Ask a bear anything!

>>17371815
I can never date the theoretical woman of my dreams at this moment. For some reason. What can I do to find another true woman of my dreams? Is that even the right way? I want to mate and make a family, but I am poor and rude and few women of class will have me, to complain.

Short of cutting my eyes out and taping them to a flying saucer to catch some truly out of this world action, what is a guy to do when his dreamgirl is a nightmare?

Besides giving freshly caught wild salmon - how do I make him fall for me like he never has for a woman?

;) lets see if bear can help

I've recently just felt nothing at all. The past month my father died in a car accident and mother just took her fucking life last week. I got the responsibility of looking after my 14yo sister and I know I'm going to be in utter shit. I've also started drinking and smoking to relieve myself from this situation but I know it only makes it worst.
Apart from that, how many bears does it take to change a lightbulb?

File: bears.jpg (14KB, 259x194px) Image search: [Google]

14KB, 259x194px

>>17371818
You will always have to settle for salmon further downstream.

File: lovebear.jpg (9KB, 277x182px) Image search: [Google]

9KB, 277x182px

>>17371819
Long back rubs from another are better than a tree full of bark.

File: sadbear.jpg (10KB, 296x170px) Image search: [Google]

10KB, 296x170px

>>17371830
This makes bear sad. You are sad. Things will be sad. Go into the woods, and support yourself with nature. Find a social worker within the state dept. to help with your sister financially.

Bears don't change light-bulbs.

I'm trying to get my life back in track, I've been starting to workout, going out more and courting this qtpie. With that said, I still feel empty, what am I doing wrong comrade bear?

File: russianbear.jpg (7KB, 300x168px) Image search: [Google]

7KB, 300x168px

>>17371885

There is more to life than fitness or the qt pussy box. Perhaps you feel a lack of control in life so you're filling the perpetual human hole inside. Find something you can take away, and own. It could be land, talent/skill, maybe even a planned journey...etc

What is the answer to life oh great bear of advice!?

File: bur.jpg (45KB, 316x421px) Image search: [Google]

45KB, 316x421px

>>17371902

Find a den to ride out the hard months. Eat well, and plentiful. Play in the sun. Feel the breeze. Find inner peace with your surroundings. Maul the neighbors pets. Accept your end ...is a beginning.

>>17371909
Thank you oh wise bear of advice!

I have performence problems in bed, help me oh mighty bear.

File: bearcuddle.jpg (29KB, 539x768px) Image search: [Google]

29KB, 539x768px

>>17371917
It was found in ancient Persia, people drank honey (or mead combination) every day for a month after they married to get them in the mood for love. Honey is rich in B vitamins, needed for testosterone production, and its fructose aids stamina providing a slow and steady release of energy. Rolling over and falling asleep will not be an option.

Great bear of advice. How is it you can type with your massive bear claws?

>>17371815
Can I get a hug from you without being eaten?

>>17371815

oh mystical bear how do i permanently stop thinking about my ex?

File: nobear.jpg (62KB, 838x598px) Image search: [Google]

62KB, 838x598px

>>17372052

Telepathy.

File: fbear.jpg (57KB, 450x324px) Image search: [Google]

57KB, 450x324px

>>17372057

No! But a tip of the hat is acceptable from undesirable humans.

File: funbear.jpg (9KB, 287x176px) Image search: [Google]

9KB, 287x176px

>>17372072

Permanently won't happen unless you induce brain damage to yourself. Although you can lessen thoughts of your ex to a halt with the passing of time (2-3yrs average). It will hurt, but pain if handled can sharpen your character. This loss will educate you how to handle future relationships as well. Try picking up a hobby to distract yourself such as juggling, martial arts, cooking, or more 4chan.

>>17372078
Oh mighty advice bear, would you mentor me in your telepathic ways?

Is genetically engineering small and tame bears for domestic ownership a good idea?

File: bbeaarr.jpg (10KB, 345x146px) Image search: [Google]

10KB, 345x146px

>>17372137

Are you a bear?

>>17372119

oh thank you majestic based bear :) you have filled my day with glittery joy and heartfelt hope!

>>17372143
No, but I am keen on learning the ways of the bear. Also I am a renowned bear fondler.

>>17371815
How do you conquer low self esteem and getting courage in daily lives and to stop comparing yourself to others. What the fuck do bears even do?

File: sillyhumans.jpg (10KB, 256x197px) Image search: [Google]

10KB, 256x197px

>>17372139

Romans 6:21

What fruit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? The outcome of those things is death.

File: bearied.jpg (20KB, 345x177px) Image search: [Google]

20KB, 345x177px

>>17372152


Then no. You simply lack the facilities. Maybe in the next life we will meet in the astral plane.

>>17372180
I look forward to that meeting wise bear of advice! May nothing but good happen to you!

File: prettybear.jpg (18KB, 236x358px) Image search: [Google]

18KB, 236x358px

>>17372164

No matter what you do you can pretty much always find someone else in the world that has more than you. Compare yourself to yourself instead. What you have achieved? What progress you have made towards your goals (have you climbed a tree, drank water from a fresh spring, sharpened your claws...)? Be kinder towards other people (bears). Judge and criticize people more... and you tend to judge and criticize yourself more (often almost automatically) You are OK, and so are they (bears).

Bears take big shits.

File: tiger.jpg (28KB, 294x294px) Image search: [Google]

28KB, 294x294px

Tiger here, ask me anything...

File: tigerbitch.jpg (16KB, 267x189px) Image search: [Google]

16KB, 267x189px

>>17372225

How is this going to go down?

>>17371815
How do I stop worrying and being obsessed over political matters? Such as wave of immigrants, cultural change and the sjw trend? I want to be informed but this stuff makes me feel more prejudiced. I know i cant do anything but when I read or think about this stuff its infuriating and gets me mad. How do I stop this?

Please help me bear.

File: fierce tiger.jpg (130KB, 450x300px) Image search: [Google]

130KB, 450x300px

>>17372231
I think we both know, bear...

https://youtu.be/yti2UY5D0zw

>>17371815
Do you shit in the woods?

File: waterbear.jpg (8KB, 300x168px) Image search: [Google]

8KB, 300x168px

>>17372232

All political parties die at last of swallowing their own lies. -John Arbuthnot

As a bear I do not fool with tainted waters. Find new calm streams (interests other than the election season) to wet your brain. Perhaps get involved in cause if you care dearly what's going on around you. Build a dam. Just take it one step at a time...slowly.

>>17372275
Thank you bear. I am a euro but appreciate the sound advice.

File: unwisetiger.jpg (14KB, 275x183px) Image search: [Google]

14KB, 275x183px

>>17372240
>https://youtu.be/yti2UY5D0zw
>not tiger
>cougar

bears

What is love?

File: bearsalute.jpg (9KB, 275x183px) Image search: [Google]

9KB, 275x183px

>>17372277

File: shitbear.jpg (12KB, 225x224px) Image search: [Google]

12KB, 225x224px

>>17372264

Well, if no one is around...

>>17372299
Nah fuck you man, I've seen bears do it when other bears are around. Starting to wonder if you're really authentic

File: lbear.jpg (54KB, 605x430px) Image search: [Google]

54KB, 605x430px

>>17372293

Haddaway...too easy

Honey is delicious, but bee stings hurt. What do?

File: honeybear.jpg (33KB, 470x357px) Image search: [Google]

33KB, 470x357px

>>17372334

Bears endure stings to get the prized pupae, larvae, and eggs in the brood comb of a hive. Protective adult bees sting bears’ faces and ears but have a hard time penetrating the fur on the rest of the body. After bears get the brood comb and perhaps some honey, they hurry away and shake bees out of their fur like they shake water.

Keep shaking, rinse, lather, repeat. Bee tough nigga.

>>17372353
This is the best thread on /adv/.

Thank you bear, may your bushes be filled with strawberries.

>>17371815
Bear, I am in love with the girl I'm dating (4 months) and I'm pretty sure she loves me to. I want her to be my girlfriend but I can't seem to tell her even in our post-mating bliss what do?

>>17372356
Thread of the year.

>>17372403
I'd suggest making a separate thread at this point.

>>17371815
Bear, I've suffered from depression most of my life which has kept me from dating and has left me as a 23 yo virgin. I am now very fit and I clean up very nicely (also I'm very tall), so my first tries at dating were a fucking breeze. Now I have this feeling of impending doom that I wasted my dating and university years being lonely and depressed and I'm worried I won't get the fucking out of my system before I'm expected to get married and have children. How do I get the most of my remaining young years to get the most sex, quality relationships and experience with women as possible?

FUCK YOU BEAR, RIGHT WHEN I ASK A QUESTION YOU DITCH US.

>>17371815
what will you do when da burrs win da superb owl

File: sleepingbear.jpg (9KB, 268x188px) Image search: [Google]

9KB, 268x188px

>>17372356
>>17372427

Thanks you bubs.

>>17373088

Bear was hibernating in the mountains for a bit. Patience lone cub.

>>17372403
" I think I’m falling for you; more with each passing day" Use this line and watch for reciprocation.

>>17372967

It seems you are holding expectations of others. This is unhealthy. Check ->>>17372217
That being said; if you are comfortable around women, you're physically attractive, and active within your environment you are probably missing one thing. The ice breaker. Honestly, polar bears are better at this than me.
Practice using your body language instead of words to get into another den (laying in their bed without asking coy-fully, grasping qt's hand at the scary part in a movie, or just going straight in for the kiss (practice kissing on sub-par mates) when you are at the climax of having a good time on a date. Then follow the bases southward...finger the pussy (touch the butt hole if they're into it). At 23 their are many mating seasons left in your cycle. Take your time.

File: burs.jpg (183KB, 893x591px) Image search: [Google]

183KB, 893x591px

>>17373115
>1985

You weren't there?

>>17373739
I am in my mid twenties and looking towards online dating. I have heard many bad things about the people who are involved in online dating but I am at a loss in regards to meeting women. I am looking for a sincere and loving relationship and not a hookup but my current situation between work and my circle of friends doesn't present any romantic opportunities. Should I try it or look towards normal means? I was thinking tinder and other apps despite their mixed reputation.

>>17373775
Not a bear but was also in that situation, work in software dev and have mostly male friends and colleagues. I tried OKC and met my gf of 7 months. It's "not for everyone" as they say but it's worth a shot. I can't imagine how I could feasibly have met someone otherwise with my career and lifestyle.

File: bear5.jpg (13KB, 428x309px) Image search: [Google]

13KB, 428x309px

>>17373775

As a bear who has fiddled with the online bear mating world I've found yes...it will bring you more puss puss. This puss puss is usually rather unstable though because the internet is a natural wall to hide behind. Sometimes it may work out, or not; everyone is different.
Try going places you normally wouldn't wander (grocery store, arcade, book store, Pokemon Go, community college courses) if you don't see the mate you desire in your current circle. If you are too shy -remember- the more fish you gather...you'll likely catch a salmon.

File: okaybur.jpg (98KB, 636x421px) Image search: [Google]

98KB, 636x421px

>>17373819
>not a bear

This is okay.

>>17371815
I think i over hibernate how do i fix my sleeping schedule?

>>17373819
>>17373824
Thank you both.

File: brownbear.jpg (268KB, 866x1300px) Image search: [Google]

268KB, 866x1300px

>>17373888
Use fitness and exercise earlier in the day to tire yourself out a little. Check /fit/ (be careful). Other than that don't eat honey past 10p.m.

File: bearrug.jpg (158KB, 1274x802px) Image search: [Google]

158KB, 1274x802px

Well, it's official. Bear is dead. I've been hunted down in the deep woods, and made into a rug. I can no longer advise your problems. Remember to avoid suburban swimming pools and the color orange. Follow my spirit. I may return in the future.

Love,
(dead) bear

>>17374057
This is the best autism i have seen this year.
10/10 great job bear.

Question, what kind of bear is best?

>>17374086
Bear carpet.

Bear dont go i have a question

Will bear kun ravage my ass hole? 0/////0

File: ayylmao.jpg (264KB, 1024x1024px) Image search: [Google]

264KB, 1024x1024px

Bear has finally Diedied, if You want real advice, come ask Tiger. Tiger has beat bear out of his honor, leaving him to wander to the woods, leaving him to the cruel fate.

File: 13823276_275212586167784_127148664_n.jpg (17KB, 379x416px) Image search: [Google]

17KB, 379x416px

>>17374983
>implying you can take the bears place
fite me

File: jungle and chill.jpg (892KB, 1920x1200px) Image search: [Google]

892KB, 1920x1200px

>>17374991
Fighting me is only distraction to your internal struggle, dear boy, it will not replace memory of bear but I may fill the void. I need violence not, for I am knowing myself, and that child, is true power.

File: thumbnail_fe1148d3c3ff364ea767ff4ce67ccb01a6cd6236.png (25KB, 101x150px) Image search: [Google]

25KB, 101x150px

>>17375005
>thinking this is a joke

I will literally fucking turn you into fucking tiger rug.

File: serene.jpg (1MB, 2560x1600px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 2560x1600px

>>17375012
Do what you must, but my ideas are bullet proof like anoonimoouse.

rip tiger

anon killed him ;;

File: whenheenterwithnolube.jpg (100KB, 600x559px) Image search: [Google]

100KB, 600x559px

>>17374957
He is in the astral planes now, he may not ravaged but you by your own, buy Bad Dragon and remember memories from him.