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I'm feeling pretty down right now. I turned 20 today and I feel empty.
I'm not going to college. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life. I have a part time job that pays okay, but I blow most of my money on Blu-rays and music downloads. I do donate a decent amount to various organisations I support, but I'm not really saving anything.
All of my friends are still in high school. I don't want to look like Matthew McConaughey in Dazed and Confused, but I have no friends my own age that I still see.
Like Morrissey says, I am a human and I need to be loved, but there's only one girl I can see a relationship with, but I feel like I'm so far from being worthy of her. I've been jerking off to teenage actresses and models for years. Now that I'm 20 it's probably time to grow out of that habit. I don't want to simply fap to only adults. I want to quit wasting my time and energy masturbating entirely. It's just so hard. I wish I had more self-control.
I spent most of my day in bed because yesterday was really long and tiresome. I usually get some food from one of my favorite restaurants on my birthday of course, but today my dad brought some KFC for lunch, but because was asleep until he came back, I wasn't hungry so I let my brother eat it. I had an apple later. I'm not bitter about this, it's just the first time I've had a birthday that doesn't feel like a birthday at all.
I've just been sitting here thinking about my life and it's bumming me out. I'm looking at Facebook and the 17 people who wished my happy birthday. The one highlight of today is the girl I'm in love with commented.
>Happy birthday buddy!!!!!
Right now, all my hopes and dreams are contained in those three words and five exclamation points.
Thoughts?
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>>17294268
>Thoughts?
stop listening to Morrissey. quoting Morrissey pigeonholes you as a depressed who wants to be depressed.
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>>17294288
Not a bad idea. I used to just like the music. It's only more recently I've started noticing I relate to the lyrics. You're right about how it probably pigeonholes me though.
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>it's another "I'm 20 years old and my life is over" episode
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>>17294306
I guess it's not the most original situation, but it's the one I find myself in.
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Welcome to the 20 year old crisis. I am 23 and I can safely say Ive been there for 3 years.
Based on my situation, which is pretty much like yours, except for some different things here and there, but the feeling of emptiness is there and all that stuff you described.
The reason behind my crisis is because I realized how Ive done a whole lot of nothing with my time. Now I am 23, time fucking flies, and that's a year less to accomplish your whatever you wanna do and a year closer to the day of your dead (assuming you / I die of old age and not some unlucky car accident or whatever).
My assumption, based on my case which is associated with all the feelings you are feeling, is that you either change the patterns of whatever you are doing with your life and reconsider the path you are taking.
In other words, you should, by all means, start working on the things that matter to you and the habits you would like to acquire.
Else, like I theorize about my life, not only you'll feel miserable every year of the next decade, but a bigger crisis will present at your 30s. And then at your 40s, and so on.
So you either start working for a brighter future now, or you will live in crisis for the rest of your life.
Good luck!
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>>17294268
>I do donate a decent amount to various organizations I support
what a fool
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Sad as hell man. I'm sorry, 20 also :/
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>>17294268
I relate with you alot op. I am gonna turn 20 in two weeks from now. I recently got employed and am happy with that. I really don't know what I want to do with my life but what I do know is that I don't want to be broke. So whether my earning go towards electrician apprentice school or funding my attempt to be a programmer is on me. (I snapped out of college meme sometime during community college; I plan on pursuing a co sci degree while learning even more skills via the internet). The girl I had crush on didn't love me back, so now I have nothing holding me back from my dreams to be a responsible financially stable 20 something year old. You'll find someone better, just gotta keep upgrading along the way. I also am going to stop masturbating if you do to. (I know the struggle, I am addict for 4 years.) Stay away from facebook, it will only bum you out even more. You'll mostly see what people want you to see. Now go out there and make yourself into better person!
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>>17294268
>>17294568
I agree with the 23 year old. You are going to have to take the first steps of your spirit quest or else you will never reinvent yourself to a better being.
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Within the next 10 years, you'll have a wife and 2 kids. It's just statistics. Now, the quality of your life & wife is up to your next decisions. Make them count.
That means getting a marketable education and not settling for the first hambeast that gives you attention. Dicking around with your future is how most people end up with a $40k job, no retirement, and having to tell their kids that Santa Claus' bag was too heavy to bring everyone toys.
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>>17294650
>thinking a $40k job is bad
the average full-time employed american makes $29k
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>>17294656
source plox
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>>17294616
>I also am going to stop masturbating if you do to. (I know the struggle, I am addict for 4 years.)
I'll think of you next time I feel the urge. You can be one more person in my mind who would be disappointed in me if I give in.
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>>17294268
I turned 19 today without the benefit of my crush saying anything to me. I feel the feels man.
Happy birthday by the way.
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