Painful Loving

File: 1288644037548.jpg (27KB, 525x700px) Image search: [Google]

27KB, 525x700px

So, I'm 19, Female (born male) and I get physical and mental pain whenever I feel actually in love. This started since the first girl I had sex with (14 at the time) , she looked very sweet and all but turned out really crazy and emotionally "abused" me (me being somewhat too much of a cuck to resist). I had trauma processing therapy and I thought it was pretty much done, had a decent amound of (actually good) relationships in the meanwhile.

now I've started dating a girl who I've been a good friend with for 2 years, and I constantly get pain when I feel lovey-dovey except when this happens with her around. I often find myself doubting her loyalty (while not even having the slightest justification to suspicion.) and doubting what I should do, leading me to freeze up often. She's very understanding and knows of some of these issues but I just don't know where to go from here