How to deal with trust issues? Basically, it's really hard

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As long as you don't lie, honesty is much more valuable than kindness. The kindest thing you can possibly do is be honest.

>>17351258
Being honest is pain though, there is so much to win by lying and so much to lose by being truthful.
My experience tells me nobody likes honest people; they love white lies and sugar coating, they ask things for self-assurance not for an opinion, they hate when you disagree with them.
I feel to bad to lie about deep things and it's awful in a lot of conversations, specially with strangers or people you like.
Not OP, btw.

>>17351258
I do try being honest, I try to not lie (even though is impossible) but I'm really satisfied with me

The others (apparently) lies is the problem

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>>17351300
This is what creates garbage people. True social relations are essentially the pursuit of trust and sincerity.

>>17351304
Do not spend time with people that are lying.

>>17351315
Where do you find sincere people?
All my life i could only find one person i could be truthful with and that's what ruined our relationship.
I really wish i could lie like everyone does and not feel bad about it; my life would be so much better.
It seems, to me, you are just saying things you wish were true because from experience people who say they value honesty never really do.

>>17351315
How the hell I can tell if the person is lying? LOL

or just me having mental problems

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>>17351345
>It seems, to me, you are just saying things you wish were true.
You are correct, but I feel semi-comfortable in saying
I have met three people (not including my psychologist) on this earth that I was able to at least approach honesty/sincerity with.
And like you, I ruined what I was hoping would be a promising relationship with one of them, but I am still going to leave it to them at this point, it has been a year and I still have hope in them.

>where do you find sincere people?
I only know two things that can lead to it: you remain as honest as you can when around people that you believe have potential and be very patient.

>>17351347
Depends on the lie, also this is where patience is important. Instead of cross-examining every thing that a person does, just measure the vibes they give you without any second-guessing, then forget about it. You should also measure whether it's truly worth it to continue putting effort into a relation that you suspect is saturated by lying.

>>17351377
OP here
That's the thing anon, i get into a point where i think everyone is lying. how the like me, how they are faithful to me, how they're going to do something....

>measure the vibes they give you without any second-guessing, then forget about it

Kinda helped thank you anon

You can't trust someone 100% without being deluded. This total trust everyone is lying about is just investment in the person not lying. "Oh, you're saying you would never do x, y, or z to me? I'll take your word for it."

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>>17351399
It is all about patience man, just be relaxed around them. I still have trouble doing it day to day, but when I find that I am having real trouble, I tell myself that I just need to cool off, let them do the rest, if this just results in not communicating with them, then they aren't worth pursuit. It really is fucking hard man, especially if you think that they have potential, but maintaining your own honesty is all you can do for them.

>>17351407
>trivializing trust this much
ok pal

>>17351417
>not trusting anyone 100% is trivializing trust
this isn't making sense to me

>>17351454
>"Oh, you're saying you would never do x, y, or z to me? I'll take your word for it."

>>17351478
Oh, I see. I was trivializing what people say. What they do or don't do is much more telling.

>>17351377
>that you believe have potential
I don't believe anyone has potential, i can't trust people because i think humans are inherently fake.
Sure i want to believe this is false but i've never been given indicators that it is.

>>17351514
I get it, and I feel the exact same way, but it fluctuates. I also have severe fears, that seem to coalesce when I think about it too much. I am in a constant cycle of wanting to want to believe in others. I have only come to realize I can't do things alone for much longer, and yes I often do find that I am the liar, but I am often finding this out after the fact.

>>17351514
>I believe all humans are highly false.
Yeah, this just isn't a fact though. Fear and narcissism make people put up a façade, but that doesn't mean that we should rename the species to homo mendacium (I didn't take latin). You already know that it's false to believe 100% of people are false.

>>17351531
I can't bare to believe people for the sake of it anymore.
>>17351541
The only people that are not false have mental illness and nobody likes them.
I really wish i thought this is a lie but i have no reason to believe it is.