Long Distance Relationships

>>17371563
It's the start of something horrendously risky unless it's essentially agreed upon that you two are as separate as separate can be.

As long as both of you work for it, and accept its gonna be hard, and ya'll both really want each other. I don't see why not

>>17371563
I say it depend on how frequently you can meet up.

I did a long distance relationship for 8 months, we met up twice a month. It didn't last.

I had a friend who did a long distance relationship for over a year, they met up every weekend. They are now married.

>>17371606
That is super awesome for your friend. How far was the distance?

>>17371563
It can work, but it HAS to have an end-goal: You need to know that the long-distance is going to end, and approximately when that will be.
You can't do them indefinitely, it's not possible

>>17371608
About 400 miles.
Think it worked like this;
one weekend at his.
one weekend at with hers.
then one weekend at the parents somewhere in the middle of the 400miles.

Depends on how serious or dedicated you are.

I was in an LDR and I told my partner that we could only work out if we lived together, so we did. Have been with him for 3 years now, no regrets.

>>17371627
I love stories like this. I hope everything works out for them.

>>17371563
DONT

Im currently in a LDR that has lasted 4 months, and we were supposed to meet next month

Her personal issues started floating up again after we lost a bit of the spark of still getting to know eachother and became really distant.

Probably going to break up soon. With her issues it'd probably work if we were close, but with distance? Meh. In 2 months she'll start studying in a place where we could meet every few weeks, but not worth the hassle.

It takes two special kinds of people to make it work. You can't have one working their ass off and then other person don't do as much, leaves a really bittersweet taste in you mouth.

To be honest I'd say it's not worth the trouble. If you wanna read experiences, there's a >leddit board called LongDistance.

>>17371563
I've been in a LDR for nearly 2 years now, with a distance of about 2.5k miles. We've met up every 3-4 months, and on our 4th and most recent visit, we actually moved in together for an internship sort of thing for half a year.

I just got home from that a couple weeks ago, and we haven't confirmed when we'll meet again for sure, but we're shooting for anywhere from late August to October.

In my opinion, it's definitely worth doing for someone you think is worth it. They DO work sometimes, I've seen tons of happy stories of people closing the gap and getting married. It's just hard. You both have to really want it, be able to trust each other, and make an effort.

Also, you need to have a viable end goal.You don't actually have to start planning it in detail from day one of course, but at least one of you has to be willing and capable to move to close the distance.

Partners cheat even if they are living together
Relationships fail even if they see each other daily.

Distance is irrelevant.

>>17371793
>Relationships fail even if they see each other daily.
My sadpanda is clearly palpable.

"buuuuuuu."

We live about 10,190 miles apart and have been together for 3 years as of June.

What's made it work is acknowledging from the beginning that the situation is not ideal and agree to what we're getting into. We chat every single day for hours on end and we try to get involved in each other's projects as best we can. That's easy for us because we have so much in common it seems we were made for each other. Planning to move there soon to start a design studio together but it's a struggle to save up enough to pay for all the visa/legal processing fees.

Here is a simple list to follow:
>know what you're getting into will be difficult
>know that the person on the other end is worth it and compatible with you
>be certain that the feelings are equally mutual
>communicate as much as possible
>plan things together and be supportive of each other on an emotional and financial level.
>send personal gifts to each other, it's a small gesture but showing dedication strengthens the relationship.
>set reasonable travel goals

Of course they can, you just have to know how to make it work.

Been in one 2 years, 3 hour driving distance. It won't be long term forever and it's not the longest distance but money means we see each other typically 2 to 3 times a month. About 4 to 6 days per month, usually spread out.

It gets harder when you have to go longer periods though, like right now it'll be about 26 days til I see my girlfriend. She's taking it harder than I am, but I guess I have lots of stuff to keep me preoccupied.

You encounter the same problems as any relationship ship but sometimes they're exacerbated by the distance. Sometimes the distance is good.

It can work for sure though.

>>17371563
>Do they work?
They can, but they are EXTREMELY difficult and emotionally brutal. I cannot in good conscience recommend them to anyone.

>What are your experiences?
I survived six years long-distance and married her as soon as we were able to close the distance for good. Still happy together 13 years after that.

And I STILL cannot in good conscience recommend long-distance to anyone.

>I'm in the predicament of having to make a decision about having one or not.
1) How serious are you? I won't say you need to be engaged or anything, but if the thought of getting married one of these days doesn't hold some serious appeal, don't even try.
2) When will you be able to close this distance for good? Is there a date? Is there something specific that needs to happen before you can set a date? If you cannot answer any of these questions, then proceeding is not a good idea.
3) Have you had the talk about boundaries yet? If not, then it is imperative that you have it immediately.

>>17371563

A relationship with no contact isnt a relationship. Its a penpal

>>17371563
I dated for 9 months, then did long distance for 4 years (stupid grad school 10 hours away).

Now she's moved in with me and we're getting married. So it's possible, but from what I've heard from others this is not the norm.

Also long distance sucks really bad, you have to really like each other to make it work.

We had a thing for about 5 months before we made it official after I visited her.
It was great, we said we loved each other and we were making plans to move in. I'd move to her and she'd come meet my family before that happened.
Turns out she fell in love with someone else on the side, she moved to him. Told me she never really caught feelings and was going along with it for me. It destroyed me.
It can end badly, OP, but it's worth a shot if you think you two could be seriously happy together.

>>17371563
>Do they work?
No.

>>17371563
Having sex and building trust are very large parts of a relationship. Just getting to know someone doesn't really work. Believe or not, you are an animal and you must meet certain physical requirements for a relationship to keep together.

It may seem like spending time together is enough, but actually no.

Thanks for the replys guys this is really helping!

A little background if it helps. I was introduced to her through a friend of a friend and we texted and talked face to face a lot then we finally met for about a week. We both had a great time although she was definitely a bit more clingy than I was. When the time came for me to leave she showed it a lot more than me breaking down in tears. It hurts because she was definitely the first girl I've felt I could just be normal around.

We never defined our relationship since we felt it best to leave it undefined. I'm scared of getting hurt as well as her

>>17371878
See this scares me. I like to think I'm serious but I'm too young to think about marriage unfortunately

im going into the military soon and i'm pretty sure my relationship is gonna suffer. but im a pessimist about girlfriends so who knows, we've been together 3 years so maybe we can pull through this, but she's a bit nuts.

>>17372921
This is a disgusting outlook of life.
Maybe YOU are an animal who is a slave to their desires, but that doesn't mean everyone else has to be.

>>17373308
>she was definitely a bit more clingy than I was
In my LDR, it really helps that we're both equally as clingy. If she is more so than you, that could make it a lot more complicated. Feelings tend to get hurt, and resentment sets in. Not to say it couldn't possibly work out, but I think it'd be harder.

>>17373420
>slave to desires
That's not what I said at all. Intimacy helps you to build a longer-lasting bond and having sex in general makes you want to stay with someone, not to mention the mutual habit-forming.

>>17371878
What do you mean by boundaries?

Mine did not work out.
>I think part of it was my bipolar depression (which I did not realize at the time.
I was in the relationship for about 6 months. And it was fine in the beginning. I am lonely as fuck >still am
And being wanted, that feeling was so good. It took my best friend to snap me into reality. I realized we were both poor. We could not afford to see eachother ever so often. (she lives in the Philippines and I live in the U.S.

My advice to you is make sure you both have money and a way to see eachother every 3 months or so, but you cannot afford to do it forever. She must come live with you our you live with her. I'm glad I broke up with her. >she loved the fuck out of me. I wont get another chance like that ever again :'(

Also make sure both parties are mentally stable and trust and honesty are top priorities. Any questions kik me >kik: 666exodus666