth.

That's important to know aside from just the mace attacks or the outright, "Leave me alone." If you say something to her, and she doesn't smile with open teeth then you are failing and should leave her alone.

>>17380707
Sorry but what you said was dumb. Even if the girl liked him, he's the the one that still have to put effort